Hey, this is a nice idea! I don't think I've read a story about bellatrix when she was a child before, it's good!
The characterisation is spot in, I can imagine bellatrix being happy about causing a muggle pain and being a spoilt brat along the way!
It's a nicely written piece! 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review. I'm glad you thought that Bellatrix's characterization was onspot.
I really appreciate the feedback
Ooo, evil, evil Bella! But of course, that's why everyone wants to read about her -- to enjoy her misdeeds!
Bella's personality really shines through in this story.
You can entirely transform the experience people have reading this chapter without changing a single word: just add punctuation marks in every place where a narrator or a character would pause when speaking these words. Suddenly your prose will flow freely and easily through their heads.Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review :)
So I'm glad that you like the way I write Bellatrix, she was just as fun to read as she was to write because well she's just so darn evil, even though she's really young in this fic.
So I never got this chapter beta'd I'll be sure to go through and edit in some commas soon :)
-Liz Report Review
My gosh. She was such a horrible little four year old! Though I suppose it's only to be expected.
I liked how you wrote her as being so attention-seeking, because it really compliments the way she was Voldemort's right-hand-lady and would go to such great means for praise from him.
When it read, "Bellatrix found herself elated at this boy’s pain," I shivered, just as I always do when I read her character in the HP books. I think you did a really good job in capturing the essence of Bellatrix throughout this one-shot.
You've made me want to read more of you're work now. Thanks a lot(;
Live Life Large(:
B vs. BAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the nice review :)
I'm glad you thought that Bella's characterization was good. I figured that for her to be so messed up later in life she'd have to show signs of it earlier in life. This was a really different one shot to write because of Bella's character.
Hope to see you again around the BvB battle some time
-BoOkWoRm24 Report Review
This was definitely an excellent one-shot.
Descriptions were nice as you managed to emerge me in the scene and still let me imagine some more. It is always a writer's job to get the reader in and then let him wander a little, so that was good.
The great thing though, was the characterization. The parents were well portrayed, how cold they were towards their children, how they let her know their thoughts on muggles since suh a young age and how they encouraged her to use magic even if it was for bad I think paints really well the portrait of a skeptical pure-bloo back then.
An then of course, there's Bella. Though I think she spoke too well for a four yet old and her thoughts were slightly too complex, she is totally how one would imagine young Bellatrix through reading the books. She's stubborn, full of predjuidices, seeking for attention and her welfare without caring or others. It is so amazing how you showed the innocent atmosphere, and then dark Bella in the middle of it all.
Truly an amazing one-shot, dark and innocent with great characterization!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
I had a lot of fun writing Bellatrix in this one. She was a very different character to write down because of her back round and of her mental instability. A few other's have told me that Bella seems a little mature for her age and I've been meaning to fix that. My problem I guess is that I want her to be young enough so that she seems like she is using magic relatively early, but still old enough so that she could have some of the mature thoughts and such.
Anyway I'll try and fi that some time in the near future :)
Hope to see you around another BvB battle
-Liz Report Review
Oh that's sick and it's so Bella. You managed to make this the Bella we know as an adult yet give her a bit of childlikeness in there and some measure of innocence, though a somewhat nil amount. I think you captured the child's point of view well. It's very selfish but with a very good "reason".
The characterization if the adults was also spot on. There's very little affection and more of just a bond of purity and family that they have been born into and must uphold. How the adults approved of her use of magic just shows where they are at and how Bella came to be in that mold later on in life and even now early in life.
Your descriptions were also great because I could really imagine the scene. I liked how you started it out with the snow globe and how it reflected her own house in miniature.
Overall well written and a good look into what made Bellatrix Lestrange Bellatrix.
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks for the kind review. I thought Bellatrix would have to be pretty messed up right from the get go for her to turn out the way she did, so that's how I wrote her.
I tried to write her parents kind of like the way Lucius might have interacted with Draco way back when he was four.
Anywho I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Wow this was an interesting story! The summary itself intrigued me, and I wasn't disappointed :) I liked the way you portrayed the Black Family, exactly the way I imagined them to be. Also, your portrayal of little Bellatrix is perfect. It is amazing how such thoughts are already present in a four-year old's mind, but I guess that is how her upbringing was. You have shown the Black's pureblood way of living very well. I really liked your writing. Good job!
~Recenseo~Author's Response: Hi thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Hey! This is apocalypse, here to review your challenge entry!
Can I just say that this was literally amazing? Like absolutely wonderful! Not perfect, as I do have a bit of critique (it's me of course), but still completely BRILLIANT!
Okay, over to the actual review. I think that you have a done a great job with the child Bellatrix. Her adult form shows that she couldn't have been a very good person when she was a child and I think you did a very good job at portraying that. A very good one-shot!
Wow. Her characterization was something that I really liked. I think that her need for attention, her pride, her haughtiness, her attitude, they were all portrayed excellently. The way she scowls when her uncle diverts his attention from her and the way she frowns at Muggles, it's very good way to portraying a young Bellatrix. It's very interesting to see how you've shown that her parents did not discourage her with anything and when she performed magic, they were proud of her instead of telling her to be careful. I think that that was the best part of it all.
The best line of the story: "Dirty people sit there." This was something that just define Bellatrix as we know her. Her young mind can only comprehend stuff simply but even when she thinks in simple words, they're true to her character.
Your strongest part was characterization! I really really liked it. Great job! =)
One critique: I think that what I missed the most was the innocence of the child. Even when she's very proud and everything, I felt like for a four-year-old girl, she was a bit mature than her age. When I read in the summary that she was four, I expected something a bit more juvenile. Here, I'm afraid to say, that her maturity level sounded far beyond that of a four-year-old to me. I suppose what you could do is that make her eight/nine. That way, her dialogues and her thought process, it would sound more appropriate. But that's only my opinion. you could keep it as it is too. =)
I really liked this story and I'm glad you entered. Thank you SO much for entering my challenge!
P.S. As I only got five entries for my challenge, I've decided to announce only one winner. I really hope that that's okay with you! Feel free to PM me if you would like to say anything. =)Author's Response: Hi thanks for the wonderful review I had a wonderful time getting into her head to write this and everything.
I see what your saying about her age, she might be slightly mature. I'll probably go back and change her age slightly to maybe seven. I want to maintain that she is kind of young to be performing magic to kind of allude to the powerful witch she will become.
Anyway I had a blast with your challenge and thanks for the review :) Report Review
That was... disturbing. Well written and a brilliant idea, but the thought of a child Bellatrix is scary.Author's Response: Haha thanks. I guess any story featuring Bellatrix would be disturbing. I'm happy to hear you thought I did it well though. Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Oh my gosh this was so much fun to read!
You did a great job at characterizing a young Bellatrix. The way she wanted the attention all on her and that when she caused that little boy pain by causing the chain to break was a brilliant way to bring out her distaste for muggles.
The flow and pace of the story were really well balanced. I also liked the description. You really have a way with words that allows for the reader to picture what it is that you are trying to relay. It was very vivid.
I thought that the way that you included her parents and sister were well done. I liked how you were already pouring into the story at how her parents and family were pushing their views on her at an early age. It made her character all the more believable.
Keep up the great work! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review :) I'm glad you thought I did my characters well. It was actually fun really fun to write Bellatrix. It was different getting into her head as a kid. Thanks again. Report Review
I thought this was a really interesting looking into Bellatrix's childhood and the first time she does magic. The chapter was well done and stayed true to her character. I feel bad for little Bellatrix who is already brain washed to believe that muggles are useless and its just so sad that a child so young can have these beliefs. The characterization of her was really well done I felt I could see the older version of her during this as well and enjoyed seeing this! I love how she felt the adults should always be paying attention to her and that when they didnt she pouted. Altogether I felt the piece was a wonderful read and flowed really well. it was a good look into what her childhood was like! Great Job!
Recenseo2012Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review. I'm really happy you liked it :) When I was doing Bellatrix this is the way I feel that she would act so its good to hear you agree with me. Thanks again Report Review
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this. It was very interesting reading from a young Bellatrix's perspective--it really shows all the hatred and prejudice she was exposed to, even from such a young age. It's shocking to see that kind of attitude coming from such a young child, seeing her outlook on life.
You wrote this very well. Everything flows nicely and it's not difficult to read. It gives a lovely insight into the bringing up of Bellatrix Lestrange, and some of the influences that shaped her madness.
Bri, xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you thought I got young Bellatrix's perspective down. I figured her upbringing would have to have been pretty extreme for her to worship Voldemort the way she does so I figured the prejudice would be pretty engrained in her from like birth. Thanks again :) Report Review
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