Wow... powerful scene you have here. I'll admit to being a Draco fan, but this is something very different that makes me dislike him very much.
You did really well on her background, giving her secrets of her own and being brought up to hate Purebloods. Very interesting, as I don't think I've read this 'opposite' hatred. It is always Purebloods hating, not the other way around.
Very good, dear. And that hit to the face... well deserved. It was described so well, I felt it. Ouch!
And of course, wanting something that he can't have only fuels the fire. I love your last line about making 'the Devil hungry for revenge.' Oh my stars.
P.S. I read that you are off to join the Navy soon and thought I'd give you a good send off by giving you some reviews. Don't worry about responding to them. Congratulations and best wishes on your new adventure and journey.Author's Response: Hello!
Why, hello there, Dark Whisper! This is a very nice surprise! :)
I think alot of people might have been Draco fans when they read this one-shot but by the end, I bet they were cringing on the inside. He's not a very likeable character and I was never his biggest fan in the books but there's just something so great about making him even nastier. :D
Malfoy men are just so much fun to write.
I'm glad that you liked that I hinted at Astoria's background and gave her a bit of secrets. The biggest one of course is why she hates purebloods, which I do go into in the actual story.
That's A Force of Wills if you want to check that out too. Shameless promotion...
I think its really realistic to assume that half-bloods and Muggle-borns would hate purebloods. I mean, hate has no color or status you know. :D
Bwhahah! You have no idea how much I laughed when Astoria smacked that git in the face! Its actually my favorite part and its mentioned more than once. HAHAHA.
Thank you so much!
Oh, you're just being too sweet! I actually don't leave for basic until the 11th, so I'll be around for a while. That was so thoughtful and sweet of you, I'll have to return the favor before I leave! *Smooches*
Gabbie Report Review
I decided that I probably should start from the bottom of your author page, and work my way up, and when I saw this was a spin-off of A Force of Wills, I decided to read this!
I was rather intrigued by this story, as so far in A Force of Wills, I’ve only got up to the bit where there still at the Malfoy party, so it was interesting to read it from Astoria’s perspective at school.
I’m guessing the mention towards the Weasley twin, and the black girl was George and Angelina? I thought that was a nice way to tie it in, as in most stories where it’s based on a Slytherin, they tend to only notice people in their own house, and not others, so this was cool. And any mention towards the Weasleys is cool, as they’re family is awesome!
I thought when Astoria said she was going to go with Draco then that she actually would. I was so shocked at that bit, as I’m so used to Astoria sticking to her guns, and not giving in, even if she is very naïve. But then she wacked him with her transfiguration book! I didn’t see that coming, even though there was a warning at the beginning. I know the books are great weapons, as I have used them before on my siblings! (They did deserve it mind!).
I thought it was a nice tie-in with A Force of Wills, as it showed Astoria being the stronger one for once, which was a nice change. I always like one-shots based on the novel, as it means we get to learn more about certain aspects of characters, so I’m glad that I read this one!
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hello!
Hey, there! I've got quite a few stories now and I didn't think that anyone would really work their way up from the bottom. Hahaha.
Well, currently, Astoria has run away from home in A Force of Wills but I thought that since I haven't gotten them back in school that it'd be cool to show a different perspective. And plus, I like writing Hogwarts at night, its a really spooky image in my head.
Yep, that was George and Angelina at the Black Lake. :) I thought it'd be cool to tie in one more of my stories into this and they're the most romantic couple that I have. :D
Bwhaha, Astoria will never give in to Draco, but she played the coy miss didn't she? I don't really think Astoria is naiive really, just suspicious but a good Transfiguration textbook never hurts. Well, it hurt Draco! Mwhahahaha! It hurt him very much indeed! But he totally deserved it. :p
I hadn't thought that this would be remembered much since its not from the actual story but I do mention the incident in A Force of Wills more than once. Hahahha. I think I might have Draco saying something about it later on when he's bullying Astoria about something. :D
I don't think I have any other one-shots that you haven't read. I'll most likely make more if I get the inspiration but thanks for coming by!
Gabbie Report Review
Hey, there! So I was very intrigued about your Astoria and Draco and I wanted to see just what kind of people they were.
You know, aside from blood status, I don't think your Astoria is really all that different from mine. I can state with near-certainty that if somebody -- be it Draco or anyone else for that matter -- had tried to corner and intimidate my Astoria the way that Draco does here, they would have been in for a nasty surprise. I love the courage and spirit you've given her, but combined with a certain vulnerability. She seems bookish, but eager to explore and learn. She's obviously not afraid to be catting around at night and taking the same sort of chances as George Weasley, which says something for her character.
The parts of her character that you chose not to explicitly detail were intriguing in their own way. Is she a Slytherin or some other house? Since she wasn't heading for the towers, the alternative would seem to be Hufflepuff. What is this sketchy business that her family is involved in? Why do Draco and his cronies hate her so?
I can't find a thing wrong with the way you wrote Draco. At the time the twins were still in school, he absolutely was a mean-spirited, arrogant bully with an enormous sense of entitlement. The way that he assumes that her blood status means that she should respect him and be his plaything made perfect sense to me. Your Draco is somewhat darker and more menacing than the way I wrote him in Marked, but all of the same character traits are there. I really like him!
Overall, I thought your writing was really good. You have a knack for being descriptive in a very tactile, emotional sort of way. The story was obviously short, but it flowed nicely.
This paragraph was one thing I noticed that I think needs some more work:
Malfoy’s eyes flared with heat and he captured her arm before she could turn away and vanish into her private dorm. It was her prison and the need for her protection but he never needed to know about it, he would do the most debase things to her in private, “You should learn to respect your superiors, Half and Half. That mouth…” he ran his tongue over his lower lip before he continued, “is going to get you into trouble with me if you’re not careful,”
I'm not sure what you're trying to say about her dorm room being a prison or the need for her protection. Also, I think you have a few commas where you should have periods.
This was really enjoyable! Thanks for pointing it out. Now I want to see your other one-shot and maybe dive into your long story, as well. :)
-DanAuthor's Response: Hello!
*Fangirls* What a nice surprise seeing you here, I didn't think that I'd be getting a review for this one-shot. I'd gotten sort of a heavy, heavy CC on it a while back but I'm really glad that you enjoyed this! It made me all tingly on the inside. :3
Based on what you've said, I'm sure that your Astoria and my Astoria would probably be the same person at some point. I'd wanted to give her some spunk, I really don't like wimpy girls and with the way I have her in the actual story and how she has to deal with Malfoy, she's got to be tough. If she were weak, it wouldn't have worked out and I probably would have gone and edited her ALOT.
There's a bit of mystery around Astoria with alot of things. I wanted to hint at them a little in this one-shot but many of the answers come from the actual story. Her family's business is something that you might find surprising and a little homage to my love for violent films. Hehehe. Draco is the one that mostly hates her, his cronies just seem to follow along because they really have nothing better to do. :p
You liked my Draco?! :D Yay. A reviewer said he was borderline sexual abuser or something and I'd been worrying on if he would be someone you could like regardless. Draco's like a bully and her blood status marks her as easy prey, though he should have been more careful about who he was dealing with. Astoria's no meek little thing and well, he found out with that Transfiguration textbook didn't he? Hahaha. :D
I had to make him a little more menacing and dark for this one-shot, since the title of it makes you think of beasties and such. But then again, he's sort of the same in the actual story. Like, exactly the same. Never mind. Hahaha.
>_< Thanks for the compliments! I keep getting pats on the back for being able to express emotion well and I think its probably my strongest skill. *Can't stop blushing*
Ah, that long paragraph. I see what you mean by looking at it, I might go in and destroy it properly sooner or later. Eventually. :p
It'd be lovely if you would come back to the other one-shot or read the story, where there are a million more mistakes. Hahahah.
Thanks so much, you're the best!
Gabbie Report Review
Hey it's Whiskey with your requested review!
My goodness, this...escalated pretty fast. Malfoy's style is skidding very close to the typical horror/slasher perv. Putting her down for her blood-status AND sexualizing her at the same time? Holy Hippogryffs! Boy did I revel in the sound of the book smacking his face. If it was a film, I'd make a gif of that moment and watch it happen over and over and over again.
For Astoria's sake, I hope the impact shakes his brain-cells back into place because, according to cannon, the poor thing does have to marry him.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like my share of passionate bad-boys, but I don't much like sexual abusers...Maybe I didn't tune into the story as I should have, but if this is a ship, then I really can't feel it. I would recommend that you DO make it into a novel to let the characters develop so we can understand the complexity of their relationship. Many relationships can be messed up and abusive on the surface, but if we get to know the characters and their motivations, it can still be exciting to read about their struggles.
Either way, I think you should adjust the one-shot in a way that gives some perspective to the situation. For example, if we knew that not everything Malfoy says and does is completely serious and that he is actually mocking Astoria due to a tradition of mutual hating the two have developed over the years, then maybe this one-shot would have been less creepy. As in, if it's clear that Malfoy is overdoing the abuse to make her feel uncomfortable and to hide his true feelings instead of just wanting to, uh, overpower the terrified and unwilling girl. But as I recall from the other one-shot I read, Malfoy IS actually just driven with a manic, destructive passion for Astoria. If that is the case, I'd advise you to tone down his rapeyness just a little bit, because...you know, wow. OR, if you want to keep it, then imply that Astoria somehow DOES enjoy their interactions, even if she might not be aware of her feelings just yet. You started well by having her deal with her jealousy for the love of another couple...maybe explore that some more?
