Reading Reviews for Monsters in the Dark
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cherry_pop94 Monsters in the Dark

20th October 2015:
Hello Gabbie! I'm here for our swap.

Oh my god. This was intense. So much happened, I don't even know where to start!

Astoria ends up marrying this man??? Draco Malfoy is a foul loathsome excuse for a human being here. The whole time he was speaking I had shivers all down mine spine. The nerve! The entitlement! The audacity!! I'm so glad Astoria hit him! He deserves so much worse though!!

Anyway, this was a very well written story. Parts of it were really hard for me to read since the things Draco says are just so terrible. He's foul. Absolutely disgusting. I'm wondering, is this related to Grey? It talks about difficult times in school... If this is what that refers to, Draco doesn't deserve Astoria's forgiveness.

Agh, you've made me get all these strong feelings about this! I think that's a mark of a really good story. Thanks for sharing Gabbie!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and checking this out, I certainly didn't expect it! :D

Astoria does NOT end up marrying Draco Malfoy, thank goodness. I haven't gotten to it yet in the story, "A Force of Wills" but she actually ends up marrying Blaise Zabini. But Draco really is a loathsome beast in this and he does deserve SO much worse. Astoria has a good swing on her though. Hahaha.

I know that it was probably hard to read because Draco's responses and actions are horrid. If you read "A Force of Wills" he's a thousand times worse and what happens in that story actually lead up to Grey. This incident isn't what he was referring to but I think you should tread carefully with him, he has a way of worming into your head.

There is a second part to this called "Bitter Longing" if you wanted to check it out. It doesn't end happily for him there either. Hahaha.

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #2, by TidalDragon Monsters in the Dark

4th October 2015:
Well, I had typed up a nice, longer review after my lengthy delay getting here, but alas, it died at the hand of the clumsily pressed back arrow. :(
Here goes take 2...

First things first, I think I've read your Astoria once before so I knew the half-blood angle, but I think you did a good job setting up more of that here, especially in relation to the family and house dynamics involved. With a bomb like that it's so important to have a solid foundation and you conveyed that well.

I will say that compared to some of your other stories, this one felt a bit more scattered. I don't necessarily mean that as a criticism (because given the scene, quite honestly scattered thinking seems reasonable enough). However, if that's NOT what you were going for, I think you could fix it with some mechanical tweaks and a little added length. Mostly removing some repetitive examples in the early going and varying word choice a bit more so readers don't sense an echo as literally later in the story.

Before I go though, I did want to give you kudos on the creep factor of Malfoy and his pointed innuendo. If I'd been in Astoria's place, I'd definitely have been feeling like she seemed to (nervous, slightly fearful, and desperate to get away from him) and getting that across without being over the top was no small task.

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! Thanks for this great review and I'm sorry that your longer review died! That happens to me all the time. Hahaha.

Yes, I think you read the first two chapters of A Force of Wills. I tried to write that information as smoothly as I could because i know that lot of people haven't read that story. I'm glad that it came across okay though because I was worried that it would have been too much to take in.

Yeah, I went through this and it has moments that feel kind of out of place. I'll go through and clean it up but I like the overall tone of it pretty well. :D

I didn't want to be too graphic for this but I wanted to make it clear that Malfoy had his issues and was a major creep. I don't really go into detail about it but you all were able to get into his head really well. Astoria's emotions were hard to write but I'm glad that they were all right in the end. :D

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #3, by carry on with your knitting Monsters in the Dark

29th August 2015:
Hey Gabbie! :)

I finally managed to get round to this, sorry it's late!

Wow. Another amazing one shot! The way you write and the descriptions you use are honestly beautiful and it pulls me fully into the story! I love how much hate you can feel for Malfoy from Astoria because it really is a passionate hate, not just a dislike, and you really showed that.

They whole thing was full of angst, literally bursting with it, and part of the way you managed it was through your descriptions. They're so articulate and detailed and honestly lush :') I really envy your ability to set such a good scene! You have a real talent! :)

Malfoy is such a little git in this, but this is probably just me being crazy, but there is quite an odd attractive edge to his character as well, it's probably because he's so mysterious, even to Astoria! His 'Half and half' nickname is so cruel, but perfect and definitely something he would say! I feel like this whole scene is like the adult version of when boys are in the playground and they pull a girls pigtails because they love her kinda thing.. if that makes sense?:')

I also loved the parts involving Fred and angelina, like even though they weren't really in it, I think it's sweet that Astoria almost craves that with someone and you put this into the story really well! :)

I love you're writing man! :)

I'll definitely give the chaptered Astoria/Draco story a read! You have me hooked! :)

Katie :)

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks for stopping by and don't worry about the lateness. I'm really glad that you enjoyed this. I'm so flattered by all these lovely compliments! ;__; My writing has never been called lush before and I can't stop from blushing!

Malfoy is supposed to come off as kind of a jerk in this but you find him attractive as well? I think that was what I was going for. There's something not quite right about him but at the same time, you can feel that he'd take you on a nice, steamy adventure if you were crazy enough to go with him. Hahahaha. He's meant to be cruel though so I can't have Astoria falling for him.

Oh, the couple at the Black Lake wasn't Fred and Angelina. It was actually George and Angelina. Hahahah. I'm a huge George/Angelin shipper so I just had to put that in there. You actually see them again in "Bitter Longing", which is the part two to this.

I hope to see you again!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #4, by Frankie05 Monsters in the Dark

1st August 2015:

Sorry I didn't get around to this last night, but I am here now! Sometimes when family is over you just get so swamped with entertaining and then Bam! Exhaustion hits.

Okay. This story. It's so angsty. In your authors note- you mentioned it was an excerpt from another story. Perhaps that's story gives more background.

I think this story gives an interesting take on Astoria and Mafoy. Are there multiple Greengrass families- because this one has Astoria with brother Scorpious and Emily- but what about Daphne from canon- is she in another family.

I also think it's interesting that the Greengrass family are half bloods- yes? There was one line that I was confused about. - is only Astoria a half - blood or is my reading comprehension just off this morning :). You wrote "the fact she is a half- blood and the rest of her family are pure-bloods and they had been allowed to slip into the most "honored" circles. That is where my confusion lies.

You did a good job describing the scene and all the characters. We don't know much about Blaise but I like the way you described him here's quiet and sure of himself. He is also surprised when she doesn't respond to Pansy. And uhh - Pansy. Probably one of my least favorite characters ever. She is the worst. And in the short time you writer- I was cheering for Astoria and wanting something horrific to happen to Pansy. They are bullies. The whole lot of them.

I can see why Astoria hates Malfoy the most- most people often hate the ringleaders. But as your story progresses, I find myself not loving him. He is arrogant, entitled, and plain mean. You did fantastic showing those traits. The Malfoy's are high in society and have a lot of connections - so I'm curious if they know exactly what the Greengrass family does for a living.

Which brings me to my next point?! What in the world drs tthe Greengrass family do?! Mercy it sounds like dark magic and it sounds dangerous. The spells she mentioned she knew would make Professor Moody upset and then she talked about her family having too much blood on their hands- mercy! I'm curious to read more from her.

Now to the juicy stuff- the interaction with Malfoy and Astoria in the deserted hallways gave me chills. It was terrifying to read. I think the ambiance of not knowing as much about the characters gave it a more frightening twist. Malfoy is such a little turd and his nickname for her is awful. I wonder if this is the beginning stages of his "love" for her. The writing does a great job and letting the reader experience the fear and anticipation on Astoria's part. Why is Malfoy tormenting her this way. And why does he think that every woman is going to fall at his feet in adoration? Pfft. But I like that she whacked him in the face with her book after she rused him into letting her go. Well done, Astoria! The last line definitely set it up perfectly for any sequels.

One thing I would work on is sentence flow/sentence structure. I felt like I was getting jumbled up in the words. And remaining consistent throughout the story. Sometimes it doesn't need to pop from thought to thought it should just keep flowing in one continuous story without unnecessary details. (I'm one of the worsts at this).

But I thought this story was smashing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your works!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by with this review, I'll get to yours in a moment! I don't have many people stopping by to read this story very often so this was a great little surprise!

Yes, this story is a companion piece for my novel, "A Force of Wills". There's a sequel for this called "Bitter Longing" that I think you would like as well, it's from Draco's POV. You may be able to understand his obsession with her more there.

The thing about the Greengrass family is that this is practically AU. There isn't another family portrayed here and I don't use Daphne at all in this story, which is why there is Emily and Scorpious. I don't follow canon with a lot of their family background either, the fact that Astoria IS the only half-blood is part of the mystery. Her siblings and parents are pureblood but you learn more about that in the actual novel. ;)

I'm glad that you picked up on Blaise a bit, he has a much bigger role in "A Force of Wills". I wanted to hint at things to come but I didn't want him to be center stage in this one-shot with Astoria because they actually don't speak to one another until the novel. Oh, Pansy. I don't think anyone likes her much but you learn more about her feelings towards Draco and Astoria in the novel too.

Trust me, you're not supposed to like Draco at all. Hahahaha.

Muahahah. You will find out what the Greengrass family does for a living in the actual novel and it's not pleasant. Mad-Eye would have had them thrown in Azkaban if he had found out about what they're really up to. Astoria knows spells that have been banned for centuries so that entire line just makes you wonder more about her.

Ah, the thing with Draco's relationship with Astoria isn't as simple as having a crush. These two don't follow canon at all when it comes to their interactions so it would be wise to toss out any romantic notions you have about them. Hahahaha. Drraco is supposed to come off as crude, erotic and disturbing and the fact that you don't know much about him or Astoria hopefully made that scene in the hallway all the more unsettling.

I noticed the thing with the sentence structure! I've edited this since then but have been too lazy to upload it. I'll get to it eventually!

Thank you so much!

Gabbie >:)

 Report Review

Review #5, by Shadowkat Monsters in the Dark

1st June 2015:
Sorry it's taken so long for the swap, but I'm here now. :)

Okay, first I'll say that this was certainly interesting, but I'll begin with some constructive criticism.

I noticed that you put in a few long paragraphs that would have read better if you made them into two, and it would probably read much smoother if you go back and separate them. In quite a few places you also put dialog right in the middle. That would be okay if there was only a sentence before, you when you put parts of conversation in like this, it becomes a bit muddled. You might want to watch comma placement, but you can fix all of this with editing. :)

I like how you showed the ranking within Slytherin at the time. Even with the stereotype that they hated all the other houses, it wasn't really that. It was anyone they didn't think pure enough, even within their own house. You also showed some of Draco's major flaws very realistically here. He hates not being able to get what he wants, and his ego tends to backfire on him, like here. He also has grown up depending on his reputation, which is invaluable to him. Astoria used that to her advantage, showing the cunning of a true Slytherin.

All in all, I liked this. Nice job. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this awesome review, I hope to see you stopping by again sometime!

Actually, what's funny about this is that I actually realized all the CC's the day after I posted this. I edited the crap out of the entire thing but haven't posted it yet because I was trying to get some other stuff up there but since I'm running kind of low on activity for my stories, I'll take care of those soon. Hahahha.

You know, I never thought that the Slytherins really hated each other but I DO think that they had their own hierarchy within their House. I wanted to show that even if you seem like you're on top, there's someone who can bring you back down.

Draco relies on far too much of his family's influence to gain the upper hand. I think it's really sad and I wanted to show that he's not nearly as perfect as he seems. I also don't like the idea of a romanticized Draco either, he always made my skin crawl and I wanted to show that his worst characteristics are what make him monstrous.

Also, if I had changed him in this one-shot, it would have changed his dynamic with Astoria. They despise one another in A Force of Wills and I wanted to keep that the same and plus...I wanted her to hit him that that book really badly. Hahahaha.

Thanks so much for the review, hon!


 Report Review

Review #6, by TreacleTart Monsters in the Dark

21st May 2015:
Hi there!

I'm here for our review swap!

I picked this story because the banner and description made it seem so ominous and even a bit creepy. Plus I love a good story about Draco and Astoria, particularly when Astoria is a strong character.

I really liked the way you built Astoria in this story. Usually people write her as instantly in love with Draco, so I liked that you had her hating him. I also enjoyed that she turned out to be a strong character even though she seemed pretty nervous at the beginning. The point where she smacks Malfoy in the face with a book really showed how much courage she has because I'm sure he plans to pay her back for it.

The interactions between Astoria and Draco were pretty creepy. Draco's constant harassment of her was very threatening and at one point I thought he was going to actually attack her. It's quite funny that he's so flustered by someone he thinks so lowly of. I'm really glad she didn't fall for it.

A little bit of constructive criticism. I found this whole thing a little verbose. I definitely like that you include a lot of detail, but I think it parts some of the detail gets a bit overly repetitive. I think cutting out a few excess sentences might smooth it out a bit.

All in all, I thought this was a very interesting one-shot. I always love reading about a strong female character. Good work!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a nice review for this story. It was just kind of sitting around on my page for a long time and I nearly forgot about it. T-T

I really love writing Astoria, she's one of my favorite characters. This one-shot comes from "A Force of Wills" on my author page if you were interested in learning more about her. I could never get into the idea of Astoria falling madly in love with someone like Draco so I like the idea of her being a lot stronger here. Hahahah.

Astoria and Draco have quite the history together. I don't think that they would ever have been friends but my favorite part of this is the actual book slapping. Hahaha.

Draco's obsession with Astoria is continued in his one-shot, "Bitter Longing" if you wanted to understand it more. Ah, shameless promotion...

