Reading Reviews for A Puff It Makes
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heaven Helga Hufflepuff

5th April 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

Why you no write more of this story? I love it so much! I read and reviewed the first chapter ages ago, and for some strange reason, never got a chance to get back to this!

But seriously, I think this story's great. I love how you're exploring characters from a House that isn't as well known as the others. I think it gives you a lot more room to manouver and play around with the characters and whatnot!

Helga Hufflepuff is awesome! I thought that making her the "mother" was bit urgh, but then you explained why that is, and that made me sad. It also makes a lot more sense why she's so mothering. I like how you gave a tangible reason for it being there!

Please write more of this! I'm looking forward to getting to know a couple of Puffs - I'd love a chapter on Tonks, of course, but also on Zacharias, if you could manage it!

Author's Response: Please know that I have every intention of writing more to this story. I love the concept and exploring all of these different characters and what exactly makes a Hufflepuff. I always feel like this house is overlooked but with this story I hope to not only understand it better myself, but to describe it to other people. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #2, by 800 words of heaven Annalise

17th January 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

I'm actually terrible with reviews, so bear with me here whilst I try to get some coherence and cohesion into this - I'm working on them though!

I thought it was a really nice touch adding the public speaking aspect into the Hogwarts curriculum. In all honesty, it's a pretty important skill to have, and aside from it serving as an excellent plot device (clever, clever!), you actually make it work rather well, especially because you gave a really valid reason for why they were added.

I also thought it was an intriguing character trait that Annalise wanted people to tune her out when she talked. I'm not sure if this is her shyness, or an actual normal reaction to giving talks in front of the class, because I'm the exact opposite - I get really nervous because I don't want to bore my audience, and actually want them to listen! But perhaps she does like it when people listen to her, because she seemed pretty happy when other people started listening to her?

I actually really love the idea of this challenge. I think a lot of people in the fandom don't know what a Hufflepuff is and incorporating the challenge quote (how I love AVPM!) into the dialogue was pretty neat and also I think a very good language device on Annalise's part to get her audience to pay attention - there's nothing quite like shock value, and I think that inserting a mild expletive especially from, and in reference to a Hufflepuff, worked well for her (an you!).

A bit on Annalise's character - she seems like the really shy type to me. I hope there's more of her coming in other chapters, because I think she has a lot of potential to really grow and mature through her research on her Noble House, learning from the best, so to speak and finally finding her place. Also, I just wanted to say that she gets nerves just like me! I usually feel like throwing up right before public speaking, but I reckon that's pretty common.

Anyways, this was a wonderful first chapter and I actually am pretty excited to hear (read?) about all the Hufflepuffs that Annalise is gonna talk about!

Author's Response: Wow I'm so glad that you liked my idea for this story to incorporate public speaking as a way to finally tell people what exactly a Hufflepuff is. I still love the idea of this story and I'm hoping some time to do a bit of tweaking and fixing of the first two chapters.. maybe add in a bit more stuff about what is going on around her and such like that... make the story a bit more interesting anyways. AVPM is pretty amazing and when I saw this challenge I knew that I needed to take part in it. For some reason I do have a bit of a soft spot when it comes Hufflepuffs. I feel that they are seen as a bit of loners and not as cool people even though Cedric did come from the house. Anyways, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this chapter!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #3, by magnolia_magic Helga Hufflepuff

25th August 2012:
Hi! Here from review swap!

So this story caught my eye because it's about Hufflepuffs, which is my favorite house. And I'm really glad I got to read it! I think you're off to an interesting start here, and I think there are a lot of devoted Puffs who would like this :)

I think the way you've set this up is really interesting and creative: starting off with the present, and then mixing in glimpses of the past. I've never seen a story done that way, and I really like it! I'm curious about the other Puffs that you'll use in future chapters.

Helga's story is so sad, and I really felt for her. I see her as a motherly figure too, and not being able to have children would be so devastating for her. But I like that you've made her strong enough to rise above that pain, and be a good teacher to her students. I enjoyed reading her :)

My only critique would be that I didn't really get a medieval feel when I was reading from Helga's POV. Her voice sounded very similar to Annalise's, and I just didn't feel like I was going back in time when the POV switched. Maybe some more formal language would help, or a little more description of how things were different at Hogwarts back then. I think that could add a really cool atmosphere to this :)

I love that you mentioned house elves! Helga was the one who made Hogwarts a safe haven for them, and it was so cool to see you bring that up. (I'm sort of a Founders fanatic, so I love to see those little details.) It adds a lot to the compassionate, nurturing Helga you've shown us.

I enjoyed this! Thanks for swapping with me, it was a lot of fun! Keep up the good work :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: wow thank you so much for this wonderful and kind review! founders era is a bit scary for me as I dont like the older tone so I knew I wasn't going to be able to hit that at all but maybe someday I can go back into this and fix up the chapter a bit and add in those small things you mentioned that would make it better. I'm glad that you enjoyed the bit about the house elves. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #4, by ChaosWednesday Annalise

14th August 2012:
hey its Whiskey from review tag :)

Well, I quite liked the way you explained why Hogwarts has incorporated public speaking into its curriculum! It makes sense, since after Voldemort, Hogwarts and its students must have had a much higher political profile than ever before.

The way the narrator is nervous is very, very familiar! You put in exactly the right details to make it believeable, such as her hoping no one would listen and dreaming about belonging to a group of students years in the past just to not have to do one silly presentation :P

It's also nice that you chose to tell your story within a story, because this way you get to list many historical characters without it getting awkward or boring, since that was the assignment given to your character ;)

One thing I would add is some foreshadowing to what she found in her research. You mention that she enjoyed doing it and found it informative, but did she discover something that moved her, that gave her new insight about the Hufflepuffs, wizarding society, Hogwarts? Does she feel that she posseses some knowledge that makes her more connected to the House than other Hufflepuffs, does she maybe even feel a little bit arrogant because she now knows things msot people don't? Or is she eager to share the information, becasue she just thinks its very cool and that Hogwarts needs to start viewing the Hufflepuffs differetly?
If you mention something about how the narrator feels about what is to come in the first chapter, it would be a real push for the reader to read on!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking your time to leave a review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the beginning to this story. Your ideas are great and when I edit this I will make sure to throw in some of those ideas! Thank you again!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #5, by SlytherinArisen Helga Hufflepuff

13th August 2012:
Liked it? More like LOVED it. Hufflepuffs rule!

Author's Response: Aw! Thanks so glad you loved it! Thank you for dropping by and leaving a review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #6, by Violet Gryfindor Annalise

30th July 2012:
This is a great idea for a story! I really like how you're framing the chapters to follow with Annalise's speech - it reflects perfectly on the challenge, seeing that Annalise is trying, just like you, to answer the question, what is a Hufflepuff? My favourite part of this was the introduction to her speech - that interpretation of a Hufflepuff's place at Hogwarts was amazing. It fits so well, too - the Hufflepuff identity is much harder to define than it is for the other houses, and I'm interested in seeing how you will explore that further in the chapters to come. :)

This is nicely written - the language has a polished feel to it that reveals how much care you've put into it (and having a beta shows this even more). There was still a part at the beginning that I thought needed a bit of work - when she explains why Hogwarts' classes have begun requiring presentations. The flow there isn't as smooth as in the rest of the chapter. You could mention how public speaking boosts confidence and improves communication skills - those are things Hogwarts students could have used more of during the war. I do like the idea of this new requirement (though I hate public speaking myself - I used to be just like Annalise about it, so I fully sympathize with her) - it's good to see someone writing about the post-Hogwarts era without any of that Next-Generation stuff in the way. ;) It makes for a more unique story.

