Well, at first I thought this would be a Dennis/OC, but I'm really glad it wasn't! It was so sweet, how they just became friends instead of the whole cliched 'my-wife-left-me-because-I'm-magic-and-now-I'm-running-to-you-hey-let's-have-a-romantic-relationship-since-clearly-we-belong-together' thing.
And cliches are cool. It's just a nice change to see something that isn't.
I loved how Lyra just coolly turned Leo away, like, 'Hey, you messed up my life! I am not falling for you again, no way!' instead of the 'Well you really screwed me up but I think I might be falling for you and then there's this guy who I eventually end up with and you fall off the map, leaving a big plot-hole' scenario.
Also, just gotta say, I love Ben and Timothy. They are adorable!
In short, this story is awesome. A devaition from the norm, and a surprisingly pleasant read. You made your characters believable and the scenes you put them in plausable. It's pretty awesome.
~Elle Report Review
I'm so happy that I came over to read this today. I like the way it's not dependent on any sort of main character at all and that's it's made up entirely of OCs and very minor characters. It's refreshing to think that there is more to the wizarding world than just the Weasleys, Potters and Malfoys. And it's people with real lives to boot!
There was a small typo I saw in the beginning but as I'm typing on my iPad it's a little hard to go back and copy past and continue this review :P or I'm just lazy.
You managed to flesh out Lyra, Dennis and even their families to a small degree in this one shot which is admirable and envious. :) Lyra was someone I actually could connect to with her compassion and far away crush (which honestly I was hoping would work into something more). Dennis' haggardness was justifiable and his happiness at the end was wonderful to see. It was great how you tied the quote in with a small child's logic of the world and the realism that is life.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this and seeing the arc of Dennis' life that some random but nice waitress could provide.
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks for dropping by! If you scroll down my author's page, you'll see I focus on minor characters to the point where it gets ridiculous. :P I think I'm more intimidated by the trio than anything else, but I also enjoy the freedom of minor characters, as I'm sure you've heard many authors say.
I've heard of a few typos, so I'll have to go back and look for them, thanks for the heads up.
Once I figured out Dennis's plot, it was tempting to go right through the story focusing on him, just using Lyra as an outsider looking in. But there had to be a reason to use her, otherwise the story would have been sloppy, so I scrambled around looking for a way to give her a story that would enhance Dennis's rather than taking the attention away from him. I think (hope?) that the end result improved the story.
Thank you for the lovely review! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
There, that's what this gave me. And I'm so thankful for it. It's funny how you managed to make this magical world seem so realistic we can identify with it. With Lyra and Dennis, and just every character that had its flaws and problems, it was great.
For a moment, I thought this was going to be a short story or something of the sorts. Because it is what it inspires to be, the characters having so much background already. I was feeling it was going a little too fast, and then I realized, sadly enough, it was a one-shot. So I guess that'd explain the quick flow.
I wish I could ramble more on the characters, how much I love Dennis and the fact you gave importance to his aftermath, but that's end up in an internal battle of my side who sort of by some clichéd reason wants him with Lyra, and my heart that wants him to keep his life and love and his wife to accept him. And Lyra, with Leo finally off her, is certainly going to get more NEWTs. See how much hope there is?
Every word is sopping with hope, and even if there's not much description, it is nice to read. Talking about imagery, I would have loved to know more about them all, and the places, the smell and the light. Just a bit of everything you know? His eyes, hers, the walls and the coffee scent. Actually, that's the only thing I have for CC. Grammar is great and I think I only noticed two typos.
So overall, it is great how fast I could read 4500 words and be soaked with encouragement and hope. And lovely real characters. Outstanding job! (as always ;) )
- ValAuthor's Response: Thanks for dropping by! I think that you didn't mean for that comment about the pace to be as much of a constructive criticism as it was a comment, but believe me, it's something I'm working on. You've read the story, you know how long it is, so I was trying really hard to keep it at a manageable length, and unfortunately that messed up its pacing. But I'm on it. ;)
I've heard a couple people mention how they wish Dennis ended up with Lyra, and I blame myself for leading you all down that path. Originally, this was going to be a story about an affair, but that was clearly going to be too long, so I scrapped that idea. However, bits and pieces of the early drafts can be found here, mainly in the parts where Lyra is attracted to Dennis.
I can get sappy really fast, so I see how you would find this bursting with hope. ;) I definitely hear you on the imagery, it's something I need to work in stories other than this as well, and I'll look into it. Description was one thing I think I cut down on when I realized that this was going to be a sizable one shot, and I didn't want to scare anyone away with its length. As I already said, I sacrificed some pacing for that as well.
Thank you for the really, really lovely review. It's great to hear that you got so much out the characters! Report Review
This is sooo good!! Really! Wow.. I am so impressed...!!
Dennis is such a great character, and I really like Lyra too. This story makes so much of sense. There isn't the usual fluff or anything. This is just one of the sweetest stories I have ever read..!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! It's reassuring, because I feel like there is a LOT to be worked on here. It started off as a fluff piece (I was actually considering getting Lyra and Dennis together, and you can still see the remains of that plot) but I'm not a very fluffy person, so that's where you find more of the dramatic parts. I did my best to give Lyra and Dennis their own separate stories, but keep the focus on them as a pair, and it's something I'll continue to work on. Report Review
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