Talk about a sad story. This absolutely broke my heart! It's hard losing a parent, but being a parent yourself and explaining it to your child...
I remember I was young when one of my Grandfathers passed and I had a similar reaction, not understanding why he wouldn't wake up.
You conveyed a really raw emotion here, in the eulogy, in Neville losing his temper but eventually coming to terms that he must accept it and let it pass. It was written so naturally, so beautifully that it almost made me cry.
There were no pauses in the story flow, the dialogue and the explanations were very well thought out (I might use them for my own kids one day) and even Hannah's outburst was very realistic.
All in all, another lovely story! Good job dear! Report Review
This was a really touching story for me. Neville has always been one of my favorite characters. Your story actually reminded me a little of one of mine, though not because the plots were similar at all. Just because they are both stories related to death that feature Hannah.
Anyway. I think that was a good choice, choosing to have Hannah be the narrator. That allowed you to focus on her reactions and the children as well, without having to go into a lot of detail regarding how Neville was dealing with it all. I imagine it might be a somewhat complex time for him, and showing that through Hannah's eyes meant you didn't have to focus on it to make the story seem truly believable, if that makes sense.
The story overall was quite touching. It was well written and flowed well. More importantly, I believe you managed to make intense emotions come alive on the page without resorting to sentimentality. That can be a difficult feat to achieve.
Well done. I'm impressed.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)
Yeah, I don't really know why I chose Hannah to be the narrator to be honest, but it just seemed like it fit really well. I knew she would have been very upset if Neville's parents died, but I think your absolutely right about Neville being more upset and really only being able to focus on that. I think you got why I wrote Hannah narrating this better than I did :P
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm really happy you liked it :)
-Amanda Report Review
This is a brilliant story! I love the names of the children too - completely original and inventive - and I love how you've gone for a Hannah/Neville story! (one of my favourite pairings!)
I found it really moving, and it had me gripped by the emotion. You write the way Frank and Alice Jr. are amazingly well - you make them very convincing little children, and realistic.
The funeral speech had me in tears, you wrote it so believably, and the detail in the dialogue is strongly emotive.
The whole one shot was very sweet, and you portrayed both hannah and Neville brilliantly, and really developed the characters. An awesome one shot! :)Author's Response: Aw thank you!
I'm glad you liked the names :) I thought that Neville would want to do that for his parents and I don't think Hannah would've had any problem with it :)
Thank you so much, I'm happy you thought everything was believable and convincing!
Thanks for reading and reviewing, it means a lot! :)
-Amanda Report Review
This is a good story. I was crying by the end. And that is not the time to discover you have no tissues handy. :)
I liked the fact that Augusta was trying to comfort Neville. But there was no reaction from Neville. Was he able to remain stoic or did he start crying?Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm sorry it made you cry! Maybe I need to put that as a warning in my A/N :P
Yeah, I definitely felt like Augusta needed to show some of her sweet side. :)
Yes, Neville did actually cry. It was when he went to go and see his dad and he came back out wiping his eyes. He also snapped at Hannah towards the end and I think that was like the breaking point of holding up his brick wall he was trying to cling to :)
thank you for reading and reviewing!
-Amanda Report Review
Gosh, there should be a warning in the summary that readers might need a couple or more tissues at hand when reading. I'm a person that gets teary-eyed easily and I was sobbing by the time I got to the end. My brother saw me and he told me "Get a grip! It's just fanfiction!" Obviously, he doesn't understand.
I felt really bad for Frank (Jr.) when Neville started explaining to him that grandpa isn't coming back and at the start I really didn't think that he was going to get the message, but then in the end he did. I wished he didn't because it feels like his innocence has now been torn away from him. :'(
Frank's character is by far one of the best ones I've seen children-wise around here. You wrote his characteristics really well and I thought it fit perfectly for his age. :D
And Neville, gosh, he is just so strong. I could just feel him trying to get through the death of his dad without showing too much weakness. Hannah and him make such a perfect couple. That last paragraph was really sweet and it just shows that whenever there are tough times, the people that you can rely most on is your family. ♥
I live in Australia, though I am not Aussie, but I have to point out the 'mate' thing. And no, not in a bad way. I just like to say that every time I read that word through-out the story, I couldn't help but smile a little. I don't know why, maybe because there's a sense of familiarity there despite the sadness going on. I know that 'mate' isn't only used by Australians, but also the English. So yeah, I should stop rambling now.
