This is a lovely and very cute little piece in which Arthur really does show his love for his family.
Ginny and Harry getting married is sweet but I really liked how much Arthur got chocked up and sort of explained their life in pretty much a lot of detail but only in a few lines.
Overall it was cute, fluffy and simply awesomeAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Glad you liked it. Report Review
Alright, finally my time to get down to reviewing this after you've waited so patiently for the Contest to end and for me to get off my butt, eh?
Let me start off with saying that, in all, this is a really nice piece of writing. You have a really strong grasp of character for both Ginny and Arthur - I love the banter between them, particularly at the beginning - talking about how she was supposed to be his little girl forever, but she 'forgot'. This moment really made me smile, and it was some of those moments I really was looking for in the idea of father-children / father-daughter relationships in regards to the competition - so kudos!
Constructively speaking, it wasn't hard to read. There were slight moments were things seemed to be repeated unnecissarily - but it's more a stylistic thing than an actual problem, and a few of your other reviewers have pointed it out as well. Things like the speeches, just were a bit long, and said essentially similar things.
You have a really nice way of describing things - like how something looks, that could have been used to describe a few 'bigger' things. Let me explain: You talk about the catering, as well as the wedding cake that Molly made, with just enough detail that you can picture it - you can see the food in front of you. But, there wasn't really the same amount of care given to describing the rest of the reception in the Bewitched Hotel - save for saying they were having it there to alleviate stress on the Burrow with all the guests. Moments where you were moving into the wedding and into the dinner/reception moved more like 'okay, now we need to move here for the story to continue'. Again - that's a stylistic choice, but you had some nice descriptions for what Ginny was wearing, and the food - just a thought, and some nitpicking, from a friendly reviewer.
You seem to really enjoy playing around with wordplay as well, and remembering little details about the Harry Potter world that would most likely be passed by by other people. Little touches, such as mentioning the preferences of Bill's food choices, or Hagrid being able to be seen quite easily from a distance - those are nice little tweaks you get by reading, nudges to the books. Also, you had your own moments that fit so believably into the world - as a music major, I caught on about there being a singer named Helena Treble and had a little twitter - I don't think she was from the books (forgive me if I'm wrong) but it's certainly clever enough to fit right into canon.
Someone already mentioned this as a favorite part, but the moment where Arthur sort of makes the decision to think of it as not losing a daughter but gaining yet another son is so...him. To close it off, I think I'll add another favorite moment that I found, which I don't think anyone else has come across and I'm probably a nutjob for pointing out - but it's so adorable, and so her, and it comes from Luna.
-- Time came for Ginny to throw the bouquet. The unmarried women all gathered around, and Ginny threw it behind her. Luna caught it.
'These are nice,' she observed. --
It's just...so her. You managed to capture her characteristics without one mention of a nargle or moon frog or whatever else she would think up. It was just a 'aw' moment for me.
To summarize, it's a nice story - I'd go back and look at some things like fleshing out, taking time between going from Point A to Point B, adding small touches of description regarding places, perhaps (you can already do it). Also - check your flow of sentences - I noticed a couple places that seemed to be missing connecting words like 'the' or 'in' or 'to'. But overall - it was a beautiful moment. Thanks for giving me a chance to read it, and I'll be posting the results soon enough and send off a PM when I do!Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
This story was longer than I anticipated because I didn't want to skim or rush, I wanted to get as much in as possible. I thought the "These are nice" was definitely Luna. She's one of my favourities. I'm glad you my story. Report Review
awww very cute! I think you did a great job with describing how hard it was for Arthur, Ginny is his only daughter, it's important!
There are just a couple constructive comments, you might want to look over this, 'cause instead of golden stars, you wrote golden stairs. Then I think you could probably say Teddy as Harry's Godson the first time you mention him, 'cause it just seems repeated. Then finally the speeches. I know these are probably really hard, but just wanted to point out that they were pretty much the same, so again, too repeated. I'm sure if you focus on maybe how they got together, what they've been through to get to this point, etc, you could make them even better.
Like I said though, the point was to emphasize Arthur going through this bit of emotional upheaval, and I think you did very well at that!
Good job!Author's Response: Thanks!!
I'm glad you thought I did a good job, this was a harder fic to write because we all know the Weasleys so well. It would be emotional for Arthur, the youngest and his only daughter is getting married. So it's emotional and bittersweet.
Ahh, the speeches. Those were difficult, I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the constructive crticism! Report Review
This is such a sweet story told in a new perspective.
I think you had a good grasp of Ginny's character and I loved how detailed this was and did a wonderful job keeping her in canon.
