Like it :)
It's a worthy successor to your opening chapter and fits the same style. Tom is easy to warm to and his self-effacing admission of his own weaknesses makes him a character that as a reader I want to succeed. I also like his overwhelming dry sarcasm, which is much like me...
One tip - new speaker, new paragraph... otherwise it gets rather confusing as to who's speaking. Take it from an angry ginger.Author's Response: Thank you! I was super excited to get my first review of the second chapter so 10 points to you.
Tip taken :) Report Review
Pretty good for a first effort! I like the perspective of Tom's viewpoint and the repeated analogy of the chewing gum on the bottom of someone's shoe. There are also enough subtle hints to Tom's home situation to develop some sympathy for him without over-doing it, and I definitely want to read on.
My take on it is that Tom is clearly a wizard, or else he wouldn't get through the barrier, but he's one day out of that school year so won't get his letter until the following day, however the fluke of circumstance has meant that he's on the train anyway and therefore for everyone's sake (not to mention the paperwork) he'll stay at Hogwarts.
The style is clearly very much a stream of consciousness, which suits the narration of a 10/11-year-old boy, but the frenetic and unchanging nature of the punctuation and connectives (it's all comma, and, or full stop) could get a bit wearing in later chapters. Try using different links, more subordinate clauses that develop a situation (or more descriptive language: I don't think I know anything physical about Tom at all). You could also re-read to check your punctuation of direct speech and apostrophes (you have some where you shouldn't, and have missed others where you should have them).
The other thing is that children don't get back their individual marks from the Year 6 SATs, and also they're now dumbed down to such an extent that I expect hundreds or thousands of children will get full marks on them every year. However, I am probably the only reader who cares about that particular fact!
I hope that doesn't sound like a long list of criticisms, as I know full well it's a long road to develop your writing and this is a very good effort at a first step.
I've added it to my favourites and am looking forward to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this honest review!
I'll go through the chapter and review my punctuation, I know it annoys me when I see things out of place :) I absolutely love constructive criticism.
As for the Year 6 SATs, I'm not from the UK so I was just rolling with it, hoping it was as realistic as possible, oops... I also ust posted the second chapter which I shall go and edit again. Thanks again Report Review
This is an excellent first attempt at fanfic my dear! I really enjoyed it. The idea in itself of the boy sumbling upon the platform is very interesting and the boy himself, Tom, is really well written. It really felt like being in the mind of a ten /eleven years old boy who has too many plans and thoughts for the size of his head!
The descriptions were spot on and made the scenes come alive. His mom will be so angry when she realizes he's gone :)
It was a really good read and I'll definitly look forward to the coming chapters; good job!Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I wrote this instead of studying so I'm glad it paid off :)
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