I have no words to review this. While I was reading I also listened to the podcast and it made my skin crawl. This was amazing. The images were so vivid, they feelings depicted were so raw and honest that at some point I felt like I was intruding in this character's deepest and darkest moment and I shouldn't be here.
You've done an amazing job in under 1000 words and I applaud you for it!
Merry Christmas! Report Review
Oh gurl, you know how I love Snape/Lily
And before I started, I noticed that this had been made into a podcast. My bad how did i not know that?!
Anyway I loved this, it was so emotionally written, The descriptions in here are absolutely to die for (you know, despite the fact that a lot of them are about death). But Snape's pain is so palpable, so heart wrenching, it's as if you are in the room with him while she is dying.
You can see him there, you can see him holding her, and it's quite honestly awful to think about. Truly, Lily was the light in his life, the only thing that made him good. And even after death, she continued to do so. But this piece does an excellent job of capturing that moment when he realizes that she was his light, and that her loss of life was his fault.
One of the parts I really loved "She is ingrained into the grooves in his palms" is like saying she is a part of him, that a part of him is dying now, even though she was never truly his to begin with.
I seriously love this pairing so much. It is so filled with tragedy, and I don't care what those Lily/James shippers say (a.k.a. haters) the love Severus has for Lily is one of the most genuine things in the entire book series, and you have done an absolutely brilliant job depicting one short moment in such heart breaking detail.
Ash Report Review
It was quite an ingenious idea to use a heartbeat as a repetitive element in this fic. In a way, I think that it takes the part of the dialogue here. And I love that you never say in fic anything about the identity of the characters, as that is, after all, pretty obvious. The tactile details combined with his idea of love and his regret, let alone the fact that he just isn't ready to give up her physically, really work here.
I never felt a need for dialogue here, so I do believe that you conquered that challenge easily. While using blood and a heartbeat technically isn't very canon, I can totally appreciate the reason they were used here. The idea of him having literally her blood in his hands is quite powerful imagery.
It was beautifully written. =)
And by the way, thank you for all your work in the House Cup!Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for your very kind words. Here, the heart and the blood are merely metaphors - we know that Snape never actually held her heart in his hands, but for the purpose of this story the imagery signifies how direct and damaging his actions were and how they caused her death. Thank you so much for the review :) Report Review
~I'm here from the Hufflepuff review tag!~
excuse me as I go cry
You're writing is so amazing, wow! I felt so bad for Snape, he just - argh! My words aren't working.
So, the gist of this review is that you are an amazing writer and when I have more time I'll stalk your authours page and read everything :D
10/10 :DAuthor's Response: You are far too kind!
I really wanted to show this doomed side to Snape. All he ever wanted was her mutual love, but every effort he made and every side effect of his feelings for her only made things worse.
Thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
Hey it's me. Back, yet again to review another of your amazing work!
Wow (I always seem to start with that :/ ) This was fantastic. What a powerful piece of writing and in such a small ammount of words! This is truly amazing. I'll say this again, how are you so good?? It's not fair!!! I'm jealous of you!! *throws tantrum*
This was so sad :( I felt like crying. Very different from the last one I read.
Poor Snape, poor Lily! God, this was powerful!
A fantastic one-shot with brilliant writing!! Well done! 10/10
~ Eilidh xx
2/50!Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I really like to experiment with new styles, especially in one-shots, so it's great to hear that you think this is different from the last one-shot you read.
Thank you for such a lovely review! Report Review
What an amazing piece of writing. There is so much that you accomplished in such a small amount of words. Your descriptions and word choice in this are delectable. I particularly found the opening and closing lines to be the most impactful as I assume was the intention. Good work on that.
I also want to comment on just how well you captured Severus Snape's state of mind in the moment he found out Lily had been murdered. Though Severus's name is never mentioned in this, the reader can clearly see that it is his POV that we are reading. I think you did an excellent job showing the panoply of emotions a person can go through whilst in the midst of grief. This made him a complex and realistic character. It's hard to believe that you managed to do this under 700 words, but you did and I applaud you for it.
This piece also reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe. I'm not sure if that was your intent, but if it was, excellent work.
Overall, this was an incredible piece of writing. Keep up the fantastic work!
eternalangelkiss Report Review
THIS WAS SO SAD!
Poor Snape. I feel so bad for him. But the way you illistrated his feelings here was sooo perfect. I loved the way you used the heart to sort of symbolize the way he killed her. I especially liked how you sort of wrote it so that her blood got on him so it was sort of like her blood was on his hands litterally (well figuratively but you know what I mean)
Then the way you repeated the Thud Thud or the Thud Thudding was great too. Everytime you did that I swear it pulled on my own heart strings.
There really aren't words for what an amazing character Snape is, and I feel like you captured him completely in this short little one shot
Really great job :)
~House Cup 2012 Report Review
You know, I've always meant to read and review this but just never got round to it. This is lovely, Marina. Honestly. It's just so heartbreaking. When Lily's heart finally stops it took me back to the moment in the film where Snape goes crazy and just :'(
This was just long enough to still be tense and poignant; I think any longer and it would have been too drawn-out. I like how you kept reiterating the 'thud-thud' of their hearts, kind of like the story itself is alive. Clever! (Unless I just entirely made that up by myself and I have done too much English Lit...)
Great flow, intensity and writing style, lovely. Well done :) Report Review
I was just browsing and came across your lovely story - the title just had me! It was haunting but intriguing at the exact same time. Just from the title, I knew that this was going to be a great one-shot. :)
I liked how much angst and tension was present int he chapter despite its smaller size - but that was one of the best parts - it was short and blunt which just added to the dramatics! xD I loved how you repeated 'thud-thud'; it just added to the heart-breaking tone of the story. Your first sentence was terrifying... but at the same time, I just wanted to carry on reading. Great job!
"All is silent except for the thud-thudding of his own heart against his ribs, alone." Woah. That line was just... woah. There was soemthing really haunting about that line which really captures the 'essence' of Snape. He's perfectly inc haracter, but you've also shown him in a really unique manner.
I really like the small mention of Harry which added to the one-shot but didn't take away from the story. I really enjoyed this and am so glad I stopped by to read it!
Keira :) Report Review
This is an incredible piece of writing!
Not much in regards to length but it has so much depth. In fact, it is so well-written that while reading it I forgot that I am not actually a Snape/Lily fan.
The thud-thudding of each different heart was a really clever and emotive addition to the story. Also the imagery is wonderful. For the most part of this story the picture in my head was of Snape in Harry's nursery with a lifeless Lily cradled in his arms but as soon as I read the thud-thud I would actually picture a hunched over Snape surrounded by darkness, holding in his hand an actual beating and bleeding heart.
Really dark picture, I know but then again the subject is dark and so is the story. Dark and incredible. Report Review
Hufflepuff review tag!
This caught my eye immediately because I love Snape/Lily, and I am so glad I read it! All I can say is just wow. I'm going to ramble on for a while, though, and try to explain all the things I loved about it :)
You've captured their tragic story perfectly, I think. The image of Snape holding Lily's heart in his hands, knowing that he contributed to her death...it's just so heartbreaking. And you describe everything so vividly, with such wonderful word choices. You made it so easy for me to feel Snape's loathing for himself, for Harry, even for Lily. Every line was just beautiful, and that very last sentence just cuts right to the heart.
Here's the most memorable part for me: "Has she ever loved him? Or has she always known the sinister strings of his heart? Perhaps she saw her demise in his intensity and dependency; perhaps she realized that he was always going to watch her die."
I just can't even...it's so gorgeous! Wonderful job; I am so glad I read this!
--Maggie Report Review
Hi Marina! Figured I'd stop by your page and read and review something! :)
First off, you know I'm a huge fan -waves pompoms- I really enjoyed the angst of this piece (of course). I'm a sucker for a good, heartbreaking story. Your use of repetition of thud-thud is a fantastic; it really solidified the mood of the story. I particularly enjoyed your first sentence. With a story like this, it's all about mood, and I believe you captured it perfectly with that first line. I also like the contrast of your sentences - some are simple and to the point, others are complex and give substance to the larger story.
"Emotions are not as easy to fling as a living, beating, breaking heart." - You really capture the intent and emotion of this sentence through your usage of commas. The commas, of course, break up the adjectives, outlining the vulnerability of one's heart, one's feelings. (I just finished with two grammar classes that teach us how to look at all things grammar like semantics, structure, etc). Also in this sentence, you utilize a comma to your advantage: "the stains will remain there, always." The comma separates 'always' and makes that word an integral part of the mood of the piece by isolating it.
It was a pleasure to read and review this, Marina. There's something about your writing that's like a piece of chocolate cake - it's delicious when you're eating it and then when you're finished, you feel a bit saddened that you cannot continue to enjoy it. That's the thing about one-shots, not enough chocolate cake to keep you happy! :P Overall, it was wonderful!
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for stopping by, Shelby! It's always nice to get reviews from you because you've been reviewing me for years and you've read so many different stories of mine that I sort of think you get to see how my writing's changed more than a lot of people. :)
Definitely have to give credit to Rachel for that first comma point - I think I had one adjective in there originally but she suggested I change it to that, which I did. She's always right, of course :D Grammar and syntax and punctuation are SO important, I totally agree. One mistake or misuse can throw off a whole sentence and potentially the whole mood, so it's best to get it right. I'm glad you thought I got it right, in any case!
I do love chocolate cake, so I'm very happy you've used that analogy. There's more chocolate cake on the way though, so don't worry!
Thanks so much, Shelby! Report Review
This one-shot is beautifully written! I love the imagery and I could almost hear the "thud-thudding." I didn't completely understand the context of it though (why was Lily bleeding? Didn't she die of Avada Kedavara?). You really captured Snape well in your descriptions. I haven't read many Snape/Lily fanfictions, but this one is definitely the best written one I have ever read. :)
AetherAuthor's Response: She did die of Avada Kedavra - this was written as a metaphor. He's not literally holding her heart, only metaphorically. The idea is that he only damages their relationship and also her life by being involved with her. Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you thought it was well-written :D Report Review
Ahhh, that was so wonderfully written! I really loved how you wrote it - the thud-thudding was clever and the thoughts and emotions were conveyed so strongly. Even without mentioning any names it was so clear who it was. All in all, it's just such a beautiful one-shot, your sentences are just so superb and say so much. The writing is really what makes this special! Loved this :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm delighted you enjoyed it :) Report Review
Wow. Oh My Gosh. I'm completely blown away. All I could think of the whole I was reading the story was the scene where Snape was holding Lily's body and crying. I don't even know what to say...I am literally speechless. My hands are trembling! Does this normally happen? You are such an incredible author.
I love the quick mention of Harry and how Snape knows that Harry doesn't really deserve his loather, but he just can't help it.
Snape's feelings and emotions were so sad, yet beautiful. My heart aches for him, him and Lily could've been a happy story had he not chose to be with the Dark Lord. I also love the whole heartbeat addition, I was clinging on it too. I was just whispering to myself 'don't die. don't die, please.' but in the end she did.
This is such a powerful story! One of the best Snape/Lily stories I have ever read. Gah, you're an amazing author! How can someone be so amazing?!
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: There is some serious praise in this review! It's really made my day.
All I could think of while writing it was that scene... I cried so much during that chapter in the books and then the scene in the film. So so powerful and so sad too. So yeah, I was thinking about it all the while I wrote it.
Snape has to be the most tragic character of all. He made some terrible choices, fell in with a bad crowd and it cost him his one true friendship. In the end, it killed both of them. I really wanted to express how much he must have hated himself, how he must have blamed himself for everything. That's why the Prince's Tale is so powerful for me, because it's so raw.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Wow! The description was just...wow! The banner creeped me out so that's why I chose to read this and I actually thought this was going to be some twisted AU where Snape kills Lily by his own actual hands. I am actually a little creeped out as I contemplate what just happened in my head. You painted a very clear (bloody) picture. Oh, and the way you used always was perfect. Made my heart shudder.Author's Response: I was definitely going for creepy, so I'm glad you found it creepy. I like going for the dark metaphors, let's put it that way.
Thank you so much :) Report Review
Oh wow! The description of this oneshot was absolutely riviting and had me captured from the very beginning! I felt so horribly for Snape in this and how he watches and listens as the last beats of Lilys heart finally come. I thought this was such a wonderful and short story about Snape's love for her and how he has always loved her and will always love her. All I can picture while I was reading this was the clip from the movie of him walking into the room and falling over, which is good because it means that this chapter has done a wonderful job of portraying this moment of his life and that it has evoked in me these intense feelings! I love how you mainly focus on her but then briefly mention Harry and how a child so small should make him feel the way he does but that he still can't help it. Really well done! I thought you did a great job with the emotions playing out in him and just the description you brought to life in this was wonderful! Great Job!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: I was thinking about that moment the whole time I wrote this, so I'm so thrilled you were thinking of it too!
I've avoided writing Snape so far because he's such a hard character, but I'm very glad you thought I did him well and that you enjoyed it :)
Marina Report Review
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