I think this was already mentioned, but the speeches did seem over done. But writing a speech for a real wedding is hard enough, so writing one for a story wedding must be very difficult. Maybe just take out the parts where they discuss Harry leaving, and change it to something simple about them getting through a lot of trials together.
I loved being able to picture everything that was happening, and I actually got a little teary eyed when Arthur was giving her away.
The line about him needing another son was great, I love the sarcasm!
Thanks for the great read!!Author's Response: So glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to do Ginny justice, because I love her and she is awesome, the movies don't do her any justice and she gets flack by some for being a Mary-Sue, which she isn't. I was very nervous about this story, so it's a relief to know I did a good job. Thanks for the tip abuot the speeches, I'll do that. They are hard to write, which is why I only did two Report Review
Heya! Well, this was a really sweet little story. I feel like you captured Arthur's emotions really nicely, the mixture of happiness and sadness. I particularly liked the bit where he thinks about everything she's seen and been through, and reflects that she's mature beyond her years. Sort of explains her marrying Harry so young!
I thought this exchange was great, I felt like you really 'got' Ginny:
'Ginny shrugged. "I forgot," she laughed, "and you're not losing me, I'll still be here. You're as bad as Mum!"
"I know," Arthur smiled. "Well, are you ready?"'
I have to agree with ForsakenPhoenix's point about the speeches, though.
I really loved the little touches like the roast beef (sounds delicious! I want Bills!), Luna's sunflower and 'Mollywobbles' at the end!
This was a lovely moment for you to capture :) Weasleys forever!
Athene xo Report Review
Yes, I know what it is like to give away your youngest daughter. I went through the same emotions that Arthur went through and cried also. You did a wonderful job putting into words the emotions a father feels. Thanks!Author's Response: You're welcome, I was so nervous about this story so to see it getting good reviews. It must have been emotional for you to give away your youngest daughter. That's your little girl. Report Review
I don't think I've ever read a fic about Harry and Ginny's wedding from Arthur's point of view. I thought it was a nice touch, very sweet, to watch him give his only daughter away. I chuckled at his eyelash excuse. I think most fathers tear up when they give their daughters away.
There were little canon details you added that I really enjoyed, like making Bill's steak rare and Arthur calling his wife Mollywobbles.
I would recommend reading through this again as I did notice quite a few mechanical errors. Just missing letters or words and a couple of the sentences were a bit confusing. I don't want to spend too much of my review going over those, but let me know and I would be more than willing to PM you any errors I might have noticed.
I do wish there was a bit more emotion. I know that Arthur got all choked up giving Ginny away and it was rather sweet, but a lot of your narrative felt stiff. I guess the best way I can explain that is while reading it, it felt like I was reading a fic that went something like this: They danced. They ate cake. They caught the bouquet. I guess I was hoping for a bit more of a variety with your sentence structure, if that makes any sense?
I also found Arthur and Ron's speeches to be odd - explaining how Harry had done the whole noble thing and left Ginny to protect her following Dumbledore's death. I can see Ron saying something like that in a sort of 'yeah I'm poking fun at you' kind of thing, but it just seemed rather formal to me, that's all, like they were explaining their entire history to a room of people who should know the basics of their relationship, anyway.
But other than that, I thought it was a nice fluffy one-shot. Ginny and Arthur's interactions were wonderful. Very sweet, and a good example of a great father-daughter relationship. It was nice to see him wishing she stayed his little girl forever.
I really liked how you made it obvious that Harry had been a part of the Weasley family for a long time and that finally marrying Ginny was merely a formality. Having Molly dance with him at the wedding was just precious. I really love how motherly and affectionate she is as a character and you really drew off that for your story.
Well done.Author's Response: Thanks. I love the Harry/Ginny pairing so was nervous to write about it, but glad to see I did a good job. I'm going over the fic now and catching the glitches, I can see some. I'm a nitpicker in that way.
Molly's motherly bond with Harry was heartwarming, so I thought it fitting they'd dance. IT's what Molly would do. Report Review
Seeing as you didn't PM me with the stories that you wanted reviewed, I'll just review 3 of your stories that I like.
I really enjoyed reading this story and I started to get a bit teary while reading it. I think that you captured all of the emotions of Arthur really well and his speech was really well done.
I only found one grammer mistake and that was "The Weasley family had endured a lot during both (war),". It seems to me that it would be better as (wars).
CypressQueenAuthor's Response: Thanks, I was waiting for this to be approved.
AH GRAMMAR MISTAKE, I'll fix it. Thanks for pointing it out.
Glad you liked this story and it made you teary, I was aiming for that. I love this pairing and I'm glad my first attempt was a success Report Review
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