It'll be great to see what you do with this story next - which Puffs you choose and what you do with them. You've done a really good job with this introduction, creating a solid OC the reader can relate to and rousing the reader's curiosity in where her assignment will take her (and us). :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful reveiw! To be honest, I've kinda put this story by the wayside and I feel so bad because I do really love this story and really want to pick it back up, so hopefully there will be some more new chapters for this story soon! I know that it does need to be fixed up a bit such as the part you mentioned about the beginning not having as good of a flow as the rest. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #7, by TenthWeasley Annalise

27th July 2012:
Erica! I'm so sorry -- a review for you on this chapter (and this story in general) is very long overdue, and it's taken me entirely too long to get around to it now. I do hope you'll forgive me!

When you told me about the premise of this story, I thought it was really interesting, and it's almost more so now that I'm actually reading it. :P I like how you set it up, too, as a class presentation -- I know that's going to make the whole story tie together.

I wonder who you're going to include in this! I do hope there will be a bit of Cedric; he is, of course, my favorite Hufflepuff. ♥ Will Tonks be in here, too? Are you going to use each character to highlight a different Hufflepuff trait? Gah, so many questions! I think this is really neat, and it'll be so intriguing to see where you take it. :)

Again, I'm really sorry it took me so long to read this. But great job! You've got me interested in what you're going to say, and that's always a great thing in stories. Hopefully soon I'll be able to make my way back by here and see just what you've got in store!

Author's Response: Just the fact that you came around to read and review means a lot to me! I know that you have a lot on your plate so just seeing a shiny new review from you really makes my day! I'm really excited for this story even though I haven't written a chapter in ages but I think the idea is something very different! Yes there will be some Cedric in here. I'm really going to try and add in most (or all if I can) of the known Hufflepuffs. Don't worry about how long it takes you to get around to reading my stuff.. just knowing that you do come around to read it means a lot to me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #8, by daliha Helga Hufflepuff

26th July 2012:
I remember I read the first chapters but I didn't know you had posted the second one.

I enjoyed reading about Helga since we rarely ever hear about her in canon but I would have enjoyed seeing more of the presentation like students asking questions, or comments, heck even a student making a nasty remark, I think it would've helped remind us that this was a presentation.

But besides that I really want to know who she'll speak about next!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you enjoyed reading about Helga! I'm thinking about going back through the first two chapters and adding in more description and looking into the suggestions that reviewers have given me so if I do, then I shall take a look into adding in some more to remind people that this is still a presentation! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57 Helga Hufflepuff

9th June 2012:
It was very interesting to see Helga's perspective on Hogwarts. It's quite sad, about her dreams not exactly coming true. :/
There were a few ambiguous sentences and word choice matters, but nothing really major. Perhaps a bit more of a flair could be added, just to give her a more shining and distinctive personality, but you're the author---you write her the way you see her, and what other people see may not be what you see. :)
Overall, very nice!

Author's Response: I kind of view Helga as a more bland character, someone with not a lot of distinctive qualities just someone who became famous for creating a school with some other wizards. I'm glad you liked her perspective. I will try to keep an eye on my wording as well! Thank yo uso much for the review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #10, by ScorpiusRose17 Annalise

31st May 2012:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed the chapter!

I thought you did a great job with the descriptions for this chapter. They provided a wonderful image in my mind and I honestly felt like I was there watching. I also thought that you brought out the characterizations quite well too. This is a short chapter, so I don't have a lot to say other then I really thought you did an awesome job!

I am intrigued to find out what happens next! Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Yeah its a bit of a short chapter, but I'm so glad that you enjoyed what is there to read. This piece is so different from so many of my other works as I focus on different characters in each chapter so its a bit of a challenge to figure out each character and how they would act and what goes on in their life. Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #11, by WeasleyTwins Annalise

21st May 2012:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review!

I would like to comment upon your first sentence by saying that I think it's a good opener for your piece. It gives the reader a sense of anxiety.