Anyway, I really loved your story! I did see a few grammar mistakes but ones that could easily be fixed. :)
29th review out of 100Author's Response: Oh no, I'm sorry this made you cry! Yeah, my brother doesn't understand fan fiction either! He'd probably say the same thing :P
Yeah I know :( Poor Frank had to go through that at such a young age! You're right, some of his innocence had been taken from him, I think, but I think it also made him grow up and see things differently, too.
Aw, thank you! That means a lot! I'm really glad you liked the way I wrote him, especially because I was really nervous about how the readers would like him :)
Yay, you liked the ending! :D I really wanted this to have a good ending because of all the angst going on. Nobody deserves to be sad all the time and I'm just happy that they all have each other to lean on :)
Haha, well thank you! I had somebody review earlier about 'mate' not being a British term so hearing that it is from someone who actually knows makes me happy :) I'm glad you liked it though ;D
Thank you so much for reading & reviewing and I really hope you got to 100!
This story brought tears to my eyes. I really loved how you focused on Hannah a lot as I never really thought much about her and Neville's relationship, so this was a really sad but enjoyable read. Kiana :)Author's Response: Aw thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
I know, I never really thought about Hannah and Neville's relationship before but now that I've started writing it more I've grown to love this pairing!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, it means a lot! :)
-Amanda Report Review
Hi, there! This is your Gryffindor Review Exchange review. I hope you enjoy it and find it useful!
I thought your story was sad and uplifting in equal parts. I consider myself fortunate that my kids haven't experienced any funerals yet, but I remember attending them for my four great-grandmothers when I was young. It's such a mixed feeling, because in one way you want a child that's Frank's age to appreciate the seriousness of the event, but in another way you don't. How do you get them to understand what it means to say goodbye to somebody for the final time without burdening them with a fear of dying? Like I said, I'm glad that I haven't needed to go there. But your exploration of the situation definitely got me thinking.
I liked the way that you set up Neville and Hannah's relationship. You made it seem as though they weren't prepared to deal with this, and that's about as realistic as you could have made things, I think. Nobody is ever prepared to deal with a funeral, especially young parents who are trying to coax their children through one for the first time. You did a good job of creating a difficult tension between the two of them without coming out and saying, "Hannah felt a difficult tension between herself and her husband." It was very natural and organic-feeling, done through awkward exchanges and laughter at moments where it wasn't quite appropriate.
It's a small thing in the context of the story, but I liked the idea that Neville and Hannah make their children clean up their toys without magic. The two of them really seem to be good parents, just caught up in a tough set of circumstances.
The funeral director bothered me just a bit, to be honest. I don't think I've ever seen somebody in that position seem as ebullient as Mr. Robertson. Given the circumstances, I would have expected him to be more solemn.
Poor Hannah. I can totally relate to snapping under the kind of pressure she's feeling. And that obviously makes her feel even worse. Another small detail that you worked in, the fact that Frank relates more to his father, struck a bit of a chord. I think it's human nature that most children are going to get along a little better with one parent than the other, but mothers always seem to take it harder for some reason.
I loved the idea of all of the Next Gen children knowing one another and thinking of their parents' friends as aunts and uncles. Albus and Allie were so cute together!
Gah! The poor nanny! I feel bad for her, too.
When Neville's emotions finally get the best of him and he snaps at Hannah, I thought that was an important moment for the two of them. He seemed to have been walling off his grief very effectively until that moment. Somehow, explaining Frank's death to his son seemed to help him deal with his own feelings a little better.
"But Vic said that Grandpa's in there," he said, pointing to the room where the casket lay. Wow. That line hit me especially hard. The way that kids try to process these sorts of events can really grab you where you least expect it.
I guess I had a lot of mixed feelings about the idea of Frank and Alice recovering somewhat from their madness after the war. Obviously it would have been wonderful for all involved if they'd been able to reclaim at least some small part of their lives. They suffered so much and so did Neville in a different way. It's just a nice thing to imagine for them. At the same time, to me, it takes a little away from the sacrifice they made to keep Neville and Harry safe. I don't know whether that makes any sense, but that was my reaction.
The pastor's eulogy was beautifully constructed. He hit on all of the great qualities that made Frank Longbottom special. The only thing I wasn't so wild about was the way that he referred to what happened to Frank and Alice as "the accident". What happened to them was a horrible tragedy, but it was no accident.
I thought your closing paragraph was really lovely. It captured a lot of what I took away from this story in a very simple yet touching way.
So as I was reading, I did notice two instances where you used "you're" where I thought it should have been "your":
“It’s you’re Grandpa Frank’s funeral today,” she replied.
“Frank, I’m sorry about you’re Grandpa, but don’t be too sad about it, love,” she improvised,
Otherwise, your writing was lovely.
I'm really glad I got the opportunity to read this. I hope the review was helpful!Author's Response: My goodness, I'm so sorry for responding to this so late! I've had a very busy couple of months and I have to admit I've been a bit lazy :o
Well thank you! I did want it to be sad, but then again I wanted it to have a happy ending at the same time so I'm happy you were able to pick up on that :) I'm glad your kids haven't had to go through that either! I know I had a few of them when I was little and it was very confusing and hard to deal with :/
I'm so glad you liked all of my small details! I was really hoping people would think of Hannah and Neville as good parents because that's definitely how I picture them! Yeah, Mr. Robertson is definitely a jerk, but I had to throw him in there! Everywhere you go you're going to find someone who's mean and I just feel bad Hannah had to be the one to deal with it :(
Yeah, it definitely makes sense about Frank and Alice. I just feel really bad for them and wanted them to get a little bit better. They aren't by any means healed, but I feel like since Neville and Hannah and the rest of St. Mungos were able to be there for them more after the war, they got a little better, or at least did in Neville's mind :)
Wow, I didn't even think of it like that! You're right, it definitely wasn't an accident and I think I'd better change my wording!
Thank you for pointing out those grammar mistakes! My sister is my beta but sometimes we both miss little things like that :p
Thank you so so so much for such a lovely review! It definitely did help me a lot and I'm sooo happy you liked it!
-Amanda Report Review
Ho Ho! Santa's back ;)
I haven't read a story about the ways children deal with death on HPFF before, and I've definitely read a lot - so well done for originality. I felt that you really showed the innocence of Frank's age in this story - his confusion, emotions and reliance on his parents was spot on to a boy of his age. He was very inquisitive and the repetitive 'why?' is perfect for a child looking to solve the world - it really helped give your characters colour. I also really liked how he behaved with Alice - you've really set up their relationship for the next story.
As a minor detail, I'm not 100% sure that there are 'funeral homes' in England. I'm English, and I haven't come across one so far. We generally have morgues which are then transferred on the day of the funeral to whichever belief you support i.e. church graveyard, cremation etc. Just a very small thing :) I love the idea of having a 'nanny' at the funeral place though. Young children always cry at the wrong moment! We had a nativity the other day and Mary and Joseph started having a tug-of-war fight over Jesus. Hilarious. Not sure if that's real in your country, or you've made the position up - but kudos! :P
The characterisations of our canon characters was brilliant. I love that you included Harry and Ginny with the two young boys - it's rare that I see a story without Lily popping up. What was really clear throughout this was the innocence reflected from the children to the adults. You made the adults almost child-like in the unsurity, almost like they were looking for adults to tell them what to do or say.
This was a sad and thought-provoking chapter and I think you really set this up for the next story (which I'm very excited to read the next chapter of!).
Great job! Santa :)Author's Response: Hello!
Wow, thank you :) I'm glad you liked it and all the details! I originally was planning on writing the other story first (when Alice and Frank were older) but then I got this idea from a challenge and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to introduce them! I'm happy that you can see where they tie in together (:
Yeah, I've heard that a few times from reviews! I guess I should do more research on things like that before I post my stories :P I'll probably try adding in some more details about the funeral home and maybe adding something to my authors note about it. Thanks for the heads up though!
