Reading Reviews for A Love Story Like No Other
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by loveandfriendship Two Hearts

31st October 2013:
This is a very good story so far. I'm really enjoying and I hope that you update soon. This is the first founders story that I've read (so far) and I like how you portrayed all of them.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review hun. I'm so sorry it took me this long to reply...

In any case, I'm glad that you like the story. I don't anticipate any updates soon as school has pushed my writing off to the side. However... I do have winter break around the corner and maybe I can write a chapti for you then. Thx. XOXO


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Review #2, by KMS Two Hearts

12th July 2013:
You've got me hooked-what happens next?!

Author's Response: Aww, I'm glad that you are enjoying the story. I actually have to write the next chapter still... Its been awhile. thanks for the review.

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Review #3, by Voldy Needs a Hug Rowena

22nd July 2012:
I have to admit, this was the first founders era fanfiction I have read. Originally, I wasn't sure what to expect, but your chapter has set very high standards for any future founders era fanfictions I read.

Overall, I was impressed at how fluidly the events flowed from one to the next. More importantly, the events made sense, especially for that era. I could envision Rowena Ravenclaw sitting down for a formal dinner.

I was slightly confused toward the beginning of the chapter regarding Rowena's status as "princess." For some reason, I wouldn't expect any of the four founders to come from such important, influential families.

Also, I would recommend adding some more plot to this chapter. I felt that not many major events occurred during this chapter, and became a bit bored during some parts of the chapter.

Nice job!

As always,
Voldy Needs a Hug

Author's Response: For purposes of this story, also stated on the banner, the founders are royalty or very influential Lords. So that just me. Thanks for the review, I have re-written this chapter and will be adding more plot.

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Review #4, by magnolia_magic Two Hearts

18th July 2012:
Hi! I'm here with the last review :)

I was wondering how you would pull all the characters together after introducing them all separately, and I think the POV changes worked pretty well for the most part. The only switch that seemed choppy was the very first one, from Helga to Salazar. It was a big time jump between those two sections, and it threw me a bit. If it were me, I might move Salazar's actual arrival from a fortnight to just a few days before the wedding, to make that time jump seem less sudden. But that's just my opinion, and it's a small thing :)

I'm glad Salazar and Rowena seem happy enough together. Rowena doesn't seem at all like the girl we met in the first chapter: she seems much more capable and mature, and I just wonder how that change happened. I can tell that Helga admires her a lot, and I can see her being a strong queen.

And I suppose this answers my question about who Godric would fancy! I found it really interesting that he suspects Helga might be a spy: I never would have thought of that, but it makes sense, since the two countries are at war. And if sweet, kind Helga really did have ulterior motives, that would be a really exciting twist!

I've really enjoyed reviewing this story! I think it has a lot of potential, and it's a really entertaining read. Keep working on it...I would definitely be interested in seeng more!

--Mags

Author's Response: Thanks again for the review. I will take all of your suggestions into consideration.

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Review #5, by magnolia_magic Godric

18th July 2012:
Hi, back again!

I have to say it seems very fitting for Godric to be a warrior: it reflects the bravery and courage that Gryffindor is known for. The beginning of this really drew me in...you did a good job of describing the horrors of battle. There was one line that had me confused, though: "The five men that lived in our villiage who had asked me to have the knighted after I had been were dead." I assumed this meant that there were men who wanted to be knighted, but were killed before they got the chance. But I wasn't sure, so maybe a re-wording of that sentence would help.

It seemed to me that Godric didn't like the idea of taking so much life, and that really made him likeable for me. He's clearly more than just a bloodthirsty soldier, which was really good to see. And his encounter with Helga and Rowena was intriguing too (though I found it wierd that the lady in waiting was just as beautiful as the princess.) I predict that he'll eventually fall in love with one of them, but which one?

On to the next chapter! You'll be hearing from me again momentarily :)

Author's Response: I have plans for Godric, BIG plans. You'll just have to wait and see. I will look into adjusting and rewording that line, although you are right on in your assumptions. Thanks for the reviewing. You do deserve a spot in my A/n: in chapter 6.

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Review #6, by magnolia_magic Helga

18th July 2012:
Yay, the Helga chapter! As a Puff, I have a soft spot for her, so I was looking forward to this one :)

I think Helga's story is so interesting (and a little sad), and it serves as a great reminder of the attitude towards witches during these times. At first I did find it a little odd that Helga wasn't killed when she was discovered, but the explanation that came later helped a lot.

As far as characterization goes, Helga seems very supportive and compassionate, just like I would imagine her. She seems like a great friend for Rowena because their personalities compliment each other. Helga is certainly opinionated, but she isn't quite as bold about it as Rowena. Those aspects of Helga's character showed in her conversation with Rowena about marriage: she's encouraging, but isn't afraid to make her opinions known. I really enjoyed her :)

One little issue I noticed: when Helga says "dumb broads." I feel like that phrase is a little too modern for Founders era, and there could be some other way to describe the typical women of that time. I think changing that one word would add a lot to the historical atmosphere you're creating :)

Whoop, Godric next! I'm enjoying these separate looks at the characters, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all comes together.

Author's Response: I'm glad you were enjoying it. I will look into phrasing that line better, it does seem modern now that you point it out. I think I know people who actually still say that... Thanks for dropping a review.

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Review #7, by magnolia_magic Salazar

18th July 2012:
Hey, I'm back!

Wow, the plot thickens! Salazar and Rowena married...I just can't tell yet if I think that relationship would work. I can see them clashing a lot, since both of them clearly have strong personalities. I'm looking forward to see how this unfolds!

I really like the way you write Salazar; between him and Rowena, he's definitely my favorite of the two. He seems just like I would imagine him: confident, maybe even prideful, and inspires fear in people. His squire's reaction to him was very telling about Salazar's effect on people, and it's clear that he gets that fearsome demeanor from his dad. Like I said, I really like your characterization in this chapter!

I'll be back shortly with a review on your next chapter. I'm enjoying this a lot so far!

Author's Response: Thanks again for reviewing. I'm glad you like Salazar, that was my intention.

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Review #8, by magnolia_magic Rowena

18th July 2012:
Hi! I love Founders stories and yours caught my eye, so I wanted to review! (Plus, the House Cup has got me on a reviewing frenzy :P)

I think your portrayal of Rowena is really interesting. Her sarcasm made me laugh, but I can tell she has a lot of growing up to do. I'll be interested to see how she develops throughout the story.

I really like the description of life as a noble. It transported me to the time period, as did the dialogue. I think you're doing a great job of keeping things from sounding too modern, which is important in a Founders fic, I think.

I'm off to the next chapter now! You've got a good start, and I am definitely interested in reading on :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, yes Rowena needs to grow up and I plan on making her realize that soon.

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Review #9, by ScorpiusRose17 Salazar

16th July 2012:
Hi there!

I really liked this chapter and thought that the details you added to it really helped bring it out more. I like how this is all tying in together. The matches being made are intriguing. I am interested in how Gryffindor is going to play a role in the story line. The plot line is progressing at a great pace. I really think you are keeping the attention of your readers. My interest is high while reading.

The flow of the story is nice while transitioning, but I did see some areas where you spelled some words wrong that could be cleaned up. I also noticed to that you did have a few punctuation errors. Nothing that isn't easy to fix up.

I think you have a very interesting story and I really love the feel of the overall story line so far. The Founders are really a lot of unknowns, but I think that the way you write them and the cleverness to incorporate them in a different scenario works perfectly.

Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thanks again. I'm glad that you enjoy it and i'll be sure to edit the gray areas as soon as I can.

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Review #10, by SiriuslyPeeved Rowena

16th July 2012:
Hi! Here with your requested review. :) Rowena has an entertaining quality of mischief yet is not the most likeable character in this chapter -- she comes off as rather immature from her actions in this chapter alone, playing her father and stepmother off each other.

I would have loved to see more tie-in to the magical world in this chapter and how different it is from the present day setting of the books. I'm curious about whether Rowena's father is ruler of Muggles and wizards alike or only one or the other. (you may have answered already in chapters I haven't read yet :) )

I feel like this chapter could be polished up quite a bit; there are a number of typos / errors in punctuation and capitalization as other reviewers have noted, but the overall flow of the chapter is good and the characters are engaging. I suggest that a priority area to double check would be the story summary, chapter summaries, and other story information.

It may not be a bad idea to consider changing one of the genres to AU so that people who are interested in a different take on the Founders era might have an easier time finding this story. It's entirely up to you, there is little known about these characters and their back histories have a lot of flexibility.

I like the beginnings of the medieval fantasy feeling you have created, and the new spin on the Founders as a royal court. It is quite fun to jump into a story and have the ability to hold surprises in store! I hope this review was helpful.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. It was very helpful. You brought to my attention something I had not considered about Rowena, and will look into when I begin editing this chapter. As to magical world, I haven't given it too much thought as of yet. I know that I want to wait until chapter 6 and this is where I am stuck. Helga has already identified herself as a with but nobody else has yet.

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Review #11, by ScorpiusRose17 Rowena

16th July 2012:
Hi there!

I am finally here with your review. I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get to, but life has its needs too.

I really liked this chapter and thought that you did a great job setting up the story line in less than a thousand words. I like the way that it twists around. I would have expected the father to not dote on his daughter so much compaired to the the mother, but it is understandable that it is her step mother now. I also really liked how you introduced Helga in the end.

A bit of advice that may help you out in making the chapter seem more full... Maybe you could try fleshing out the characters and their surroundings a bit more. I didn't really have an idea of where they were until the Great Hall was mentioned. Those tiny details really will make the story pop more.

Overall, I like the story and its plot line. I think it is an interesting take on the Founders Era and Hogwarts itself. The flow of the chapter is great too. I do not see anything that stands out as messy or confusing. I am intrigued!

Keep up the great writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thanks. I'll try to make it more clear in the begging that The queen is Rowena's stepmother.

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Review #12, by angel_speaks Rowena

15th July 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!
I'm so sorry that it took me awhile to fill this request.

I think story has a lot of potential.

Grammer/ spelling: I think this part is ok. There were only a few grammatical errors but its no biggie.

Description: This is the biggest part that caught me. This chapter was mostly dialogue and not enough description. I would suggest to add more of this especially to your characters. It adds more to the imagery.

Characterization: I think that you are off to a good start with this one. So far I think that your version of Rowena is interesting and I'd really like to see how she develops as a character. She seems a little feisty and definitely seems like a daddy's little girl type ^_^

Plot: I can't really tell of the development of the plot yet since this is just the first chapter. It does seem believable so far. I'd really like to see how this plot develops as I am a fan of the Founders area ^_^

Overall, good job! I can't wait to read more! Feel free to drop in another request.

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. It feels good to hear somebody say that my story has potential. Yeah i know description needs work, so I re-wrote the entire first chapter.

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Review #13, by Remus Salazar

12th July 2012:
Perelandra here with your second review.

Everything I said in the previous chapter, still stands on this.

In the entire chapter, there were only 4 instances where there's narrative. Your story is just so full of dialogue that it just feels flat and your characters feel one dimensional. It really got confusing towards the end as to who was talking.

I can see what you meant about your characters being OOC...as Salazar is acting in a way that I never imagined. But its your take on him. XD

A beta reader will help you catch the grammar and punctuation mistakes. As well help you with the flow and narrative.

I don't have much to say because all the comments that apply to this chapter are the same as chapter one's review.

Again, please don't think I'm being harsh. It's just really honest opinion.

--Perelandra

Author's Response: I promise I will try to spruce this up with more description and narrative.

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Review #14, by Remus Rowena

12th July 2012:
Perelandra here with your requested review.

