Reading Reviews for Carelessness
  
42 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm Lost in Darkness and Distance

2nd March 2013:
Tag!

Wow! I donít really know what to say after reading this other than wow!

Iíve never read anything like this before, and I think your experiment worked. I think my favourite part was Remusís stream of consciousness, and it was so realistic, I didnít even really notice the erratic grammar, until reading your author note. It just seemed so Remus really, and even though the tone of it was deep and reflective, it had some humorous points in it, and I guess that just reflects the mind, as you never really know where it will jump next.

I think Tonksís characterisation was great, and it seemed to be very accurate of her, and though I do like, I can see what you meant about her going to Molly, and talking about Remusremusremusremus! I thought it was interesting that you called her wedding day the saddest part of her life, but after reading the rest of it, it made sense to me, due to how Remus viewed her.

The ending was rather shocking, but fitting at the same time. Iíve always thought there were signs of Sirius/Remus throughout the book, and the whole thing about Remus waiting to marry Tonks. I thought it was interesting that you made one of the key reasons for Remus marrying her, being that she could transform into Sirius. It made me view him in another way, as it obviously showed that he still missed Sirius dearly, but then it showed another warped and almost obsessive side of him there, and Iím not entirely sure whether I like it or not.

Iím still sitting here, just thinking wow, as this story was just so unique and thought provoking. All your stories seem to do that to me though!

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry I'm late.

Well, that's always a great start to a review. :D

Remus' giant sentence thing was very scary and yet very fun to write, so it's a huge sigh of relief I'm breathing right now - you never know how someone's going to react to something as... big?... as a half-page sentence.

I love Tonks, like, a lot, but she's pretty difficult to properly pin down in writing - it was sort of one part depressing and one part fun. Like Art Attack, but not at all. I don't know where I'm going with that, so I'll move on.

Remus' treatment of Tonks is all taken from reading between the lines in canon - well, I tried to, anyway - so this fic was trying to kind of highlight and explain that, and Remus/Sirius fit pretty well.

Thank you so much for your lovely review! It's not often I get a review for this fic that really understands what I was trying to do with this, so this was an absolute pleasure. :D


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Review #2, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Lost in Darkness and Distance

17th February 2013:
Hello again! I'm here with your second review!

So. Wow. That was another very, er, interesting read. That line at the end was just wrong. I actually can't believe Tonks is letting Remus do that and I can't believe Remus would do that. It's kind of messing with the nice Remus I have in my head! You write one heck of a powerful and thought provoking piece though! Your work is so different to anything I've read on here.

I thought you got Tonks pretty much spot on. Her thought's, other than ones of Remus, seem very much in character. Her love for Remus shows through though so clearly. I just felt so sorry for her though, loving someone so much and not getting anything back is truely heart breaking. Then what she does get is just awful.

The long paragraph of Remus stream of consciousness at the end was a brilliant piece of writing on your part. So many thoughts and memories going through his head. He is horrible in this though, allowing Tonks to do that. It's just abusing her gift and using her. He doesn't even think of her by her name either. It's always 'The woman he married' or 'the most beautiful woman in the world'. I'm a massive Remus fan usually but you've succeeded in making me dislike him stongly in this!

Your stories are always so different like I said before, and always thought provoking. You're a very talented writer!

Hope to read some more soon!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: And I'm here with your very very late second review response. I'm awful, I know.

You've written my favourite kind of review introduction! Thank you. :D
Remus is an interesting one to write at this point in canon. While in PoA he's all nice to everyone just 'cause he's a nice guy, by HBP he's practically invisible and in DH he just stops being nice at all, especially to Tonks. I think it gets glossed over in fanfic a bit, hence this one-shot was born.

Tonks is one of my favourite characters, so I'm glad you thought I got her right. She's a tough one to write without accidentally stereotyping.

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews!


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Review #3, by Lisa Lost in Darkness and Distance

5th February 2013:
That was both beautiful and sad. I love stories that are Remus/Sirius and I always find it interesting when the writer throws in Tonks. Great job!

Author's Response: Hello!

R/S are my favourite pairing, and Tonks is one of my favourite characters, so this was a blast to write. I'm glad you liked it. :)


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Review #4, by fauxthefox Lost in Darkness and Distance

3rd February 2013:
Wow, this is heavy. I've rarely read a story here with so much meaning and characterization and memory and just general awesomeness packed into such a small space.

I love your stream-of-consciousness narrative because it isn't lodged too deep in the characters' heads - there are still descriptions and concrete images. It wasn't too difficult to read, and I LOOOVE the paragraph-long-run-on sentence toward the end! It's glorious! It makes sense for it not to be "properly" punctuated because it's all taking place in Remus' head, a chain of memories.

I love the style, and I love the idea. Cheers! :)
Faux

Author's Response: Well, that's always a good start to a review. :D

I love well-done stream-of-consciousness, so I'm very glad that you think mine's decent, especially that giant sentence.

Thank you so much for your review!


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Review #5, by ChaosWednesday Lost in Darkness and Distance

28th January 2013:
Hey there! *makes innocent puppy-eyes* So, I made it to your story, tadaa :D Sorry for the monumental wait, but I avoided HPFF for a while: don't like mixing fanfiction with filmschool stuff - it gets me all confused.

Speaking of confused! This one-shot. My goodness.

