I FINALLY got the time to read this chapter! I am honestly so sick of all this work that is keeping me from my reading and writing fanfiction - but it's Saturday today, two o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my pyjamas. Good day!
Anyway, I loved this chapter, especially Alice's point of view - have there been any chapters from her point of view before this one? If not, you should write them more often! I'm so glad Alice and Frank made up! Because of your story, they are honestly now one of my favourite couples! And I really liked that you gave us insight into how they actually became that couple.
Oh, and Moody's entrance was great! I loved the line: ďStop right there, girl,Ē he said, twisting around meeting his eyes with hers. ďLetís not say something thatís going to make me throw up the breakfast I just had. Besides, after today, youíre going to hate me more than youíd hate an ornery dragon hell bent on taking off your head.Ē From what I have read of him so far, you write Moody absolutely perfectly!
I enjoyed Lily's point of view, too. It was nice to see the group doing something as simple and ordinary (well, ordinary for Hogwarts) as studying for N.E.W.T's. I have to agree with Lily - I have no idea why she would take History of Magic. Though I guess I can't talk, as I take History at school...and almost fall asleep every time.
Agh, Violet! She really is the most annoying person - I felt like throttling her quite a bit in this chapter. I have to admit, Lily shows quite a lot of restraint when it comes to her - Belle, on the other hand, well...that is probably how I would act, to be honest. I honestly love the fire Belle has in her, and how protective she is of Lily.
Ugh, the conversation that Lily and Belle overheard! I really hope Lily doesn't do anything stupid...and I hope James doesn't do anything even stupider.
Courtney:) Report Review
AND CONGRATULATIONS LOVE! I said I'd be getting this one.
I can't believe it's been so soon after review 500, and I'm so happy I got down to reading this in the first place. You deserve each of the reviews you get, each of the nominations, recommendations, favourites, you name it -- even though some people have said otherwise (yes, I have seen that review). I can't believe we're so near to the end of book one already...
&hearts &hearts &heartsAuthor's Response: VAL. I know I shouldn't be responding to this out of order, but I have to anyway. THANK YOU. I'm so honored that you wanted to be number 600, and still shocked that I've reached that number. I'm so, so lucky that you started reading this story, and absolutely cherish each and every review you leave me.
THANK YOU, you beautifully, amazing girl, you!
♥ Report Review
meep meep fabulous CI.
Lily knows. I wonder what the impact of that'll be, once Alrek finds out.
You sneaky thing, avoiding the match again! You're going to have to write one with your new Oliver story, you do know that, right?
Your Moody was absolutely brilliant, as were Fabian and Gideon. They helped explain how Molly ould deal so well with seven children, including Fred and George!
Anyway, keeping this short because my next review is the big one! Report Review
First off, I know Ess is really talented and all, but this really beats everything.
BAH THIS WAS CO CUTE. The girls preparing breakfast (that had me craving bacon and eggs and pancakes even though it's half six in the evening here), Mrs Potter chatting with them, the Christmas mood (as of today it's the end of May but who cares?), everything was so light and fluffy and perfect and ack.
I feel so sorry for Alice having to deal with Augusta, even with what we know about her further in the books. Currently, she strikingly reminds me of my grandmother and though I love her very much, she's also quite a strong-minded old woman who doesn't take no for an answer.
Oh, I like the background you've given Remus and Peter's parents. I wonder what they'll think of their son's choice -- unless they die before finding out the truth?
I LOVE THE POTTER PARENTS. LET IT BE SAID AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Haha, that prank was so much fun to read about! How typical. Remus' parents' reaction was lovely.
THE PRESENTS &hearts I love that Lily draws, I think I told you so already, and I know it's inspired from you (I haven't been stalking your author page, just following it closely), and bah the feels. The blanket makes me so sad, because Lily doesn't have a life-time to use it. I wonder if Harry will make use of it as a baby... Report Review
Hey Jami! I have to admit I read this chapter on Sunday and waited to post my review in the hope I could get the 600th one, but as itís nearly Saturday I thought I may as well write it and wait for the next big number.
I really loved the opening part it was great! Even though it was a really minor detail the idea of giving Bellatrix red lips was great, as it represented the danger she was to people and herself in a way. Iím glad we got to find out more about what caused the attack at the inn as it was interesting to see it from a Death Eaterís perspective compared to the other one.
Ah I knew there was something evil about Abigail! I think it may have something to do with the name, as Iíve never met someone nice called Abigail but she was just horrible to everyone. It saddened me to see that Snape and Regulus were part of that number too, as theyíre both so young and innocent and to see that theyíre now practically Death Eaters is really horrible.
