Wow, Lia! This was really well done. I haven't read your other two Illogical stories, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment of this in the least.
There was something so tender about this whole piece. You set the tone right from the start with the soft touches and stolen glances. It was sweet without being overly saccharine. And I thought you hit a perfect balance between angst and fluff: not really one or the other, but pulling the best elements from both.
I haven't read a lot of Teddy/Rose, but your characterization of their relationship was really interesting. Some of the lines that really popped out at me were: Her eyes were wide with wonder; the little girl with pigtails who used to hide from you wasn't quite gone yet. And also: It seemed you missed the boat on learning how to be the last. It's easy to see how Rose could end up in this sort of relationship -- living out her childhood crush. But it's REALLY interesting to imagine why Teddy seems to keep finding himself in relationships with younger women. And the Not quite line after seeing the word Love on the mat? Brilliant!
You had some other lovely lines throughout. Mentioning Rose's "dry eyes" during their break-up -- those two words say so much about how she feels about their parting. And I love how that scene ended with him mentioning Scorpius. I imagine if I'd read the other one-shots first, I would have seen that coming, but for me, it was such a great twist! Speaking of... the final scene was great. No wonder Rose reacted to Teddy turning his eyes grey! Oh, and the line: You were never really that close, but there were times when you told him things that his father never could. I don't know if that was touched upon in either of the other one-shots, but I love the thought of Teddy, even casually, filling some sort of fatherly role. But then again, I've always been intrigued by the idea of how good or bad a father Draco would be to his son.
Okay, enough gushing... To balance it out, I'll offer just a small bit of CC. There are a few sentences throughout that are a bit awkwardly phrased. Part of the problem is some missing commas. Make sure that if you are using a conjunction to combine two COMPLETE sentences that you have a comma in there -- not just to make them grammatically correct, but also for needed clarity. It makes things a lot easier on the reader and helps keep the focus on your wonderful story.
I'm so glad we got paired up for the swap. This was really a great read! Report Review
Oh, my heart. What have you done to it, Lia?
This was such a lovely yet heart wrenching read. The tone of this piece and your choice of words, while seemingly simple, had so much more underneath them. I wanted my heart to break for him, but as I reached the end, it seems as though he'd accepted (maybe even expected?) this outcome, so I also felt hopeful for him and Rose and Scorpius. Guh. This made me feel so many different things at the same time!
Initially I thought the reason why Rose was distant was because they were in a long-term relationship and the chemistry had sort of fizzled, so I was surprised (in a good way) when Scorpius entered the picture. This sort of perspective - a complex sort of love and fondness from a guy's POV (and 2nd person at that!) - is something I don't come across quite often, so this was definitely refreshing!
On a more technical note, there were some minor, minor typos that I noted, though they're nothing a bit of editing can't fix. Besides, they were few and far in between, so they're hardly noticeable, but just something for you to consider, yeah? ;)
I really did enjoy this, Lia! I haven't read FF in a while, and your story reminded me of how much I've missed it. ♥Author's Response: Gill,
Oh dear :( I made you feel something for them, let's put it that way :) I don't seem to be writing happy stories these days. This one, I /had/ to write. I wanted Teddy to get his closure. I honestly felt bad for him in the end, because it's sort of the second time this has happened. Though this relationship was more tentative to begin with. He did expect the outcome, and accepted it too. He knew she didn't love him like he loved her. He knew her heart belonged to someone else, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. He felt that it was better this way - it hurts worse to know that she loves someone else, but is with him. It doesn't make the relationship honest, in my opinion.
That's the thing about requesting reviews for sequels. Rose had feelings for Teddy since she was at Hogwarts (even before then, but she didn't quite understand them). It was Scorpius who pushed her in Teddy's direction, even though he had feelings for her as well. She thought Teddy was what she wanted, but as it turns out, she didn't need him. The one she needed was the one who tried to keep away from her, so that she might be happy, i.e. Scorpius.
I know. I always worry that writing a male's POV may end up slightly feminine sounding :/
Oh, yes. I haven't re-read this fic in a while, but I will go over it when I have the time, and fix them. Thank you for pointing them out.
Yaay! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, Gill :) Thank you for such a lovely review, I really appreciate it!
I love stories told in 2nd person POV. Especially when they’re told from an unusual perspective. Okay, maybe the male perspective isn’t unusual but it’s different for me, being female and all.
I adore the Rose/Teddy ship and while this had a bit of that, it was interesting to see it as falling apart. You can see that Rose loves Teddy, she does, but she’s not in love as she could be. The dying flame that you show of Teddy and her drifting apart and Teddy coming to terms with it was rendered very bittersweetly. I could totally feel for the guy. And for Rose, too, even though she was the one encouraging him despite her lack of enthusiasm.
Your language and choice of description was unusual and beautiful. I loved the metaphors.
I do have to say though that some sentences were a bit unwieldy (long and a touch too wordy). But this was only a few here and there and I’m sure that a good read-through or a beta would be able to help you with that.
That exchange between Scorpius and Teddy was nicely done. So little was said but so much was communicated between the two men. Teddy’s determination to help make Rose happy really just showed how much in love he was with her. I feel bad for him though because he doesn’t get his happy ending. He doesn’t get to be with who he loves. There’s the brief mention of Victoire but that’s it for him.
The piece was an understated sadness with a touch of hope in there, mainly hope for Scorpius and Rose, but hope nonetheless.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hey Char,
No, it is. Sometimes I find it a bit awkward writing a male's perspective, while trying hard not to make them sound like a girl. I completely understand you there!
Yep. That's the part of relationships that isn't seen as often, especially in this era. While writing how their relationship came about in the first story in the series was interesting, this was much better. I thought, after writing Rose's perspective on how things fell apart, Teddy's was also a good idea. She did love him, she had feelings which she could not describe for years, but in the end, he wasn't the man she /needed/. Wants vs. needs was my driving force (and theme) for all three stories. For Teddy's part, I think he needed to figure out what kind of life he wants, or perhaps to stay low for a while and take some time just to be. There's no point being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you anymore, even if he thought he loved her enough for both of them. Hopefully he'll find that girl.
Ooh yes! That exchange was my favourite scene to write, actually! It was a bit awkward at first, but I felt that for some reason it made things fall into place for Teddy. He realised where he stood, even after all they tried to do to make him feel happy. Scorp fell for Rose ages before, and she only realised her feelings after she got together with Teddy. It was something he finally got the chance to say even after it ate away at him for a long time.
I'm glad you liked reading this! Thank you for reviewing, and I'm so sorry I just got to this!
You know how much I already love this. And you know what I think you need to do, yup that's right, you need one from Scorpius's pov now.
Anyway, this is all sad and lovely all at the same time. I mean, Teddy is realizing that he doesn't have Rose's love the way he thought he did. I just wanna hug him. Except for the fact that you've set this up so I really want Rose with Scorpius.
Love it!Author's Response: LEN!
I know! I thought about doing that, it /would/ make things feel complete - before I thought I'd done than when I wrote Teddy. Scorpius' perspective will be very sad, I think. He's had a rough time. Haha, this is about Teddy and you're still Team Scorpius - I love it.
Yess. You do feel bad for him, they've been together for a while, and to find out that she wasn't really there makes the everything feel like a waste. Or it wasn't really a relationship to begin with.
I'm happy you like this! Thank you for reviewing!
Lia Report Review
I really like how this was written. Everything seemed vague and disconnected, but artfully done, which gives it an almost dreamy and reflective quality. I also love the second person point of view, since that's not often done!
It was so sad how Teddy could tell their relationship was slowly disintegrating. You could really feel how confused and sad he was, then only to see the relief he felt once it was over. This was very emotional and well written on your part. Lovely job!
This is going in my favorites :)
Bri, xxAuthor's Response: Hello there!
Ooh yes - dreamy and reflective - I quite like that description of it! Second person has become almost like second nature to me, I write it so much. For this series in particular, it tells the story more, and it makes you as a reader feel more involved.
To tell you the truth, this could have gone much worse. If you read the one from Rose's perspective, she thought the same thing, only she refused to admit it. He knew her well enough not to live in a dream world like he did in the past. He also learned from past experiences that it was enough to let them go. If he really looked, he would find that it was there all along. Maybe they were both trying something new, only to have it fizzle and die in the end.
I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Thanks for reviewing,
Lia Report Review
I've never read 'In Full Circle' but I'll definitely be checking it out after this. I liked how its written. Writing in the 2nd person can be disastrous if done incorrectly but you've made it work here, and written it very well. I also like the ominous mood it brings to the story. I really enjoyed this, keep it up! :)Author's Response: Hi! I love writing 2nd person, it's something I've gotten used to a lot. I agree that it can be disastrous if not done properly. I didn't think it was that omnious, but more melancholy. I'll have to re-read it to see what you mean.
Thanks for reading my little one shot! I hope you like 'In Full Circle' when you do get to it :)
Enjoy your weekend!
Lia Report Review
So I saw this in the New Story thread on TGS and decided to have a look and I'm glad I did. :)
Normally when I read Ted/Rose stories its always showing how Rose makes the first move, Rose always has the biggest crush and its Victoire that gets in the way of things - its nice to see that its Rose who's the one who's not completely in love with Teddy. It was undermining her as a younger (and therefore immature) person and you've just shown how older people can get just as wrapped up in their own dreams.
I like that the whole of this was in second person, because I feel (as the reader) so much more connected with Teddy and almost in a scary intimate way where I, perhaps, shouldn't know what he's thinking. The idea of being in someone's head, in their personal area where even if they were to tell me exactly word-for-word what they were thinking is still making me shiver, because its never the same when it comes to the mind. Never.
You give the impression, at the beginning, that there may be a time jump because of the frequent pauses, but its a pleasant surprise when its not and you're placing all the important moments between the couple. Not necessarily the most exciting or ground-breaking, but moments that cement the couple together.
You can still see that Rose is still so young and immature and was never ready to take on someone like Teddy in the first place, but then in the same way you can't really blame her for being young and feeling the way she does and avoiding the things she doesn't like because it reminds her of things she'd rather forget. All things that are familiar and still so fresh in Teddy's mind that he goes out on the extra limb for her to be happy and tells Scorpius what he needs to hear whether Rose is ready for it or not. He gives her that chance in happiness because in some warped way if the tables were turned and she knew so much more then she could do the same.
Gah. All the angsty feels~ are getting to me and this is the sign where I should stop.
It was so fulfilling to read so thank you for that.
Cirque xxAuthor's Response: Hiya Hanzi,
I'll be honest. I usually don't read Ted/Rose, I barely read Ted-centric stories. The thing is, Rose did have the biggest crush on Teddy. In the first one-shot 'Illogical', Rose is struggling to understand what these feelings actually mean, and it takes one Scorpius Malfoy to show her. That was when she was a teenager. In this story, however, she's a bit older, and hopefully a little wiser as she realises that Teddy wasn't the one she needed. He was with Victoire at first too, but that fizzled and died as both of them grew up. All three stories are supposed to be stories of growth.
Ooh. That's what I like as second person. It makes thoughts all the more powerful. It's like he's putting you in his shoes, so you can understand exactly how he was feeling. I know some people don't like that, but it /is/ effective in getting the message across. It's true. It's much more different than them just telling you about it. Maybe it's like you stumbled upon their memories in a Pensieve, or something.
Yeah, there are. That's how I wrote the other two stories. Every scene is a little snapshot into a moment in his life, though it might not seem as important or immediately significant at the time, but it does come back to you later. That's right - it's a little moment in time, not important enough for the character to dwell on immediately, but at that time something could've crossed their mind, then when they think back on it, they go 'oh wait!'
She is young, but the whole point of this story is character growth. In the first story (all in Rose's perspective), she was trying to understand what it was she felt. It wasn't something she could put into words, but these feelings followed her from a small girl to a teenager who really had no grasp on what was really going on. But the second story (set in the same time as this one), Rose is older, but she still struggles to understand what it all means. Here, she doesn't want to give up her relationship with Teddy, not really, but at the same time she knows her heart belongs to someone else. Maybe a part of Rose still thinks is a bit of a leap to have fallen for her best friend, instead of the boy she was crushing on since she was five. Teddy telling her in the end to tell Scorpius how she feels, or even him telling Scorpius about the break-up himself, was his way of giving them his blessing (if you want to look at it that way), and hope they pull their heads out of the sand and actually do something. I do agree with you there - she would do the same for him. If you think about it, Scorpius did the same thing for her back when they were in 7th year.
Heee :) Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I liked talking about this with you!
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