Anyway, thanks for the CC too. I was thinking of going through and editing it again so thanks for pointing that out to me!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #7, by May Monsters in the Dark

6th May 2015:
I have enjoyed this chapter very much

Author's Response: Thanks so much for stopping by, it means a lot to me! You should try out the actual story, "A Force of Wills" as well!

Much love,

 Report Review

Review #8, by EnigmaticEyes16 Monsters in the Dark

6th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap!

First of all, I kind of have to point out that I can't believe this was so short! I'd gotten so used to your super long chapters that this one threw me for a loop. I thought, when I was looking at your page, that it had said this was longer but then I got to the end and I was like "wait, what?"

Anyway, I've already read a good chunk of A Force of Wills (I know I'm terrible and I haven't been reviewing lately, but I am up to like Ch. 15), so thankfully I have a pretty good grasp of the backstory so there really isn't any confusion. Although, I might be little confused coming into this without having already started the other story. But I enjoyed seeing her in Hogwarts, since I have yet to get to the point where she returns to school.

Okay, onto an actual review. Maybe. This story does start off kind of sad, because she ends up watching another couple, who is clearly in love, and Astoria gets a little depressed thinking about how very much in love they were because she doesn't think she can ever have that with the way her family is going. But I like how it brings out that romantic side we've only seen snippets of in the longer story.

And I LOVED the scene with Draco. Even though he's evil I still enjoy reading him. Does that make me weird? And just the way he speaks in general is very interesting. There's also so much talk of eating and biting in this story, it's kind of unsettling, but also very curious. I don't actually expect him to eat her, but it's interesting how much you include this kind of language throughout.

I love how he wants her and how much she loathes him, which for some twisted reason causes him to want her even more. It's also very interesting how innocent she is, I mean I'm not saying she's naive, she does know a lot, but she's very inexperienced sexually, and to have someone who is thoroughly experienced in such things come on to her must be very overwhelming (or at least it probably would be if she didn't spend most of the time completely hating him). I love how she played coy and pretended to give in to him. I almost seriously thought she had! Even though I'd read the summary, it's not like I knew exactly when that was going to happen, and as I said, I for some reason thought this was longer than it turned out to be. But I love how she did that and then when he least expected it, she just whops him with the book. I also love how you ended this, pointing out how the story clearly isn't over. And it isn't because there's another one-shot, and it's from Draco's point of view which is super exciting for me because I love reading these stories from his perspective, so I will be off to read that next.

This was a very lovely snippet into Astoria's life at Hogwarts though. Thank you so much for the swap!


Author's Response: HELLO!

Welcome back!

There's a revised version of this story up now that I think you'll be able to enjoy and I hope I hear from you again. Now, this one-shot does start off a bit sad because Astoria already knows that her future is planned out for her no matter what she really wants. I think that it's very sad to know that she can't have her own life at this point. Astoria is actually a very romantic person at heart, I wish that I could write about it more in the actual story but I might just dedicate an entire chapter to it at some point. Hahaha.

Ah, Draco. Creeping girls out from the beginning, eh? I wanted to just freak people out a little with all the biting and such in this. Monster is just a metaphor for the nasty beast that he really is. Hahhaa.

Draco has a weird interest in Astoria and he's the sort that has no control over his own actions. Astoria is not sexually aware and his advances on her ARE a little scary, which is why she's so detested by him. She's a clever little thing though, isn't she? She may not like her family but she can play the demure role very well. Hahahahha. And that book...oh, how that made me laugh.

Thanks so much for the review!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #9, by weaselredhair Monsters in the Dark

30th November 2013:
? I don't get it why is he so terrible to her?

Author's Response: HellO!

Well, a lot of people have commented on this but this one-shot isn't romantic at all. This is actually from one of my other stories, "A Force of Wills" and I suppose its my fault if people cant' really grasp the relationship well. But, if it makes you feel any better, she finds someone that actually does care about her. And doesn't stalk her...T-T
Not sure if you'll come back but thanks for the review!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #10, by Dark Whisper Monsters in the Dark

2nd March 2013:

Wow... powerful scene you have here. I'll admit to being a Draco fan, but this is something very different that makes me dislike him very much.

You did really well on her background, giving her secrets of her own and being brought up to hate Purebloods. Very interesting, as I don't think I've read this 'opposite' hatred. It is always Purebloods hating, not the other way around.

Very good, dear. And that hit to the face... well deserved. It was described so well, I felt it. Ouch!

And of course, wanting something that he can't have only fuels the fire. I love your last line about making 'the Devil hungry for revenge.' Oh my stars.

Great job,
Dark Whisper

P.S. I read that you are off to join the Navy soon and thought I'd give you a good send off by giving you some reviews. Don't worry about responding to them. Congratulations and best wishes on your new adventure and journey.

Author's Response: Hello!

Why, hello there, Dark Whisper! This is a very nice surprise! :)
I think alot of people might have been Draco fans when they read this one-shot but by the end, I bet they were cringing on the inside. He's not a very likeable character and I was never his biggest fan in the books but there's just something so great about making him even nastier. :D
Malfoy men are just so much fun to write.
I'm glad that you liked that I hinted at Astoria's background and gave her a bit of secrets. The biggest one of course is why she hates purebloods, which I do go into in the actual story.
That's A Force of Wills if you want to check that out too. Shameless promotion...
I think its really realistic to assume that half-bloods and Muggle-borns would hate purebloods. I mean, hate has no color or status you know. :D
Bwhahah! You have no idea how much I laughed when Astoria smacked that git in the face! Its actually my favorite part and its mentioned more than once. HAHAHA.
Thank you so much!
Oh, you're just being too sweet! I actually don't leave for basic until the 11th, so I'll be around for a while. That was so thoughtful and sweet of you, I'll have to return the favor before I leave! *Smooches*
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #11, by patronus_charm Monsters in the Dark

15th February 2013:
I decided that I probably should start from the bottom of your author page, and work my way up, and when I saw this was a spin-off of A Force of Wills, I decided to read this!

I was rather intrigued by this story, as so far in A Force of Wills, I’ve only got up to the bit where there still at the Malfoy party, so it was interesting to read it from Astoria’s perspective at school.

I’m guessing the mention towards the Weasley twin, and the black girl was George and Angelina? I thought that was a nice way to tie it in, as in most stories where it’s based on a Slytherin, they tend to only notice people in their own house, and not others, so this was cool. And any mention towards the Weasleys is cool, as they’re family is awesome!

I thought when Astoria said she was going to go with Draco then that she actually would. I was so shocked at that bit, as I’m so used to Astoria sticking to her guns, and not giving in, even if she is very naďve. But then she wacked him with her transfiguration book! I didn’t see that coming, even though there was a warning at the beginning. I know the books are great weapons, as I have used them before on my siblings! (They did deserve it mind!).

I thought it was a nice tie-in with A Force of Wills, as it showed Astoria being the stronger one for once, which was a nice change. I always like one-shots based on the novel, as it means we get to learn more about certain aspects of characters, so I’m glad that I read this one!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! I've got quite a few stories now and I didn't think that anyone would really work their way up from the bottom. Hahaha.
Well, currently, Astoria has run away from home in A Force of Wills but I thought that since I haven't gotten them back in school that it'd be cool to show a different perspective. And plus, I like writing Hogwarts at night, its a really spooky image in my head.
Yep, that was George and Angelina at the Black Lake. :) I thought it'd be cool to tie in one more of my stories into this and they're the most romantic couple that I have. :D
Bwhaha, Astoria will never give in to Draco, but she played the coy miss didn't she? I don't really think Astoria is naiive really, just suspicious but a good Transfiguration textbook never hurts. Well, it hurt Draco! Mwhahahaha! It hurt him very much indeed! But he totally deserved it. :p
I hadn't thought that this would be remembered much since its not from the actual story but I do mention the incident in A Force of Wills more than once. Hahahha. I think I might have Draco saying something about it later on when he's bullying Astoria about something. :D
I don't think I have any other one-shots that you haven't read. I'll most likely make more if I get the inspiration but thanks for coming by!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #12, by CambAngst Monsters in the Dark

13th January 2013:
Hey, there! So I was very intrigued about your Astoria and Draco and I wanted to see just what kind of people they were.

You know, aside from blood status, I don't think your Astoria is really all that different from mine. I can state with near-certainty that if somebody -- be it Draco or anyone else for that matter -- had tried to corner and intimidate my Astoria the way that Draco does here, they would have been in for a nasty surprise. I love the courage and spirit you've given her, but combined with a certain vulnerability. She seems bookish, but eager to explore and learn. She's obviously not afraid to be catting around at night and taking the same sort of chances as George Weasley, which says something for her character.

The parts of her character that you chose not to explicitly detail were intriguing in their own way. Is she a Slytherin or some other house? Since she wasn't heading for the towers, the alternative would seem to be Hufflepuff. What is this sketchy business that her family is involved in? Why do Draco and his cronies hate her so?

