Aw this was such a lovely sweet story. I absolutely loved reading it. I think you have portrayed Bill and Fleur, and their relationship, very beautifully. The transition from them becoming lovers, to becoming parents, and everything they faced and went through in between, was all written brilliantly.
The memory of Fleur protecting her sister was amazing, it showed a very strong side of Fleur, and added so much to her character development. I loved that you added it in. It was very powerful.
The conversation between Fleur and Molly was also a very sweet touch and I liked reading it. I think the dialogue between the two was written well, and was believable. It added an essence of warmth to the narrative, and was a very nice touch.
The fear, pain and loss of the war was very raw in your narration, and it made for a great realistic read. I loved the part where Fleur makes them all sit and talk and share their memories, it was extremely touching.
The ending scenario was the sweetest, where Fleur and Bill learn of her pregnancy, and the way there is a sort of chaos before Bill hears the news. The last paragraph was just beautiful and it made me smile.
I think you understand Fleur very well and write her so beautifully as this fierce fiery strong woman who would do anything for her loved ones, and also her relationship with Bill. So, great work!!
I didn't see any issues of grammar either, and enjoyed reading this!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi darling! Ahh this piece is one of my older ones but I just haven't gotten the motivation up to go through and rewrite it. I'm so happy that you liked it, though, because it was one of the first that I really loved writing.
Fleur will probably somehow manage at least a short story out of me someday. Her character is just so amazing, to me, and what she willingly placed herself in all for the man she loved. Then when you add her not so nice traits into that, she really just becomes this awesome complex character to work with.
Thank you so much for this review. Like I said, this is an older piece so I don't usually think about it and now you've made me want to write Fleur a bit more. Maybe I'll get hit with a plot bunny soon ;)
♥ Report Review
This is such a touching, moving and beautiful one shot. It shows all the different aspects of life, and is so perfectly described with lots of realistic detail and brilliant character development.
I love it - "The soft sound of her laughter met the deep tone of his" and " anger shaking the voice that typically sounded as if it had come straight from an angel’s harp." Fantastic!
The mini plot inside the huge plot is amazing, and I think it captures all the different emotions and twists and turns of life wonderfully - covering marriage, death, e.t.c all rounded up in such a lovely one shot.
I like the way you describe Bill and Fleur's relationship - one of the hardest to understand, but you made both their personalities slot together nicely, which is not an easy thing to do.
Well done on such an amazing one shot - certainly brightens up a dull sunday afternoon!!Author's Response: Hi there! I really have a soft spot for Bill and Fleur. I think that she's such a misunderstood character that doesn't get enough credit for the strong woman she is, so I'm really happy you enjoyed me portrayal of them in this!
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving this awesome review ♥!
Jami Report Review
This story made me cry. It was beutifully written and had soo much love and passion for being there for one another. It was trully beautiful! :D
MELAuthor's Response: You are so awesome, thanks for this perfect review! It made my day!!
Jami Report Review
Hi, here again from the review tag. I just had to review this one after seeing the rare Bill/Fleur pairing. :)
First of all, Fleur's accent must be tougher to write than Hagrid's but I think you do a great job with it! She definitely sounds like Fleur, but it doesn't seem over the top.
I really like that you write Bill acknowledging that she's arrogant, rather than writing him as blind to her faults; I think that shows that their relationship has legs.
I also really like how Fleur brings everyone together after the war to share their grief; I think this shows how she's grown.
The only critique I have is to watch the adverbs. For instance, I noticed "quickly" used twice during the section where Bill relives her memory and I think in both instances it could be removed.
Overall, great job!Author's Response: Aww it was so sweet of you to stop by for two reviews ♥
Thank you so much for this amazing treat!
Ahhh this one needs to be edited pretty badly, I will definitely look over it, thank you for pointing that out!
Jami Report Review
Hey, this is a nice piece!
This is the first piece that I've read that focuses on Bill and Fleur as the main couple and I like it, I might have to read some more!
