I'm here to thank you for your work in the house cup and for being such a star in the podcast reviews! I know this is ubber late, but better now then never :D This is also my 200th review!! yah!
This is a really great beginning! I loved the simplicity of some of the narrative and yet you get the angst and the confusion across so well. I like how you slowly build up to him wondering what's the point of hanging on anymore and how he's so close to just stepping over the line to madness.
That does make me wonder what happened to his family and why Lysander and his parents have complete forsaken him. Four months really isn't that long so it makes me wonder what happened within those four months that drove them away. Was it his insistence that she was real? Or was it something else?
I like that your exploring mental instabilities (or is it?) and you seem to be doing a really great job of it. I've heard of this particular one before I think, or at least, heard of something where people think that there are demons or a whole different world out of the periphery of our eyes. So i think this is going to be a really interesting read for sure! I'm really hoping that she's real because i think that would add such a weird and dark aspect to this story and i'm looking forward to where you're taking this ;D
Great job Maybe with this piece and i think you've done an excellent job with the prologue! I've always been wary of them because they can just be extraneous information the author puts in but i think that this really sets the stage for later on. Report Review
This is a very, very intriguing start. I wonder who this shadow woman is, and why Lorcan keeps seeing her at the corner of his eye. I wonder if she's there at all, because I think Lorcan has some sort of mental instability. Either way, it's an intriguing thought.
I especially liked the mysterious atmosphere of this chapter. Creepy, mysterious, dark, a bit angsty...it was all perfect. I loved how I could follow all of Lorcan's thoughts so easily. The flow was absolutely flawless.
Your vocabulary was amazing, and so was the word choice. the description and all of Lorcan's thoughts were so easy to imagine!
This was a really gripping first chapter; I didn't miss a single word because this was just so unique and interesting. :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! :D Intrigue was what I was going for, trying to raise a lot of questions about Lorcan's state of mind.
I'm so glad the flow worked well because that's something I'm always worried about and I did try to choose my words carefully so that I could keep it relatively short as a prologue.
Thank you again for your lovely review, Rosie :)
-Emily Report Review
It's very intriguing- there's a lot of questions I want answers to? :)
-the flow is good, really good- you've managed to get into lorcan's head perfectly and as the reader it feels like I really get an insight!
It a good start to what promise's to be a great and interesting story, 9/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad it flows well as sometimes I feel like my sentence structure is awkward :) Report Review
Merlin I'm hooked.
You've captured just what I love in stories: angst. It's just outstanding how you're keeping the reader in Lorcan's mind, following his thoughts even when it's obvious he has some sort of mental disorder. It's beautifully shuddering.
I could feel his frustration growing in my stomach, my throat clutching as even his twin isn't there for him anymore, and he doesn't know if it's the healers who are really lying after all. Who the girl is, what she wants. You've brought in so many questions neither Lorcan nor the reader can answer it's captivating.
I'm dying to know how he lost it all, her, his family's support, his own sanity, it is a fantastic prologue. The imagery is lovely and makes all his problems even more real. It's great in HPFF when an author manages to get the reader in the character's shoes so swiftly and make the magical world seemed realistic.
I really can't wait to read more! Great job and keep it up like this!
- ValAuthor's Response: I love you! Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely review. You've made me so happy :)
I'm glad you liked it and that you want to read on. Bit scared to write the next chapter now, haha, but I will! Wow, you've been so nice and now I feel like I'm blabbering, but thank you.
I was trying to raise questions to begin with and I'm glad you want to find out the answers. I'm finding it really interesting writing about Lorcan and thank Merlin I've managed to pull angst off so far. It's not usually my thing but this story has been nagging at me to get written. Let's see if I can keep up the angst. I hope I can and that I won't disappoint.
Thank you again!
- Emily Report Review
wow wow wow this is so cool!!! Can't wait for the rest of it. Waiting. Waiting.
Oh c'mon...Author's Response: Thank you :)
It'll be a while before the rest is up, what with Camp NaNo and all. Report Review
Omg my goodness this is certainly very intriguing (I hate you for not telling me your plotline :P jk!)
It was short but effective and beautifully written. It left me wanting more. All sorts of questions running through my head. Like what happened to Lorcan? Who is the girl? Is she real? I hope she is for his sake :D
Please update soon :D I'm loving this already!!Author's Response: :D Aw, thank you!
It's so short because this is just the preface, but coming chapters will be longer. You shall find out the answers to all of your questions... or will you? :P
Thanks again for leaving a review *hugs* Report Review
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