I can't find a thing wrong with the way you wrote Draco. At the time the twins were still in school, he absolutely was a mean-spirited, arrogant bully with an enormous sense of entitlement. The way that he assumes that her blood status means that she should respect him and be his plaything made perfect sense to me. Your Draco is somewhat darker and more menacing than the way I wrote him in Marked, but all of the same character traits are there. I really like him!

Overall, I thought your writing was really good. You have a knack for being descriptive in a very tactile, emotional sort of way. The story was obviously short, but it flowed nicely.

This paragraph was one thing I noticed that I think needs some more work:

Malfoy’s eyes flared with heat and he captured her arm before she could turn away and vanish into her private dorm. It was her prison and the need for her protection but he never needed to know about it, he would do the most debase things to her in private, “You should learn to respect your superiors, Half and Half. That mouth…” he ran his tongue over his lower lip before he continued, “is going to get you into trouble with me if you’re not careful,”

I'm not sure what you're trying to say about her dorm room being a prison or the need for her protection. Also, I think you have a few commas where you should have periods.

This was really enjoyable! Thanks for pointing it out. Now I want to see your other one-shot and maybe dive into your long story, as well. :)


Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* What a nice surprise seeing you here, I didn't think that I'd be getting a review for this one-shot. I'd gotten sort of a heavy, heavy CC on it a while back but I'm really glad that you enjoyed this! It made me all tingly on the inside. :3
Based on what you've said, I'm sure that your Astoria and my Astoria would probably be the same person at some point. I'd wanted to give her some spunk, I really don't like wimpy girls and with the way I have her in the actual story and how she has to deal with Malfoy, she's got to be tough. If she were weak, it wouldn't have worked out and I probably would have gone and edited her ALOT.
There's a bit of mystery around Astoria with alot of things. I wanted to hint at them a little in this one-shot but many of the answers come from the actual story. Her family's business is something that you might find surprising and a little homage to my love for violent films. Hehehe. Draco is the one that mostly hates her, his cronies just seem to follow along because they really have nothing better to do. :p
You liked my Draco?! :D Yay. A reviewer said he was borderline sexual abuser or something and I'd been worrying on if he would be someone you could like regardless. Draco's like a bully and her blood status marks her as easy prey, though he should have been more careful about who he was dealing with. Astoria's no meek little thing and well, he found out with that Transfiguration textbook didn't he? Hahaha. :D
I had to make him a little more menacing and dark for this one-shot, since the title of it makes you think of beasties and such. But then again, he's sort of the same in the actual story. Like, exactly the same. Never mind. Hahaha.
>_< Thanks for the compliments! I keep getting pats on the back for being able to express emotion well and I think its probably my strongest skill. *Can't stop blushing*
Ah, that long paragraph. I see what you mean by looking at it, I might go in and destroy it properly sooner or later. Eventually. :p
It'd be lovely if you would come back to the other one-shot or read the story, where there are a million more mistakes. Hahahah.
Thanks so much, you're the best!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #13, by ChaosWednesday Monsters in the Dark

7th January 2013:
Hey it's Whiskey with your requested review!

My goodness, this...escalated pretty fast. Malfoy's style is skidding very close to the typical horror/slasher perv. Putting her down for her blood-status AND sexualizing her at the same time? Holy Hippogryffs! Boy did I revel in the sound of the book smacking his face. If it was a film, I'd make a gif of that moment and watch it happen over and over and over again.
For Astoria's sake, I hope the impact shakes his brain-cells back into place because, according to cannon, the poor thing does have to marry him.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like my share of passionate bad-boys, but I don't much like sexual abusers...Maybe I didn't tune into the story as I should have, but if this is a ship, then I really can't feel it. I would recommend that you DO make it into a novel to let the characters develop so we can understand the complexity of their relationship. Many relationships can be messed up and abusive on the surface, but if we get to know the characters and their motivations, it can still be exciting to read about their struggles.

Either way, I think you should adjust the one-shot in a way that gives some perspective to the situation. For example, if we knew that not everything Malfoy says and does is completely serious and that he is actually mocking Astoria due to a tradition of mutual hating the two have developed over the years, then maybe this one-shot would have been less creepy. As in, if it's clear that Malfoy is overdoing the abuse to make her feel uncomfortable and to hide his true feelings instead of just wanting to, uh, overpower the terrified and unwilling girl. But as I recall from the other one-shot I read, Malfoy IS actually just driven with a manic, destructive passion for Astoria. If that is the case, I'd advise you to tone down his rapeyness just a little bit, know, wow. OR, if you want to keep it, then imply that Astoria somehow DOES enjoy their interactions, even if she might not be aware of her feelings just yet. You started well by having her deal with her jealousy for the love of another couple...maybe explore that some more?

