Reading Reviews for Love Story
46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by soufflegirl99 On The Balcony

1st January 2013:
I lovveee this!! It's so pretty and amazing! The way you describe it it's really detailed, and gripping, and awesome!! The setting is true to the romantic theme, Paris is an awesome setting, and the way you write makes it feel like we are right beside Molly :) Ahhh the last sentence is kind of a good cliffhanger, leaves the reader savouring it, hanging on to every word. The way you describe the receptionist as "snake-like" is so clever, pure genius, as the metaphors keep rolling and it's extremely creative.
So far, you've balanced out the soppy boring predictable romance that everyone pretends to hate and actually loves, with an element of tension, suspense and mystery. This chapter was extrodinarily fascinating, and you've already got me in love with Molly (not literally). The way you've mordernized a song that's meant to be old is original too, and very cool. I am so excited for the next chapter!! :)

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Review #2, by MissMdsty Weeping On The Staircase

24th November 2012:
I knew it! He is evil! And he is making an evil evil mess of everything!

I liked this chapter, although I feel that you could've emphasized more on how Molly was feeling about Arthur and this whole situation.

I am now so curious what the deal is with Daniel and how they'll manage to pull everyhing off, please update soon. Pwetty please with a cherry on top? *puppy eyes*

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Review #3, by MissMdsty Hello

24th November 2012:
Now I have a very bad feeling about Daniel. Maybe he isn't as Muggle as I would've liked. 0.0

Again, a lovely chapter, I liked the flashbacks a lot, it's good to see who Molly is hanging out with and her encounter with Arthur was adorable. :)

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Review #4, by MissMdsty The Dark Haired Stranger

24th November 2012:
I like Daniel, but maybe because of the chapter image, because I love Ian Somerhalder (Damon Slavatore *sigh*).

This was a fun chapter, in which we get to know a little bit more about Molly. I didn't expect him to be a Muggle, that's going to be interesting!

The writting in this flowed nicely, I like to see more dialogue in your stories. :)

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Review #5, by MissMdsty On The Balcony

24th November 2012:
Hey again! I'm back with the reviews I promised! :)

This was a very nice beginning. I like how you set Molly in a very well-off family, as opposed to how we see her in canon, where they barely make ends meet.

The description of Paris was also lovely, it reminded me of how I felt when I visited a couple of years ago.

The whole set up for this promises a very good story and I can't wait to read more. As for comments, other than a few spelling mistakes which can be easily corrected, I have none. I'm off to read the next one, see you in a few!

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Review #6, by Calypso  On The Balcony

12th September 2012:
Hello, this is Calypso from the forums here with your requested review!

I loved your beginning to this. Starting with the Portkey journey is a really clever idea, as it got the story going right away.

You have a real talent for description and that was great all the way through this piece. I particularly enjoyed your description of late-night Paris. It was very romantic and atmospheric. I loved the description of the city lights "like a million fireflies scattering the ground", and of the sound of the guitars along the river.

The role of her parents seems interesting- I quite want to see how that will unfold! In the first paragraph they'rer written as bickering, but they seem rather united in their desire to (as you put it) to "force her to love."

There was quite a contrast between the vivid excitement of the city and the cold, snobbiness of the hotel- you conveyed that very well. You described the snake-like receptionist well too, but I wasn't sure about her speech... It seemed a little informal and I couldn't really imagine the receptionist in a posh hotel saying they had the tastiest food in the country, but maybe that's just me.
There were also a couple of places where I felt the decription was a little tooo much. Some of the depictions of the hotel and of her green dress seemed a little superfluous.

And her first sighting of Arthur! I liked the transition to this- from her standing on the balcony feeling cold and alone, to the sudden awakening from her nightmare. It was well structured.
I thought that you wrote that bit well too with the slightly comedic image of the boy emerging bit by bit from the bushes. Looking forward to finding out what he was doing there, and to meeting him properly!

Thank you for requesting this- Molly and Arthur are such an awesome pairing and really underloved. If you'd like to re-request for later chapters, I would be more than happy to review them! This is a really lovely start.

- Bethany

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Review #7, by TheHouseElf On The Balcony

27th August 2012:
Hello! Here because of the review swap but I stayed because of your story! Wow, that description is just beautiful, you have me captivated :D This story sounds like it's going to be a good ol' fashioned romance and I love those ;) Great job. One thing, with the lyrics, I wouldn't have it in the middle of the chapter, I don't think that really works well, so maybe just stick to it being at the beginning. A story for my favourites!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you liked it!