I like the memory part, it really showed that just because she is a Veela doesn't mean she can't fight for the people she cares about, it was a nice touch; as was the part where they all went to shell cottage and were talking and grieving!
A nice piece, 10/10 :)Author's Response: I am so happy you liked this! This is such an intoxicating couple to explore!
Thanks for the amazing review :)!!
Jami Report Review
Holy cow, Jami! Way to make a girl cry! I totally should have reviewed Before They Fall instead, but this just caught my interest and I don't regret reading it at all. This one-shot was so raw in its emotions, but so sweet and sad at the same time, and Fleur's memory! Wow. I loved everyone's speeches after the Battle of Hogwarts - I like to imagine that they really did that, and then leave their memories in the Pensieve - but why would they have a Pensieve in the first place, was what I'm curious about. I think in the books I only remember one, in Dumbledore's office, but still.
I don't recall any spelling or grammar mistakes, so well done! I loved your version of Bill and Fleur - I haven't read them before, sadly, but yours were really good! And Fleur talking to Bill while he was 'asleep' *laugh* All in all, a wonderful read, and I promise to get on the next chapter of Before They Fall soon-ish. See you around!
--LinnAuthor's Response: I am so, so happy you liked this! It needs some work as it's one of my older pieces, but I haven't gotten around to it.
Bill and Fleur are such a wonderful couple to explore, I hope to do so more often in the future. I'm really happy you decided to review this piece, I forgot that I like it until someone else tells me they do too ;)!!
Jami Report Review
Hi! I spent better part of an hour writing a super long review and then my browser crashed. So here's a short version of it.
There can never be too many Bill/Fleur stories out there. I'm shipping them hard and reading about them is always a treat. =)
I really liked that Fleur still had her accent and that she was very protective of Gabrielle. But using the unforgivable curses to an abusive muggle is bit harder to believe.
Your characters are very talkative and speak very openly about even the hardest feelings, you know? I wonder if you're a quite open/talkative person as well? I love that dialogue is so easy for you, but it would be fun to see more description and non-verbal communication.
You have an excellent affinity to make your readers feel every emotion your characters go through. It's one of your biggest strengths as an author. =)
There was some typos here and there, but it didn't affect too much to my reading experience.
It was a great read all in all. =)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! It put a huge smile on my face!! This piece could use some polishing up, though. I will get around to editing it one of these days...
Jami Report Review
I'm really mad at you right now.
How could you make me cry?
"Fleur, you would never have what it takes to do what would be needed if, or when, we fall under attack. You are too naive, you couldn't-" he was abruptly cut off by the furry he saw building behind her eyes. What was it they said about never angering a Veela?
^ I don't actually like this pairing to be honest. I never read them. Fleur annoys me. I'm horrible, I know but I always give her a chance if I come across a story with her in it. There's just something about her that irks me. But anyway, I didn't expect her to show him a memory of what she did. I really liked that because Fleur is strong and so many people put her off as this vain and weak woman. She's not that. She wouldn't have been picked for the TWT if she was weak, right? Give her some credit!
Before she could reacted, a small voice echoed from the dark.
^ 'reacted' should be 'react'
she spit directly into his lifeless face.
^ That gave me chills.
Hermione was the only thing holding me up. I would have just fallen and waited for one of his men to kill me. She kept saying that it would be okay, even though I knew she didn't believe it. After everyone we lost, I just knew I couldn't
^ And this is when the tears started to fall. I have to be honest. It was too emotional for me. When George started to speak about Fred I had to skip that entire paragraph. I just couldn't handle it right now. It was too much.
There was so much truth, so much emotion coming from them all and it was so overwhelming. I know they were all trying to let everything go and try to heal themselves and I think that's what made this story even more powerful.
To be blessed with a child in the end. One that would live in a world where there would be no dark forces to seriously fear was just beautiful. I'm so happy that in the end Bill/Fleur and everyone else was able to find happiness.Author's Response: Aw I don't know what to do with you! You are too sweet, I'm sorry I made you sad but secretly happy about it. Even though I guess it isn't a secret because I just told you.
I love writing Fleur. Something about what a mess of contradictions she is just sparks my little brain.
I'll turn you onto her eventually ;).
Thank you so much for this wonderfully amazing review ♥ and for pointing out those typos!
I anon you! hahaha I'm never going to be able to stop!
I need AA for Anon! Report Review
I really enjoyed this! First off, I'm a huge Bill/Fleur fan - ever since Fleur was eying Bill up in Goblet of Fire, if you can believe it! I always thought they would go together so well... :D
Ah, this was so bittersweet, I really liked it! You combined the fluffiness and the angst of different parts of it so well - they just fit together perfectly. It's something that's really difficult to do, so kudos to you for that! :D
I also really liked how you used the different sections, showing different sides of both Bill and Fleur, different stages in their relationship and throughout the war. It filled it out so nicely and allowed you to include a lot more without lessening any of the emotion, if you know what I mean.
I loved how you wrote Bill and Fleur and Mrs Weasley and... well, all of them, really. They all felt so well rounded out and real, you know, and I felt like I could understand where both Bill and Fleur were coming from with their arguments and conversations and things. You wrote Molly so well, too - I've tried writing her and I find it so difficult. You make it seem so easy! :)
I liked how you touched on the idea that they got married without knowing if either of them would survive at all. It's something that I'd never really thought about before, and this actually made me think about that. It was a bit of an 'oh yeah, that's true' moment.
I just really enjoyed this - it was so bittersweet it was perfect.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Ahh this review was so sweet it made my day ♥. I see so many flaws in this and it needs to be edited so badly, your review has pushed me to want to do so.
Fleur is an intoxicating character to write, she is so wonderful because I feel like there are so many sides to her!
Thank you again for this amazing review!! Report Review
Baww. Bill and Fleur are such a great canon couple! This was a very interesting portrayal of their relationship -- I was a bit taken aback by their charcterization in the opening scene (mostly Bill's); I was shocked by his certainty that she wouldn't be able to handle it. But I suppose in the heat of an argument, you sometimes say things you don't necessarily mean -- sometimes your worry for the person you love overrides reason. Gah. Bill's such a babe.
As the one shot unfolded, however, I think that you did a good job building their relationship and their love. Fleur is such a strong character! It was lovely reading about her. I particularly enjoyed the little scene between Molly and Fleur. They are both such strong headed women who both love Bill, and so naturally they are often at odds with one another, but I thought that little moment between them was incredibly sweet and touching.
You did a good job with this! I suppose the only thing I'd suggest to possibly improve it (or writings of this style in general) would be to try to soften your transitions some -- It was easy enough to follow here with the page breaks in the text, but they were very stark.
All in all, this was a very enjoyable one shot!
xoxoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review, I had a lot of fun writing Fleur. I really find her captivating, so much contradictions wrapped up into one woman. Gahhh I need to go through and edit this entire story so badly. It was written in my 'just getting back into writing' phase and really needs to be improved. I'm so happy that you liked it though and I'm glad that the Molly and Fleur scene was touching. It was hard to get both of them to lower their barriers just a bit, so I wanted to make sure it sounded natural.
Thank you again for your lovely reviews, my dear!
Jami Report Review
This is a very lovely fic. I love the way you managed to take small scenes throughout Bill and Fleur's relationship and turn it into something quite amazing. It seems honest, and painful, like any relationship would be during a time of war and grief.
The way you captured Fleur was absolutely perfect. Her attitude, her fits of anger, and even her dialogue. It can be so hard to write people with an accent, so kudos to you for doing that rather well.
“Fred made me who I was, being a git isn’t useful unless you have a matching git by your side." - That made me crack up so bad! Haha. I think that is definitely something George would say, and since it's his first joke since Fred died, it seems even more fitting. I think no matter how hard times got for him, that he would still somehow crack a joke here and there, just because that's who he is.
Perhaps the funniest scene was at the end when Fleur mentions being sick and Bill is freaking out because he doesn't understand. I love that something so special could be taken so wrong when not interpreted right. That was quite hilarious.
I guess the only thing I have to question is where it mentions Teddy being part werewolf. I do believe that werewolves are made, not born. I thought that was mentioned somewhere in HP at one point in time, that the person had to be bit, or at least that their was no evidence it actually passes on to children, that they were aware of. If that was your own take on it, then that's fine. I just wanted to point it out otherwise.
There might have been a few typos too, but nothing that distracted from the overall story.
Overall, I really enjoyed this fic, and it is the first Bill/Fleur fic I have every read. Also, good luck with the contest!
-Sara-Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, darling! It was so wonderful!
Ahh, I didn't mean to say that Teddy is a werewolf, I meant half traitor (Tonks, whose mother is a blood traitor) then half werewolf (Remus) so they would most likely kill him for being their son. I do definitely get how it can sound confusing. I may need to take a look at that!
Thank you again for the absolutely lovely review, m'dear! It brought a huge smile to my face!! Report Review
Hey, I'm here from the review tag!
Well this was just adorable, but also heart wrenching. There were moments of "AWWing" and also moments where I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. You captured the emotions really well during the scene with all the Weasley kids + Harry, Hermione and Fleur. It was a very clever idea and also really sad. At least they'll have all the memories forever :) I never really read Bill/Fleur stories, but I can now see why they're your OTP. They are so sweet together and you wrote them beautifully(: I'm adding this as a favorite story, it was so good! 10/10
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Thank you for the favorite and for the amazing review! I think Fleur is a very misunderstood character, and I loved the chance to explore her a bit more with this story!
Thank you again for reading and reviewing!
First off, the Stephen King quote that you have on your page is the one I live by. Just thought I'd say that.
The ending with Fleur and Bill and her being pregnant and him freaking out like a typical boy that doesn't know what to do was really cute. :) All in all, good job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, and yes, Stephen King is a smart man with some very good quotes and advice on writing!
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Here from review tag!
This was a very touching look at Bill and Fleur and the dangerous circumstances in which their relationship began an the obstacles they had to overcome.
You had very nice attention to detail, and in particular I must complement you for conistently portraying Fleur's accent the way it is in the books, which certainly wouldn't be easy.
The one minor criticism is that the jumps btween scenes sometimes could feel a bit abrupt, but I have no complaints about the scenes themselves, which did a great job of evoking emotions.
Overall a very well writte story.Author's Response: Hmm, I will be sure to look over my scenes and see if I can make that transition any smoother! Thank you for pointing that out!
I'm happy you enjoyed the story, thank you so much for the read and review! Report Review
This was good, I enjoyed it, I liked it, I thought it was very well written, and it was quite nice. Thank you for joining the challenge.
LizzieAuthor's Response: I'm happy you enjoyed it, thank you for holding the challenge that sparked me to write it! Report Review
Hello! I'm here from Review Tag :)
I think Bill and Fleur are a really sweet couple, having written them once myself, and I liked how you portrayed both of them. Namely, I liked how you included details from the conflict between Fleur and Molly and the scene where Fleur is defending her decision to stay with Bill even after his attack. That always struck me as one of the most romantic moments in the series (though it was partly because of the similar Remus/Tonks bit afterwards), and I think it's really interesting.
I did have a few little critiques, so I hope you don't mind :) One is that this seemed to get a little rambly toward the end, and I found myself skipping over portions of the dialogue. For instance, I felt like the scene that took place after Fred's burial could have been its own separate one-shot, and since it didn't really directly deal with the relationship between Bill and Fleur, I was a little confused as to why you included it. The other thing is the ending - I would have liked to see us return to the present for a loving moment between Bill and Fleur. It just ended a little abruptly for my taste.
I thought the imagery you used was nice, especially in the beginning, and I thought the flow within most of the subsections was nice, too. I didn't notice very many technical errors either, so that's great. Good luck with the challenge!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I never mind critiques! Those are the only way I can get better!!!
Okay, I am going to look over that scene again (blame Dan (CambAngst) for talking me into lengthening it ;). But I have grown pretty attached to it, so I'm not sure I can make any promises...
I was hoping to show some of the struggle their relationship had to endure, and how being part of the marriage that Fleur joined, they were just as much her struggles as his. BUT the fact that you found yourself skipping over portions tells me I definitely need to read it over and rethink.
I am happy you enjoyed most of it, thank you so much for the detailed review! If I can get Lily and James to shut up about chapter 5 of their story, I will look over the things you pointed.
Thank you so much!!
Bill and Fleur! I love them, they're one of my favourite canon pairings, and you captured their relationship beautifully. Love how you wrote Fleur, she was a wonderful character. 10/10Author's Response: This review just made my day! Thank you so much!!
I have an odd connection with Fleur, something about her pulls to me, and I'm glad that you think I did her justice in this story!
Thank you for your kind words!
Jami Report Review
So, so, so, so, so cute!:D The end just made me do a little fangirl worthy squeal!
I think the imagery and your emotions were your strongest points! Thankfully, these are two of the most important aspects of writing, so you have already got a good thing going!
I only saw a few minor grammar errors, so thats pretty good too:D
To be perfectly candid, I don't really read any bill/fleur, but for whatever reason, this one called out to me. I think you thoroughly gave me a good opening and first view at Bill and Fleur in the FF world(:
Perhaps a sequel? I'd love it:D
I think there should have been more at the end, but thats because it was ridiculously adorable;D
Oh, and I particularly liked the Drunk duded/Fleur/Gabrielle situation. It was an unexpected twist, and I think it was a clever way to have Fleur display she would remain strong and protect her family no matter what the cost!
Great piece, thanks for the read!
EverAuthor's Response: Ever, thank you so much for review!
Considering how much I loved your Lucius and Narcissa story, I would have to say our review swap turned out pretty successful!
I loved that scene, also. Fleur is always played as an idiot, overly rude, those kind of things, but her traits that make her such an amazing character seem to be ignored. This gave me a chance to really show not only could she stay strong in a terrifying situation, but that protecting family was important to her.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! I hope to make my way to more of your stories soon!! Report Review
Hey! So sorry that it has taken me a while to get to your story. Work, food and Once Upon a Time got in the way. Hahaha.
I'm a sucker for Bill/Fleur stories so I chose this one.
Your imagery, setting, narrative are amazing! I could picture everything that was going on. Which is what I like because I hate it when authors just ignore that and I imagine the characters in a black room just talking.
Fleur's dialect is great. People trying to do the whole French accent either over do it, or don't do it at all. You managed to capture the balance between her English and French very well considering that it's very hard to put into writing.
Fleur using dark magic here is great. I've always figured anyone would turn to the 'dark side' when their family is in danger. I know I would, honestly. Harry tried (but failed) but even he dabbled in the dark arts out of grief.
In the sentence "especially not marks of your bravery, will bring you away for me." Wouldn't that be 'take you away from me'?
You've seriously made me cry when they were remembering everyone that died. Just the dialogue is perfect that it felt very real. George talking about Fred...man that's when the tears began. Haha, honestly, I've never forgiven JKR for killing Fred. It should've been Percy.
Grammar, plot, and everything about it was great. You're good at putting emotions into words which very few people manage to do when writing fanfiction. It was definitely sad at the beginning but with a happy ending.
Thanks for the great read! :D
--PerelandraAuthor's Response: Ahhh I'm getting so many mixed reviews on both the accent and the grieving! I needed your positive words regarding them both, thank you so much!
I am with you on the, it should have been Percy. That would have been sad without the devastation.
The 'will bring you away from me' sentence was worded that way to kind of show her difficulty with English, no good? Confusing? I'll look at it tonight and either change it or seriously debate changing it.