Ahh thank you for all the compliments! I'm really happy you liked it and that you're interested in the long run of Frank and Alice's lives :P
-Amanda Report Review
Hey there! Here to return the review swap you left me on the forums! Thank you very much for that - it was a lovely review! :)
Anyway, I've never read a story like this which deals about children this young having to cope with the idea of death. I thought you dealt with the topic really well, and you really made Hannah, Neville and Frank react like real people would in that situation - with the whole 'what's dead?' thing and the inquisitive kid idea, with Frank always asking questions. Little things like that are so true to life, and they really rounded out your characters fabulously, so well done!
The only thing I want to mention is that you called is a 'funeral home'. It might be an Anglo-American difference (I'm English) but I've never ever heard of a funeral home, so I have no idea what you're talking about when you mention it O.o Maybe changing the terminology or describing what it does would be helpful to those readers, like me, who don't get it. If you want me to explain what we have in England, pm me and I'll do my best! :D Also, the whole kids-being-babysat-during-the-funeral-thing. Why would they bother taking them to funeral in the first place if only to have them babysat during it? It doesn't seem to make sense... a bit more explanation might be needed there, I think.
But, naw... the kids are so sweet! And Hannah is characterised wonderfully - the perfect stressed-and-upset-and-trying-to-be-strong-mother-and-wife. She and Neville (well, although we don't see her much in the books at all) seem so close to their canon counterparts and yet like they've grown up and matured. I loved your mention of Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny as well, with the Next Gen kids. It's just so right that they're all such good friends after the war - particularly Ginny and Hannah. They went through so much together while the Trio were out hunting Horcruxes...
Gah, this was lovely! Sad, but kinda hopeful in a strange way at the end, with the whole idea of a new beginning and perhaps a stronger partnership and little Frank maturing and understanding death... it felt like something really significant had happened, which was brilliant.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hi! & no problem, you're story was really good(:
Thank you for all the compliments :) It was really interesting to write because I've never written for little kids before, but it was a good learning experience! Okay, I'll probably take you up on the offer to PM you about the funeral home. I've had another person mention that to me too, so maybe I can see how to change it around a bit or either explain it in an authors note or something? :)
Thank you so much for the review, it was really nice to hear your feedback!
-Amanda Report Review
One of the main things I noticed while reading this fanfiction was the excessive use of the word "mate." Last time I checked, "mate" was of an Australian origin, and Harry Potter takes place in Britain.
Also, I noticed numerous spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors, which you might want to consider fixing.
Lastly, I found the plot to be a bit boring. I didn't feel compelled to continue reading. I would suggest removing some of the description and unnecessary dialogue.
Keep writing!Author's Response: Actually, they use it in Britain, too. Look it up on Google if you don't believe me.
Really? alright, I'll go back and look but I do have a beta that looked through it a few times.
Alright, thanks for the advice.
I think you might want to change some things in your review thread, honestly. You said for every negative thing you post that you would say something positive and I really don't see anything positive here. Anyways, thanks for the review..
Before I begin let me just congratulate you for such beautiful writing.
I've never seen Hannah as a parent before and when I do she's usually just there for a second so I was happy to see you write about her. The way you wrote about Frank Sr. death brought me to tears especially when they had to explain it to Frank Jr.
You handled that part wonderfully, it was realistic I feel the same way as Hannah. It's confusing and sad to have to tell a child that their hero is dead and they aren't coming back, but these too handed thank wonderfully. There was though only one thing that threw me off.
The word hankie, I mean it's just a word but I feel it's been misplaced.
But besides that I loved it especially the ending paragraph, but this line stuck out the most:
In the distance, it looked to be such a tender moment, but for Neville and Hannah, it was the start of a new beginning.Author's Response: Wow, thank you, you're too nice! :)
Yeah, I never really saw Hannah as a mum either so that's really what gave me the inspiration to write this in her POV. I'm sorry I made you cry! I hope it was a good sad that you were feeling! :p
Thanks :) I'm really glad you think I managed to pull it off well. Yeah, I imagine it would be hard to tell a child that :/ It makes me sad just thinking about it!
Hmm, I looked through the story and I couldn't seem to find that... I probably meant it to be "Frankie" instead, but hopefully I can find what you're talking about when I'm more awake :p
Aww yay, I'm so happy you loved it (: I really liked writing that part and I love that line too!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it really means a lot :)
-Amanda Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested review!
I think you've taken on a very difficult subject to work with in this one-shot. I mean, to explain to a child what death is, to make them grasp the concept, well, that'd be a real challenge whether you're doing it in real life or portraying it in fiction. Nonetheless, I think you've done a great job with it!
You've constructed Hannah's character brilliantly through the way you had her deal with Frank, and how it sometimes hurt her a little to always be second to Neville, whether with Frank or the rest of the people who knew him for his accomplishments in the war. I suppose that, perhaps, no matter how proud you are of the person you love and how much you love them, things as such could still sting a little.
As for Neville's characterisation, I think you've portrayed him very well too. I especially loved how you had him try to appear unaffected by his father's death although he really was. It goes along with the common belief that the first stage of grief is denial. So, you've made his reaction very believable and that's great.
Frank is the most adorable thing and you've made a great character out of him too. Indeed, at that age, children would not cease to ask questions until they really get the answer they want simplified enough so that they could understand it. And they always want proof -I have a brother at that age, you see. Therefore, I found it sensible that he only began to truly gasp what's going on when he saw his grandfather's body, still and lifeless.
I think that the part that got me really emotional was the pastor's speech and how he tried to show how truly wonderful of a man Frank had been. Also, the way he kept mentioning Alice showed how attached Frank was to Alice and how she was important to his life was, in some twisted way, sweet and romantic. I also loved how you brought Neville's grandmother to the funeral; she had completely escaped my mind until then.
I haven't spotted many technical errors; nonetheless, there were a few typos. For example, somewhere in the pastor's speech, I think, there was a "whatt". There were a couple of other things as such but noting really grave.
I'm very glad to have come past this story; it really was a great read. Well done! And good luck with the novel about Alice!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thank you for reading and reviewing and especially saying that you think I tackled it well :) I was pretty hard to write so I'm glad you liked it (:
Yes! I'm so glad you got that part about Hannah! I'm planning on continuing that vibe with her in my other story as well so I'm just glad it was believable!
Yay! I'm glad I made him believable, too! I didn't know whether having him be quiet and depressed was right for him but I'm glad you got it :)
Oooh yeah, I have cousins around that age who ALWAYS ask questions and I knew I had to incorporate that into the story... & you're definitely right about them always wanting proof!
Aw, I hope it was a good emotional feeling! Yeah, I had to put that in the story. Frank and Alice really break my heart at how short of time they had together but I'd still like to think they'd be able to bond and know they still have each other while they're both so mentally sick.
Oh thanks! I'll be sure to go check it out and fix those :)
Thanks soo much! I'm really glad you liked it :D Oh & thank you! I'm having fun writing it so far, I just want to get a few chapters written before I post it xD
-Amanda Report Review
My goodness, you had me bawling my eyes out the whole time!
It was beautifully written, and it has so many pure, raw emotions that really bring the story together.
When Frank started talking to his grandfather you had me crying so hard it was unbelievable.
This was heartbreaking, and such an amazing read.
Definitely one of my favorite one shots I have ever read, it was so amazing.
XxxAuthor's Response: Ahhh I love you so much Sarah, I'm glad you finally read it :) I'm glad I was able to make you cry (as horrible as that sounds) :p Thanks for reading and reviewing, you made me smile! Report Review
I loved the way that Neville was reclusive during the majority of the story, but the ending showed how desperately he did need his family.
I think this is a beautiful story with a powerful meaning, and most of it has an amazing flow. There are a few parts that could benefit from a good look over, but that's the case with all of our stories :)
It made me really happy to see everyone included, I think you did a great job with the canon characters, and set us up to be very curious about your novel! Alice and Frank as the children's names, so cute!!!
I also love that you made Hannah close with Neville's parents, that kind of mental deterioration would be very hard to witness, so I think by having them them close you showed a lot of strength with Hannah's character.
Great job!Author's Response: Aw thank you! Yeah, I think Neville is just naturally quieter, but when he really needs his family and friends he won't let anything stop him.
Haha oh yay, I'm glad you're curious! & I know, I couldn't resist! Frank & Alice are such powerful characters and I couldn't imagine Neville naming them anything else!
Yeah, Neville never introduced anyone to his parents willingly, so to have Hannah there to be close with them really shows something about how he opened up and how good Hannah is for him!
Thanks for the review, you made me smile(:
-Amanda Report Review
Well, you made me cry. Does that sum up my feelings? No? Oh...well...some CC?
*I was pretty confused about how Frank and Alice were still alive years later. i understood the basic concept, but it wasn't explained enough for me to go 'I got this, I know exactly what got us here, cool, I got this'
*Trying to hook Albus and Alice up? When Frank calls her aunt ginny? No, no, no. I'm sure you can see whats wrong with that;P thats a cousin for cousins deal.
I really liked this, and I truly did cry. Good luck in summer's challenge, I think you've got a good chance of winning!
EverAuthor's Response: Haha well I'm glad I was able to make you cry (even if that does sound horrible)
Well it wasnt too much later after the war that Hannah and Neville got marrie and had kids, so Frank and Alice really werent thaaat old. I do see what you mean though.
Hahahah, yeah :p well I think Frank calls everyone from the Weasleys Uncle & Aunt just because he's so young and has no aunts and uncles for him self (I always pictured Hannah an only child, like Neville) But i'll keep that in mind for when i write my other story with them, because it is going to be an Alice/Albus story and that would be quite disturbing lol. He'll probably just grow out of calling them that! Thanks for the review, I appreciate it!
-Amanda Report Review
Hi! Here with your requested review :)
Ooh, I entered the same challenge! I've been meaning to read some other entries so this is a perfect opportunity! Plus I love a good Neville/Hannah any time.
I love that they named their son Frank and daughter Alice, so adorable. I think you captured the beginning moment really well when you had little Frank get upset at the simple idea of his mother being sad-- it was a really sweet portrayal of a child's innocence. It's good to see Neville in a fatherly role, as well, and that Frank looks up to him so much.
If you go back and edit I think you should have Neville and Hannah give their kids a bit of a warning before dissaparating them the first time. Even if it's just a simple 'hold on tight to daddy, honey!' before they go, I think they need to say something before they just appear somewhere else a moment later. I thought it was really adorable how Frank immediately thought it was 'cool' of his dad, but I kind of thought little Alice would be scared or something without any notification.
I did feel the emotion come through as I read Hannah's apprehension of not wanting to explain death to her child. I can't even begin to imagine how I would do it, so I can't even begin to grasp how she must be feeling with the badgering at her father-in-law's funeral.
I thought the interaction between Ginny and Hannah was very sweet. I love your portrayal of all of your characters as new parents; and the 'setting up' Albus and Alice was adorable. Plus I love that you mentioned James was a nightmare as a baby :p I like how you've managed, even through the first half, to keep me smiling at the small things even though I feel sad about the grave nature of the death of a loved one theme.
Everything flowed well, and all of the notable characters were portrayed loyally to the books. It was good to see Neville's grandma there, and being supportive of him. I thought the way Neville didn't want to explain to Frank at first was very true to his character how he braved the hard situation at the end and did what had to be done.
The sermon was very beautiful; I think you captured the saddened remembrance of an old friend very well in the way that Frank Sr.'s friend talked about him. It was way too adorable and heart wrenching how Hannah noted that Frank Jr. was listening intently to a story for the first time in his life. You've done a really great job capturing the innocence of a child in that aspect as well as throughout the entirety of the story.
I think you did such a fantastic job making this a believable and meaningful one-shot. I'm not very good witch children, but you made Frank's understanding of death very true to what I remember when I was little.
I would be interested in reading the story of Alice's life, so if you get around to writing that request for it! Thanks so much for sharing such a beautiful story!Author's Response: Oh really? I'll have to go check yours out! :D I know, I really liked this challenge, it gave me a reason to write for a little kid, something I normally wouldn't have done :p
I'm glad you like how the family is characterized and that Frank Sr. was in it. I think he played a really big role in how Neville grew up so he will definitely play a big role in how little Frank grows up, too (:
Ohh, good point about the Apparating! I'll be sure to go back and see if I can fit it in somewhere :)
Oh, good, I'm glad the emotion came through for Hannah, she's kind of a difficult character to write, but at the same time she's pretty easy because we really dont know too much about her. I know, it would be horrible, wouldnt it? I really hope when I eventually have kids that they arent that young to have to go through death, it would be terrible! :/
gah, I'm so happy you liked their characterization as parents! It's going to play a big role in my other story, so I just haaad to add it in there as a sort of foreshadowing :D Especially the Alice/Albus part! ;) (can you say spolier?! ;P)
I'm just so happy you liked it :) I really fell in love with writing this story so I'm happy to hear how believable you thought it was. Thank you sosososo much for the amazing review! You made me smile so much(:
Ohhh, yay! I've got the first chapter of that story done but I'm going to write a few more before I post it ;D I'll be sure to let you know when it's posted! Thanks again!
-Amanda Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)
I thought this was an interesting moment to focus on for Hannah/Neville, and I really like the way you portrayed them as a couple and, with their children and Neville's parents and grandmother, as a family. It was nice to really pull together all four generations, and when you brought in Ginny and Harry, I could really see how normal all of them have become since the war ended and they graduated from Hogwarts. I thought the flow of this piece went very smoothly, and it was nice to interject the memory of Frank Jr. being used as a therapy tool for his grandparents into the funeral.
I did have a couple of small critiques for you. I know this has been beta-ed already, but I did still see some small mistakes that, if fixed, would make this flow even more smoothly than it already does. For example, I spotted a couple places where things were capitalized that probably shouldn't be and where the wrong form of a word ("your") was used. You could probably get one of the Quick Betas to double-check this for you if you like. The other thing is toward the end of the piece - I was a little thrown off when Hannah asked Frank Jr. if the funeral was "cool". "Cool" just doesn't seem like the right word, even though it's something I can imagine someone saying to a child. I think something like asking if he is okay would fit better there, if this were my piece and I were writing it.
The emotion here definitely worked for me. I felt really sad when I was reading the part where Frank Jr. figured out that his grandfather was actually gone. I think you did a good job of going through the procedures of a normal funeral, and it actually reminded me a lot of my own father's funeral, so maybe that's part of why the emotion worked for me. Overall, this was very nice and written well.
Great job! I hope this review is helpful! :)
(We totally have the same name! Cool!)Author's Response: Oh yay, I'm glad you like how they are characterized and portrayed, I was rather worried about that :)
Yeah, for some reason my computer randomly capitalizes words for me? Maybe its because I start out a sentece like that and then decide to change it but then forget to uncapitalize? It never tells me when I have weird things capitalized lol. Oooh, the "cool" part was referring to the aparating. She asked him because he seemed upset even though he said he loved the apparating before. I see what you mean, though. I'll go back and look to see if there are any other ways I can fix it to clear it up :)
Ohh (I know this sounds horrible) but I'm glad you were sad (: I wanted to make sure the emotion stuck out and I'm just happy it worked! Thank goodness I got the funeral procedures right, the last one I went to was when I was about 8, so I really had to think back to how it all went down! Oh, and I'm sorry about your father :/
Thank you so much for leaving a lovely review, it made me smile & I'll be sure to go back and try to find those spots where the capitalization is off & to the "cool" part :)
(Woah that's awesome! I know so many Amandas so it really doesn't surprise me but I've never met one on HPFF) :D Report Review
Aw! That was such a bitter sweet ending. I felt so bad for Hannah and Frank and all the characters throughout the piece. It was so sad when Frank started to cry at his grandfather's casket. You did a wonderful job with the emotions in this story. They seemed so vivid and real. Fantastic story! :)Author's Response: Oh thank you! I know, it was quite sad, wasn't it? I'm glad you liked it though :)
I'm glad you liked how I captured the emotions, too & thank you for the compliments :D
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Unexpected reviews are always so nice!
-Amanda Report Review
This was beautifully handled. I liked that it was primarily from Hannah's POV and the feelings she had of not really being part of the overall Hogwarts group but the small ties she did have. Her own self doubting and uncertainty as to her place and her mothering skills were a nice touch to really bring her to life for me.
