Hi, it's JessiesGirl here from the forums for the review tag. I've opted to review this story in particular simply because I am a hugely devoted Snape/Lily fan and I've never read any Sirius/James material before.
You know I've never considered how different the two protagonists are. The style of repetition you've used in this story was really effective in bringing their glaring contrasts to light. It was a really impressive way of going about it. Initially the italics confused me but I picked up on the change of voice soon enough so I can't really criticise that.
I think you did a very good job conveying emotion in this piece and your characterisation of both Snape and Sirius was very effective. Your writing was good - there is of course room for a bit of improvement but nothing negative can be said about it. Some sentences were also worded a bit awkwardy I noticed but other than that there's nothing else I can find wrong with this story.
It was a very enjoyable read!
JessiesGirlAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :-)
I was a bit surprised by myself when I wrote this story, because I'm not much of a Snape/Lily fan myself. ;-) But I just had to write this.
I was a bit uncertain about the italics. I know some readers find it confusing without an authour's note explaining it. Maybe I should add that? Report Review
This was terrifingly interesting. I don't know what to say about it... 10/10!
~Number_One_Ravenclaw_Forever!!!(:Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! :-) Report Review
This has been a long overdue review! If you don't know what I'm talking about, I am AditiDraco95 from the forums and you reviewed my story (Change) for a review swap but somehow I never got around to reviewing yours! So, I apologize for the delay :)
Well I think this is a nice little story, you have captured both Snape's and Sirius' emotions well. I like how their thoughts are somewhat along the same lines just in different perspectives and contexts. Your narrative is good and I like the idea. The last lines really touched me. I am not a slash person but I like the way you wrote this - short and sweet. It was a small snippet into Snape's and Sirius' thoughts and you didn't stretch it unnecessarily or add in extra things. Your focus remained clear. As an author, I can never do that, and I tend to at least focus on two ideas in my story, so I really compliment you on being able to be focused on one idea and execute it so well too.
Over all, good job!!
~Recenseo~Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you like the story, especially since slash isn't your favourite.
It's funny, because I've got the opposite problem from you: My stories tend to focus on only one idea, and I have to work hard to come up with good sub-plots to make them more interesting... :-) Report Review
Hey! I'm here with your requested review :)
So I thought this piece was very powerful, particularly given its brevity. I love Snape/Lily, as I mentioned, but I was equally drawn to the Sirius/James shipping I saw here. It's definitely not a common ship, and I've only really read it once before, but I think you executed it very well. I could really feel the emotion in the piece and could definitely sympathize with both of the men that got left out of the love story between Lily and James.
While I liked the parallel form of Snape's and Sirius's thoughts, I do kind of wish you had mixed it up a little more, just so it wouldn't be quite as repetitive. Some repetition is good in terms of its usefulness for effect, but if you're not careful, it can slow the piece down and cause the reader to lose interest. I know you mixed it up a little in terms of individual sentences, but I might have considered adding in some separate snapshots as well, like memories from each of the characters.
This piece seems pretty technically sound, so nice job on that front. I also felt like your imagery was powerful, especially when you were describing Harry's eyes and the way that his appearance caused both Snape and Sirius to be taken aback. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this little one-shot.
Nice job! I hope this review is helpful :)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hi Amanda! Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I'm happy you liked the story, and I'm even happier that you gave me some cc. (I haven't got very much of that on this story, so it's really good to have your opinions of this!)
I know you love Snape/Lily. I must say that is a ship I haven't thought a lot about before. The Sirius/James ship has been on my mind for a while, but I've not read anything of it.
Thank you for helping me, Amanda! :-) Report Review
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review!
I would like to begin by saying that I enjoyed immensely the contrast between Sirius and Severus in this piece. I like how the paragraphs/thoughts mirror each other, yet represent in themselves a separate love, a desperate sort of heartache. It was interesting to see the way that you delivered this story by using such repetition. Rather than become redundant, it flowed well and really sort of pulled at my heart. I felt so incredibly sad for these two men.
I don't think this is too sentimental. I hope someone didn't say that to you because honestly, I disagree completely. You have written a heartfelt, heart-wrenching story that exudes the idea of unrequited love and really, the lengths that a person will go to if they're in love with another. As far as too short, I actually like the length. I'm all for being concise, yet descriptive and I believe you've accomplished that with this piece. You've given me plenty of description to really emphasize the mood - it elicits an emotional response with becoming bogged down with unnecessary beating-around-the-bush. As for the believability of your story, I say that it's spot-on. In the series, if we had ever really gotten into the emotions of these two, I would say this is pretty perfect. I think that last part completely and totally made the piece what it is. It shows that these men did /anything/ for love, they gave their lives. I find your interpretation commendable and quite good.