As to the characterization of your main character, I feel that there are certain places that you could improve upon that particular aspect so that readers really get a sense of what Annalise is really all about. For example, look at your first paragraph where you are describing why presentations are now required at Hogwarts. Depending upon exactly what sort of personality and characteristics you plan on giving your MC, you could have her make really snide remarks or something like that. Something responding to the presentations like, "It's a load of rot, really." Now, that's just a suggestion, but I noticed a bit of sarcasm in your character when she says, "...what the hell is a Hufflepuff." It seemed so funny, so sarcastic, that looking back, I was hoping for more of that in the earlier part of the story through something like internal dialogue, etc.

I did feel your MC's nervousness in the beginning, for sure. I think you could definitely emphasize that during the beginning of her presentation - we know she is stuttering because you mention it in description, but by inserting something like "um", "ah", "er", you will really make her nervousness pop and exude that sort of mood that you're going for.

I also liked how you ended your piece. It gets the reader thinking about just how this main character is going to make a case for Helga Hufflepuff. Your description is good, which I find a necessary quality in any story. I think you're off to a good start, so please feel free to re-request!

Shelby

Author's Response: hey thank you so much for the review! i'm glad you liked the opening sentence. I will deffinately try to work upon her characterization though in the next chapters she isn't really present much! I will also take into consideration of adding in those small words to help the nervousness come through. I'm glad you liked this though! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #12, by charlottetrips Annalise

19th May 2012:
Hey! This is interesting! What the hizzy is a Hufflepuff? I look forward to reading more of this so I'm using this nifty little "bookmark" to keep tabs on it.

There was a little bit of an idea floating around about what a Hufflepuff was but no one seemed to know for sure causing those of us in Hufflepuff to be unsure of ourselves. - so astute.

At first, your main character was like "bleh" to me because of the nervousness and such but, just as the students became interested in what she was saying about Hufflepuffs as she gained more courage, so did I start to show more interest in her as she spoke.

I liked how you started out her presentation with how Hufflepuffs are mistaken as being the house of misfits and as such, they feel out of place in their own home. It's a bit of an eye-opener and kind of makes myself realize that I've been being slightly prejudiced in my own thoughts about Hufflepuff without even really realizing.

xChar

Author's Response: Ah I'm so glad you like this story! I'm glad that as the story went on you got more interested into the character! Though really she doesn't play much of a part in any of the remaining chapters until the last one again. I mean she is there in them but not the main focus in it! I'm so glad you liked this and I do hope you continue on.. I hope to get chapter two up later tonight or tomorrow! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #13, by ginnypotter242 Annalise

19th May 2012:
Hello there :)

So, I decided to review both of your stories. I'm thinking you're not complaining though :D

This was awesome! I can totally relate to the character (Annalise, is it?) because I get totally nervous about speaking in front of people. At least she seemed fine after she started...yeah.

"what the hell is a Hufflepuff," some of the previously glazed over eyes came to life at that, intrigued with what I would have to say." I love that line. Everyone perks up at that! They are particularly good finders, I hear xD

You did great with the emotions too. I could sense how nervous she was, and how bored the class was at first. Great description!

There will be more chapters, yes? I hope so! I want to continue reading this!

~Sara

Author's Response: Ah thanks for the two reviews! yes Annalise and I get nervous too even though I'm not bad at it i'm glad you can relate to her as well! I'm so glad you liked that bit as I did as well! Yes there will be more chapters.. there should be about 20 in total! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #14, by daliha Annalise

19th May 2012:
I hope this has more chapters to it. Especially since it was so short ( I really wish it was longer.) But besides that I found this interesting and funny especially the part where she tunes out Camille :P because I mean who hasn't done that all while praying that you aren't ignored/ boring XD

Annalise is so relateable and I really wish we could've seen more of her oh and I wonder what she'll say about her fellow Puffs :) (Plus clever title I think it's funny :P)

Author's Response: yes I think that there is going to be about 20 chapters to this story! I'm so glad you found this story interesting and funny! I'm glad you like the title as well! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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