Also, a few sentences struck me as a tad awkward. Here is an example: "Depression hung around her and the heavy Transfiguration book felt like a weight in her arms and she now wondered why she'd thought that it would be a good book at all when she wasn't all too good in that class." It's just very long and confusing, and sort of breaks the flow.There were several others like it. It's no big deal, but would improve the power of the writing.
Sorry if I seemed critical, i didn't want to be! I hope I could help despite not being very susceptible to this particular type of shipping.
Cheers!Author's Response: Hello!
I'd actually thought that my request for this story didn't go through because at the time, my internet connection had died and I wasn't able to check and see if it went through!
So, anyway, here we are, me answering your rather long review! Goodness, what am I to do with this monster? D':
Malfoy is a walking cliche, I will bring that out there and honestly say that now. I'll also say that he isn't a slasher and wouldn't really force Astoria into doing anything, I couldn't write a character like that. What I've done though is just pushed what Astoria hates about purebloods into one character so if he came off as too much, that's probably on purpose. And yes, the sound of that textbook smacking him in the face is like music to my eras...how I enjoy sketching it over and over again. Hehehehe.
Draco hasn't sexually abused Astoria, just to point that out there but it did come off that way, didn't it? He wants to have her for his own and that might not have come across in the right way. But I'm not the sort of writer that goes into the gooey-passionate-boy sort of thing so most of my male characters aren't going to fall into that category. Sorry. :p
And they're not a ship or a pairing, hahaha. Its a SORT of Draco/Astoria, and doesn't and won't fall into strict canon, but you can't sense that from reading this. My fault of course.
And this is a full novel already, its called "A Force of Wills" and goes into greater detail on their weird relationship but from this review you probably wouldn't like it too much.
Malfoy is a bully, and that is always going to be true but whether or not he's serious is up to Astoria. She isn't going to be happy either way and there's some slight attraction to him in the actual story, but I haven't gotten a chance to play around with it much. Sadly.
And nope, they won't fall in line with getting to know one another willingly, with the way Malfoy is in this one-shot and the actual story, they're not really made for one another.
Haha, I write alot of male characters that aren't like Malfoy, but like I said, he's just a little overblown due to Astoria's POV. In some of their scenes he's not even TRYING to make her uncomfortable, but he knows that if he doesn't, he won't get the information he needs. But that's just my defense, I know he's not a great person. :p And I won't write him like he is, I just can't soften him up...
Anyway, I've got five thousand of those run on sentences and I hadn't actually gone back to edit as much as I should have. Its a bad habit of mine I make in all my other stories too, I rush a tad too much. :p
I don't care if you were giving CC's, to be honest, I didn't burst into tears or anything! Thanks for the review anyway though, it was great hearing from you and see you on the forums!
Much love of course,
Gabbie Report Review
Ah, you never told me about this! Oh how I love your fiesty little Astoria and how much she hates Malfoy. I cannot wait for more Force of Wills and does this take place before FoW begins or has it not happened yet? I also love how you mentioned who I'm going to assume is George and Angelina that was really well done.
I've just posted another chapter for Paradox and it's not one of my cruel short ones so I hope you enjoy it, I also just finished writing it altogether so updates should be fairly fast depending on the queue.
Can't wait for more of ALL your stories!
P.S. Transfiguration text books are an awesome choice of weapon.Author's Response: Hello!
I swore I mentioned this in one of my reviews, you naughty person! Hahaha. Oh, yes, Astoria hates Malfoy and I can barely explain it, its just necessary. Hahaha. And wasn't he just the prime example of monstrous? Hehehe. Delicious, no?
Sorry for the delay on FoW for you all, I'm still waiting impatiently for "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince" to be up there. Its taking ages and I'm wondering if the chapter was rejected but the queue is so LONG! Can you believe that? As soon as that is validated, my dear, you'll get more of Astoria and Blaise, it may or may not end with what you've all wanted from him! A kiss...? Hehehehe. Cacti maybe? Hehehe.
This little incident takes place before my FoWs and technically its when they were in Fifth year. Currently in the story they're in their final year. My excuse to write the Battle of Hogwarts again! :D
Oh, indeed! That was George and Angelina talking down by the Black Lake but I can't give away what they were discussing because that happens in "Memories". I'm such a tease.