You wrote the kids well too. Frankie totally is like any other little boy I know, always asking questions, especially the uncomfortable questions. He seems pretty bright too which was a nice touch.
The funeral was done very nicely. The pastor giving his own personal touch on it made it even more personal and I was able to connect to the moment more.
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I couldn't have written it without your challenge's inspiration so thank you :)
I'm glad you liked how I wrote Frankie and how I handled the funeral and such a sensitive topic.
Thanks for reviewing :)
-Amanda Report Review
That was really good. Exactly what I was told when I was 5 by my mother. It didn't tramatize me any, I don't think...?Author's Response: Thank you :)
And I'm glad to hear you werent traumatized, I don't think Frank will be, he was just upset :)
Thanks for the review!
-Amanda Report Review
Awww, this is so beautiful, i am in tears
I love how harry,ron and hermione are there, you really need your friends at the toughest of times
You characterised hannah really well, i think she's a character that we don't see a lot and you did really well
Telling any child that a loved one has passed is hard and i can't imagine having to do it, especially hannah since her mum was found dead in her 6th year
This is a great story and beautifully written and you've captured the emotions of the characters well done ! :)
-potterfan310Author's Response: aww thank you :) I'm sorry i made you cry! I hope its at least a little bit of happy tears!
I agree, Harry, Ron, and Hermione wouldn't have missed it for the world and even though Neville spent most of his time with his family at the funeral, I have a feeling he was happy they were there :)
Thank you! I'm glad you think I characterized her well, she's sort of easy to write after you start because you can make her your own (:
Thanks so much for the review and taking your time to read & review, it's greatly appreciated! :D
-Amanda Report Review
This is so beautiful!
I felt so awful for little Frank. This is such a tough lesson for anyone to learn, but especially a kid. You did an amzing job exploring the emotions and thoughts of someone so young losing his hero.
I really loved the way you portrayed Neville & Hannah. Here he is a war hero and she's much more conservative, but they blend so well together. I could really see the team parenting going on and feel their strong emotions come out at the story went on.
It always seems to me that little boys gravitate to their Dads more than their Moms. It was neat to see Neville & Hannah as parents and having to learn how to explain something so serious to their son. Their Daughter Alice was such a little sweetie. Knocking over the blocks on her brother... it was a very two year old moment there.
I was happy to read that Harry, Ginny and other members of the clan were their for Neville & Hannah. It goes to show how through hardest times your friends and family will always be there. I was also very happy to see Gran in the story as well. She is their rock because look at all she has had to go through. I felt really bad for her because here she was losing her son all over again this time in a more permenant way.
I liked how little Frank was the one who made Frank Sr. come out of his own world that he was stuck in. I think there is something so intriguing about the power of grandkids and how they make their grandparents worlds filled with undescribed joy.
I really enjoyed the Pastor too. I have this thing for wanting to see them put the best of light on those who have passed rather than just talking and not really knowing them that well. This was much more personal and really brought about the right emotions of those at the funeral home.
You really pulled out all the stops with this story and it was so well done. I could really feel all the characters emotions and I was crying right there along with the rest of them. You did a wonderful job with characterizing Neville and Hannah! This story has touched my heart and I am adding this to my favorites so I can always go back and read it over again.
Keep up the superb work!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Ahhh you are so nice! Thank you sooo much for the review! Also, thank you for pushing me to keep this being written... I was having some minor writers block but you helped me through it (:
I'm glad you like how I characterized Hannah and Neville! I always thought they were very different and I always like that with couples, I mean, look at Ron and Hermione! ;)
But yeah, I actually found it quite easy to write little Frank... I initially thought writing a little kid would have been hard, so thank you for enjoying his characterization as well :)
I'm glad you liked how I added some of the other canon characters in. Even though it was mainly centered around the Longbottoms, I felt it was necissary to have Harry and Ginny's family in it and also Gran :)
I'm glad you got the story. That's always wonderful to hear, especially when its such a sensitive topic :) I'm sooo glad you liked it, and again thank you for reviewing and adding it to your favorites, it's made my day! :D
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