Thank you for your wonderful review, and I'm happy you enjoyed my story! Report Review
Heya, thanks again for reviewing A Growing Gathering! I thought I'd review one of your stories as thanks. I've never read a Fleur fic before, so I was intrigued by this.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I feel like you put a lot of thought into it and your portrayal of Fleur is very well thought-out. The subplot that J.K. wrote about the relationship between Fleur, Bill and also Molly was great but I feel like it gets ignored quite a lot! So I really enjoyed seeing some of Fleur's side of it here.
I had one issue with the writing, which was just that Fleur's accent is so thick that I found it difficult to concentrate on what she was saying! However I can't really remember how thick it was in the books, so I can't really judge :)
So, here are the things I loved:
"She rose from the blanket that the two had been sharing, throwing her waves of gold behind her as she stalked to the edge of the pond" -this image was really strong, I liked it very much.
"He knew he loved this woman; this misunderstood, spoiled, conceited, caring and selfless woman" This is perfect. I feel like you really get a glimpse into what their relationship would be like- she's absolutely not perfect (who is?) and Bill knows that, but he loves her for it. It's very grown-up, it's very nicely written.
I really enjoyed the idea that Fleur would throw a memory at Bill in an argument! Going to have to try very hard not to plagiarize you with that one!!
The reminder that Fleur would have been affected by Cedric's death is really nice, although I was a little confused as to when this memory occurs - I know she's in uniform, but she's with her family, and she seems to be in Britain so I'm guessing it's on their way home after the Triwizard tournament??
The Gabrielle story was great. Being a big sister, I can sympathise with Fleur. I'd probably do the same thing if someone attacked my sister... except for the spitting. That was a bit scary. But she is part Veela after all.
I liked the scene with Bill in the hospital, although Fleur's accent made it hard reading! This line was perfect though: 'People will look at us and see my beauty and your courage, and zey will see 'ow perfectly we fit together'. I feel like Rowling herself could have written that line.
Next section: I love Molly Weasley! I feel like you wrote her well too, warm and honest, yet commanding. 'I also know that he would have never dreamed of asking you to be his wife, if he wasn't sure that it would last forever. Don't doubt him.' I love this. The final three words remind me of Dumbledore's line about Harry, 'Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him.'
The juxtaposition between the wedding and the funeral was good, if painful! I did struggle to read the section at Shell Cottage after Fred's funeral, it was a little unclear as to what was going on I felt. Once I realised that they were all sitting around adding to the Pensieve- well, I loved it. SO beautiful. Truly, an inspired scene. The only thing I didn't like was Bill calling Fleur 'baby'! It felt a bit American and jumped out at me. 'Darling', 'sweetheart', 'my love', or even (stretching it a little) 'cherie' would have fit better, in my opinion.
I really like the final scene, the way you end the story on a note of hope. However, it did seem a bit odd that neither Fleur nor Bill knew what the other was talking about. I'm guessing Bill had a long day at the office and Fleur already has baby brain. This section really jumped out at me: "She let her mind wander to the first time he did that; after a long picnic by the beach flirting and laughing, when she forced him to see the painful memory as proof of her strength, then he took her in his arms and kissed her, finally agreeing to be her lover." I love this. I love the idea that she's had to fight to be with him (it actually reminds me of Lupin and Tonks as well... maybe Fleur and Bill are Lupin and Tonks in a safe, optimistic world). The only thing that puzzled me was that Fleur was by a pond to begin with, and then she remembers them picnicking by the sea.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story and it gave me a glimpse into a relationship that I haven't read much about. You are a strong writer, with a vivid and sensitive imagination. The way you understand human relationships in this story makes me want to read more.
There are a few grammar and spelling issues, but I've gone on for far too long already!
-Athene XoAuthor's Response: Thank you for catching the sea/pond thing!! I wrote parts of this at different times and didn't even catch it.
Okay, you have mentally screwed me up. I JUST added the bit about Molly, it isn't validated yet. You can see it?!? Hmm. I wonder if you can see all the edits? I did also tone down Fleur's accent, but if you are seeing the edited version of this, it sounds Like I need to tone it down more.
