I really enjoyed reading your interpretation of Roxanne Weasley's character. She is a character that is not often used in next gen stories and I always appreciate when characters like this are explored. I loved how she was characterized in this and I loved the family interactions that were shown between her and the rest of the family. You managed to get a little bit of information in about each member of the family in this, which gave each of the characters a little bit of their own flavor, shall I say. Good work on that.
The only real thing I can think to critique is that I think Afia's death and the impact it had on Roxanne was not explored as much in this. I guess I wanted to know a little bit more about the friendship that Victoire and Roxanne had since this was the impact that Afia's death caused. I also wanted to know more about what exactly happened between Roxanne and Teddy and Victoire. This may all be described in later chapters though.
Overall this was a wonderful second chapter and one that kept me interested in the story that you have created so far. Keep up the good work!
eternalangelAuthor's Response: thanks for sticking with the story, about afia, victoire, teddy and everything else, i do have their history infused in chapters to come (i hope that was not a spoiler). thankyou for the critique and please keep reading and reviewing Report Review
Wow. This chapter hit me with a emotional punch when I realized that 9/11 was involved in this. Normally a topic such as this is a hard topic to write about because it is such an emotionally charged topic, but I think you managed to handle it very well. I liked the multiple points of view that was used in this, especially Behrooz. I connected with his innocent view of the world the most and I think you did an excellent job showing his family and his point of view well. I especially liked the mother's saying on sunsets.
What I also liked was how you wove in the magical world into the muggle world. I have often wondered when tragedies like this happens in the Muggle world in this universe how the magical world reacts to them. I am intrigued to see what happens next.
I have to say that I was moved by this start of a story. Good job.
eternalangelAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much for reading, i'm glad you liked the chapter :) Report Review
~this is from the Hufflepuff review thread~
This seems really interesting, I quite like it :)
I'm a bit confused about the whole thing, will it all just end up meeting together at the end?
(if it's spoilers don't tell me!)
There's just one thing, you ted to go overboard on your periods, take this as an example:
"Do you want to. would you like to come home with me afterwards?"
instead you could write/type;
"Do you want to... would you like to come home with me afterwards?"
it just looks a bit neater, but that's the only thing I wanted to really pin-point
it's a really good story, I think I'll add it to my favourites :D
10/10 :DAuthor's Response: thanks for reviewing. yeah, it sort of seems really confusing in the beginning but the characters do come together at some point in the story, their lives sort of intertwine
thanks on the advice about the periods, i will try to work on it :) Report Review
ooo! I like this!! :D
xxAuthor's Response: thanks for reading. i hope you keep following the story Report Review
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