I sort of make it my business to provide critique, even to really good bits of work. But I'm nervous of saying anything here because, well, stream of consciousness is very far away from the Zone of Familiarity. I'm all full of advice in the Zone, but out of it, let's see...

I'll just start typing, maybe you can find something useful in my ramblings, too :P

First of all, the ending was a haunting and wretched idea. I loved it! And, I dare say I wish there was more of it. I know that this is a one-shot and that the mere fact of discovering what goes on between Tonks and Remus under the covers is an inspiring twist that ties everything together. But, in my opinion, more hints before could have magnified the blow significantly. In Tonk's POV, we have many details merge together, Voldy right next to a pop-song and all wrapped up with Remus. Thinking about the merits of chosing the pseudo-flow-of-consciousness style, I could imagine that throwing in a few more seemingly unconnected details or expressing an undercurrent of unease would be easier than with a more traditional narration. What I mean: If I were Tonks and I were to monitor my mind, Sirius would pop up there very often. Maybe something about shagginess, or roughness. Maybe she can notice details surroudning her with something about Sirius. Or maybe random imagery, like you did with the song, can pop up in her narrative before being pushed aside or explained away by her worries about Remus.

My next point is very closely related to what I just mentioned, but it IS different because it'sabout characterization. We discover about a deeply seated conflict that Tonks must deal with -Remus- and therefore also find out a lot about Tonks as a character. But then the revelation towards the end made me, personally, suddenly go back to square one concerning her emotional world. Remus is disappearing, yes, but her? What is happening to the girl that is forced to become someone else? I think more reflection on how she feels in the relationship would add a lot to the story. We know that she is driven by love, but where does she draw the line? Except causing her to obsess, what else is the relationship doing to her?

It appears to be that Tonks' part was inteded as exposition,and therefore it's more general. If that was your intention, ignore what I said. But since we seem to delve into Tonk's inner world quite a bit despite the fact-establishing role it has, maybe a few layers deeper would not harm the story? Or - and this is me spiralling out of control into speculationland - what if Tonks' part was written in a more distanced tone (behaviourist 3rd person narrator,even?) implying that something is tearing at her but refraining from delving into any depth? And THEN Remus' part would introduce us the the relationship. It would be kind of like peeling off layers. Then, you wouldn't have any issues with too many questions about each of the characters going unanswered, since the characters will not be Remus or Tonks individually. Instead, their love/relationship itself will be the character, so to say. I know I'm suggesting a major Perestroika of your entire story, so feel free to ignore it :P I just thought that the "zooming in" structure might help keep not only the characters' thoughts but also the readers' more focused.

Ok, I think that is enough critique now! I must repeat how much I love the idea itself. It's a perfect combination of cruel and sad that, in my experience, underlies any serious love-affair. The theme of breaking apart and becoming someone else fits wonderfully with this sort of view on relationships. I find that you discovered a poignant way of exploring this side of love, using Tonks' magical abilities as a way of maginfying the issue.

I also really enjoyed the "and when Sirius was here" paragraph and wouldn't change a thing about it except what I mentioned above. I think it works as a great breaking point and could do even better if you play around with Tonks' section of the story a bit and find a way to connect the two more :)

So,thank you for requesting this story! I can't express how much I enjoyed reading it and, subsequently, thinking about it as well. The result was, I'm afraid, this rather messy review, but I hope you can filter out some useful advice XD Oh, and if something is unclear, feel free to pm me:)

Cheers!

Author's Response: Hey~!

I'll admit, I've been avoiding this review. Not because it's a bad review, but because it's a really insightful and interesting etc. etc. etc. review which needs to be answered decently. Oh, dear.

I'm going to try to answer you paragraph by paragraph; I may not succeed.

I'm not sure what the relationship between Tonks and Sirius is because in OotP it's about as clear as mud... sure, they get on, but that's arguably because Tonks is just a generally likeable person. With Sirius' frustration and the inevitable after-effects of his imprisonment, I'm not sure how much of a real relationship he'd've built with Tonks. Considering that first part is set around a year or so after his death, I'm not sure how much she'd be thinking of it except in relation to the more complex and immediate problems of Voldemort and Remus. (Yeah, I really didn't think this one through, did I?)

I don't know how to fix the problem you've presented me, and it's been bugging me for ages, because I should be able to. From what we see in canon, there doesn't seem to be a line drawn when it comes to Remus - Tonks basically accommodates him as much as possible because she loves him and... that's basically it, really. She might have a fight with her mum and lose a few non-Order friends over marrying a known werewolf who's pushing forty and has got exactly zero job prospects, but that'd just serve to get her even more into Remus because she'd be isolated.

On speculationland: I can't just imply that there's something eating away at Tonks 'cause we've all read the books, the only time we see her upset is when she's after Remus, so it'd be a bit patronising to the reader. Apart from that, though, your idea for structure is actually pretty awesome (since I fail at structure so hard) so I might play around with it if I get the urge to rewrite this. Although the idea of writing behaviourist 3rd person scares me a bit, since then I'd need actual plot. As it is, I think it stands as a record of... I don't know... emotion? Character depth (hopefully)? Snapshots of an underwritten aspect of a ship? I don't know.

Aaaanyway. Thank you so much for your amazing review, because I don't think I've ever seen a review quite like it. You're an absolute star. :D




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Review #6, by CloakAuror9 Lost in Darkness and Distance

23rd January 2013:
Hi there!

I loved reading it! ♥. I'm normally a person who freaks out a bit when I find that the story doesn't have proper punctuation and all, but for some reason it didn't even bother me. I don't I think I noticed it until halfway through Tonks's part.

Speaking of Tonks (and Remus), I was taken a back a bit by how you portrayed their relationship, if you could even call it that. It's a sad thing, really. Though, you wrote both of their parts really well.

And OMG the last paragraph of their parts. Ouch. Is it just me or does those two paragraph feel like it describes their relationship here? Maybe it's just me, after all it is 2am now. O.o

I love reading your stories! It's always a different kind of thing every time. Though, I do hope that there will be a time when you write a happier story. I, for one, think that you'd do great at it. (:

~Izzy

31st review out of 100

Author's Response: Hi!

You've no idea how happy your comment about punctuation has made me. I was going for natural rather than proper punctuation for this fic, and though that sounds really pretentious, if you didn't notice the improperness it means I've succeeded. So, yay!

The relationship was... well, they weren't exactly a healthy couple in canon, I just took it to its logical conclusion. :D

One of these days, I'm going to write a romcom. With a happy ending. And it will be awful, but so much fun.

Thank you so much for your review! (And well done for making it to 100!)


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Review #7, by Aphoride Lost in Darkness and Distance

6th January 2013:
Ello! I'm back... again. Long time no see, hm? On a slightly non-fic-related note, you need to write more. Mostly because I need to read more of your lovely writing and sad, tragic, deep fics and partially because you're always getting better and sooner or later you're going to win something and I'll be able to say 'I told you that you would'. Or something along those lines.

Anyway, gosh, you really do love the angst, don't you? But this is just something else. Most angst is sort of sad and I think I should feel sorry for the characters, but I don't, but when you do it, for some reason, I really feel for them, even if I'm also sitting there thinking '/insert character's name here/, you're an idiot'.

It's just... there's so much emotion in this and so much want and need and love and just everything that even though there's not much description (and I do love my description) and not overly much obvious character development, it just all fits together so very well. The style is great too - I love how you've divided it in two again, which one different character each time. It works so well for you. I also notice that Remus and certain Black family members have popped up again... can't be coincidence surely (but I do adore the Black family - every last one of 'em - so I really, really don't mind, lol) ;)

Remus and Tonks... I always thought they worked so well in the books and I don't usually read anything Remus/Sirius simply because I just can't really see it happening, you know, but you kinda go beyond that. It might just be me reading too much into this, but you kinda use the relationships more to show characterisation, traits, personality and emotions, rather than the relationships themselves. Obviously it's a bad relationship - it's not very lovely and almost certainly not healthy for either of them - but it works because they make it work and because somehow they do love each other, even if not the way they should love each other, if that makes sense.

The stream-of-consciousness is great. I really liked it. I thought you merged it really well with the rest of the story and I didn't really notice it, tbh, until I was about halfway through. The grammar and diction and things didn't bother me either - they're stylistic choices and worked, so they fitted and I honestly didn't even notice until I read the little notice at the bottom telling me about them.

So yes, I really, really liked this. I kinda want to hug both of them now, very tightly, until they beg me to stop, because it's not their faults. Not really, when you think about it.

Gah, reading your stuff always makes me feel so deep and insightful and introspective. It's lovely :)

Please write more. Pretty please.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi... yeah, it has, especially since I've been so lazy about reviewing and responding to reviews. And I'm getting there... slowly... I might even put something on the archives soon-ish, depending on when I get this whole 'plot' thing figured out.

I really do love the angst - though God knows it's the most ruined genre in fanfiction - and so does Remus, which is why I write so much of him. I'm going to stop writing Marauders at some point... but not yet. :D

You know what, I didn't even realise there was no description in this. That's so weird! But I did write as much emotion as I could fit into words, and it seems to have worked for you, so I've hopefully got away with it.

In DH, Tonks/Remus felt almost like borderline emotional abuse to me - she loves him so much and he's just so awful to her. Although maybe that's because R/S are my OTP.
But anyway - you're not reading too much into this... my philosophy on writing romantic relationships is that it's all about personalities and bringing certain traits out in those personalities. Which makes no sense at all, but, erm. Yeah. You put it much better than I could.

Thank you so so much for your review, and I'm really glad you liked this. ♡


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Review #8, by MissMdsty Lost in Darkness and Distance

19th December 2012:
I found that last paragraph so disturbing... I can never unsee it now.

But it was a good story. It was a real insight into the lives of Remus and Tonks and the plagues that haunted their short life together. Remus came with too much baggage for anyone to carry.

The thing that really struck me was that you didn't make Tonks out to be the clumsy woman in love that would settle for anything as long as she had Remus. The fact that she was sad on her wedding day was the perfect testimony of their whole relationship, as you've described it here.

Congrats on another beautiful one-shot!

Author's Response: Bwahahahahaaa. That's all I can truthfully say about the last paragraph.

Anyway -

I'm really glad you thought so, 'cause I did try to stay truthful to the twisty turny things Remus calls 'relationships'. This was basically the only Watsonian explanation I could think of for Remus' deterioration post OotP.

I love Tonks, too, and she tends to get a bit sidelined in fic, despite the fact that she's an Auror and Mad-Eye Moody's protegee (!), so she's gotta be pretty damn bright & observant. And still manages to retain a sense of humour.

Thank you so much for your reviews! You are currently my favourite internet person. :D


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Review #9, by Pixileanin Lost in Darkness and Distance

18th December 2012:
Here from the Gryffindor Review Tag!

I believe this was a monumental success and I commend you for not bending to the inflexible rule that commas tend to have over people. I for one, believe that a comma in fiction is a place to breathe and therefore placement of said comma is a matter of taste. The punctuation police (who should be limited to policing such works as essays, term papers and works of non-fiction, where people tend to care about such things) take offense to this mindset, but I don't care, and neither do you, apparently. Good. This piece is fantastic.

Author's Response: Hey!

So I've been hesitant about responding to this review because I agree so much with what you've said. And your fantastic way of putting it. Thank you so much, and I'm glad you liked it. :D


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Review #10, by Athene Goodstrength Lost in Darkness and Distance

7th December 2012:
Hi Caoty! I donít know if you saw my blog post, but you got third place in my Strange Meeting Challenge. Well done! So Iím here with the first of two reviews for you. I donít know what it is about your writing, but I always have to read your stories over and over again before I can actually work out how I feel about them. Thank goodness you tend to keep them short ;) I love the way you are unafraid to take things and make them a bit twisted... and this story! Oh, this story is a twisty turny thing.

Honestly, when I first read it, I instinctively disliked it. Not because I didnít enjoy the writing; youíre a fantastic writer. But because I LOVE REMUS JOHN LUPIN. And yes, heís an utter tool (I can say Ďtoolí in a review, right?) in DH. But, to borrow a phrase from your Tonks, ĎLoving someone doesn't make you want less to grab their shoulders and shake them out of...[being an utter tool].í Iím glad I read and re-read this story though, because Iíve ended up loving it. Iím going to work through it in order of the notes I wrote whilst reading it, so forgive me if I jump around a bit.

I love the thoughts that are scrolling through Tonksís mind; Voldemort sitting in there next to the weather and an irritating song. And, of course, Remus. I know thatís exactly how my mind works, and when I become aware of it (usually at 3 am) itís awful, ha! But I really liked the juxtaposition of the mundane with war and love; it reminds us that life goes on... just because youíre fighting an evil wizard by night, doesnít mean you arenít also occupied by thoughts of your boyfriend, what you want for lunch, when will it stop raining?, I need to check my bank account.

The whole thing about Remus being only a physical presence is so sad - but itís sadder still that Tonks knows it. I almost want her to be living in happy ignorance of it all. But sheís too sharp for that. Your characterization of Tonks is brilliant. On the one hand, sheís quick and bright and energetic and diligent. On the other hand, this story made me ask some serious questions about her life as a Metamorphmagus. It seems so fun; but perhaps with an easily-shifting identity, oneís sense of sense gets a bit sketchy - and Tonksís sense of self-worth seems to have plummeted in turn.

The final paragraph of her section is *so* depressing. Maybe Iím just too much of a romantic, or I ship Remus and Tonks too hard, but... D:

Okay. THAT paragraph. The stream-of-consciousness/memory run-on sentence paragraph. (By the way I love stream-of-consciousness writing, and it really worked throughout this one-shot). In terms of the content, that paragraph was completely brilliant. In terms of reading said content, it nearly made my eyes fall out. I could see *great* lines, amazing characterization, tanatalizing glimpses of a wonderful history between Remus and Sirius (whose voice was clear and perfect ), but I just couldnít fully enjoy it, or focus on it properly, because my brain was hurting from trying to read it. I almost felt that you were doing that perfect characterization and intriguing backstory a disservice... but then I got over myself and remembered, itís your story and your own exploration of writing technique etc.

Wow. That ending! Itís heartbreakingly brilliant, and a perfect example of what I admire about your mind. Iím actually nervous about writing my story for your Dark/Horror challenge, because youíre a bit of a master at thinking of ways magic can be twisted! The ending is tragic. But also kind of beautiful. Tonks must love Remus so very much, and Remus - ugh, heís so damaged. At least there is some way in which he can love her. But also, this story makes me kind of glad that their days are numbered, because I wouldnít want them to live like that for years and years. Itíd be worse than a Dementorís Kiss.

Ugh... I know Remus has had a hard life, and the man he loved and wanted most is dead, but the fact is, in canon we see him committing some extremely selfish acts... which makes this story (that ENDING!) horribly, oddly believable.

Oh, you.

Author's Response: Hey!

I didn't see your blog post actually, and I've taken far too long to respond to this review, so I'm really sorry about that. So anyway, this was a complete surprise! Thank you so much!

I LOVE REMUS JOHN LUPIN too, but you can't really escape his toolness in DH, although the fandom continually finds new and novel ways to circumvent that. Which is why this thing even got written in the first place.
You took notes! Wow! I don't know if that's your standard approach to fic in general, but it makes me feel important, so thank you for mentioning that.

Some of my favourite parts of HP as a whole is when JKR mixes together all the normal stuff with the bigger questions and tensions that are building up, e.g., the whole of PoA, Christmas in HBP, Bill and Fleur's wedding. Writing Tonks' thoughts - her being in the thick of basically everything apart from the Hogwarts stuff around this time, and still keeping her hair pink and a sense of levity - is like that all the time. It's what I really like about her as a character; I couldn't have written Remus like that.

I've always thought of Tonks as pretty damn bright, 'cause she's an Auror (and the protegee of Moody, nonetheless!) in wartime, but she seems to get dumbed down a lot in fic because she's easygoing and falls for Remus pretty hard, I reckon. And the psychological side of being a Metamorphmagus - such fun! For me, that is.
Honestly, this fic is filled with things that I love about Tonks. I'm really, really glad (!) you liked her characterisation.

It is sad. I was half-tempted to turn this into an AU where she'd ditch Remus at the altar and run off with Fleur or Charlie or someone and have a happy, healthy romantic relationship somewhere on the Continent.

Yes, THAT paragraph. Well, the style doesn't work for many people; it either clicks with you or it doesn't, depending on how you're interpreting it. I think what I was trying to do was present the history of Remus and Sirius, as told by Remus Lupin's crazy crazy mind; it would lose that flavour if it were to be actually readable, in my opinion. I don't know. Thank you for having a go at it in any case; it's pretty intimidating-looking, ain't it?

The ending, the ending... I recently realised it's sometimes used as a comedy trope in some Remus/Sirius fics, but I delight in turning comedy into tragedy (or realism, as the case may be), so here it is. Dysfunctional fictional marriages are my favourite kind. :D

He is selfish. He is far more like Greyback than he would allow himself to believe, I think, by the end. (Ooh, my Romanticism sense is tingling.)

Anyway - thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review! Even if I did accidentally ruin Remus for you.


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Review #11, by adluvshp Lost in Darkness and Distance

7th December 2012:
OMG OMG OMG I loved this!!! I always love reading such conscious-subconscious-thought-process-stories and I loved this one! It was definitely a success!!

Your narrative is brilliant, and totally fits with the storyline, and the whole theme is awesome. I loved Tonks and I loved Remus, exactly how I'd think they'd think. I liked how it was all sort of sad and beautiful at the same time. It just touched my heart. The ending was so sweet too.

All in all, this made an excellent read!

10/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. Review Tag 2.0!

Author's Response: YAY! I love writing stream-of-consciousness, too, so I'm glad you liked it!

Awww, stop, you're making me blush. XD

Anyway - thank you! :)


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Review #12, by CherryBoom Lost in Darkness and Distance

4th December 2012:
I quite liked the idea of following Tonks's and Remus's line of thoughts. It's intriguing since you can write things without putting the filter on like most fic writers, and your writing has a sense of realness and urgency because of that.

But I must admit that I'm hoping that someday soonish you'll write something longer and more plot oriented just to stretch limits of your skills. =)

The ending had a nice twist in it. I didn't see it coming, but I must admit that I was wondering how you would spin the reason why they were together, since by now I'm pretty familiar with who you prefer to pair with Remus.

I didn't consider it to be very angsty, well compared to your other one-shots. I like the way you write your characters and the fact that they are not very polished persons. Little bit of crudeness actually enhances the overall effect.

It was fun to read it. Happy writing. =)

Author's Response: Be careful what you wish for, is all I'm going to say.

(I'm figuring out a nice little post-apocalyptic short story, which will hopefully exist at one point, so watch this space...)

I'm not usually one for twisty endings, but this one was just something I had to write, so I'm glad you liked it.

Really? I think this one is probably the bleakest I've written; neither Tonks nor Remus have a hope in hell of getting themselves out of that situation. But anyway.
And swearing, of course, is always fun.

Thank you for your review! :)


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Review #13, by AbbeyAndEleanor Lost in Darkness and Distance

16th November 2012:
This is so good. I love the format, the way that it's written so that it's in the present and is just like a stream of thoughts. And also just the subject - it was beautiful to read. I loved reading the first half in particular.
Very good.
Don't know what else to say. :P
I enjoyed it very much.

-Ellie

Author's Response: Well, this was fun - and really intense - to write. And I'm glad you liked my Tonks, because she's one of my favourite characters.
Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #14, by shadowycorner Lost in Darkness and Distance

12th November 2012:
I think I'm starting to get addicted to your writing. I don't even know where to start with this. First off, even though I might have said this before, you're incredibly good at this stream of consciousness thing. I know you probably know, but I had to say it anyway, because it's SO GOOD.

I'm experiencing so many emotions right now. It will be tough to keep this review 12+ and not get carried away. The first part was so heart-breaking. I've been in love, and my mind just snapped back to the time it was crazy and running and impossible to understand. It was too running along the lines of remusremusremusremus and oh my god the world and the weather and this and that...it was chaotic just like emotions and human brain is, but at the same time it made so much sense. The last paragraph of that section was beautiful in a really sad way.

Then the other section...just whoa. I usually skip the characteristics of the story: warnings etc. I only noticed the ship, so I thought this was going to be a good old angsty Tonks, and then I'm in the middle of this monster sentence and I swear my jaw just dropped. I love when stories shock me like this. I also loved how Remus thought of Sirius and Sirius and Sirius and everything he said and did and thought, and what they did together. And then what Tonks does for him because she loves him...it was so twisted and haunting and fascinating at the same time.

I still don't think what else exactly to say. There's so many more things, I just can't find the words. All I can say is just that this was...powerful . It really left a very strong impression on me, and that's amazing writing.

Liz

Author's Response: Well, that's always a good start to a review. :D
Honest to God, when I write stream-of-consciousness, I'm always like, "oh god what if it's wrong and i'm the only person who thinks like this oh god". So, erm, no, I don't really know until you tell me. So thank you.

