I seriously hate you in the best way possible...I loved the movie one day and i absolutely love your story.Great job! Report Review
IT IS AWESOME. The characters are so flawed and real and yet lovely.
I cried like a baby in the end. I never cried over a fanfiction before.
You have such a poetic and still clear way to write. It´s a rare talent. And to top al of this you used lucy in the sky, a song i love from a band i adore. it´ll never be the same again.
Thanks! Report Review
You're a horrible cruel person. :(Author's Response: Hahaha but with a favourite I gather that it wasn't all bad? :P Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, so I noticed that the main characters that are on your banner are from Submarine! I love that movie.
Onto the review itself, I love your writing style, it's amazing to me, it's like the human mind itself.
The sky is clustered with deep starry looms of gold. The moon shines palely down from the starry sky and an owl hoots softly from the thicket of trees. It is a warm night, filled with promises and greatness – always greatness.
This is a perfect example of what perfect imagery is like.
London's never felt lonelier.
This sentence perfectly describes Lorcan's feelings for Lucy.
It is like Newton’s First Law of Motion: objects that are in motion will remain in that same motion until compelled by another force. She can feel her life shifting as she is unable to steer it away from this. Lorcan’s gaze is one she wishes to avoid.
I love this. Wait, I just got to the part where she has cancer, I'm crying, this is so good and they were so perfect in such an imperfect way. What an amazing one-shot, I'm glad I got to find.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! It really means a lot, thank you. Report Review
This is the first Lucy/Lorcan story I've read and I'm kind of scared the rest won't be as good. A high bar has been set, you know? It's your fault for writing something so lovely.
Even if the other Lucy/Lorcan fics aren't as good, I have been converted into a Lucy and Lorcan shipper by this.
I'm horrible at expressing why I like things so I'll just leave at this: I loved it and it doesn't matter why. :)Author's Response: Well then I'll just say thank you very very much for reviewing. It really means a lot! Report Review
Wow. How do I even begin? I was a little cowed by the length at first, which is why I put off reviewing until I had the time for it - like I thought, it's one of those stories that you have to read right through. To stop and put it aside is impossible - all of the pieces have to be read as a whole. And the whole is extraordinary. Heartbreaking, painful, real.
There's nothing to critique in this story - the style is perfect, balancing the harsh moments with the fleeting bits of happiness they shared. And the characterization. wow. I think that's what got me in this story - that you were able to transform the old cliche of the nerdy girl and the jock into something that was far as far from cliched as possible. It's not even that either of them needs to "learn" anything - they're both flawed and human, making mistakes and trying to move on as best as they can. It's a very relatable kind of story, not just about growing up, but about living.
Then that ending! I loved the twist (I haven't seen One Day), which came unexpectedly, but it fits so well. Losing their happiness just as they had found it was incredibly sad, and the way that you evoked emotion with those short, tense sentences of bare facts and Lorcan's realization was beautifully done. It was far more moving than any dramatic death scene, and was the perfect shift into the final scene. But even then, will it work out for them? Will they make the same mistakes again? One can always hope that they'll have that happy ending they kept missing out on.
Thank you for this story! I don't know if my review has made any sense at all - I just rambled on as I tried to put my thoughts in order... and it didn't really work. But I loved what you did with this story - it's definitely a piece to be proud of!Author's Response: No it made absolutely perfect sense. I'm very happy you liked it. And yes, the length is a bit of a problem hehe. I'm so happy you got the cliche that I tried turning around. Lorcan and Lucy just kind of spurred from one scene until they had 20 of them instead of 3 - which is how the story got the length it has! But thank you so much for your great review. I'm terrible at answering, but I really do appreciate it! Report Review
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)
This story really reminded me very much of One Day, if you've seen it. It has the same tumbling, fumbling, drawn-out bursts of realization that I see here, a very carefree and yet quite heavy style. Your word choice and imagery are beautiful, and I loved the dialogue, because I felt like it really allowed me to get to know Lucy and Lorcan. I don't read a lot of next-gen, and I don't think I've seen this couple paired together before, but your piece has made me want to ship them. I do think that I could easily just see them as two OCs if I didn't know their names, because I didn't notice a whole lot of Weasley/Lovegood ties here, but I personally prefer it that way. To me, that sense of anonymity is powerful, because a reader could insert their OTP (or even themselves) into the role of Lucy and/or Lorcan and really get into reading this piece as a result.
I can see what you mean about the length, and though it certainly didn't ruin the piece for me, it would probably deter me if I just happened to run across this on my own. At the same time, though, I agree that it might not be as powerful or coherent if you try to split it up into multiple parts. Thus, the only suggestion I can make is to maybe focus more on the dialogue and imagery and take out some of the very detailed pieces of each section. I think the abstract, piecemeal way it reads is excellent, and so I don't even know if I would make any changes. However, I did find myself occasionally skipping over some of the details to get to the dialogue and to follow the flow of the story. I'm sorry if this part isn't very helpful, but that's my honest opinion :)
I didn't notice any technical problems here, like spelling, grammar, and punctuation, so that's great. Overall, I was very impressed with the characterization, even if it was a little on the light side, and I loved your imagery and dialogue, like I said. I also loved the use of the Beatles' song, because I felt like it added a touch of whimsy that helped to balance out some of the darker themes. (In fact, now that I think of it, parts of this reminded me a little of Across the Universe as well, especially the section toward the beginning from June 2024.) I think you should be proud of this piece.
Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey! This was great, actually.
I'm so happy you liked my imagery, and I see what you mean about the detail-heavy stuff, I'm rubbish at shortening stuff. Also, I was trying to work on my description in this one, since I've always found that very lacking in my writing, which might explain some of the many details. The length still makes me cringe, though, and I know that even I wouldn't just start reading such a long story by myself either. At the same time, I think the story of two people's lives can't really be shortened, can it? All the parts are quite important in forming Lorcan and Lucy. The two have quite a few problems at home, which is why they don't mention their parents. I tried demonstrating how they are two lost people, finding themselves in London, falling hopelessly in love.
I'm really happy you liked it and thought it plausible with the Beatles theme - I never planned it that way, it just kind of slipped out of Lorcan's mouth in a dialogue and I went with it. (: And yes, you would be right about the similarities to One Day; I read the book which blew me away and I fell in love with Dextor in it. This made me want to write another pair's story. Which was what I did. I'm really interested about the Across the Universe bit, though, ha ha. I've never seen the movie so that's really interesting. I'll have to check that one out one day.
But thank you for your review, it was very helpful and reassuring, which was nice. Thank you so much for reviewing! (: Report Review
I am finally here with your review! Sorry that it has taken me awhile to get it to you.
Yes, the story is long, but no I don't think it is too long. I actually really like the length to it. I think with all the details, descriptions, information, and emotions that you are providing it needs to have this type of length to it. I would almost feel cheated if it wasn't this solid.
You really have a way with words to bring out the emotions of not only your characters, but your readers as well. The descriptions are powerful and do not overwhelm the story with them. The flow is nice and smooth and I don't see any messy transitions while I read through. The pace is great. I loved seeing the story change and evolve as time went on. It kind of gives off that feel that we are all living through time and that it really is shorter than we would liek it to be at times. It create a great moral for the story.
I really liked the way that you characterized Lorcan. Usually when I read about him he is a weird creature obsessed skinny boy. This was different he was the captain of the Quidditch team. Mr. Popular. I thought he was an insightful character. Lucy was also not as how I expected or how I've read her before. Yeah she is the total opposite of Lorcan, but she was characterized well and she was relatable.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there!
I'm so happy you didn't mind the length - I keep on cringing whenever I look at it: it's so long... But yeah, all those informations couldn't have been boiled down to small 5,000 words, could they? Well, I'm not that great a writer anyways. ;) I'm so happy you noticed how the composition/pace shifted as time went on, just like the people.
And Lorcan. See, I have read about 4 Next Generation stories in total, which makes me kind of a newbie seeing as two of those were Delicate and Still Delicate, which are world known on the net, so they don't really count. And Lorcan... Lorcan in my story has problems at home, and I wanted to make him a rebel in some way. He rebels against the weird and goes mainstream, only to fall for a girl just as weird as his family. I liked that. You know, not being able to run from your background, always returning to your starting point in some way. The story's composition reflects that, too. It begins and ends with Lucy and Lorcan meeting, the beginning of their friendship.
I actually thought Lucy was pretty straight forward; a daughter of two prefects, a goodie two shoes with glasses and nerdy. She is stereotypical as we meet her, before proving just how complicated she really is. I really thought the resemblance to her parents was quite striking with her.
I started out with two stereotypes, hoping - aiming to demonstrate how people change, and white becomes grey as time goes on. Because as the story comes to a close, the two polar opposites are quite alike.
Thank you so much for your review and I'm sorry for rambling - I tend to do that... Thank you again ;) Report Review
This story was everything I could have hoped for.
It made me sad, but it also made me happy, because of the sheer brilliance of your writing.
It has so many meaningful moments that it's hard to pick just one, but I think one of my favorite sentences was: "The difference between twenty-six and twenty-seven is a briefcase."
The transitions from year to year are beautifully frustrating, and it was never difficult to pick up on the storyline after a jump in years had happened.
This story is one of those that leaves a poignant and unforgettable impression on its readers. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for all those kind words! :) I am amazed that I could move you this much, and yes, that line is one of my favourite ones too! It's so simple isn't it, and then it's just... everything. Thank you so much for reviewing, this was so sweet. Report Review
That was amazing. I loved it so, so much.Author's Response: thank you so much for your review! Report Review
I love this! Your descriptions, your words, and your characters are just amazing. I love the way you describe the setting. And I love Lorcan. I fell absolutely in love with him. The ending hit me out of the blue. You almost made me cry! I think that this is one of the best things that I have read here. I loved the way you jumped from year to year, and sometimes it was longer than others. I think it gave it a whole sense of longing, and if it had been too long I was so sad. You really wrote the idea of aging well, and I think ending it with the beginning was a great way to move along that whole theme. I know you said it was long, but I think that it was a perfect length for the amount of details that you put in there. It added up to be a great story! I hope to read some of your other pieces of writing soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much for those kind words! I'm glad you liked Lorcan - I was really aiming at making him very human and likable - and just really, really flawed. Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Wow, this is beautiful! I just... wow. Okay. You have a brilliant way with words it's just amazing. I'm literally spellbound. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
This was amazing. I'm really happy you wrote this, it reminded me of a favorite couple that I read in a book, and they were just as good, (well maybe yours was better) then I could ever hope for,
I love your one-shot.
LizzieAuthor's Response: Awww, thank you so much that really means a lot! Report Review
Wow. That was amazing.
I loved the whole thing. It was awesome.
I can't wait to read more of your pieces.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Read away. Report Review
this was soo amazing! you are a brill writter...10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
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