I didnít like the talk of revenge, as I didnít expect the twice defied to come by so quickly after the other one. Poor Lily and James they really did have tragic lives going through all of that with Voldemort and then dying. I really did enjoy the encounter with Bellatrix last time as the action was great, so Iím sort of looking forward to it with dread.
Eep thanks Jami we got an Alice and Frank centric part! I really love those two as theyíre both so adorable and meant to be together so my heart did break a little when I heard that Alice and Frank hadnít spoken in weeks. Then their conversation! I was just sitting there yelling at them to stop giving one another monosyllabic replies and actually talk. Then the talk about the weather, I know the only time I bring that up in conversation was when I couldnít think of what to say so I knew they were probably doing it for the same reason.
I really loved the memories of how Alice drew him out of his shell. I always imagined that one of them would be the quieter and shyer one of the two so hearing Frank was like that fit perfectly. I felt bad for him that he didnít have any friends, but I really loved the story of Alice dragging him over to James meaning that he started to become friends with them and became the quidditch commentator through that.
The make-up scene was wonderful ♥ I really loved how it happened and it was so fitting of them. I think my favourite part was when Frank was talking about his mum saying she had gotten used to them getting married and Aliceís reaction really made me aw as you could tell that she really didnít expect that to happen. Then Frankís impression of her was also great, and I can imagine why there would be differences between Alice and his mum.
Iím glad that we got a Lily-centric part as it was beginning to feel a little weird without either her or James featuring majorly. Jami, why did you have to make Gideon engaged? Why? Heís death going to be even more tragic now, so I suppose I should start preparing myself for it already, at least that way it wonít appear to be as bad as it will be. I loved the little thing with Margaret and Briscoe, it was so cute to watch as you could tell how much Margaret wanted to get close to him and I was awing away.
I remember saying in one of my first reviews that Violet was going to be one of those annoying ones and she did it again in this chapter. I felt bad for James as he really didnít have a clue what to do, other than telling her to go away there doesnít seem to be any solution to it. I did like Belleís suggestion, though I doubt the heads would let her get away with that!
Ack I hate that girl she is those words you said! My French isnít good enough to know if theyíre correct or not, but you could always ask Val as sheís fluent! Back to Violet hating though, ah I really canít say anything than she has some deep rooted issues she really needs to solve! I love Mary though she is my new favourite person and I felt proud of the way she stood up to Violet!
Another excellent chapter Jami and I canít wait for the remaining chapter and the sequel ♥
-Kiana Report Review
I have finally gotten around to reading and reviewing this! I am so sorry for the wait, but with the judge exam less than 3 months away, I'm in a perpetual state of panic these days!
I loved everything about this chapter! Let's take it from the top, shall we?
Number one: What did I tell you about playing with Bellatrix? You know she makes you want to kill of my favorite characters and we can't have that, now can we? I see that the second defy is well on its way and I'm fearing the day it will come to pass. Oh I sound so... educated :P
I liked that you focused on Alice and Frank for a bit in this chapter, since to me they seem like a team of their own and it was good to see some of their little quirks as a couple. Augusta is amazing! The kind of mother-in-law I'd like to have. Well, because she is badass, not because she is overbearing. Moody's lines were hilarious. You keep him so well in character!
Oh, the mean girls. I still have trouble adjusting to the idea that somewhere there are girls that think putting out will make them get the guy. Or that they can trick a guy into doing that... You can't. If they don't want to, they won't and Violet will end up making a fool of herself. That is, if Belle doesn't kill her first, which would be hilarious! I hope she does!
What annoys me about the Harry Potter books is the kids complaining about having to study History of Magic. I get that it's a plot device to show us that they are normal kids and all that ... but really! You are studying History of MAGIC! If you don't like it, I'll take it and you can have History of Law and State (yes, there is such a thing) and see how you like that!
One thing I noticed was a typo here: "time together before gradation." - graduation.