Ok, I'll keep that in mind and go back and edit :D

I hope you read and review the rest of the story too x Thanks :)

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Review #8, by Wistful The Dark Haired Stranger

27th August 2012:
I'll let you know that I think Daniel is an idiot and that I really really sorry this took so long. Now, you know I absolutely love your writing, right? I said vibrant and abstract, didn't I? Well, it still applies :) Another gorgeous chapter. Really, isn't this illegal? Writing so wel? I promise I can find you a cell in Azkaban right near mines. I'm in there for a failed attempt to steal your skills.

Enough with my rambling and onto the review.

Just one thing. As amazing as your wriitng is- get a beta. Your spelling and grammar isn't as good as your writing. Not that I blame you xD I'm worst. I absolutely love this by the way, so far. [someone needs to beta my reviews for spelling and grammar too]

Daniel is all over the place? Can one man be so moody? He is completely frustrating. I lvoe his character [in the way you developing him] but I hate his character [because he is an idiot]. I really hoep that makes sense. I get it now though! I mean comparing the nice old Arthur with the cold evil and really annoying Dnaiel? Sorry, I'm just really frustrated with him and I really pity Molly with this one.

The plot is lifting now. It wasn't an exciitng chapter by any means, sure, but ti was a really interesting one. I absolutely like it. It was really great getting to see her in her ups and downs and seeing where this is going. Pretty good :)

I loved your flow. I mean, everything just worked together so smoothly. Everything just made sense sort of. I loved hoe you paced it, and it everything you put in was either simpky epic or great for the plot development. I appluase you with that.


Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long (again) to reply!

Thank you so so so much! Your reviews never fail to put a smile on my face :) < See, there's one now :p

Oh no :0 I hope it isn't illegal! Haha! What a crime!

I have :) Although, I's not been picked up yet... I don't think. It's not letting me on the forums :(

Thanks again and I can't wait to hear what you think of the next chapter! :D

~ Eilidh xx

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Review #9, by Danosycatwith7livesleft Weeping On The Staircase

16th August 2012:
OMG I just loved it,
She has such a personality and isnt shallow at all which i loovee. And when I read it the image that comes to me is indefinately Rose from Titanic. Actually, the whole thing it reminds me so much of titanic and gosh I love that!
I doubt many people could pull that off, yet you did and just with 4 chapters you already have many reviews.
So keep keep up with the fabulaso work :D
.I'm now seriously worried about competiton T_T XD but nooo biggy
It was fabbo
Could try making it a bit longer (chapters?) but maybe that'll ruin the beauty of it?
either ways Im rambling. Again.
It was beautiful.Every bit as Romantic as Rose And Jack!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so sorry it took so long to reply :(

Yeah, it is kinda like the Titanic... but without the ship and the water and the ice berg and the screams and the death and and and... ;p... but yeah, the whole romance thing :D

Yeah, my first chapters seem to be a little on the short side :/

Thanks again and I hope you read the next chapters :)

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Review #10, by Wistful On The Balcony

16th August 2012:
Three guesses to what I think about this chapter?
The first two don't count.

I'm to impatient to wait for this guessing [I need patience if I'm ever to be a ninja though] so I'll be epic and tell you. I think its beautifully written. No surprise there.

This is Wistful with your requested review ^_^

Completely unfair, Eilidh! Having those ninja writing skills... A lovely chapter altogether really. It was a great read [your fanfics always are] and I love your take on the whole Molly/Arthur ship. And putting this in Paris too, brilliant. I'm going to be reviewing this one chapter at a time, so just post on my thread that you'd like the next chapter of this to be done [if you want to that is] no need for the form to request the same story. Now isntead of sulking about my inability to steal your writing skills, I'll review.

Let us start with your writing style, yea? No? I'll take that as a yes. I found the perfect real word today when I was beta'ing! Your amazingly complex and epic writing style can be described as... abstract. Okay, I know, no biggie, but the word seems to fit your gorgeous way with words, you know the whole emtion and imagery. Well-written.

Now a quick burst of my nitpicking. My only real complaint is that its short. But I can't blame you as its the first chapter which are often short. And there are three more... :). So nevermind that. But do change the "it was 3 in the" to "it was three in the." We always need to use words not numbers in this, besides the obvious. Your spelling and grammar was pretty good, except for a few minor stuff. Consider getting a beta for this to pick out those kind of mistakes. ^^

Now I'm going to stick plot and characterization in the same paragraph. Lets start with our lovely Molly here, yes? As in the books you don't have much to work with, I love your take on her character. It isn't completely canon as I can't see her with bickering parents when she is just so affectionate as a mother, and you're missing her brothers in this, I still love her personality. New fresh concept on it. Plot development. This is a romance, and you're starting it off well. My only stab right here would be its somewhat unrealistic she thinks he is handsome already, just looking at him right then. Though I sense you're not going with the completely realistic thing with this, so ignore that xD

My last thing to say is your imagery. Its brilliant. I love it. I mean you describe what she is eeing, thinking, feeling [yes, all those senses] and sensing [:)] so well. Your word choice in this is just brilliant. I mean, all your words flow so well and your imagerly... I just want to eat it up. Omnomnomnom. Lovely job.


Author's Response: Awesome! I have ninja writing skills! So, now I can go around saying 'Hey, my writing is vibrant and abstract, with the best ninja writing skills around, and I have left the world deprived of my talent' ... no, I don't agree, I don't think i'm very good at all!

But this whole chapter is messy! How can you think the writing stlye is good??

Thanks for pointing them out, I'll go back and change them :D

I know she's not compleatly cannon, but that's just kinda how she turned out really :/ Maybe cos when I started to write this, that's how I was. And I'm not missing her brothers, you'll have to read on to find out :)
Unrealistic? Really? That's the first I've heard about that! What I wanted was even though he had just jummped from a bush, that he was tatty, poor, scruffy, she still thought he looked handsome. Where as, in the next chapter (I dont want to give too much away) she meets this dude who is handsome and posh and rich, but he has a cold look in his eye etc. so she doesn't think he's handsome, when Arthur looks kind and warm, even though she saw him from the distance :)

Hehe! Thank you so so so much! You're the best!

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Review #11, by Analesh7 Weeping On The Staircase

26th July 2012:
I REALLY liked this! I just love how there's so much depth into Molly's character. She's strong, yet vulnerable and then bold all at the same time. Its wonderful. Im glad we got to see Arthur and Molly talk and dance!! (so beautiful!) And let me just say that I DO NOT like Molly's dad or Daniel because they're stopping true love!!

I really want to know whats up with Daniel because he is such a mysterious character.

I can't wait to read the next chapter! Please let me know, I want to know how their meeting is going to go.

Author's Response: Thank you so so so so so much!!

I loved writing the bit where the talked and danced! I just LOVE Molly/Arthur and HATE it when they're apart.

Yep, I'll let you know as soon as it's valid. Although, the meeting won't be the next chapter, the don't meet for another week!

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Review #12, by Analesh7 Hello

26th July 2012:
AW! I really liked this. I think was so happy when Arthur finally made his appearance and especially with the flashback. You did a really great job on that expressing Molly's isolation from her friends. And at the end of it, you had me smiling when Molly saw what Arthur dropped. A mobile phone. YES!! HIS FASCINATION WITH MUGGLE STUFF!! I'm so glad you included that. BUT is it a reular house phone or a cell phone? because i realized on the banner the date is 1968 and i'm not if the concept of a cell phone was invented. idk it doesnt matter.

I wonder whats going with Molly's mom, its so strange! It reminded me when someone is under the imperious curse. hmmm.

And whats with Daniel and his extreme need to have Molly's brothers at the wedding... also strange.

The end was my fave part because he said hello! the magic between them just started :)

Author's Response: Thank you thank you THANK YOU!

Hehe, muggle phones weren't invented then, but hey ho!

Hmm, you'll have to wait to find out...

I know! I was so excited when I wrote that part! :D

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Review #13, by Analesh7 The Dark Haired Stranger

26th July 2012:
So Daniel isn't my candidate for Molly's hand in marriage. He's all over the place and so confusing. At the beginning i was thinking hes such a douche and then he apologized and i was about to have a change of heart until he mentioned what his mother thought of him. I knew he was going to be cocky because his mother filled him up to have a huge ego and pride. I thought it was just genius to make him a muggle! I think it will need to more complications because even if Molly would marry him, she couldn't even be herself because magic is part of her. And why would Molly's parents arrange her a marriage? (whats the time period) because if the parents are doing this because of the money, isn't magical money way different from muggle one? idk.