You just posted another Paradox? Oooh, I'm waiting for it. I love that story! You finished it as well? Man, I'm jealous of that, I'm not close to finishing anything right now but I'm so sad, I really enjoyed that story, its amazing. I'm hoping that things get validated quickly, because I have so much to update for you guys!
Can't wait for more of your work as well!
P.S. This may not be the last time you hear about this incident with the Transfiguration textbook. I'm going to post another one-shot from Draco's POV after that and I hope you enjoy it, he's actually pretty hilarious. :D
Hellooo! Well, I am back! Only one exam to go and revision was driving me so crazy that I just had to give it a break, and I decided it was about time I caught up on some of my reading.
I like this a lot. I haven't read 'A Force of Wills' of course (yet!) but as a stand-alone piece this seemed to work well. I, too, fully approve of the use of Transfiguration books as a weapon. I have some similar sized books lying around my room at the moment which Astoria might appreciate the loan of!
Thank you so much for all of your reviews on 'Journeys'. It was so nice that every time I had a chance to check my page, there were another couple of reviews waiting for me. I'd love for you to read 'Memories of Hogwarts' next, if you had the inclination, because I'd like to know what you think of it compared to 'Journeys'. Don't feel like you have to, of course, but I'd love to hear from you.
Alex :DAuthor's Response: Hello!
Hey, its great to hear from you again! I know what you mean about revising and editing, I practically sobbed while I was doing the latest chapter of "Albus Potter etc, etc" it took forever for me to get it right and I was so worn out by the end that I divorced my computer. Hahah.
Gasp! You haven't read "A Force of Wills"? I'm not all that surprised, its showing off my perversion skills to the extreme, my dear. I'm glad that it worked out well though, I was worried that I didn't give it enough of something but its almost up to fifty reads and I was like, "Merlin...what the heck?"
Malfoy deserved that slap with the Transfiguration textbook, he's such a prat. :p And if you ever read the full story, you'll see just what I mean. He's quite foul, but oh-so delicious, hehehe.
Hahaha, I had some textbooks that Astoria could have used as well. Finals suck, don't they?
You are most welcome for all my reviews on your excellent fanfic! I will be going on to "Memories" next, I assure you! I'm really eager to see what happened next and where you might be going. :D I am so looking forward to it! Also! Percy and his stripper lover have another chapter if you'd wanted to check that out and my NG will be up today (Hopefully...? Please God...) and if you like, you can read my other NG with another Malfoy boy if you dare. Hehehehe. Can't wait to hear from you again of course!
Gabbie Report Review
GABBIE. OH MY GOD YOU AMAZING WONDERFUL WRITER. THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLE I WANTED IT TO GO ON FOREVER. Please, please, please write something like that in A Force of Wills. You're writing when they go back to Hogwarts, right? Because I may just have to threaten you with a Transfiguration textbook if you don't! I loved how well you captured Draco and Astoria's characters in such a short time. It's amazing. And my favorite line from Draco- actually, all of them, but here's a favorite exerpt-
"If you're like this while you're clothed, I can only imagine the possibilities when someone manages to strip you bare," Malfoy murmured and his tone was husky and filled with intent. Astoria's eyes widened with terror as he yanked her closer, his lips so close to her own, "come into my room with me and be a good girl, Half and Half and I may or may not do something you won't like."
Ah that gave me chills.
Sooo updates on yours truly... I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated LMT in forever! I've been really busy, but I swear I'm working on it. Also, I'm going to write either a short story or a novella about Felicity McDell before, when, and after she meets/becomes friends with Remus. I really love her character, even if it's so small, so I decided to write her backstory. But that's not coming for a while, so you just got an exclusive sneak peek! :) I can't wait for more, what's coming next? 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Hello!
Its so good to hear from you again! Thank you so much for the amazing compliment! *Blush*
Oh, don't worry, there will be so much drama in A Force of Wills that you may not be able to stand it! ;)
They do eventually go to Hogwarts in a few chapters so you'll just have to wait and see, hehehe.
Don't hit me with a Transfiguration textbook! That sounds like it hurts! :o
It was hilarious to write Draco and Astoria again because he has been stalking her for at least five or six years. They knew each other rather well by this point and they mesh really well too, in their own weird, weird, way. Haahah.
And that line you liked so much made me blush so hard! I was like, "Oh, God, I've created a monster." hahaha.
Gasp! Update on LMT instantly! *Grabs Transfiguration textbook* I am really curious about Felicity and I can't wait to see what you do with her story. And how she and Remus go, actually, I've been really curious.
Hm...our favorite stripper is coming up next! Its been ages for Ms. Tang! After that is Albus, then A Force of Wills and after that its Growth!
Thanks again! :D
Gabbie Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection