I'm finally here with your long-awaited review :)
Wow! This story is really dark! At first I thought it was Harry, but then around the middle I got completely bamboozled! I like how you witheld definite comfirmation of who it was until the very end, that was a nice touch! The description of his remorse is so well done, I have such a clear mental image in my mind!
One thing I would say is the ending feels a small bit rushed. The story has such a nice flow to it, the ending almost doesn't do it justice! There isn't anything wrong with it persay, but thats just my opinion :)
All in all a really good one-shot! Well done! :) And you should definitely do a sequel! Report Review
I saw your status and I'm SO happy I came to take a look!
This is such a powerful and amazing one-shot! Although to be honest it did creep me out! I loved how you didn't give us the identity of the girl until the very last part - I was trying to guess all the way through! I was thinking it would be Hermione or Astoria for most of the time but I was obviously wrong! Well done - that is such a hard thing to do and you did it amazingly!
I was really feeling quite sorry for Draco. For someone who is so proud it must have really hurt his ego to have someone leave him. The letters though made me wonder if something else was going on. They really built up the tension to the finale.
OMG he killed her?!?! I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It was such a huge twist - I mean, like I said, I was expecting something but that was just shocking and added to the creep factor!
Ok the last few lines? Amazing. I love how you repeated the words on the letter and then did the same at the end. It gave the whole thing a real haunted feel; like it's the echo that remains of Pansy. Beautifully written!
Please write the other one-shots! They would be so good! The stories far too intriguing to leave here!
Lauren Report Review
Its Gabbie here, with your requested review and goodness, what on earth is this amazing stuff? I was really drawn in from the first few sentences and I love that you didn't give away the narrator right away. It gave a sense of mystery to the story and I kept trying to piece together who the character was by the little hints you gave me. From the beginning, I know that there's pain of course and you mentioned the War, but what's so great about this is that you don't give any defining characteristics right away. A painful memory, a strange letter...that could be anyone suffering. Harry, Ron, Snape even. The time period as well gave me more time to unravel the mystery around this and I really liked how you have this written. Just those few little lines made me shiver a little and I was able to picture it so perfectly in my mind, though the face of your narrator was still blank. Hehehe.
And then, finally, I realize that you're talking about Mr. Draco Malfoy. For a moment I wasn't sure if this was going to be a Dramione or not because this certainly has a haunted air about it that's used alot in those stories. And then I pushed that thought aside and wondered, could this be a Draco/Astoria? Is this Post-War Draco dealing with his wife's leaving him? So many questions and by the time that last letter arrived, along with those dreams, I was hooked. And what the heck? He killed Pansy?! He was blaming her for so long in the beginning that I thought there was something else going on, a squabble or something. But wha.?! You have to make these one-shots, I demand to know more about this!!!
Ah! There were a few grammar things in the beginning, but all in all this was amazing. Make more of these. Like, immediately. >:D
Much love and thanks for the great read darling!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Oh my God Gabbie! You are actually the best. Ever. Not even joking. This review was just wonderful and brightening my day :D
I'm so so so so so glad you enjoyed it!!!
I'll defo write those one shots at some point :) Even if I don't put them up, I'll PM them to you xx :D
Thanks again!! You're amazing!
:D :D Report Review
Why are you so talented?
That was really good, the fact that it is so short as well, makes it really give an impact and NONDIALOUGE ghez How do you do it, I think the idea of doing 5 oneshots is wonderful.
Keep writing Eilidh, you got the knack for it :P Report Review
I want the sequels! Me, me, me! :D
This was a wonderful look into the mind of Draco Malfoy. It's obvious that he suffers from some form of PTSD from what I see and the guilt is eating away at him. It's easier for him to pretend that he was abandoned than face the truth of what he's done, how he went against everything that remained good inside him and did... what he did.
The owl is a lovely way to symbolize the darkness inside him. In his eyes it's death, but for me it's more his conscience telling him "it's not okay, you can't live with this."
So yeah, I want the next four stories! :D Report Review
Oh, wow! That was amazing, the emotion was so raw and realistic I could almost feel the pain radiating from Draco! And the descriptions were lovely, I could imagine being there with the owl of death at the window, poor Draco. I really wouldn't like to be in his position.
The use of the repetition was really effective and it really made the fact that he was almost being haunted that bit more creepy. Chilling.
I noticed a few little spelling mistakes, but nothing major and nothing that took away from the piece as a whole- "I get myself a peice of cake" Peice should be piece and "with the ammount of cake" ammount should be amount.
As for your question weather or not you should do a squeal I think it is entirely up to you. This doesn't leave us hanging so there is no pressing urgency for one but if you wrote another and managed to achieve the same chilling effect, it really would be be something. And you would have to tell me :P
Awesome Job! :D Report Review
First of all, I want you to know that this is absolutely unique, and I have never read something like this before. Oh, and I loved it.
When the link brought me directly to the chapter, I was tempted to go back and see the story summary, which I did not do. Good for me. When reading, it wasn't obvious at first which character you were writing. The line that made me realise it was Draco was this one:
- People used to think I never got scared. They thought that because I was so mean and uncaring I didnít feel fear. -
I think this sums up the traditional image we have of Draco, and I must admit that I'm very impressed by your portrayal of him. You give more depth than the nasty, slimy Slytherin that is sometimes found around here, and though I don't normally like him, your characterisation made me appreciate him more.
That was before I read the end. I should have known there would be something along those lines, because Draco is /not/ a character that, I think, would feel remorse from a break up. His ego might be bruised, yes, but he wouldn't feel this guilty.
Your buildup towards those last lines is amazing, and when I read it I was like, wait, what?
- I killed her.
And the owl is no ordinary owl. That owl is death.
I think that the way you put in "remember" to finish this one-shot off is perfect: it gives an eerie echo, something a bit spooky, that suggests that everything is not finished.
Now, grammar and spelling. I've spotted a few minor errors (misuse of it's, and one or two spelling mistakes), but nothing worth me pulling my hair out.
I think you could write a sequel, though at the same time there /is/ a sense of completion. I think it's up to you: if you feel like something is missing or that there is more to be said, write away! If you only write a sequel because you've been asked to, don't feel obliged.
It's all up to you!
I hope this rises up to your review expectations?Author's Response: Hello, sorry it's taken so long to reply :( Thank you so so so so much!
Yeah, I linked you to the chapter for that reason and I'm so glad you didn't go back!
Wow, that line? I'm glad! People usually guess when he's says he selfish or something like that.
Oh, that's good! I always liked Draco more after I wrote this :D
Thank youuu thank you!!! *squeels* This was such and awesome review!! xx
Ok, I'll have a quick look through and fix the mistakes :)
Hmm, I might. If I do, I'll let you know :)
Just one question, why 9/10? What is there that I can improve? I love getting 8 and 9s/10 because then I know there's room to improve instead of someone doing 10 to be nice x
Thank you thank you thank you xx
~ Eilidh Report Review
This was a very well thought out piece. I really liked your style of repetition because it brought more strength into it, and it reminded us over and over of his own pain.
What I'm having the most trouble understanding are his motives. He tries to pretend she left him, when it was him that killed her. So I do think you could use a sequel because it's hard to identify with his pain, then with the darkness he committed without knowing, if he did love her that much, why he killed her. Was she having an affair? Was he afraid she would leave him, and wanted to rid her of the earth before she had the chance? Just something to help us understand.
Your use of imagery in this is really beautiful, I loved the darkness surrounding the entire piece, it really gave me the kind of tension I think you wanted to create.
So, I do think this is a good piece, but I think it would be stronger with something else to stand beside it - like you were saying maybe a sequel :)! I would love to read about what drove him to this, what happened when he did, what was the aftermath, all of things surrounding such a horrible act.
I hope this was helpful!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply :(
Thank you so much for this wonderful review!
The thing is, I've been told that I don't really need a sequal. They said 'Keep this up and I think you could make a sequel... but it's not necessary. It might drag on if you don't do it perfect ;) I think this was an ending in itself, but if you feel confident that you have more to bring to this, by all means, do it!' So I don't really know if I should do one or not :/
But I'll let you know if I do do one :)
This was very helpful, thanks :)
~ Eilidh xx
oh dear god that story gave me chills, it was soo wierd I kept feeling like I was being watched or something (maybe I'm wierd) but anyway that was creepy... you made it to intense and I really wanted to know more. When I heard that they were together I wondered why yo hadn't put a ship of Draco/ Oc but then when I got the end I knew.
I've seen this story around HPFF, I was planning to read it but I never got round to it and now i'm kicking myself for not... this is one of the best one-shots i've ever read. One thing that i'm disappointed about is you never found out why he killed her. I'm disappointed because you didn't give me more! lol... 10/10 from me and I am putting this story straight on my favorites!Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply :(
Thank you so much for the review!
Wow, one of the best one-shots you have ever read? You can't have read that many then! I don't think this is good at all. There are lots of better ones out there!
Thank you so much and I'm sorry for not giving you enough :p xxx
~ Eilidh x Report Review
Its Wistful here with your requested review. ^_^
This was, without doubt, a really good read. It was just so dramatic... and the ending. Just really well written. Its even cookie worthy xD The whole thing really flows welll, and it is really a super duper good read.
Now, I'm going to start with the nitpicking. "Stop her making the biggest mistake of her life" here you are missing the 'from' between her and making. "Not now she has left me all alone in the dark, hidden away from the world because" I think it would "not that now" there. "I go to bed, my mind still fully awake and don't sleep" here it seems like you're saying the mind didn't sleep when I think you meant Draco, clarify that? Okay, finshed that part.
"stars twinkle like the eyes of the dead are watching me, whispering to me," That was just beautiful. I loved that line. I re-read it three times xD. It really was a beautiful line. To be honest, you had a lot of beautiful lines though out this. It really was just poetic and really emotional.
That was one of the best parts, how you really expressed the emotion in this. I could really see it though the lines and in the flow. Many writers find it hard to do but you got it down flat. And the flow. It was just brilliant. I mean all the wording just fitted like... perfect. Really good job.
Our characterization. I could really feel that Draco was aware of how he should be like and his pasts. He had expectations. He was rich so he expected a beautiful wife and that lot. And he thought about the war. About the pain and terror. I could see that. The main problem with the characterization [because otherwise it was just great] is he killed Pansy. One of the biggest things about Draco is that he didn't kill Dumbledore, its like the base of his good side. But as this is the shock of the fic, you can't really change that.
And the end... Gosh, the end just stopped my heartbeat for a moment. No lies. It was just that good. Even though its kind of un-cannon, I odn't really care because it was just that good. Hear that? Just. So. Good. It really was s sudden jolt, really ending it great.
-WistfulAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! And sorry for taking so long to reply :(
Ooohh, cookie worthy! YAY! That is good news!
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'll just go and fix them :D
Oh wow, re-read that line three times! I'm glad you liked it, that's one of my favourites too x
I never thought about that :/ I know, I'm always like, 'Draco would never have killed Dumbledore, that he had some good in him'... and then I wrote this. Hmm, well when I started it, I didn't know who I was writing until near the end, and then I didn't know he killed her until I wrote that last line :/ And yeah, I can't really change that. Well, thanks for pointing that out anyway. x
Thanks, I'm glad the ending was good :)
Thank you so much, this was such an awesome review! x Report Review
Oh my god! At first I thought it was Hermione. But I love it.Author's Response: Hey :) Thank you so much for reviewing, I'm glad you like it x Report Review
That last line. The last line shook me hard. It was like reading Edgar Alan Poe while thinking you were reading a romance story. Everything goes fine until that last line that sends shivers down your back. I'm not sure how to react to this... I've always thought of Draco as being good inside. Like his mother but outside like his father (kinda like Harry xD) so this doesn't concur with my own personal head canon but... wow. Way to creep up on someone! Very well written by the way :)
I think this was a great piece of work, I'd only suggest looking it over because I found a couple of typos, but other than that... fantastic! :)
Keep this up and I think you could make a sequel... but it's not necessary. It might drag on if you don't do it perfect ;) I think this was an ending in itself, but if you feel confident that you have more to bring to this, by all means, do it! :)
-JuneAuthor's Response: Hello, I just this second left your review :) I wrote at the top 'yay! First' but then subbmited it and realised some one just left a review! Awkward :/
Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D Hmm, I always thought there was some goodness in Draco too, but this was just kinda a random fic. I had no idea who I was writing until the end and that he killed her until that very last line! Haha!
Yeah, what I think I might do is write a sequel and see how it is. If I think I can do them all (or I might just do them all) I'll put it up :) I'll let you know if I do write one :) xx Report Review
While I read this, tons of thoughts were going through my mind, trying to figure out how this was going to end. When I got to the ending--wow! I like the twist of the owl being death, and how he can't live without remembering, day after day, night after night. Great writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I hope you read more of my work :) Report Review
Hey! It's wickedana from HPFFF
I first want to ask if you were inspired by Poe's The Raven. Because while reading it, it was the first thing that popped in my head.
I thought this had a great flow and you just did an amazing job at describing Draco's tormenting thoughts. Repeating certain words is just genius because it gives such a great mysterious AND creepy feel.
While reading this I kept thinking of who is "her". My first thought was actually Hermione not Pansy. I just thought this because I feel like Draco's character would be so reserved even more if he had slight feelings for a girl like Granger. But this whole thing that he killed Pansy and then bam! End of chapter! NO WAY! You can't just leave us in suspense!
This a great one-shot but I wish it wasn't. Sequel please!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry it took so long to reply, I was on holiday :D
No, I wasn't actually. Some one had said it reminded them of it before, but I had never read it before now. It is kinda like it though.
Well, I am a huge hater of Dramione, so it could never be her, but I wasn't sure who I was writing or who "her" was either.
Thanks again, and there will be a squel soon :) Report Review
Oh how I love the feel of a mystery. It was a brilliant, suspenseful story that kept me wondering till the end. Throughout your entire story I was mentally jotting down names of who Draco was talking about.
You really did a great job of portraying how dark Draco felt inside. I love how your entire story gives off the feel of a sorrowful shadow, reflecting on Draco's past which is haunting his present.
And might I add, as I am a Lucius fanatic, I admit to squealing in excitement when he came up (even if it was only for a sentence or two).
If you want to write more one-shots regarding this story, I say go for it! You definitely have the talent and creativity! Let me know if you do :)Author's Response: Thank you so so so so much!!
Haha! You squealed when Lucius came up! You really are obsessed!!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I'll let you know if I write more, (I'll make sure I have Lucius in there some where)
Thanks again and be warned, I'll be back to request another review at some point if you don't mind :) xx Report Review
I really liked this story. It reminded me a lot of Poe's Tell Tale Heart and the Raven. I thought it was really cool to not really reveal who you were writing about until you got closer to the end. I think it held the curiousity and intrigue really well. I liked how you portrayed Draco and could picture him sitting there with the black owl with an expression of "Oh no!" on his face.
I would love to see more of this in a sequal. There is plenty of room to expand.
Keep up the great writing! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much!
Yeah, I didn't even know who I was writing until I got nearer the end and I didn't know he killed her until i wrote that last line, if that makes sence.
I'm going to write a sequel after I finish my short stories, 'Love Story' and 'Summer' so I hope you read the sequel when it's up. :) Report Review
Hi Eilidh! It's Annon from TDA :)
Wow, I couldn't decide which story to review on your page- they all looked so interesting! But the thing I love about this one is the way you use the repeats of 'regeret, regeret, regeret.' It sounded like an echo in my head, and was quite chilling actually.
I wasn't sure who it was at first, but then when ir elaised it was Draco it made perfect sense! I like the tone you've captured; the really sad, mournful, REGRETFUL tone!! It was all so awesome, except that's too jolly a word.
I think you /should/ write a sequel actually! I'd definitely read it :)
-Annon xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, Annon, this really made my day.
I wasn't sure who it was either when I started writing, but then when I got to the bit where he says something like, 'People used to think i never got scared. they used to think because i was so mean and uncaring i never felt fear.' that's when i knew i was writing draco - if that makes sense. And i didn't know he killed her until i wrote that last line. :)
Anyway,thanks again and I will write a sequel as soon as I finish 'Love Story' and 'Summer'.
I hope you read it and I hope you read some of my other ones, I'll defenetly be reading more of yours. :) xx Report Review
So, I was at the end of the story, and I read the last part and was trying to think of what I was going to say. And then I just tried to take in the ending and I went back and read the whole thing again. It was amazing that one little sentence could make me do that and then I looked at the whole thing differently! Wow! That was really amazing. I liked it. Good job, and I hope to read more of your work.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, the ending is quite shocking, even I didn't know he killed her until i wrote that last line.
I hope you read my other stories and leave a review, I would love to know what you think. :) Report Review
Whoa. That was awesome! Creepy, but awesome. I thought it was Harry until he said he dreamed about Harry Potter, and then he said his father was selfish and I knew it was Draco. I saw that we're friends on the dark arts now! I'm requesting a banner for my story The Fourth Daughter. Hopefully I get one so more people read it! I feel like stories with banners tend to get more reads and/or reviews... I'm sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading this! I've been really busy, so I just didn't have the time. 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm in school right now and not meant to be on this but who cares???
I'm am defenetly going to read you other stories by the end of this week!! I've got another story waiting and should be out by tomorrow. It's called Love Story and I would love it if you could have a look!
Thank again!! :) xx Report Review
:O That is a stunning ending. I am stunned.
This is really beautifully written. The feeling is all there and I feel bad for Draco. But then the ending. Stunning. He killed her? But then if I look back, the regret and remorse and guilt and all imply that he did something serious and wrong.
It is up to you if you decide to write more. I think it seems like a good idea. This is mysterious (in a good way, of course) and it would be nice to be able to read some more about it.
This is a really nicely written one-shot! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much, this really made my day. First day valid and I've already got a review!
When I started writing this I didn't know i was writing Draco, if that makes sense, and i didn't know he killed her until i wrote that line, 'ok i lied. she didn't leave me. i killed her.'
I think i will write a sequel but it won't be for a while because i'm concentrating on another fic.
Thanks again and I hope you read the next one when it comes out! Report Review
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