Sometimes, when I review, I look at the other reviews to see what people have pointed out, just so you don't hear the same thing over and over. I also review as I'm reading the story.

People have pointed out that there's grammatical errors that maybe could've been fixed a month later after they're pointed out. Same goes with punctuation. There are places that its begging to be re-written with the correct punctuation. For example:

"I am your Mother Rowena," --that makes it sound like she is Mother Rowena. Not telling Rowena that she's her mother. A comma can really make a difference.

You're also capitalizing the wrong words.

Description is also lacking making your story feel rather flat. You're moving the storyline by only dialogue. You didn't create a scene, added imagery to send the reader to that place or really allow that connection the reader instantly gets. What are Rowena's emotions when she gets slapped? Was there anger? Fear?

What one of the reviewers pointed out that this is an AU I guess she/he meant that Rowena was never really a princess. JKR pointed out in book 6 that there is no royalty in the wizarding world. Ever. At least that's what people have gathered from it.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh! I'm just trying to point you to the right direction. Perhaps a beta can work with you.

On with chapter 2!

--Perelandra

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, You don't sound harsh at all, CC makes a difference.

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Review #15, by manno_malfoy Rowena

12th July 2012:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review.

I really am not sure what to say since I try to refrain from reading AU stories -as I did mention in the thread, but I'm going to try to be as helpful as possible.

It certainly is a different outlook on how things started for the Founders. I can't possibly tell what you're going to do in the following chapter, but this first chapter does make me want to go on and see how those characters -well, the two you've introduced in this chapter anyway- will come to making a school together.

I think, though, that you need to add more details and descriptions. The age you have here is one during which everything was so ornate and the smallest of objects -even culinary items- had details. I felt that it was more dialogue than anything else when the first person perspective gives you a chance to delve more into a character's mind and let us know their motive behind doing or saying certain things -sort of like the way you've done the bit when Rowena was talking to her father.

Nonetheless, I do like the way you've written the conversations and that old style of speech. Although I know that in that age English would have been completely different, I think this is the perfect way to keep things sort of archaic yet understandable for your readers. So you've had a good call on that!

As for your grammar, I'm not sure I've spotted any misuse of verbs and tenses or anything of that sort, but capitalisation was a bit wonky. Also, at some part, you've used 'manor' instead of 'manner', I think. And some of Rowena's sentences were oddly phrased, but that's not really grave.

You said you were wondering if things were interesting, and I can tell you that, for people who like AU, it probably is very interesting. I don't usually like stories that stray away from canon and you've got me drawn in.

So, keep on writing! And I hope that I was helpful and didn't come off as overly-critcising.

-Manno

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I appreciate it. I don't really think my story is AU, because that isn't what I classified it as when crating it, so I don't exactly know what you mean by that. Its a drama, Horror/dark and romance story. Thank you for mentioning details, it is something to consider when writing my story further and editing. Grammar has always been a rough spot for me so thanks for pointing out what needs to be worked on.

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Review #16, by katti4493 Rowena

8th June 2012:
Good start to the story! Couple of spelling and grammatical errors, but everyone can do that! I liked how you showed Rowena's defiance and you wrote some really good dialogue. Maybe you could include some more description like in your first paragraph which was really good and showed a real attention to detail. I can't wait to see how you interpret the other characters!

Author's Response: I'll keep your suggestion in mind when editing the story and developing future chapters. Thanks for the review.

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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57 Rowena

3rd June 2012:
Quite interesting.
There were several grammar and spelling mistakes, and sometimes you used the wrong word (I.e. "manor" for "manner.")
Also, your characters are slightly flat to me. They have a lot of dialogue and not much description or action. The plot is good so far, but the story would just be that much better if you could polish it a bit.
Good work on the beginning of the story!

Author's Response: thanks for the review. maybe i'll take your advice into consideration, maybe i won't. I like my charters, but it is only the beginning of the story, so give me some credit.

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