Overall, what a great little piece. I enjoyed it! Please feel free to re-request anytime.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Thanks Shelby!
I don't know how to respond to a review like this... :-) You are giving me so much praise that I'm going to get spoiled! ;-) No, I'm just kidding, I'm really glad you liked the story! Thank you!
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
This story was really, really clever. I don't think I have ever considered that there were any parallels to be drawn between Sirius Black and Severus Snape. The two men seemed to have absolutely nothing in common. Yet here you've gone an found this really deep and intriguing way that the two of them could have looked at Harry and experienced very similar types of feelings, except in a mirror-image sort of way.
One of the most interesting things about the idea, at least to me, is that you could have cast Sirius's interest in James in a completely platonic way and still have gotten to almost exactly the same place. It just makes me scratch my head and think, "how did I never think about this before?" You make it sound so obvious and intuitive.
Your writing was terrific. Everything flowed perfectly and you managed to use almost the same words to express Sirius and Severus's feelings while making just the minimal changes needed to contrast their differing interests in Harry, Lily and James.
I thought this was brilliant. I'm not a big slash fan, but the three stories of yours that I've read so far are making me curious to possibly try out your Albus/Severus story. Bravo!Author's Response: Thank you for your review (and you're so much faster than me that it's embarassing... )!
I'm glad you liked this one-shot. It has been an idea in my head for a long time, and then I suddenly had to write it.
Sirius's feelings (and his supposed love for James was far more easy for me to understand than the feelings of Snape. I don't like Snape very much, and I think his love for Lily, and therefore his mixed feelings towards Harry is the very best of his character.
I'm glad you liked this, even if you usually don't read slash. Thank you for reading and reviewing! :-) Report Review
Wow! This is simply awesome.
I don't think it was too over the top sentimental I think you did a great job making it simple, but powerful you know?
I loved how you split it up like this and explored the POV's of both Sirius and Severus. It was really sweet to see their differing view points and what could have beens.
I thought that you expressed the emotions of each of them very well. Snape and his love for Lily and disdain for James and pouring it onto Harry was well done. Sirius I loved too because you could really feel the love he had/has for James.
For being under a thousand words you really did a terrific job bring all of this out. The description of their feelings and how Harry changed and how they saw him were well worded and described. The flow and pace of the story were really well balanced.
You took the two polar opposite people and meshed them into one because they both have more in common than what meets the eye.
Keep up the great work! =) I am adding this to my favorite list!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thank you! :-) I'm glad you liked it! It is somewhat different from what I have written before. I've been thinking about this story for quite a long time before I finally wrote it down. :-) Report Review
This is just simply so powerful with the two points of view in here from the person who loves Lily and who loves James. I liked the nice slashy twist in there too with the whole Sirius/James pairing. I also like the idea of the Snape and Lily ship because it makes me see his thoughts when he knew Harry at school and I sort of begin to understand how much it must have pained him to see Harry everyday who was the child of his beloved.
I love the bit with Sirius where he says 'I love him like I would love my own son' and its just far too cute!
Well done on this pieceAuthor's Response: Thank you for your kind words, and for a lovely review. :-) Report Review
Aww! What a sweet story. It is a little sentimental...however, I don't think it's a bad thing. In fact I think it is a very good thing. I don't think a story like this could work if there wasn't sentiment in it.
I loved the contrast between Snape's part and Sirius', though I do think you should have included an author's note to explain that Snape was italicized and Sirius was not, because I was originally confused when I first saw it. I think an author's note would prove quite useful. I love that in the ways that Snape hated Harry, Sirius loved him. I thought it was a nice way to include their feelings.
That said, the ending was perfect. The two of them willing to risk their lives for him because they loved his parents. I love that! It seemed a circular way to end things. Though Snape hated Harry, his love for Lily was greater and he would therefore protect him. Whereas for Sirius it was his love for Harry and James which became the reason he would protect him.
I also like that Snape couldn't bear to look at Harry because he was a reminder of James, whereas Sirius saw how much like Lily Harry is, and that was the reminder for him.
There were no spelling or grammar issues that I spotted.
To conclude then, I think the story is very sentimental, but I think it works to its advantage. I cannot imagine a story like this working if there was no sentiment to it. I think you've created such a nice story, which was lovely to read. I therefore don't think you should see the sentiment as a bad thing at all.
Apologies for the rambling. Thank you for allowing me to review your story, and introducing me to your writing. I hope to read more of your work soon. Until then... =]Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! And thanks for all those kind words about the story! :-)
It might be a good idea with a short explanation in the author's note, as you suggested. I will add that! Report Review
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