Also, a few sentences struck me as a tad awkward. Here is an example: "Depression hung around her and the heavy Transfiguration book felt like a weight in her arms and she now wondered why she'd thought that it would be a good book at all when she wasn't all too good in that class." It's just very long and confusing, and sort of breaks the flow.There were several others like it. It's no big deal, but would improve the power of the writing.

Sorry if I seemed critical, i didn't want to be! I hope I could help despite not being very susceptible to this particular type of shipping.

Author's Response: Hello!

I'd actually thought that my request for this story didn't go through because at the time, my internet connection had died and I wasn't able to check and see if it went through!
So, anyway, here we are, me answering your rather long review! Goodness, what am I to do with this monster? D':
Malfoy is a walking cliche, I will bring that out there and honestly say that now. I'll also say that he isn't a slasher and wouldn't really force Astoria into doing anything, I couldn't write a character like that. What I've done though is just pushed what Astoria hates about purebloods into one character so if he came off as too much, that's probably on purpose. And yes, the sound of that textbook smacking him in the face is like music to my I enjoy sketching it over and over again. Hehehehe.
Draco hasn't sexually abused Astoria, just to point that out there but it did come off that way, didn't it? He wants to have her for his own and that might not have come across in the right way. But I'm not the sort of writer that goes into the gooey-passionate-boy sort of thing so most of my male characters aren't going to fall into that category. Sorry. :p
And they're not a ship or a pairing, hahaha. Its a SORT of Draco/Astoria, and doesn't and won't fall into strict canon, but you can't sense that from reading this. My fault of course.
And this is a full novel already, its called "A Force of Wills" and goes into greater detail on their weird relationship but from this review you probably wouldn't like it too much.
Malfoy is a bully, and that is always going to be true but whether or not he's serious is up to Astoria. She isn't going to be happy either way and there's some slight attraction to him in the actual story, but I haven't gotten a chance to play around with it much. Sadly.
And nope, they won't fall in line with getting to know one another willingly, with the way Malfoy is in this one-shot and the actual story, they're not really made for one another.
Haha, I write alot of male characters that aren't like Malfoy, but like I said, he's just a little overblown due to Astoria's POV. In some of their scenes he's not even TRYING to make her uncomfortable, but he knows that if he doesn't, he won't get the information he needs. But that's just my defense, I know he's not a great person. :p And I won't write him like he is, I just can't soften him up...
Anyway, I've got five thousand of those run on sentences and I hadn't actually gone back to edit as much as I should have. Its a bad habit of mine I make in all my other stories too, I rush a tad too much. :p
I don't care if you were giving CC's, to be honest, I didn't burst into tears or anything! Thanks for the review anyway though, it was great hearing from you and see you on the forums!
Much love of course,

 Report Review

Review #14, by GirlOnTheSidelines Monsters in the Dark

7th June 2012:
Ah, you never told me about this! Oh how I love your fiesty little Astoria and how much she hates Malfoy. I cannot wait for more Force of Wills and does this take place before FoW begins or has it not happened yet? I also love how you mentioned who I'm going to assume is George and Angelina that was really well done.
I've just posted another chapter for Paradox and it's not one of my cruel short ones so I hope you enjoy it, I also just finished writing it altogether so updates should be fairly fast depending on the queue.
Can't wait for more of ALL your stories!

P.S. Transfiguration text books are an awesome choice of weapon.

Author's Response: Hello!

I swore I mentioned this in one of my reviews, you naughty person! Hahaha. Oh, yes, Astoria hates Malfoy and I can barely explain it, its just necessary. Hahaha. And wasn't he just the prime example of monstrous? Hehehe. Delicious, no?
Sorry for the delay on FoW for you all, I'm still waiting impatiently for "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince" to be up there. Its taking ages and I'm wondering if the chapter was rejected but the queue is so LONG! Can you believe that? As soon as that is validated, my dear, you'll get more of Astoria and Blaise, it may or may not end with what you've all wanted from him! A kiss...? Hehehehe. Cacti maybe? Hehehe.
This little incident takes place before my FoWs and technically its when they were in Fifth year. Currently in the story they're in their final year. My excuse to write the Battle of Hogwarts again! :D
Oh, indeed! That was George and Angelina talking down by the Black Lake but I can't give away what they were discussing because that happens in "Memories". I'm such a tease.
You just posted another Paradox? Oooh, I'm waiting for it. I love that story! You finished it as well? Man, I'm jealous of that, I'm not close to finishing anything right now but I'm so sad, I really enjoyed that story, its amazing. I'm hoping that things get validated quickly, because I have so much to update for you guys!
Can't wait for more of your work as well!
Much love,

P.S. This may not be the last time you hear about this incident with the Transfiguration textbook. I'm going to post another one-shot from Draco's POV after that and I hope you enjoy it, he's actually pretty hilarious. :D

 Report Review

Review #15, by Loopy456 Monsters in the Dark

4th June 2012:
Hellooo! Well, I am back! Only one exam to go and revision was driving me so crazy that I just had to give it a break, and I decided it was about time I caught up on some of my reading.
I like this a lot. I haven't read 'A Force of Wills' of course (yet!) but as a stand-alone piece this seemed to work well. I, too, fully approve of the use of Transfiguration books as a weapon. I have some similar sized books lying around my room at the moment which Astoria might appreciate the loan of!
Thank you so much for all of your reviews on 'Journeys'. It was so nice that every time I had a chance to check my page, there were another couple of reviews waiting for me. I'd love for you to read 'Memories of Hogwarts' next, if you had the inclination, because I'd like to know what you think of it compared to 'Journeys'. Don't feel like you have to, of course, but I'd love to hear from you.

Alex :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, its great to hear from you again! I know what you mean about revising and editing, I practically sobbed while I was doing the latest chapter of "Albus Potter etc, etc" it took forever for me to get it right and I was so worn out by the end that I divorced my computer. Hahah.
Gasp! You haven't read "A Force of Wills"? I'm not all that surprised, its showing off my perversion skills to the extreme, my dear. I'm glad that it worked out well though, I was worried that I didn't give it enough of something but its almost up to fifty reads and I was like, "Merlin...what the heck?"
Malfoy deserved that slap with the Transfiguration textbook, he's such a prat. :p And if you ever read the full story, you'll see just what I mean. He's quite foul, but oh-so delicious, hehehe.
Hahaha, I had some textbooks that Astoria could have used as well. Finals suck, don't they?
You are most welcome for all my reviews on your excellent fanfic! I will be going on to "Memories" next, I assure you! I'm really eager to see what happened next and where you might be going. :D I am so looking forward to it! Also! Percy and his stripper lover have another chapter if you'd wanted to check that out and my NG will be up today (Hopefully...? Please God...) and if you like, you can read my other NG with another Malfoy boy if you dare. Hehehehe. Can't wait to hear from you again of course!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #16, by CassiePotter Monsters in the Dark

7th May 2012:
GABBIE. OH MY GOD YOU AMAZING WONDERFUL WRITER. THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLE I WANTED IT TO GO ON FOREVER. Please, please, please write something like that in A Force of Wills. You're writing when they go back to Hogwarts, right? Because I may just have to threaten you with a Transfiguration textbook if you don't! I loved how well you captured Draco and Astoria's characters in such a short time. It's amazing. And my favorite line from Draco- actually, all of them, but here's a favorite exerpt-
"If you're like this while you're clothed, I can only imagine the possibilities when someone manages to strip you bare," Malfoy murmured and his tone was husky and filled with intent. Astoria's eyes widened with terror as he yanked her closer, his lips so close to her own, "come into my room with me and be a good girl, Half and Half and I may or may not do something you won't like."
Ah that gave me chills.
Sooo updates on yours truly... I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated LMT in forever! I've been really busy, but I swear I'm working on it. Also, I'm going to write either a short story or a novella about Felicity McDell before, when, and after she meets/becomes friends with Remus. I really love her character, even if it's so small, so I decided to write her backstory. But that's not coming for a while, so you just got an exclusive sneak peek! :) I can't wait for more, what's coming next? 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Its so good to hear from you again! Thank you so much for the amazing compliment! *Blush*
Oh, don't worry, there will be so much drama in A Force of Wills that you may not be able to stand it! ;)
They do eventually go to Hogwarts in a few chapters so you'll just have to wait and see, hehehe.
Don't hit me with a Transfiguration textbook! That sounds like it hurts! :o
It was hilarious to write Draco and Astoria again because he has been stalking her for at least five or six years. They knew each other rather well by this point and they mesh really well too, in their own weird, weird, way. Haahah.
And that line you liked so much made me blush so hard! I was like, "Oh, God, I've created a monster." hahaha.
Gasp! Update on LMT instantly! *Grabs Transfiguration textbook* I am really curious about Felicity and I can't wait to see what you do with her story. And how she and Remus go, actually, I've been really curious.
Hm...our favorite stripper is coming up next! Its been ages for Ms. Tang! After that is Albus, then A Force of Wills and after that its Growth!
Thanks again! :D
Much love,

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login