And you think I can actually write love! Yay! I'm still a teenager, so I generally think that what I would perceive as 'love' and the emotions associated with it doesn't actually fit that definition at all... but then it worked somehow, apparently.
That's honestly one of the best compliments I've ever got ever. Wow.

I'm glad you didn't skip this story, despite the warnings, because otherwise I wouldn't have had this review!
That giant sentence was heartbreaking to write... my OTP's history all in stream-of-consciousness, in little fragments that don't quite make sense. Challenging, to say the least.
And I'm also glad that the monster sentence actually worked for you... I've got a ton of complaints about it... it's nice to have a reviewer who I don't have to explain that to. >.>

Okay, so now my ego is absolutely huge because of this. Erm. Well. Thank you so much for your amazing review.


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Review #15, by Illuminate Lost in Darkness and Distance

3rd November 2012:
Hi! Tag! I'm getting through your stories one by one, and I'm enjoying them all xD

So yeah, the whole Marmite thing you talk about in your A/N...I love it. I loved the whole stream of consiousness thing, I've read a few before and never really read one before that gets it right; it always seemed a little unlikely, the direction of their thoughts as it related to their character. I think it matches here.

I am an avid Remus/Tonks shipper, so while I am really saddened at the idea of their relationship not working out so well, I really love your execution of it. It makes sense completely within the depressing feeling of the war and Sirius' recent death. The idea that Tonks makes herself look like him for Lupin is really sad.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hey! Well, I'm glad you're not sick of me yet. :P

I'm a bit of a characterisation obsessive, so if I write stream-of-consciousness it has to be absolutely perfect otherwise I don't like it. So thank you for saying that.

Weirdly enough, I ship Tonks with basically everyone except Remus. So I wasn't too happy about the Tonks/Remus ship... as you can probably tell. XD

Thank you so much for your review!


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Review #16, by teh tarik Lost in Darkness and Distance

21st October 2012:
Hello! Thought I'd stop by and your profile and read some of your writing!

I love the style! I love the boldness of it, the stream of consciousness, the experimentation and everything. I'm the sort of reader who loves things like parentheses, italics and all sort of other complexities in story form and structure so yay! I love all the contrasts in your story...from the short clipped sentences and one line paragraphs to that lovely fat slab of text and that long unbroken sentence. Love. Love.

The two POVs are very well written and clearly delineated and contrasted. And I heart the inclusion of Molly in it...it's quite a heartwarming picture - the two of them drinking tea (though all the warmth of this scene is contrasted with and quickly erased by the depressingly cold tea session with Lupin).

As for the last sentence that you were so worried about...have you thought of removing it completely? Because it did throw me off a little as well, and it doesn't really feel necessary. The paragraph before that sentence is sufficient...I think the story would be lovely and the impact much more hard hitting if the final sentence were left at, "She is the most beautiful woman in the world because she can provide this for him." Or some rephrasing of this.

If you think your current final sentence provides some sort of context to the character situations you could always embed it in an earlier part of the story. Maybe at the beginning of Remus's POV or something.

And of course, I must say this is a fantastic idea (Tonks changing into Sirius...is that right?) Wow. This is twisted =) And you've done a great job writing it.

Great work! Keep it up!

Author's Response: Yay, thank you!

It was the most brilliant thing to write, just tons of run on sentences and repetition in an attempt to create real feeling. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm really glad you like it so much, especially given your own talents as a writer.

I was trying to contrast a lot of the situations the characters were in, like night/day, hot tea/cold tea, that kind of thing, so thank you so much for mentioning it because I was wondering whether I'd done it well enough.

I hadn't thought of that, actually. I just wanted a killer one-line paragraph to link back to the epigraph, but I think that you're probably right, and I will go back and do that at some point.

Thank you so very much for your fantastic review! :D

(Btw, IIRC=If I Remember Correctly, or something along those lines.)


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Review #17, by javct Lost in Darkness and Distance

21st October 2012:
Wow. That was just, wow. I don't normally read stories that read like this (because their either written poorly or are to hard to follow -- though, they're two in the same thing aren't they?) but I found this quite easy to read.

I loved the feeling of the impending battle and the war in this story; especially in Remus/Tonks sections; I've read heaps of stories where the war is mentioned briefly but it's never mentioned just how much the war took its toll on everyone. You've highlighted the war and the effect of it so well.

I really liked the paragraph/line about their wedding (their being Remus/Tonks). I think that it really highlighted the relationship that Remus and Tonks shared: full of angst and troubles but in the end, two people trying desperately to make their relationship given their circumstances and predicament.

And that quote at the start was really nice :) Being a historian buff, I totally agree with it :D
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: This one actually used to be pretty terrible to read, with ridiculously huge paragraphs and so on, so I'm glad that's better now.

I like to keep my eye on context and stuff when I'm writing my fic, either pop culture or things that are being built up to in canon, so it's just me being pedantic. Dark wartime romance is the best anyway (not that I would know).

I was actually worried that I hadn't spent enough time on the wedding itself, it having been a big day for 'em, especially Tonks, bless her. So thank you for that.

The quote was given to me, but it is pretty cool, isn't it? Though I know nothing about either cartography or history. :P


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Review #18, by ohmymerlin Lost in Darkness and Distance

10th October 2012:
I love reading your work! It's so confusing and all over the place! It's so good!

The fourth paragraph was amazing! I could just imagine Sirius and Remus talking so quickly and freaking out how fast James' life went. I loved the run-on sentences with the continuous use of a naughty word because it gets the point across, blunt and truthful.

My FAVOURITE sentence:

"The most beautiful woman in the world makes the tea now; a little lukewarm this time, he reflects as he sips it at four in the morning, but at least there is an absence of smashed china."

I don't know why, but the "absence of smashed china" just really tugged at my heart. It was almost like the smashed china was a reflection of Remus, I think?

Oh good lord, I'm becoming an English nut who analyses everything!

Anyway, this one-shot was extremely well-written! I absolutely loved it! :D

10/10!

Author's Response: Hey! :D

Thanks so much! That was the sentence I had the most fun writing, and it doesn't work for a lot of people, but I'm really glad you appreciate it.
Though I think the continuous use of a naughty word is just my filthy mouth being inherited by my characters. xD

I write stuff to be analysed because I'm weird like that. But the china could represent any of the three: Remus, Tonks or Sirius. Maybe. I don't know, I just write these things.
BUT ANYWAY - that sentence gets a bit drowned out by the one just before it, so I'm really glad it stood out to you.

Thank you so much for your lovely review!


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Review #19, by EvannaBlackthorn Lost in Darkness and Distance

6th October 2012:
Wow. I'm pretty much lost for words. Its so heartbreakingly beautiful. I feel you portrayed the characters very well. I am not a fan of slash but this was done so tastefully that it seems plausible. Also I think the ending was really interesting and totally seems believable. I think some punctuation would have helped to make it easier to read but other than that I quite liked it! :)

Author's Response: I am an absolute characterisation obsessive, so I've tried to keep the characters and their relationships as natural and, yes, tasteful as possible - up to, y'know, the ending. The punctuation thing was kind of meant to be like that, with the whole super-frantic stream-of-consciousness thing, but I'll consider maybe making it a bit easier to read. Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #20, by No_oneKnows Lost in Darkness and Distance

6th October 2012:
I really liked the concept of your story, but I thought maybe you should've split up the large paragraphs. You have a really nice way of writing but I had to concentrate really hard to try and keep up with the bulk of text! Which is a shame because I thought it would've been a much nicer read (not that it wasn't already) if I didn't have to concentrate as much :P

I really loved that referral to the tea by the way, it was really sad :( I've never been a Remus/Sirius shipper (BECAUSE SIRIUS IS MINE :P) but I'm slowly moving forward towards it and this one was very nice!

Author's Response: I know, you're totally right, I really should. I've been trying to figure out how I can split these giant paragraphs - apart from the one with the huge sentence, obviously, since that's kind of the point - but I'm kind of struggling.

I'm a Remus/Sirius shipper because Tonks is mine. :D
I'm glad you liked it, questionable formatting aside, and thank you for your lovely review.


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Review #21, by The Last Marauder Lost in Darkness and Distance

19th August 2012:
Hi there, here from the review tag in the Gryffindor common room.

I had to read this three times, not because there was anything wrong with it or anything, but just because I felt it warranted so many readings to take it all in.

This is so powerful, so moving, so sad and just so unique. You really took these pairings and characters and made them completely your own, and I really loved that.

I thought you did Tonks perfectly, in such a few words you captured her depression and how much she loved Remus and how much that love simultaneously made kept her alive and nearly killed her (if that makes any sense at all). It's so moving how deeply she cares about it, how she loves him so much and just wants to heal him, to provide him with some form of happiness in his dark world, and in order to do that she is willing to use her abilities to become Sirius for him (at least in appearance). It is beautiful and it is moving, but it is also incredibly sad as well and you conveyed all that so fantastically, the writing was brilliant, honestly it was.

Then Remus's piece was just fantastic, utter brilliance. I loved the stream of consciousness effect, how the absence of punctuation made each sentence smash into the next, conveying these frantic, broken, grieving thoughts. The words "when Sirius was there" - become like this refrain and they have an innocent ring to them, like they are something a child would say, which really expresses how vulnerable Remus is feeling. I love how you intertwined thoughts with dialogue - it just created a brilliant effect, really great to read.

I really don't know what else to do you, this is really brilliant and just leaves me speechless. 10/10 - fantastic job, the best fic I've read in weeks. well done. :-)

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry I took so long to respond, real life got in the way.

Wow. Thank you so much.

Tonks was a difficult one to write because she's so fast-paced, and the characters I usually write are all introspective and moody (and all male :s) so I'm glad that worked for you. God, that was an understatement. I'm not just glad, I'm actually ecstatic that you thought it was so brilliant. Thank you. Again. :D

The stream-of-consciousness thing... wow. This is the first time in a while that someone's actually mentioned that they liked it. I'm really happy that it didn't confuse the hell out of you, then.
(Though the dialogue thing was just me not using speech marks 'cause any punctuation would break the flow of the story. I'm not as good a writer as you think I am. :P)

Thank you for this lovely review, and I'm really, really happy that Carelessness resonated with you. :)


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Review #22, by Moondanser83 Lost in Darkness and Distance

17th August 2012:
Wow.
This story runs at such a frantic pace, it is a little difficult to keep up with. Tonks' jealousy and sorrow come through crystal clear though. The concept that she was simply a replacement for Sirius, because she could emulate him is great. Unfortunately, there are a lot of run on sentences and punctuation issues scattered throughout the story. And that makes it difficult to read. The one that stood out the most to me was...

