Reading Reviews for Investigations of the Night
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dustara The end or just the beginning

16th August 2013:
This is an amazing story thanks for sharing it

Author's Response: I am just glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you for the review and for reading my story.

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Review #2, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Bella's Books and Supply

12th September 2012:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

There are a lot of intriguing plot elements to your story that I like a lot! First, there is the twist that Hermione has moved to New York to escape celebrity. I also liked the idea of her working on a romance novel in her head. That made me smile. :)

I also like the mix of muggle/witch clientele that come into the store ... I think it's clever that she attempts to build tolerance between muggles and witches by making sure that the muggle customers have a good experience there.

I also have a few editing suggestions. One is to de-italicize the italicized sections from the beginning through the paragraph about Calvin. I think italicized thoughts have more impact when they're limited to a sentence or two, as you've done later on in this chapter.

While I find the psychic vampire that she chases off very interesting, I think it would help to briefly explain what they are or what they do -- maybe even by showing what they do. Many readers may not know what they are, and assume "Twilight" or think it is a slang term. I would also like it if Hermione's status as a Guardian could be explained more, maybe have her recall how she became a guardian.

I like the other mysterious visitors that come into the store (the Romany and the Frenchman) and hope that they will appear again ... I'm assuming they will play a part in an investigation of the psychic vampire??

Author's Response: I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your review. Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and for all your insight. I will keep all of this in mind when I go back over the holidays and do edits.

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Review #3, by megthechef43 Bella's Books and Supply

11th September 2012:
Ashling586,

I am very confused after reading this first chapter. I'm not sure what just happened or why. It feels like there is a prequel that I'm missing because I'm not sure what a Rom is or a Guardian. Who is Karen and the three regulars? The first part of this chapter where I think Hermione is thinking to herself is completely different from the rest of the chapter and I'm not quite sure where this all ties into the story. Why did Hermione give up the info about the Rom if she promised to help him?? Why did Hermione leave England and all her friends?

I think there could be a story in there somewhere but there isn't much flow or transitions between the paragraphs or scene changes.

I feel like I'm being horribly mean and that is not my intent but I hate to recommend a beta all the time but I really think you need someone to read over your chapter and discuss what you are trying to convey to your readers. Plus, I feel like your first chapter needs a prolouge or something to help explain the situation in this chapter.

Again, I think this could become a good story and many will read.

Hopefully you continue to write your story because it is interesting.

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: First let me apologize for taking so long to respond to this review. Thank you for taking the time to read and review this chapter. I will be sure to keep all your insight in mind during my next edit. Thank you again.

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Review #4, by Dad Help on the way?

18th August 2012:
This is not my usual stamping ground so started this story at random. Very different and dark. Not the Hermione you expect. Quality writing. Why so few reviews?

Author's Response: I wish I knew the answer to that question myself. I try to make each story that I write different from the next and this one is quite dark so that could be the reason. Hopefully you enjoyed it.

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Review #5, by Lillylover22 Home safe?

21st May 2012:
This was really great and interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #6, by CambAngst Bella's Books and Supply

18th May 2012:
Hey, Ash!

I noticed your new story after you mentioned it in your review, so I decided to check it out. It's definitely unlike anything else I've read on this site, at least so far. I think that a lot of the references you were making were outside of my sphere of fandom knowledge, so I can't offer much on those, but I did like the parts that I was able to follow.

You put Hermione in the most interesting situations, well outside of the norm for HP fan fic. I'm not sure yet what it means to be a Guardian, but based on the way she chased away the vampire-type guy, I assume it's some sort of powerful magical enforcer. Honestly -- and you'll probably laugh -- the first thing that popped into my head was Tommy Lee Jones in Men In Black.

Her technique for getting rid of the reporter was funny. I really wish that you'd written out some of the dialog because it sounded like it would have been hilarious. It was very clever, the way that she didn't deny being a witch but rather took the whole idea to its most ridiculous extreme.

Let's see, who else pays a visit? The gypsy lad who was being chased by the vampire guy was curious. He was obviously magical to some extent, but it's unclear how. And the final visitor who seemed to be pursuing the vampire was dark and alluring and mysterious. You really seem to like that type of male lead in your stories!

I did see a couple of things that seemed like typos to me:

"in a store that smelled like apple pies backing, and maybe they would tell that person a thing or two." - baking?

"My dog for my last one and I havenít felt very lucky since. Of course it wasnít so lucky for the rabbit, now was it?" - Did you mean to say that the dog ate it?

Overall, though, your writing was very clean and flowed very nicely.

So, in summary, I freely admit that there were a lot of things going on that I just didn't follow, but I assume that they'll clear up with the benefit of time and further reading. I remember getting started with both of your other two stories, and I have to say that your writing has improved by leaps and bounds! This was a pleasure!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I do like to plan out stories that I haven't read before and that I am able to include Hermione into it. The more stories I read when doing reviews the more inspired I get to challenge myself with writing stories that are different from anything I have ever written.
I was worried that there might be too much little details in this chapter but couldn't really take anything out. I am planning to edit all my stories this coming week while I am visiting family so maybe I will be able to expand things a bit to make it a little less confusing.
Thank you for pointing out the typo's I didn't even realize that I had made them. I will be sure to go fix them as soon as possible.
Chapter 2 should be up any day now and I am hoping that the extra details in the chapter will clear up some of the details in this chapter.


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Review #7, by Lillylover22 Bella's Books and Supply

18th May 2012:
This was really interesting. I got a bit confused about the guardian hunter thing. Update soon please 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Thank you. I will go back and try to clarify the Guardian thing a bit more, thanks for pointing out the confusion. Chapter 2 is already in the queue and should be validated within the next day.

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