I didn't think this was a boring chapter at all. I think it laid out another part of the plot you that it can officially lift off :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I know, he's such an idiot! I don't think anyone likes him!
Well, you'll have to wait till future chapters to find out...

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Review #14, by Analesh7 On The Balcony

26th July 2012:

First off as a fellow Swiftie, excellent song choice :)
and wow that chapter art is gorgeous, WOW.

This beautifully written. The descriptions you wrote were so realistic and yet so magical. I could imagine walking down the streets of Paris and then inside the hotel. I could imagine the room and the stunning view of balcony, ugh! SO BEAUTIFUL lol.

Since this is written in third person we're not directly seeing inside Molly's head, but you did a great job telling us. In the way she moved (like in a dreamy, whatever kind of way) throughout the story with her parents and stuff, we can see her loneliness and wanting more of something. And at the end, where we see the mysterious red-head boy... we see something is going to happen to change her emotions.

Author's Response: Hello, sorry it took so long to reply (again) I was on holiday (again)!

Thank you so so so much! I'm so glad I described everything well :) I don't think that's my strongest point :/

Yep, the gorgeous, mysterious redheaded boy, I wonder who that is... Haha! :D

Thanks again xx

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Review #15, by Shortie Weeping On The Staircase

23rd July 2012:
Hehe. Very VERY cliche but nice all the same. Another lovely chapter. I'm telling you again for the last time, get a beta :D That's all this story needs. It's lovely and I intend to follow it through :)

Author's Response: I know, it's SO cliche! hehe :D I know, I know, I'll get one ASAP! xx

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Review #16, by Shortie Hello

23rd July 2012:
Another terrific chapter :D You're amazing. Please please please get a beta really soon. I didn't see your request but maybe you did and I didn't see it. I'm pushing you because it takes some time for a beta to come alone, but these it's different because of the house cup. So please get a beta and this would be marvelous :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I know, I was about to get a beta... and then it totally slipped my mind! I have the memory of a goldfish. I'm going on holiday tomorrow, so I'll get one as soon as I get home :D

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Review #17, by Shortie The Dark Haired Stranger

22nd July 2012:
Whoa. another great chapter. I'm really falling for this story you know? So my reviews are dead honest, as you know :D

Get a beta. That's all you need. Get a beta and get it done soon :D

Running to read the next chapter :D

Author's Response: Thank YOU SO MUCH! I'll do that, I'll get a beta :D

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Review #18, by Shortie On The Balcony

22nd July 2012:
This is a great start love. Great great start. you really made me want to carry on reading which I definitely would. Now for the important parts.

Your characterization is amazing. Expressions and everything is stunning. There were few spelling mistakes but they can be redone so no biggie there.

Hmmm. You rush in the important parts and drag in the not important ones. It's clear that you get excited when the ideas come flowing. That is very natural. All you have to do id write first, read again and then edit. That'll do the trick.

But even if that doesn't work, get a beta. I have a beta abd that makes all the difference in the world. Get a beta and all these would be taken care of. She'd guide you :)

But to be honest, this is a great story :D I love it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I agree with you about rushing on the important parts, and dragging the less imortant parts, I'll look over that.
Thanks again, it really really helped! :D

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Review #19, by StormThief17 Weeping On The Staircase

17th July 2012:
Hey, StormThief here :)

Characters: Nicely done! I thin you did a great job in that big paragraph of showing both Molly's strength and her frailty(something we see a lot in the later books of HP). I can definitely imagine Molly like this as a young woman. Arthur is also great, and I loved seeing his pride in the phone. I think you can build a lot more on his muggle obsession with random little things like that.

Plot/interest: Things are moving right along! I'm curious about two main things right now: what is up with Molly's parents and how Arthur knows Daniel. These keep me interested for sure, as well as how Molly and Arthur's romance is going to work out!

Flow:Pretty good, except I noticed in the later part of the chapter you kept slipping into present tense (I listed everywhere I noticed it below) and that breaks the flow up and makes me have to refocus, which is a bit off-putting. :) Fix that up and it'll be great!

Grammar: I'll just list the things I noticed ;)

-you skipped a word: "I just don’t (know) if I could handle it."