Thank you so much for the review!! The amount of thought you put in to it is so sweet and wonderful. Thank you for pointing out that baby is more American (I'm in the US) I always forget about those kind of things. I think I'll do darling. I'm almost afraid to edit it now that I've been blessed with this little unvalidated visible miracle, haha!!
Thank you so much for reading, I'll be heading over to the second chapter of yours as soon as I get some time :)! Report Review
First of all, I love love love your Fleur. I want to be her best friend, honestly. She's awesome, and Bill's line about her, 'this misunderstood, spoiled, conceited, caring and selfless woman', is fantastic and just so very true.
There were a fair few typos here and there, and I'm not sure Fleur's accent was that strong in canon (though for the life of me I can't remember). The funeral scene could have been developed a little more, too; I'd have liked to hear about the DA and Hermione's parents, because they're only touched on in canon. That said, I liked George's speech, and had newfound respect for him after it.
Also, I love happy endings, I really do, and that last sentence just made me smile. :3
Overall, this was a story of great and well-written emotion, loss and hope, and although it sounds cliched the power of love. Well done, especially for portraying it so well in a pairing that doesn't get enough love.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I really love Fleur, I am with you on wanting to be her best friend! We can be 'the three best friends that anyone ever had' umm..if you haven't seen The Hangover, ignore that last line. haha!
So, I actually edited it this morning and added more to the grieving scene, did a fine tune through it to try and get rid of all the typos, and added a Fleur and Molly scene. I just went back and copied a sentence from it, for you, because it is my new favorite one that Fleur says in this one shot, and I thought it would make you smile ;) -
"Well, I zink it is time for me to go get married," she placed the borrowed crown on top of her head and glanced back into the mirror, "at least my tears did nothing to my face, I still look beautiful."
I also took out some of the accents. I read all of her dialogue in the books, and she does use all the ones I had, but never together that much. So hopefully I smoothed it out a bit.
Your review made my night, thank you so much! I hope you'll check out the new version in... 6 days ;)! Report Review
The emotional core of this story is very strongly written. I liked your portrayal of Fleur which acknowledges the negative sides of her personality and doesn't make her too perfect.
The remembered attack scene in the Pensieve had a good build-up of suspense and sense of growing peril, and I could feel Bill's shock at Fleur spitting on the defeated assailant. (tiny typo note: the spoken incantation of the Cruciatus curse is "Crucio" :) ). I'm not entirely sure Fleur would use a Cruciatus curse in canon but as this is a life or death situation, a good case could be made for self-defense.
I don't think the story is too long at all! There are points where I might make the scene changes clearer to the reader's mind through the use of description. The post-funeral scene in particular feels a tiny bit rushed. I would love to read more about the atmosphere in Bill and Fleur's home, descriptions of those who were there, and how they may have changed since the Battle of Hogwarts.
I know how challenging it is to write dialogue in an accent; I struggle constantly with accents in my own stories. Fleur's French accent could be lightened up just a little bit; some of the accent spellings are distracting in places. The other thing I noticed is that you could change some of the phrases in all capitals to regular text (possibly italicized for emphasis) and it might flow more easily. I'm thinking particularly of Fleur's announcement she is expecting Bill's child and the "yes" and "Fleur" in prior paragraphs.
Overall, this chapter might benefit from a quick beta-reading, there are a few instances of colons confused with semicolons and sentence fragments which could be smoothed out to give the story a little more polish.
Overall I really enjoyed this portrayal of Bill and Fleur's romance, and would love to read more if you ever expand beyond a one-shot! Cheers!Author's Response: I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond! I wanted to make a few of your suggested corrections first, but RL got to me.
Thank you so much for your review and CC, I can't wait to incorporate it into my story! Report Review
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
You picked a very unconventional character for a piece like this and then you did a magnificent job with it. Fleur is usually portrayed as either very unsympathetic (the way Ginny always saw her) or very aloof in fan fics. You didn’t completely put that characterization aside, but you added this amazing depth and complexity to it. I think you mostly summed it up in this one line: “He knew he loved this woman; this misunderstood, spoiled, conceited, caring and selfless woman.” – What a fantastic description of Fleur. It encompasses the good and the bad so tidily.
The memory of Fleur defending Gabrielle from the drunken wizard was shocking and powerful. It had shades of her performance from the Tri-Wizard, but much more intense and without the obvious constraints of being an underage witch in a closely-monitored competition. The ferocity was probably the farthest I’ve ever seen anybody go with her Veela blood-fired anger, and I really liked it.
The moment that she and Bill share in the hospital wing of Hogwarts was also really lovely. The only thing I found just a tiny bit awkward about it was the idea that Molly had Bill ready to marry Tonks in her own mind. I’ve always been more of a Charlie/Tonks shipper if she’s not going to be with Remus, so maybe that’s just my perspective coloring things. But the depth of her painful confessions to Bill and her love for him came through so strongly. The way you have her admit that she craves the attention and adoration of other people was, again, an unconventional choice and I think you did great things with it.
And finally there’s the heart-breaking scene in Shell Cottage. What you’ve written is beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the post-war grieving process portrayed like this, and I thought it was a really lovely idea. Fixing on the good memories and contributing them to what I can only assume was some sort of “memory album” in the penseive was a really clever idea. And having each character explain their hurt seemed like a great first step for the healing process. Mostly, I wanted this scene to be longer. I wanted to hear Ron mourn a little for Lavender (let’s assume for the moment that she died from Greyback’s attack) and for Fred. I wanted to hear Hermione mourn for Dobby and talk about what his sacrifice meant to her. I wanted to hear Ginny talk about poor Colin and Tonks, who was such a good friend to her. I know that you had to draw a line somewhere, but this was so lovely that I just wanted it to go on and on...
The pregnancy scene had me a little confused at first. Not so much that I couldn’t figure out where it was heading, since we all know more or less when Victoire was born, but rather that it took Bill so long to catch on to what was happening. Maybe she just caught him before his coffee or something. I did love his reaction, though.
I feel almost bad about pointing them out, but I did see two small typos:
-- “Itdoes not! I can protect myself!” - It does
-- “As if she had been reading his mind, she tuned and sent…” - turned
This was a terrific piece. It really showed off your emotional range as a writer. Thanks for a great morning read!Author's Response: I love your reviews! I want to write more, just to get more reviews from you!
Bill is a very intelligent Wizard, he was raised to believe in family, loyalty, and above all courage. I was never able to picture him marrying someone just because they were beautiful. Fleur is fascinating to me. We know because of her entry into the TWT that she is smart, her love for Bill even after the attack shows her loyalty, and the fact that she still wanted to marry him and didn't care about his scars showed that she's not exactly shallow, just conceited when it comes to own appearances.
I felt sick for putting Gabrielle in that position, even the idea that it could have happened, but I did want a way to show just how far Fleur would go to protect what is hers.
I'll have to look over that paragraph and see if I can find another way to demonstrate that insecurity. Maybe simply saying something about how she knows his family would rather him be with a . I don't know. I'll have to think on it :).
It was so hard to stop with the grieving scene! I wanted to do each one, I wanted to have Ginny talk about how it felt when Harry was brought out and they thought he was dead. I wanted Ron to struggle with losing Fred, wanting to comfort George but was barely able to help himself. Could he have saved any of them? Ahhh. I might have to go back to it. The only issue I'm having is this is technically for a true love challenge, so I don't want to stray too far.
Poor Bill! He just wanted to make sure his wife was okay, and almost gets his head snapped off. Well, considering pregnancy tests are most accurate in the morning, there is a very good chance it was early and his coffee hadn't kicked in, haha ;)!
Thank you so much again, I really, really love your reviews!!!
Incredible as always :)
It's also really sad :(
but i can totally feel there love? you know what i mean?
you're an amazing writer!
-SAuthor's Response: Awww I just want to hug you now! haha!!
It is a sad piece, I was hoping to cheer it up a bit with the ending :).
Thank you so much for the review! It made my morning! I'm so excited to see my banner :)! Report Review
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