"Even now, her thoughts are buzzing frantically with Remus and the s--- weather and Voldemort (and, so far in the back of her mind that she does not hear it, whether she will survive this war, and how much more it will take from Remus, and if it even matters any more) and Remus and that annoying Celestina Warbeck song and Remus."

It's nearly impossible to get to the end of it without running out of breath. But with proper punctuation the parentheses would be unnecessary. Personally, as a reader and a writer, it bothers me where they are inserted in a story anyway.

All in all a very emotional story, you can feel both Tonks' and Lupin's spirals of despair as you go... Tonks knowing that she will always be a stand in for the man her husband truly loved and Lupin having to go on after losing said love... powerful stuff.
Keep it up!

~Moon~

Author's Response: Well.
First off, I'm glad you liked the concept; I was a bit unsure about it myself, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone.

So, about the punctuation and run-on sentences: you're totally right. However, that's not just me being incompetent - maybe it is partly me being incompetent, but never mind - that was sort of the point. I was attempting to use my erratic sentence structure and lack of punctuation to mirror the thought processes of my characters, and I don't think I've ever met anyone who thinks in perfect grammar. That might just be me, though. I'm probably wrong, and maybe I was having a bit too much fun experimenting with style in this fic. I don't know.
I'll stop trying to justify the errors now because I'm just starting to come across as pretentious. Sorry about that.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this. I really do appreciate it. :)


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Review #23, by MercyWaters Lost in Darkness and Distance

22nd June 2012:
Wow. Short, sweet, yet amazingly written. I loved reading this. Both parts of the story were heartbreaking in their own ways, and I can't figure out who I feel for more. I loved you characterization of both Tonks and Remus. The endless trains of thought that go on in both their heads are an ingenious tool--it portrays the general frenzy of their thoughts very well.

My favorite line would have to be "It is the saddest day of her life", talking about Tonks and Remus' marriage. It's just so sad and heartbreaking, I actually stopped reading to take it in.

At first I was confused as to what was going on in the second half, but after rereading it I understood. I find it so sad. Tonks loves Remus, but he cannot love her fully because he loves Sirius, who is dead. And she changes her appearance to resemble Sirius for Remus, which just shows how much she loves him. Heartbreaking.

This is such a unique and well written story. I really love it. I've never thought of their relationship this way, it's definitely an interesting take. I'm glad I read this. It's going straight in my favorites!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Well, this review was a nice thing to wake up to this morning. :)
I'm glad you liked my Tonks - her character and my writing style don't generally mesh well, so she was a bit more difficult to write.

'It is the saddest day of her life' was a bit of a throw-it-in moment, so it could have been good or unbelievably terrible. It seems to have not been unbelievably terrible, so yay.

The second half was a bit of an experiment with pure stream-of-consciousness (and minimal punctuation) so it lost quite a few people. I think things like that might work more in theatre and poetry - where they occur a bit more often - than in prose, or maybe that's just me being pretentious, who knows.
I'm glad the ending worked for you. It was a bit disturbing as well as depressing, wasn't it? Definitely not something I could show my mother.

Tonks' and Remus' marriage has always seemed dysfunctional to me, because he grows increasingly bitter and angry during HBP and DH, while she just seems depressed. A bit of reading between the lines later, and this monstrosity appeared.

Thanks so much for the review, and the favourite! :D


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Review #24, by Erised Lost in Darkness and Distance

22nd June 2012:
Hi! Tagging you from the common room :)

This is a very short but intriguing story, answering questions but at the same time creating more. You have a very interesting style of writing - it's very intense and is completely refreshing to read. The first half I thought really captured the scattiness of Tonks' mind, and the second half, whilst a little confusing at first, then displayed a really heartbreaking look into Remus' previous relationship with Sirius. It was great.

I also thought you captured the dissatisfaction that seems to be omnipresent in their lives very well too - just the little things, like the tea being "lukewarm". The little details, whether intentional or not, really elevated the story.

This was a great read, and I'd love to see some more of your work :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Intensity seems to be a thing with me. In fact, in English class yesterday, we had to write about Humpty Dumpty, and I somehow managed to make *that* super intense and dramatic. But anyway. I'm glad (oh God, there's that word) that Tonks' thoughts worked for you - her style of thinking and my style of writing don't really mesh well together, so it was a bit difficult.
The second half with that giant sentence was a bit of experimentation with stream-of-consciousness, and it's the first time I've done something like that, so that might be why it was a bit confusing. I'll just have to work on that in the future, I suppose.

The lukewarm tea - I always saw Tonks as being just really bad at making tea in general. XD
Now that I think about it, it definitely does add to the quiet dissatisfaction both of them have - Remus is taking second best because he can't bring himself to care anymore, and Tonks is never good enough.

Thank you so much for your review, and I'm glad you liked it (oh Lord, I said that word twice). :)


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Review #25, by ariellem Lost in Darkness and Distance

19th June 2012:
Your writing style is amazing. This is one of the most intense, amazing, and insane thing I've ever read, not because of the plot or the premise but because of the way you write it! The way your paragraphs make everything look short but the story itself spans over time. I read this before and I favorited it.

Author's Response: Wow, that is... very high praise. I'll have to try to live up to it, I suppose. I'm glad you liked this so much, the adjectives you've used alone are extremely ego-boosting. Thank you so much for this review, and for the favourite! :)

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