-You slipped into present tense here, which is kind of jarring when the rest of the story is in past tense: "staircase, engaged to the man she hates, abandoned by the man she... likes"

-misspelled "dieing", it should be dying.

-Present tense again! It's much easier to read if you remain constant with your tenses ;) "even now, her heart is crumbling. She still searches for something that will stop her crying, for the person who’ll wipe away her tears, because inside she felt so alone, but with her mask, nobody knows. She’s just waiting, her alone, waiting"

-First, you just missed the "n" on "then" and you slipped into present tense again: "The(n) suddenly she was the old Molly again. Not the weak, tearful one she is now. She was the strong Molly she once was."

-you just skipped a word: "this was the bench her and Daniel had sat (on)only hours before."

-two words with no space: " hehad"

Great job! Please feel free to re-request :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've gone through all the mistakes and fixed them up, it really helped that you pointed them out, I'm not very good with grammar :/
Thanks again and I'll be sure to re-request :) x

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Review #20, by potterfan310 Weeping On The Staircase

15th July 2012:
A mystery, has Daniel got some secret past that Molly doesn't know about but Arthur does???

I like how it switched between Molly and Athur's perspective even though it is third person. And you wrote it really well.

I think the paragraph after "And I was crying on the staircase, begging you please don't go..." could have been broken up a bit as I found it hard to read because it was too big a paragraph. But that just might be me.

I love Molly/Athur and they are so cute together. The way you have characterised them is Brilliant and they in my eyes are the Perfect young Molly and Arthur because you have wrote them pretty much exactly like I see them when they were younger.

Sophie x

Author's Response: Sophie! Thank you so much!
Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix it ASAP!
Thanks again, I'll speak to you soon :D

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Review #21, by kaleidoscope_eyes Weeping On The Staircase

15th July 2012:
Hello there! I'm back~
I absolutely lovelovelove this chapter, it's so sweet! You are such an exceptional writer!! I really suck at writing reviews, but I'll try and review every chapter anyway :)
I hate Daniel. A lot. He's such an idiot! He needs to be gotten rid of. In any way really, so long as Molly doesn't have to be engaged to him for too much longer!
I don't think that this is too rushed at all! I just know that I really want to read more!! *hugs*
Please please please update soon! It'll make me a happy cat~

~Lily xx

Author's Response: Lily, thank you so much! I'm glad you don't think it was rushed :) I'll update ASAP! *hugs*
I want to make you a happy cat :p

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Review #22, by AlwaysSev Weeping On The Staircase

15th July 2012:
I love this chapter! It is so sweet and I am so excited to see more of Arthur. I agree that it is a little short, but not in a bad way. It kind of leaves you hanging, wanting more. I really can't wait to see how this turns out, I don't like Daniel at all! He is so mean, and I really want to know what happened with Molly's dad!

The scene with Molly and Arthur was so sweet, and I like how you are taking their relationship slowly, but not too slowly at the same time :) Can't wait for more! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad I'm taking it slowly, but not too slowly, that's one of the things I was worried about.
I'll update ASAP! xx

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Review #23, by luciusobsessed Weeping On The Staircase

14th July 2012:
Wow wow wow. Your writing has gotten so much better with all you've been doing. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen, I was so enveloped. I feel so bad for Molly. I have a feeling that Daniel is using magic to control her parents, but that's just my hunch. It could be anything. I really hope that Daniel gets out of the way. I hope Arthur defeats him :p I can't wait for the next chapter. Please update soon xx

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! I'll be updating ASAP, but there'll also be some more stories on their way :) xx

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Review #24, by Ron 4 Hermione Weeping On The Staircase

14th July 2012:
Loving the story, it really is a great song-fic! The lyrics fit perfectly! :)
Once again it flow perfectly and it is written superbly, you're a great writer :)
It continues to make me want to read on, I hope they get the happily ever after they deserve :)
10/10 :D

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you like it :) x

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Review #25, by kaleidoscope_eyes Hello

12th July 2012:
I love it, I love it, I love it!!! The more I read, the more I want to read! This really is an amazing story, Eilidh!I really really really want to read the next chapter, so you'd better update soon! :D
I'll try and read your other stories soon as well, but I might not today, because I have to go to sleep really soon.
Another 10/10!

~Lily xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much! xx The next chapter is in the queue, and it was supposed to be out yesterday, but it's still not up :(
Night night xx

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