Other than that, your writing was flawless as usual and this chapter was amazing and look! I can use every letter of the alphabet to leave this review so it can be long and fan-girl like, unlike the one I left for chapter 29! Report Review
I've been reading this story since you first started posting, and I'm trying to ignore this, but every time it pops up on my bookmarked 'marauders' recently added I just cannot curb my disappointment in your story's summary. Your summary is not reflective of original substance waiting for us within. It's somewhat generic. You can't tell your audience that your novel is going to be heart-warming or soul-splitting. Those are reactions your readers have to apply to your story themselves. It's tantamount to publishing an actual novel and praising your own work on the dust jacket. Like you're telling us it is epic rather than showing us. It is not professional form for an author to compliment his/her own writing, characters, or plot, however indirectly, and referring to your story as heartwarming and soul-splitting, I must say, is a form of compliment. It sounds like something a critic would write under their rating of a film. To be honest, (and I assume you're open to constructive criticism since you've requested so many of the reviews you've received), it's simply not indicative of great storytelling, and I think your story is better than that. Honestly it's a great story - although I do prefer to hear about it from your readers and reviewers and not from you yourself. I've read a few of your other stories since I liked this one so well and I've noticed that you reference BTF in lots of review responses for stories that have nothing to do with BTF. It feels like advertising that's supposed to sound subtle and well-intended but really isn't very humbled behaviour on your part, as you go out of your way to weave in mentions of BTF. It's good to love your writing and to be your own advocate, but you've become a bit more corporate-minded after BTF's success - which is disheartening since I've been reading from the beginning and I watched you transform from an up-and-comer who sincerely loves her novel to a 'popular' author who cannot be perfectly content with her readership no matter how large it grows. Or at least that's how it seems to me. Seeing you reference BTF so often makes me less inclined to stay tuned for updates. That's why I'm a bit behind. I'm not trying to be harsh, only helpful in the long run. I wouldn't make these suggestions if I didn't think you were capable of improvement. Sorry, this review rambled on for much longer than I intended. Truly, I enjoy Before They Fall very much and I'm eager to see you return to your roots and focus on the aspects of writing that really matter; the aspects that translate through the screen to us readers who've been here before you had hundreds of reviews or pretty images in your chapter headers.Author's Response: Hi there! I've tried to respond to this a few different times and I just don't think I'm doing it the right way. I'm trying so hard not to be defensive, but it's hard because I do really, really love this story.
First, I want you to know I am so grateful for every single review I get. I stopped requesting reviews because I am so happy with the people I have reading it. Well, except for reviews from Arithmancy Wiz because that girl is the queen of CC.
Okay. The summary. I wish so much I could say that I'm going to change that, and I'll PM my beta to see if he has any ideas. But... you know how get attached to your first car? Or your first pair of designer jeans? Or your first pet or first plant or whatever? That's how I feel about that summary. And I don't mean for it to be talking about *my* story, but more the actual Marauders. Theirs story, no matter who writes it, is heart breaking and soul splitting. Four best friends people died before ever seeing the war. It's just... these people are the most amazing part of the series in my opinion. And I guess I wanted the summary to respect that, not so much my story. But I will absolutely think about what you said, I just don't want you to feel offended if I don't end up changing it.
Oh it really breaks my heart that you don't feel like I love my story anymore. I do, more than I can say. And not because of the reviews it has, not because of the CI's (which, are really pretty aren't they? The artists that makes them was the first person I ever started talking to on the forums, and I think she was the first person to ever review for me and I was the first to ever request a graphic from her so we sort of have a special bond :P). But i love this story because of how much damn work I put into it. Haha. I cry over things in it, and not because I think I'm just that good or anything, but because of how much of my emotion I get invested. I update every week. you've seen the size of my chapters. That isn't easy, at all. I do that because I'm so committed to this story and I just want to do whatever I can to make it the best story it can be.
But more than that, this has all been about me trying to improve. I'm trying to grow as a writer, so requesting reviews at the start was the best way to do so. Those reviewers are so much of the reason I'm still writing. I don't request anymore because I know how lucky I am to have the readers I have. But still, the people that CC'd me, were harsh enough to make me cry, and reminded me of what I need to work on are some of those that kept me going. Now I just feel lucky that I have five or six people reviewing every chapter and don't want to get greedy by requesting any more reviews :P.
I don't know if I'm answering this the right way. I just want you to know that I do love this story. So much that the comment you made about it not seeming like I do broke my heart more than any other review has. But I'm still really grateful you took the time to leave your comments, and please don't hesitate to ever offer any CC. Or if you want to talk more about this, you can always PM me on the forums. I'm JChrissy over there as well.
OH! And about talking about BTF in other stories! AH! I'm sorry! haha, that really does drive me crazy when other authors do that, so I'm making a promise to you NOT to do it anymore :P. I think I fall in to that trap because most of my other story ideas come from writing things in BTF, so in my head they're all sort of connected :P
Thank you again, and I hope I was able to saying that made sense in this and I sincerely, sincerely hope you're able to see how much this story does mean to me.
♥ Jami Report Review
Jami, you and I need to have a little talk about this Violet girl. Remember how I've been lobbying for a very untidy demise for Mr. Rukin? Now I think I'd prefer to see Violet suffer a collision with the goalpost seconds after she catches the Snitch and mouths "I love you" to James. A fitting end, no? Everybody's happy. Well, except for Violet...
First, however, we need to talk about dear Bella. Her insanity is exquisite, as always! The mania with which she worships her Lord, and her burning need for even the tiniest measures of approval from him were perfect. She seems to be making her way back into his good graces, and the physical sort of affect that it has on her was well-written.
