Oooh this has really intrigued me into this story! I think it is truly fabulous!

I like the idea of this prologue, introducing Ariana as a very influential character because really the way you've explained it. Truthfully, the people who've attacked her are dead and the people who protected her are alive, one in azkaban, the other a nobody and the other the most powerful man who ever lived.

I really like this as its very mysterious. Well done

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Dumbledore is my favorite character, so I wanted to do something about him. He'll end up being an influental character, but Ariana won't contain her feelings of dislike towards the way he's acting.

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This is a great first chapter! The syntax is really great as an introduction, the stilted way she talks about her family. It's all so lovely together!

I'm very excited to see what happens next in the story. You've hit one thing on the nail. We know about all the Dumbledores except Ariana.

You've used this to your advantage very well in the first chapter as we still know next to nothing about her.

As I said above, the syntax is truly breath taking. Any other format would not have been as powerful. The repetition in the syntax structure, especially towards the end, does nothing but add to the mystery of Ariana.

It's a terrific first chapter and I can't wait to see where you take this! =)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that I got that 'Ariana is mysterious' thing right.

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