Awesome chapter Kitty can't wait for the next chapter :) Massive Tension! Report Review
dude, you had me scared for nothing! by the way "Georgia Tayler is not someone that you piss and if you do, you should be very, VERY scared about what she can do to you. " thank you. I'm glad SOMEONE sees my Potential. I like the story though, it's quite interesting and easy to get sucked into. anyways, I'm supposed to be sleeping, so i bid you adieu.
Arden Black Report Review
Awesome chapter! It has a very promising start, so I'll be looking forward to future chappies. Loved the interaction between Scorp and Rose!Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks for the review! Please read on and enjoy the story! New chapter up soon!
:D Report Review
This is awsome Kitty, see you tomorrow!Author's Response: Why thanks Dahleigha Report Review
I love the way you portray rose!! I have a good feeling about this story, so I hope you update it soon! It's thoroughly addictive and awesome :)Author's Response: Hello Again,
Thanks again for the review! The new chapter should be up soon but I have also decied to write most of it so I have chapters to post while I am at school :)
Looking forward to your next review,
Kitty Potter Report Review
I think it's really good! Got that flow of the story, awesome bunch of characters. Ahh, cliffhanger!! lovely penname too. I thought the bit with the puking pastille was a bit unrealistic, just perhaps a tad bit more description? I'm not sure, but creative plot, unique style, and overall like to see a lot more of it!!Author's Response: Hello soufflegirl99,
Thanks for the reveiw! I agree with the pucking pastillies being a bit unrealistic but it was in the magic world! :D I am definatly going to add more descriptions to my next chapters.
By the way, you have an awesome name! Does it has anything to go with Doctor Who and that Souffle Girl?
Kitty Potter Report Review
Good story. There's not really anything bad to say, so i'll just go.Author's Response: Hey Miss Arden,
Thanks for the AMAZING review! I'll write another chapter if you write another chapter. Looking forward to reading yours. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Kitty Potter Report Review
Grammar/Spelling: Same thing I mentioned about a beta reader! :D It will help a lot, I promise.
Characterization: Okay! So, we've got Rosie-dear in this one. I think you're doing quite well! I have a younger sister and I can totally imagine her getting embarassed at sixteen if my parents wanted to say goodbye to her on the platform. Then again, she's a Slytherin on Pottermore, so I guess we would have disowned her anyway. :D Kidding! Sort of. Anyways, well done!
Descriptions: Same thing I mentioned about bringing this to life with details! That could also really help lengthen the chapter which would help a lot. This was impossibly short. :[
Emotions: I liked that I could sense Rose's embarassment and disdain for her family in this chapter. Good job! If you lengthen it, make sure to show other emotions too.
Plot: So, this chapter was really, really short. I'm sure you could add more in about the train ride or other things that happened before you cut it off. It would help keep the plot moving forward and keep up reader interest. :]
I think you did pretty well with this chapter, despite the fact that it was short. Keep up the good work!
--Emily Report Review
Hello there! This is DracoFerret11! You asked me in a review to come check out your story...so here I am! :D So, let's go over things:
Grammar/Spelling: Okay, so, first off I'm going to suggest that you see if you can get a beta reader. If you join the Forums (link on the homepage of HPFF), there are people there who volunteer to read your stories for you to check for grammar, spelling, etc. There were quite a few issues in this chapter, so that's how I propose you fix them. :]
Continuity: Only one issue here--Hugo is a year or two YOUNGER than Rose. So if this was her first year at Hogwarts, he wouldn't be there yet, unless they were twins (which isn't canon, but you're always free to make it AU). ;]
Characterization: Okay! So I like how you wrote for a group of eleven year olds! I absolutely cannot manage writing for children. I mess everything up. :P I liked that you seem to have a pretty clear idea of each of your characters' personalities. That will help you in the long run!
Descriptions: Okay, this is something that I tell literally every author I review for--details, details, details! BUT, know when to put them in! It's important to bring your story to life with little tidbits about how things look, sound, smell, feel, etc., but you don't want to bog them down. I liked that you mentioned that the platform was crowded and smoky, but then you got a little bit too concerned with telling how each of the girls looked. It's important for us to know what they look like, don't get me wrong, but you don't need to tell us all the details right away. Instead, you could have something like, "Dom introduced a girl named Caitlyn. I smiled at her and shook her hand. She smiled back and tossed her black hair over her shoulders, laughing a bit. "Nice to meet you!" she said." Get it? So that it's not like, "This girl looked like this. This girl looked like this. Etc. Etc." :D
Emotions: Okay! Here's something else that you can use to bring your story to life. Try to show how the characters are feeling, especially Rose since she's the MC. Somehow show her excitement. Maybe something about how she is a little nervous to leave her parents. But don't TELL the readers that--SHOW them. Maybe she smiles nervously or wrings her hands together and her palms are sweating. Maybe her heart beats faster as she boards the train for the first time. Etc.
Plot: Okay! Good beginning! Many stories start off like this and it always seems to work out well. :] You definitely have something here that will get readers interested in seeing what happens next. The stormy interaction between Scorpius and Rose will definitely inspire people to want to see how things go between them. ;]
Interactions: So many characters! Okay--I liked that you seem to really grasp the dynamic between the girls. That's good! The interaction between Scorpius and Rose was a little awkward since they're already enemies with no real reason to be. Keep in mind that even Harry and Draco have reached a mutual understanding and have a certain degree of respect at this point. It's Next-Gen, so not all of the old prejudices exist. ;] You don't want things to get cliche!
Style: So, this might actually have to do with pacing too, but I have a pointer for you. :] This chapter seemed quite rushed. There wasn't a real goodbye between Rose and her parents, you didn't take too much time describing her finding a compartment, and there weren't too many transitions that helped things move along. The result was that the chapter seemed to go by a little too quickly. My tip for you is to slow things down. It's okay to daudle with details a bit. You can describe things more and slow down the action so readers have time to acclimate to the story. :]
Okay! Well, I hope this wasn't too harsh! I really like to try to help people improve, but I hope I didn't get TOO nitpicky...I'm so sorry if I did! Don't be discouraged, okay? We all improve as we go along. You're doing quite well already! I'll read the next chapter soon and give you feedback on it too. :] Keep up the good work and you'll see yourself improving in no time!
--Emily Report Review
First - Yay! I'm the 1st reviewer (I think)
Second - Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I was in it!! (If you want to know more about me, you could read my about me page on the forums (hidden_secrets) or TDA (MrsPotter), if you havem't got an account, get one!! The I can add you as a friend and we can talk :) Plus, you could get a beautiful banner made by one of the wonderful, talented artists for your brilliant story!
Third - I got a special Mention! Why was it 'and especially to luvdobby26!' ?. Why especially? But I gotta say, that was awesome!!
4th - The most important part- This chapter was awesome, but why so short? I know you had writers block (and I know what that's like) but still, I would liked to have seen a little more, even just some more description (or a little more of me! Haha!). It was still really good, and I can't wait to read the next chapter, you have to update fast!
I like how you've written Rose, she seems like a very nice person and a great friend!
I'm interested to see where this story goes :)
5th - Please please please update soon!!
Great job and keep up the amazing work!
Oh, and please please review another of my stories, I love your reviews! Report Review
Hurry up and do the next chapter. And why in the world would you make me like Hugo Weasley, of all people.Author's Response: Hey ya miss bailey,
1. next chap up soon
2. i got bored so it = u and hugo!!!
3. u should check your e-mails more often
cat Report Review
I LOVE LOVE LOVVE! KITTY POTTER! ESPECIALLY THAT BROWNY HAIRED GIRL SOPHIE! HINT!HINT!Author's Response: Hey MFLP,
I'm glad u like ur self!!!
next chapter up soon. Report Review
Hi, thanks for the review on my story and I hope you read the next chapter when it's up. In the meantime, if you have time could you check out my other stories and possibly leave a review, I would love to know what you think :)
Anyhoo, this was really good. I really like how you've written Rose and all the others. I've never really read a next gen before, but I really like this one! I like the plot, the new charcters and how you finished off this chapter, it was very good, and I love cliffies!
Anyway, bril so far and keep up the good work!
Oohhh, I would loveee to be in it. The name's Eilidh and I have brown wavey hair, greyish, blue eyes, quite tall, VERY small ears. I'm shy but when you get to know me, I'm not and I'm VERY bookwormishy and adventuress! I really hope you can fit me in somewhere. Oh, and I am VERY hyper :) xx
10/10Author's Response: Hi Eilidh!
I'm glad that you like the review and I thank you for your review on my story. Currently, I am reading one of your storys called 'Please Stay'. It sounds very good and I hope that I awesome all the way through. I will try my best to read all of your stories and tell all my friends about them and force them to read them too! :) My friends are the ones in the story. Currently I am also writing the next chapter for my story and I will make sure that you are in it. Maybe you could become one of Rose's friends?
Thank you for the good words and insperation (not sure if I spelt it write...), I hope that I did the same for you.
Your personal description pretty much matches perfectly to mine but my eyes are a dark brown colour and my hair is curly/frizzy, dark brown hair.
Catherine (Kitty Potter)
:) Report Review
WAY AWESOME! LOVE ROSE AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT DAGLEIGHA AND CAITLYN IN LOVE EW! NEXT TIME THOUGH THINK ABOUT SOMETHING FOR ME COULD U! HINT !!! HINT!Author's Response: Hi Myfurrylittleproblem,
Glad you liked my story!
I'm also glad that you like the extra characters!
I all ready have something lined up for you...
:) Report Review
nice. VERY NICE. now hurry up, and write the next chapter. And I expect to see a cameo of more peoplesAuthor's Response: Hi Arden Black,
Can you please send me the descriptions of the characters you want to see in the story!
Hope to validate another chapter soon but if you want it to come quick please send me the character names and descriptions.
Kitty Potter Report Review
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