"I'll be in the most magical place there is, sweetie. I won't leave you."
I think that phrase there about sums up this entire story. The entire series. This is such a lovely, sad piece - and I'm honored to get a chance to read through it.
Luna's such a funny character, it's hard to think about how she's seen some truly horrible things. Even before Deathly Hallows. You write as a little girl beautifully - not once did she seem unbelievable or just plain insane which is how she comes off in quite a few fan fictions. I love your Luna to bits - and my heart goes out to her.
I think some of my favorite part's though are the bits you made up - the Ruin Roses, Sun-Bathing Slugs, Different plants and animals that may or may/not exist - it's perfect for what would be around their home - just perfectly good names, ideas - really clever and great.
There's quite a lot of movement you have - from good to bad to sad and just - so many places to go. But in them all, you capture Luna, who is such a unique person. I could totally see her wearing a bright yellow dress to a funeral because it was her mother's favorite color. More people should think like that.
Great job.Author's Response: Awww. Thank you so much for reading this story, and I'm quite glad that you've liked it. I enjoyed writing Luna, though I wasn't very sure if I gave her enough justice. I am very glad that the people who have read it so far gave me positive reviews.
I like inventing names haha.. its what I do all the time in PW. xD But its just so realistic that things like that would exist in the Lovegood residence.
I think yellow is Luna's thing, and I can just see her in it.
Thank you. Report Review
Hey! This is apocalypse, here to review your challenge entry!
Firstly, I'm really sorry for taking so long to coming here. I'd kinda gotten involved in other activities.
Anyway, now that I'm here, I'll just start with your review.
I think that this is a pretty well-written story! You've done a very good job with the emotions and the descriptions of the feelings through out the chapter and I really enjoyed your writing. A very good job there! I suppose the best part of your story was definitely your description. It was to the point, precise and detailed enough to allow me to picture the scenarios; it wasn't over indulgent which was, in my opinion, the best part of it all.
Also, the scene that you chose for Luna. This may sound weird seeing as I was the challenge setter but I had not been expecting this particular scene to be chosen. I know, very thoughtless of me, but I think that that's good. You were able to surprise me with it and I loved reading it. Even when this was very sad, I don't think that you could've written it in any better form. Great job! =)
Generally, this was very very sad. The way she had been recalling how she spent her day and had noticed that her mother hadn't been up when she should've been, that was something that just got to me. I've always liked Luna and have always had a soft spot for her as she didn't have her mother and to see her situation being written so realistically like this, (as realistic as it can get in fan fiction), it was amazing. I loved every bit of the entire thing.
The only issue I had, and that's not really a big one, but I thought I should tell you that there were some points that made it hard for me to believe that they were the thoughts of a nine-year-old girl. Overall, it was believable but when you look at some specific parts (which I can't really pinpoint but there were occasions) I think I missed her innocence. The cute little thoughts that a young child has, those were there but barely. I guess I had expected/wanted more of that. Anyway, that's only a small thing and doesn't really matter much when we look at it overall. It was wonderfully done and I really liked the emotions that you wrote. Very good job! =)
Thank you SO much for entering my challenge! =)
P.S. As there were only five entries for my challenge, I've decided to only announce one winner. I hope that that's okay with you. =) PM me if there's anything you'd like to say. =)Author's Response: Hello,
I'm glad to hear from you. I'm actually very happy that you appreciated the story. I had qualms about writing a nine-year-old girl, especially Luna, and her innocence. But I always knew Luna was a great character, a bit more wiser than any of the characters in HP, with perhaps Dumbledore and Snape only the ones I had great esteem about their knowledge being more than hers.
I am very happy to know that you liked this. I love Luna to bits that I'm afraid I didn't give justice to her. I have to be honest that this scene was the first thing that entered my mind when I received Luna to be my main character. It was challenging, and very much fun to do, except I cried more than enough times while writing.
I'm happy to make you happy. :) Thank you. Report Review
This is such a sad story! The saddest bit was when Luna tried to shake her mum up to wake her up. I feel so sorry for her, being exposed to something so sad like that at the age of nine. Though, I must admit it made her into a such lovely person.
As for your writing, I thought it was really good. You described everything so well! Especially Luna's thoughts! And the same goes for your characterisations too! I seriously loved and enjoyed every bit of the story. :D
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm glad it worked that way, and you've liked it so.:)
I'm so happy that the story made you sad, which is bit ironic. But, that's the goal of the story anyway. Thank you for reading. :) Report Review
Aww! So sad and sweet.
I think Luna is a very believable nine year old and I could just picture her wandering around innocently looking for nargles. It was very like her to wear a yellow dress to the funeral and I think it is a sweet gesture.
The explosion is very interesting. I like how Luna's mother spends some frantic time trying to fix it before it blows up instead of just blowing up. That makes it more convincing.
It is very heartwrenching, how Luna's mother promises to live, but just means she'll always be with Luna. And Luna's reaction at the end was perfect. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm really glad that you think I gave some justice on Luna. She's a tough character to write and I really am uncertain how it'll turn out in the end. I'm glad you like it. Thank you so much. :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection