hi, love your story really want to read more please keep writing. i am a fan of sirius black so i am excited to see who you pair him up with :) Report Review
really good! want to read more please keep writing :) Report Review
really good please write more!
SOON!!! Report Review
well merry belated christmas i guess!
I LOVE THIS SO FAR!
the 3 characters that you created are really great and each has their own unique personality. you can tell that ivy, Kennedy,athena, and lily are close friends.
i LOVE how theyre called the mauraderettes! thats so cute creative and so awesome that i wish i came up with it!
i like the subtle humor, and how relatable all the characters are. the situations that you put them in are original yet realistic.
youre story so far is very quirky and unique and i am excited to see how it comes out. i am especially looking forward to how the fruitcake ties in and what happens between james and lily on their head boy/girl duties.
also, in youre discription you said that athena harrison was related to and english rock star... is that george harrison of the beatles!?!
all in all youre story is GREAT and i can't wait for the rest of it. You're an AMAZING WRITER-- keep up the good work!! Report Review
i love this pls keep writing!! and stupid James! Report Review
I really liked it although the first chapter was much better than the second.Author's Response: Thank you so much, and yes I completely agree about the first chapter being better. The second one was almost like a filler chapter; it's only role was to get us to the characters' seventh year and nothing too great happened so it was difficult to make it as good as the first one lol. Report Review
Funny, interesting, entertaining story! Update soon... or else. 10/10. Tootles!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
This is really good! Please do some more.Author's Response: Thank you! I will be sure to :) Report Review
Just found this story and so far I dig it! One criticism though is don't let updates be so few & far between!Author's Response: I know, I just get really busy and I've also had to switch computers twice since I started writing so files got messed up but I'm going to try and update more often! Report Review
Sorry! i just realised that there are numerous typos in that last review. please excuse them.Author's Response: Not a problem, even the best fall down sometimes ;) Report Review
wow! this really has been severely edited, well done! :) and you're right, i wouldn't have cut out anything. Perhaps the chapter was a bit long but when it had been edited so well and you brought all the main characters together and started to tell the story, it really didn't matter. The chapter flows so well that i totally forgot and didn't realise how long it really was. So congrats! :)
i must make mention to the main thing that stood out for me in this prologue of yours, which i really hope continues in the rest of your story. The main thing for me was that your chapter is so charming. Especially at the end when the girls come together and you can tell that they're going to become besties simply because of the whole, she the clever one, she's the clumsy one, she's the random one kind of thing. and they just interract with each other in a very charming way and as i finished reading, i got a very warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach at how cute (and how well you wrote it) all their friendly banter was. And i think it's very good how they all seem to like each other for their faults which makes their friendship seem much more realistic than other stories i've been reading lately. Personally, i think it's just the way you write and weave your story together which is making me very excited to see what happens in the next chapter! So again, congrats! i think you've struck gold with this story! :)
Now, you mentioned you wanted feedback and i wouldn't be giving you a completely truthful feeback without a few negatives. But don't be scared! the only negatives i noticed about this chapter were quite small and to be totally honest, i'm really just clutching at straws here.
firstly, i'm not completely sure how lily's family manage to get onto platform 9 and 3/4. I know that J k rowling said that they were there on Lily's first day but she never explained how muggles manage to get through the barrier. I was always under the belief that only magical people could pass through the barrier and thats how they kept it hidden but perhaps not? This is just my opinion but i thought that that bit lacked an explanation. but as i said before, that's all it lacked and it didn't effect the story at all, it was just one of those little things as a reader, i became a bit confused and curious.
I also noticed that James mentioned to Lily when he introduces himself he says he is a notorious ladies man and is very flirtatious with her and later mentioned to Sirius that he's going to marry her one day. As much as i like the whole, charming "in joke" that he doesn't actually end up marrying her, all the fliratious, arrogance stuff along with the marrying thing, isn't what i would expect a 11 year old boy to say. It was completely fine and again, it didn't hinder the flow or the mood of the story but it just caught me by surprise as sounding a little odd.
Summing up, very cute and very charming prologue. Your characters seem quite defined and interesting. Nothing really bothered me as i read the chapter except two small moments of confusion which, on relection, were hardly worth mentioning anyway. I really look forward to reading the rest of your story as if it is anything like it's prologue it's gonna be awesome! :D Hope you enjoyed the feedback. Sorry, if it's a bit long, i got a bit carried away.
Keep up the good work! :DAuthor's Response: Wow thank you for that! I didn't mind it being long at all, I actually really appreciated it! Thank you for your numerous compliments, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far but also thank you very much for your few critiques. As for the whole Muggles getting on the platform situation, I don't know any better than you do how they managed to do so, so I didn't really want to go into too much detail there. So sorry for the confusion! And the reason I had James be so flirtatious at such a young age was mainly because I wanted to show that he was very cocky and flirtatious right from the get-go. I realize that part of his personality was probably a bit more mature than it should have been, and I found myself doing this with the characters' conversations in other parts as well because I actually started to forget that they were only first years while writing it. However when the next chapter starts up they'll be going into their seventh year so that habit of mine won't be too much of an issue anymore. Thank you so much for that review, it was fabulous, I've never gotten such great feedback on anything I've written! Report Review
Author's Response: Thanks for this review, it was short but sweet and just enough! ;) Haha I think you clicked 'submit' by accident, or maybe your review got deleted because there isn't anything here! I'll just take it that my writing was so phenomenal it left you speechless. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection