This was so cute! It made me sad though. I love it! :) 10/10 xx Report Review
Everything is perfect except for a misspelled word at the very end. Beautiful! Report Review
I really loved this! I think the way you've written it has given it a lot of character. Reading this I definitely can sympathize with Pansy, the description of her was great :) This was a wonderful one-shot. Great job!
Recenseo Report Review
Hello! I'm not quite sure how I've found my way to this story here, but I'm glad I have.
First of all, I must tell you that I believe that this is a very beautiful one-shot. It's light and sweet, and though it's supposedly sad, I found myself smiling as I read through it. And I think that's because of the comparisons to the butterflies.
Which brings me to my first point: the comparison! I think it's the core of this one-shot; it's what makes it quite special. What I liked the most was how the comparison remained consistent, how you didn't just mention it in the beginning and then reinforce your point at the end. No, at every stage of her life, you brought up the butterfly thing and made very beautiful and plausible comparisons. And I loved how you did not stress on only the advantages of being a butterfly- which I expected you would do after reading the first bit. Nonetheless, you showed how as she grew, she came to know more about the downsides of her childhood dream, which I find quite realistic.
As for Draco's characterisation, I personally found it very convincing. Especially this bit:
"He's not as cold as everyone makes him out to be. Even though he's a Malfoy he still has manners."
That's basically because I believe that Purebloods, since they stand by many old-fashioned views, they would also be very well-mannered when it comes to being around people and with being graceful and polite society. But that's just me, I suppose.
Although I really, really like the story, I must point out that there were some grammatical and technical mistakes. For example, in the epilogue, you start out with the second person perspective (as you had been since the story's beginning), but then, you say, "She watches him fly away into the arms of another."
I may have misunderstood something about this part, but I truly do think it should be 'you' and that it should be referring to Pansy... There were also other parts with mistakes like 'its' instead of 'it's' and small things like that. Nothing necessarily too bad though or that cannot be fixed with the help of a Beta.
Yet, I feel it necessary that I go ahead and repeat that I really enjoyed reading this story and found everything about it very amusing and all the comparisons very artistic and almost poetic even!
Great job and keep on writing! :D Report Review
This is really good.
I like how wach Paragraph is from a different point in her life. You can really tell she loves him even if she is normally a little hateful. You have shown a different side to Pansy one that you would not normally see.
As the reader I could deffinatly feel what she was feeling and you did a really good job of portaying her.
There wasn't any problems with grammar or speeling apart from the 2nd line before it says finite - it says tihglty instead of tightly but other than that it seems perfect :)
-potterfan310Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I really appreciate your review. :) Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)
I've written a Draco/OC before, and so I know how tough it is to get his character right, and I think you did marvelously with it. In fact, you accomplished some aspects of him that I never did. He's got this awkwardness about him that you would expect from an adolescent boy, even one who has been raised among perfect opulence. I like how as he gets older, he gets smoother, and yet it's still not perfect, because the Dark Lord breaks him down. He never quite gets to be a normal man. I also really liked your Pansy -- that opening scene, where they lock eyes, was really powerful for me. It made me feel like I was watching a movie. I think you did well with using the butterfly motif throughout the piece. I guess my only critique with regard to the overall plot and characterization would be that it would have been nice to get more of a sense of why Draco ended up with Astoria and not Pansy, given that Pansy seems to fit his parents' requirements. I've always wondered that in canon, too, and I think adding that in would have really brought this piece full circle for me.
I noticed a few technical errors that I just wanted to point out in case no one else has caught them yet. "Isle" should be spelled "aisle" in this context. Also, in the part before the epilogue, "taming" should be "tending". In the epilogue, you switch from second person to third person after Draco says, "I do", so be careful of that. Other than that, most of the mistakes are general, things like comma splices, dialogue tags, capitalization errors, subject-verb disagreement, and typos. I certainly don't think it looks bad or that it's even all that distracting, but if you want to smooth this out even more, I would recommend having a Quick Beta take a glance over it and help you out.
I love the description and flow here; it seems very minute by minute, and I appreciate your attention to detail. When authors pay attention to the little things, it always enhances my perception of the characters and enjoyment of the overall plot. I think this piece is really nicely done and seems very unique compared to the more stereotypical Draco/Pansy pieces currently out on the archive.
Nice work! I hope this review was helpful :)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Errors are fixed! Thanks so much for your review. I'm glad that you think that I nailed Draco pretty well, I was a little nervous since I've never written his character before and I'm also glad that you liked my Pansy! She was at first very difficult to write, so it's always good to hear when readers liked how you wrote the characters!
This review was thoroughly helpful! Thanks for catching the errors. :D Report Review
Loved your story :) like the way you portray Pansy.Author's Response: Thank you! Pansy was a blast to write after I started writing her :) Report Review
I am here with your review! I want to start off by saying that I was excited to see this story in my review thread because I have probably only read a handful of Draco/Pansy stories. I was happy to have the opportunity to read another one. Okay...onto the review...
This was a very unique way to start off the story with part of the end. I found it to be really original. I also liked how then the next part went right to when they were young and care free. I loved Pansy's innocent mentions of wanting to become a butterfly.
I thought that this was broken down into lovely little snapshots of their lives and memories. I enjoyed reading about the changes they both went through as they grew and it progressed along beautifully.
The pace and flow were really well done. I loved the description. It was subtle, but well placed throughout the story to give it that extra something that it needed.
I did notice a couple wording error that I am sure that you could find if you read through it again. In other words when I found a place that I stumbled on while reading I read it out loud and it sounded confusing. It in no way took away from anything in the story, but I still wanted to let you know.
This was a great story and I loved reading it. You did a wonderful job with your characters and their characterization. Everything about this story made me smile.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review :) I'm glad that you thought it was unique and also original. I don't know what gave me the idea to bring in the butterfly in there but it seemed to help the flow of my story all throughout it so I'm glad that you liked it.
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
This was absolutely wonderful. I have yet to read a story in 2nd person that was done effectively, but you have really hit it hard on the head!
Pansy's emotions were written so well that I could feel what she was feeling. So many writers forget that Pansy actually has feelings and emotions and isn't just a cold hearted person.
~SLyAuthor's Response: I'm so glad that you liked this :D And yay for you being my first review on this story :))) I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I was a little nervous about writing Pansy and was trying to keep her in character so I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection