The style of this one-shot is surreal, the way your characterized Daphne is amazing. She's so, well, she's human and not. She fancies herself as special, and in a way she is, but she's not as you've clearly stated several times.
I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense, but there are so many conflictions that they just meld together.
When you die, whose name will be on your headstone? Next to whom will you be buried? Who will come to lay your flowers, your roses, on your grave?
Amazing! Just simply amazing!Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I do like my surreal one-shots -- it's so much fun playing with esoteric styles and weird characterizations when I don't have to worry about maintaining them :P I like the way you phrased that, that she's human and not; she's extremely self-aware and self-destructive, as much as she thinks she's this exalted being. But yes, it makes sense! The contradictions are indeed what make the story, I like to think. Thank you again so much for such a lovely review! Report Review
That was so dark and powerful and beautiful. I love the way you have characterized Daphne by her eyes. They don't belong to this world, it represents it's beauty and it's deceptive-ness. I love how she represents the vain, beautiful part of society who lure men and women into their golden-stringed diamond studded trap. The way you played with society's beauties point of view and the righteous path. Your style and description and idea totally blew me away. 'You', as my teacher would say after a well-written essay, 'are what literature represents' Putting worldly beauty onto a piece of paper in such a beautiful manner that one finds themselves finding the reality of the beauty right infront of their eyes. The glass bottle metaphor had me hooked on the first paragraph. I love the way you portray her helpless downfall. As I write this thoughts and opinions keep pouring into my mind in a disorganised manner. Bravo to you!
P.S: I love your dark style of writing but also enjoyed The Confectionary, Off-Kilter, Chai, A crash course and of course, my favourite Napolean's Complex. I am now going to stalk your other stories already selected 'The Horror!' Author's Response: Baww, you're just flattering me now, but thank you! Daphne, I think, is the one fixated by her own eyes, which lends another layer to how the eyes represent her beauty and would-be deception: she knows it does, and she's tearing herself apart for it. And :3 that is just too sweet. Too much. Especially because I feel like I've been totally off my writing game for months now... you don't know what it means to hear that, so thank you, thank you.
PS. I like my dark style, too! I inevitably think it turns out better than the lighter stuff -- like all the ones you mentioned lolol (except Napoleon, which is one of the few fics I still like) -- but I'm so glad to hear it. Hope you enjoy The Horror, and thank you again for such a gobsmacking review! Report Review
This was amazing. Good for you, for writing this, I really loved this.
Lizzie.Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for the review :) Report Review
It was so, so great. It was kind of scary and beautiful and I...honestly don't know how to describe it. I love your last paragraph. It was...moving. Or something like that. You're really great with writing in second-person. I hope you right more~ :)Author's Response: I think I was aiming for 'scary,' in a way -- something intense and soul-search-y, so I'm glad that came across. That last paragraph is my favorite too, hehe. But gosh, what a wonderful review, thank you so very much! (PS. I write much, much more than I post nowadays, but I hope you like whatever else you ever come across of mine). Report Review
Wow.. this is just so.. unique, and just amazing! I was totally riveted from start to end, and this is just such a different fic from what I usually see - it really does stand out by itself. The way you wrote this, the writing in this is just of such a high quality, and conveys so much! I loved the story being told here - you give away so much but still not everything - leaving me very intrigued.
I liked how you chose Daphne - she's such an obscure character that you can do anything with her, which is what you did here - you gave me such a wonderful sense of her appearance and character - I loved how you used the sea/beach to compare the sand and her eyes - and how she lures people in..ahh all of that was just so.. powerful.
And the fact that this is a 2nd person fic is even more amazing. You make writing second-person look so flawless and so easy! I haven't read many, but some I've read don't truly write the story but yours really does! Eh I don't know if I'm even making sense anymore, but.. I really loved and enjoyed this - everything you wrote in this - such special writing! :)Author's Response: Heee, I'm so happy to hear that! I try to do my best to do things a little differently than a lot of what you see in the archives. I hadn't written anything really stylistic or second-person for a while -- indeed, I haven't written very much that I've been reasonably proud of for a while -- so I was desperate to try that out again.
As I've said in other responses, I didn't write the fic with Daphne specifically in mind; for TOS reasons I needed a canon character, and I knew I wanted a Slytherin girl who could be part of a high society, so to speak, so that's why I picked her name. But yeah, since she is such a slight name in canon and fandom, there's a lot you can do with her. I'm glad you liked all the similes and extended metaphors and the like, especially the sea glass one (that was my favorite, heh).
Second person is my favorite of the POVs. It's not something you can do all the time, but when it works, it really works. It's weirdly intimate and still distant, but it's not easy at all, so I'm so glad it looked right! And again, I'm so excited that you liked the fic. Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
Here I am, Gubby!
I am always a fan of second person narrative when it is done right, and this definitely was. Stylistically, this piece was complex and powerful. I really, really enjoyed reading it and it made me sort of kick myself because I really don't read enough of your writing.
Reading this, the narrative sort of slipped gently along and the 'you' sounded very natural. I'm not sure how to put into words what this felt like, but it sort of had a internal lecture feel -- that voice in the back of your mind that is always honest, even if brutally so. I really enjoyed it. The progressive destruction of Daphne's own self-appointed importance was stark and fabulous. The description you used through out was used well. I think my favorite extended metaphor was the bit about the bottle on the shelf in the kitchen. Ah the life of a pure blood witch. that was gorgeous and very clever and I'm mildly jealous I didn't think of it.
All in all, the style and description of this one shot are superb. But the thing that really sell me is the characterizaiton of Daphne (and really all girls both real and fictional that she represents here). The complex interplay of her self-righteous views and the power she holds in her smile and hair and skin felt was marvelous. The fact that she lives her life as she does and mostly believes she is as she acts, but somewhere in the back of her mind, the charade is snagged and waiting to unravel... gah. There is so much going on in this 1500 words. (H)
I want to apologize for this review. It's a poor attempt at making a legitimate analysis of your story that ended up looking more like random ramblings. but it is what it is. Thank you for requesting this. I really enjoyed reading it.
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hello there, Mel~ And eee, thank you so much! I love second person, but it's a very tricky thing to do, and I can only write it about once a year, it seems like. (And hush, there isn't really very much to read, and even less stuff that's worth reading, so there).
You know, it's funny, because in the back in my head, I sort of imagined this as someone literally talking to Daphne, so it is, in one interpretation (and not one I put much stock in), a monologue. I like how you phrase it, an 'internal lecture feel', the voice in the back of your head, etc. And also this sentence of yours, the 'progressive destruction of Daphne's own self-appointed importance was stark and fabulous' -- how is THAT for fabulous! And so very accurate. And :3
It's also funny that you say that Daphne represents 'all girls both real and fictional' because in a way it's absolutely true -- I didn't necessarily intend to put Daphne into this story. I knew I wanted someone in ~high society~ and it had to be a canon character for TOS reasons, but otherwise, I didn't really write for anyone at first and stuck Daphne's name in there after my first draft. It could have been anyone, so I think that's why I didn't mention anything about characterization in my request because I've never really thought about it as an examination of a specific character, you know? But yes, I'm so glad you see it this way, with the dichotomy of her self-righteousness and her fear that her life and philosophy don't mean anything.
No, don't apologize! There's so much in this very review that never specifically occurred to me, and I do love hearing others' take on my more out-there stories. Thank you for stopping by and this really great review! Report Review
The imagery in this is really gripping and fascinates me. This is a real departure from what I normally read, but I loved your take on Daphne. Second POV is difficult to write, but you nailed it, I think. It didn't stand out to me as, "Hey! Look at this 2nd person fic" and made the story slip effortlessly through. Truly a great example of the technique. Well done.~GWAuthor's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! It's a departure from what I've been writing lately, but I was so desperate to write something quick and vaguely stylistic that I kept trying and finally kind of cracked it! Funny story, actually, I had no idea who the 'you' was for the entire fic, and picked Daphne because I knew I wanted a Slytherin girl. I'm really glad you liked the second person too, because it's my favorite of the POVs, even if I haven't quite done it like this before. Thank you again so much, it's such an honor to have a review from you! :) Report Review
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