I like the way that you rounded out the Death Eaters by mentioning their attempt to recruit the giants. I think it's important not to lose sight of the fact that Voldemort is trying to take over the world. Wow, as I re-read that sentence, it sounds really dumb. But you get what I mean, right? There are lots of matters that need to be attended to, and you do a good job of weaving that into your story. Being the Dark Lord is about more than just saying evil things and going on the occasional murderous rampage.
Now what's this about Bellatrix taking revenge on a certain female who helped to prevent her from capturing James and Lily? I don't like the sound of that, not one bit. Yes, she thought as her lips curved into a very infrequent smile, she would get justice. She would stand and watch as the light fled from her prey's eyes. Watch as the heart slowed, then stopped. -- Gah, she's so awful! But I can't look away.
Before I get into Alice's section, let me just say that this non-verbal, wandless shield charm sounds like it could really come in handy. Nice idea!
I really liked the struggle that Alice goes through. She's trying so hard to deal with the argument she's having with Frank the same way that she'd tell any of her friends to deal with it: sit down and talk it out. She such a practical, level-headed person and she's a communicator.
Poor Frank, for his part, is such a mama's boy at heart! I'd probably be the same way if I grew up peeking out from behind the skirts of a woman as formidable as Augusta Longbottom. To wit: "But I need security, Alice. You know I've always been that way." -- That was a whole lot of honesty, probably not at all easy for him to admit. It's neat to watch the process of Frank transitioning his emotional attachments (dependencies?) from one strong, independent-minded witch to another. It actually makes him seem like a bit of a man-child.
Summoning all of those memories, both before and after Frank's arrival, was a nice was to ease the two of them back together. It also gave us some more great insight into Frank's character. Alice really does seem to mean almost everything to him. It isn't at all surprising that he's terrified of losing her. Makes me kind of glad that Neville never found a girlfriend while he was at Hogwarts. He might have been too busy sheltering her in a corner to cut the head off of Nagini. ;)
Aww, so it was actually Augusta who slapped some sense into Frank. Well done, Mrs. Longbottom! It's really awesome to see her realize what Alice is all about, even if she is a bit obnoxious about Alice's weight and going on about Frank and Alice's love life.
Lastly, there was Moody. I really love what you do with him, you know. You don't go over the top in either direction, making him a big teddy bear or a completely unapproachable lunatic. But you keep him gruff and grumpy and all-around menacing in an oddly loveable way. With that, he rubbed his hands together and told them to take out their wands and prepare to leave the room with at least one less finger. -- Yep, that's Mad-Eye!
You start off the last scene by weaving another little thread of connection into Lily and James's world. So Margaret's older sister is engaged to Gideon Prewett. I wonder how this will come to impact future events. I have the very sad feeling that aside from Peter, Sirius and Remus, none of James and Lily's friends have especially long life expectancies. :( It also gives Lily a bit of an opportunity to ponder what sort of living arrangements she and James will have after school. I feel like you're setting up a Big Decision, which is odd, because it's such a small mention. Wonder whether Lily and James will live together before they're married?
And then Violet arrives. Seriously, Jami, can we just kill her now? Belle seemed ready if Lily hadn't stopped her. In fact, I feel like there could be a violent confrontation in Belle and Violet's future. Or maybe that's just what I'm hoping for. Either way, I think I'm just going to start calling her Vile for short. As you know, that's a lot less nasty than what I want to call her.
I absolutely loved what you did with Lily. She's trying so hard to be the bigger adult here. Her logical mind knows that James isn't that sort of guy, and that he isn't going to throw away their relationship over any sort of quick fling with Vile. But her heart isn't going to let her head win the fight that easily. You captured something sort of primal in her character here. A part of her that looks at Vile fawning over James and snarls, "MINE! Get away, you trampy, amoral little hoe-bag!" Gah, I so want her to just hex the daylights out of that girl and leave her vomiting slugs and oozing unidentified green substances from every pore. But Lily's the Head Girl. She's a bigger adult. And the fact that you can't eat in the Library actually comes in handy.
Vile isn't going to give up easily, is she? Where's Alice when you need her? My money says that Alice would have confronted the girl right then and there. Because Alice isn't one to let a situation linger. Unlike Lily. Sigh. :(
Wonderful chapter, and I'm also a little sad to see things counting down to the end. Good thing there's another coming! Report Review
Bellatrix! Did I tell you that you write her amazingly? She's so cruel and cold and she gives me the chills. It's hard to write a villain for me, so I might get inspired by your characterization of Bella. :)
Aah, finally Frank and Alice are not arguing. They're so perfect together aren't they? Author's Response: Awww I'm so happy you like Bellatrix in this! And I hope you're able to get inspired by her!
I have a trick I use with her that may or may not help, but i'll tell you anyway in case it does. In my head, Bellatrix bears a lot of similarities to a very battered spouse, with Voldemort being the abuser. Now, obviously there's plenty of huge differences, like the fact that she really is insane. But her attitude, her willingness to do anything for Voldemort, to always come back to him no matter what he does to her - and not because she's afraid of him, but because she needs his approval - is just what I connect that to. If you ever want to use that mentality to try and write her, feel free! It really helped me for some reason, haha!
Wow, sorry to ramble so much. But I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and yes, I totally agree that Alice and Frank are perfect together ♥
Hi Jami! (your name isn't that common where I come from, so it doesn't sound unoriginal to me!)
Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to review this chapter, but I've been busy with exams and revision, so while I have a few days free I'm taking the opportunity to get caught up with some reading and reviewing.
I feel so sorry for Lily in this chapter, especially with the way that Petunia treated her. In a way I can understand her reaction, and also the reasons why she might hate magic so much; it's not only that she's jealous of it, but that it's been responsible for the deaths of some of her closest family, and that would be difficult for anyone to deal with. That's not to excuse the way she treated Harry, of course, but this story's actually made me think that there might be something else behind it.
I'm so glad that Lily has James to help her through this. He's very protective of her and at times it seems that he's a little over-protective, especially since the two aren't a couple yet, but at the same time I kind of feel it's what she needs at this point in time to help her deal with it all. I know I've already said this, but I'm so glad to see that James and Lily are friends and aren't going from hate to love in an instant!
Lily seems like such a strong character here, and I love that about her. She's really brave to go back to Hogwarts after all that she's been through, and although James thinks it's too soon, I know that sometimes it can be better to do something that will take your mind off what you've seen or what's happened, and help you pretend that everything is normal. Plus, there aren't many places that are safer than Hogwarts with Dumbledore as headmaster (shamelessly paraphrasing Hagrid there).
I also really like the way that you write the relationship between James and his parents. Olivia seems pretty wise (a bit like Dumbledore, actually!) in helping James to realise that he's got to let Lily do what she wants, and that he doesn't always know what's best for her.
Another aspect I enjoyed was the way you portrayed the friendship between James, Sirius and Peter. Peter often isn't included in Marauders stories, or if he is he seems quite a repulsive character. I think there must have been some reason that the four of them were friends (other than convenience, of course!). It's great to see him here.
You have such a lovely and compelling style of writing, and it just seems really natural when I read through it. I'm enjoying this so much already and I'm only on the second chapter! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens in the next chapter, when they get to Hogwarts!
Sian :) (It's actually Welsh for Jane, which isn't all that original when you think about it! :P)Author's Response: Hi Sian! Is Jami Welsh for anything neat??
So I get certain reviews that, to give them the response they deserve, I copy and paste into a different document then answer the review here as I read it on that. And your reviews is definitely on of those. Haha. THANK YOU for that ♥
I'm really happy you enjoyed this chapter ♥ Although having exams sucks. I can't say I miss that aspect of being in school :P
You'll see a LOT more of Petunia throughout this. I have a big problem believing her and Lily just stopped being close and that was it. I'm not sure if you have any siblings, but if you do you know nothing is ever that simple. I hope you like their story as that unfolds, too!
I had a really hard time imagining what Lily would do in this situation. I didn't want to make her too brave, but brave enough to show how she eventually becomes the woman she does. I'm extra happy you thought I hit a good balance here ♥ And I liked your Hagrid paraphrasing, although I'm going to assume you don't have a big long beard :P!
That's exactly what I wanted to do with Olivia. Give her some of those Dumbledore-ish qualities. Thanks to JKR's 'James's parents died of natural causes and old age' statement, I've had to make them much older than I'd have liked. In this, they're in their 80s but don't seem a day over fifty.
I completely agree about there being a reason that all four of them were friends. And even if they picked on Peter a bit more, you still don't stay friends with someone for seven years just to pick on them. I do really try to give him is own personality in this. I hope you end up liking it!
All your compliments are turning me to mush. I'm so happy you liked the start of this, and I hope you end up being able to see improvement in my writing throughout the story. That's something I really strive for.
Thank you so much for your absolutely awesome review, Sian ♥! Report Review
Hi Jami! I'm so sorry I never got to reviewing the previous chapters, but RL stuck its nose in the way. Speaking of which, I may not be reviewing the coming chapters either because revision and exam period is starting, and I think the computer will be a no-go zone until the end of June. The prospect makes me want to sob.
Right, moving on. I loved the appearance of Bellatrix at the start of this: as always, she was very disturbing to read. I don't know if this is just me, but have you changed your way of writing her? I feel like before we saw things through her eyes while still being exterior to the scene, whereas here I was completely in her head, without the sense of detachment I usually get. Does that even make sense?
I'm so happy Alice and Frank managed to solve their argument. If this wasn't you scrupulously sticking to cannon, and if I didn't know how the story went, I think I would have died seeing them angry at one another because they just fit together so well. Please don't throw anything at me, but I think I might almost, almost prefer them to James and Lily.
Ugh, revisions, following me even here. LEAVE ME ALONE EXAMS, PLEASE! I think I'm actually going to use the technique for myself though.
Violet is a character I had forgotten about, to be honest. I think she worries me more than Bellatrix, and I was persuaded her sandwiches would be spiked with love potion. And now she wants to do what? Huh, not a chance. I loved Mary appearing here, though I don't understand why she'd be friends with someone like Violet.
Aw, it's finished already... I can't wait for next Saturday!
Also, just me nitpicking: it wouldn't be ca, it would be cette or quelle. That being said, I think the more I see Belle, the more I love her. And on that note, I adored Alice thinking back to how the group came together, and at the same time it made me sad because they haven't got much time left.
Right, and that reminds me: it breaks my heart to still see Peter being nice and loyal and part of the group -- we all know how that ends. And I also wanted to cry when you mentioned Margaret's sister marrying Gideon, because he dies and I'm pretty sure you'll stab us in the feels with that.
I'm very, very conflicted about this chapter. Amazing work, as always &heartsAuthor's Response: Oh oh oh VAL! I can't tell you how scared I was that you got bored of BTF! YAY. HI!
You know you never have to leave me long reviews or any at all, just knowing you're still reading makes my week ♥ and definitely focus on school first. BTF isn't going anywhere!
You know, I think you're absolutely right with how I write her and that changing. I think it may have actually changed with all the characters, I just didn't really realize it. I hope you like this way, without the sort of detachment, better!
Hahah I can't throw anything at you, you're too sweet! I really like Alice and Frank as well. Probably not more than LandJ, because, well, you know. But I love how level headed their relationship is but without lacking passion. They're actually based very loosely off my sister and her fiance. Those two met in HS, and they're the sort of couple that just seems normal together. They don't act or seem like they're head over heels in love, but you know they are. And Alice and Frank sort of reminds me of them.
Hahah Violet is so much fun to write as just an annoying bratty girl. We'll see a different side to her in a while, and I think then you might be able to tell what draws Mary to her.
I knew I should have asked you! Thank you, I'll fix my French ♥
I'm sorrry :( that's all I have to say for how everything all ends. You know if I could change it I would. I've been so tempted before to give them a happy ending... but I just can't. BUT I do have a plan to sort of make it all feel happy by the time we get to the end. Except for Peter. because as sad as it is, he can never take back what he did. Or will do.
AH sorry I'm talking gibberish. THANK YOU for another amazing review and for still being into BTF and gah ♥ You're awesome. Report Review
Awe i loved how you included the scene with Alice and Frank!!! Why can't Violet just stop?! I hate hate hate hate her! She needs to fall off a cliff or drown in the Black Lake. Update soon!! :)Author's Response: Hi darling! Yes, they've been needing their own scene, haven't they? I'm so happy you liked it!
Hahahah should i just add in a chapter about Violet being taken out of Hogwarts by her mum and dad? :P
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! I hope you like this Saturdays one as well!! ♥
Jami Report Review
Phew, I'm back again :)
I love that we got a bit more Quidditch James at the start of this chapter. His determination to win, especially as it's his last year is not misplaced in the slightest and it was so fun to read.
I was slightly worried when Alrek first showed up in this chapter. He's been quiet for a few chapters which meant he could be up to stuff again. I was practically shouting at the group to realise about him then Lily did. Yes! Finally! I know they aren't sure but at least they're suspicious. It's better than nothing.
The quidditch match was really well written! One thing that did confuse me though is that you had the final score to be 'Two-hundred and thirty to one-hundred and sixty!' Which means Gryffindor were on 80 points to Hufflepuffs 160 before they caught the snitch but before that you had Gryffindor pulling into the lead. Tiny minute detail - maybe Hufflepuff pulled back (if they did ignore this completely) but I think there might be a small maths error there... No biggie though, I just thought I'd point it out though :).
I was so excited to see the Prewett twins come into the story! They were very similar to Fred and George and that was so fun to read. It was also kind of sad as that means I've got someone else to get attached to before they die but until then we can enjoy them. I also loved how enthusiastic Moody is about Frank and Alice. Oh and James has a Quidditch offer and Lily is getting through to being a healer. It's all working in their favour but there's such dark times coming. It makes me so sad.
Albus and Minerva in this chapter are once again so true to the original series. I love Minerva in particular, how much she wants to protect her students. It's so amazing to read!
One other little thing: 'Consequently, had to tell Frank and Sirius that they were expected to take their dates somewhere lovely, as well.' That didn't quite make sense... was it supposed to be 'Consequently, he had to'
Lovely chapter Jami!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Lauren! Hi!!! :hug: Quidditch is always so hard for me, but I do try and remember what a big part of James it is. So I guess that gives it the right to featured now and again.
Is it mean to say that I'm happy you were practically shouting at the group? I really wanted to frustrate people with the slow sort of way they finally started suspecting him, haha.
Oh gosh, yes I'm sure it's a math error. I'm terrible with numbers. We'll just pretend that Hufflepuff started catching up, haha! Though I'll probably go back and fix it when my brain is working a bit better. That way it won't bug me. Thank you ♥
Oh my gosh that happens to be so much. I really enjoy writing a character and then realize it's another one that has to die, and pretty much think, lovely. It's so hard getting attached to people from the Marauder's era, and not at all fair that we love them so much :(!
I'm so happy Albus and Minerva still feel true to character. They take so much work for me and I always worry that they aren't quite right.
Yes! It's supposed to be 'he had to.' Thank you ♥ I'll go edit that one right now!
Thank you for another amazing review, Lauren! I can't even tell you how happy I am that you're still enjoying this ♥
Hi Jami! Sorry for not reviewing all the chapters! I wanted to, but I wanted to keep up with the updates. The chapters are quite long so it took me weeks to be here to read the 29th. =] Anyways, from now on, I'll definitely review the upcoming chapters.
I really enjoyed the story so far. You are sticking with canon but you are applying your own ideas as well. The combination is nice. :) I really like Belle now. She's so right for Sirius! Oh and I also liked the Lily being a Healer thing. =]
Waiting for updates!!
AshwiniAuthor's Response: Hi Ashwini! No! Really, I'd rather you do what you did. I want you to actually enjoy reading and not feel like you have to stop every chapter and review, and I'm so honored that you spent the time getting caught up!!
The chapters are SO long. I have problems. haha. I just get so carried away :P.
I'm so happy you like Belle. I know she wasn't a lot of people's favorite at first, so it makes me really excited that after you've gotten to know her a bit more you like her ♥
Thank you so much for taking the time to get caught up and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you enjoyed it enough to continue reading. This review was the best thing to wake up to. You've absolutely made my week. thank you ♥ And I can't wait to see you on Saturday!
(Ps. I'm still in love with your name. haha). Report Review
Hi darling! I should be working on chapter three of TS, but I figured this was a much better way to spend half an hour! And it certainly was!
Okay, so you know how I love the snippets of the Death Eaters. Love, love it! I really like how you give us that glimpse into Lucius's mind - I've always thought that he was never truly enthused about Voldemort and you just confirmed my head canon! And that brief moment with Bellatrix - gosh, thought I would die. I'm supposed to hate her, but I'm oddly fascinated with her obsession with Voldemort and her twisted psyche. The entire section was brilliant. Just brilliant. Great description and characterization all-around.
I did notice one tiny (very miniscule) thing - aren't Lucius's eyes grey? I checked and the HP wiki said that they were, but it's your story and your creative license, so feel free to ignore me.
I'm really jealous of your dialogue. It is so good, Jami, so good. Are you sure you don't whip up these chapters in like an hour and then send them in all perfectly wrapped in a bow? I think you do. Oh, and this last section with the four in their forms! Oh. My. Holy. Harry. Potter. Where did you get the idea to write it from James's POV while he's in form? That is so genius. It was honestly fascinating and I was enthralled the entire time.
"Blue against grey. Steel against sky." - That last sentence, Jami. Don't ask me why, but my heart skipped a beat and...I think this is your shining star here. You know I always find the smallest things and think they're the best and this is one of them. It's short and striking. Steel against sky. It's more than the color of their eyes, but describes their personalities so well and in only three words. Three words. At the same time, they could be only one or they could be both. The steel of Sirius's resolve against Voldemort and the Death Eaters, to his need for freedom, for the sky. It's all so perfect. I can't handle it. SO MANY FEELS.
This review didn't make a bit of sense, it's just a squee. One big fangirlish squee. I can't wait to get to the next chapter!
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Shelby!! How am I supposed to respond to such a completely amazing review?
Bellatrix is one of my very favorite characters to write. It was hard to not go with her PoV for this chapter, but I do like getting a bit from all different Death Eaters. And I wanted to show a more... sane perspective on what was happening, haha. But I totally get what you mean about not hating Bellatrix, because she's so, so fascinating! For me, she and the rest of the Death Eaters are a really nice way to balance out the Marauders not really understanding how bad things are outside of the castle.
I'm so happy you liked my descriptions! That's such an awesome compliment coming from you ♥
Haha yes, I'm pretty sure you're correct and Lucius's eyes are grey. Why I decided they're blue, I have no idea :P. Thank you m'dear!
Aww! You're going to turn me all mushy! How am I supposed to respond to your amazing compliments? Can I just sit here and grin like an idiot?
I had so much fun writing them transfigure into their animal selves. And putting a sort of... method behind it. I think that what they become is such a huge part of all the boys, that I really didn't want to just skim past their transforming. I'm so happy you liked that section!!
Aw Shelby!!! I'm so excited that you like that line! Actually I'm just on cloud nine with this entire review. Belle and Sirius have become one of my favorite parts about writing this story. And now with all your sweet words you're giving ME SO MANY FEELS!
Thank you so much Shelby ♥ ♥ Report Review
I love the girls when they get together to be girly without boys.
The first section, with the mock duel is reminding us of the oncoming storm they will be confronted with soon enough. Getting these two to duel shows us the perilous nature of the conflict which will slowly seize the world they live in. It is sorrowful to think of the truth of things, which is: they will fight with friends, some will fight with their kin, nobody will be left uninjured, whether it is injury of the mind or of the body.
The issues the future Longbottoms begin to experience must be brewing for some time between them, but with the end of their schooling coming closer, it is something I suspect will begin to frequent the minds of those involved in this conflict between good and evil.
Lily is so innocent but I love how she turns to her friends for tips, giving them the opening to frighten her with some sides to the story which might not be quite true.
This is one very lovely story, I enjoy going on this trip down this period in the series with you very much. I will expect with curiosity next week's ventures.Author's Response: Ral. I don't even know how to respond to this without laughing. All that work and there was still an a! BOO!
Moody showing everyone that, no matter what, things can change was sort of a bitter sweet moment for me. Especially with the fact that Sirius is suspected as the traitor a few years down the road. But it also felt like the sort of lesson the man would bring up... never a break for this group, I swear :P.
'The issues with the future Longbottoms,' was a very impressive way to avoid the A's in their names, haha! But yes, I think it's been building up for some time between them and the death of the Aurors just sort of pushed Frank over the edge.
Writing that last section was so much fun for me. We all know how much our girl friends mean to us during a time like that ;).
Thank you Ral for a perfect and highly entertaining review ;)!
♥ Report Review
Yay! I ask you for an Alice chapter and now we have an Alice chapter. Sort of, anyway. I foresee more Frank and Alice time in the future.
But before we get to that, I loved all the "guy chat" at the start of the chapter. What a perfectly natural-sounding conversation among a mixed (single vs. dating) group of teenage boys! I'm going to assume that you've never been a teenage boy before, so that makes it even more impressive. So many little dominance games playing out, with each boy trying to assert his own "territory". You have Frank pushing back against everyone else's attempts to try to fix his relationship, James trying to be a father figure, Sirius the "team player", Remus and Peter teasing back and forth about why neither one of them has a girlfriend, James getting thoroughly emasculated by his choice in reading material... it goes on and on. You have such a great command of these characters, even the minor ones and even when they're not in the embroiled in the main conflicts that define the story. Very nicely done!
In the middle of it all was a line that cracked me up more than I can readily explain: "It's Tuesday," Peter reasoned. "Everyone acts funny on Tuesdays." I think what killed me about that line was the word "reasoned", because there's no reasonable reason for anyone to think that, but it just rolls off of Peter's tongue like the most natural observation in the world. That boy ain't right...
Also, this: Then they'd be able to make fun of Remus for being the world's most whipped werewolf. - It's funny until you stop and realize that none of them ever had the chance to make fun of Remus once he became a whipped werewolf. And now I'm sad. But you don't leave it at that, you just keep piling it on, talking about what kind of girls Remus and Peter are going to marry and what James and Lily will do with their lives. Sometimes loving this story is torture...
Another thing that struck me is the way you really brought Peter out of the woodwork in this chapter and gave him a little spark that we haven't seen much of so far. Seeing him suddenly going insult-for-insult with Sirius is an interesting change for him. Naturally, it makes me suspicious whether there's a reason...
Ah, the Slytherins have arrived! Strange that Moody would tolerate such a thing. Unless he's sizing up the opposition. Or maybe he really was planning to let James and Sirius curse the pants off of them. I loved all of Moody's teaching methods. He sounded perfectly in character and the Prophet article drives home the reality of just how pervasive the Death Eathers' brand of thinking had become by this point in the war.
You just enjoy tormenting me, don't you? This: "It's scary, isn't it?" Peter whispered to the group. "That just because you don't do what they want, they'll probably kill you."
"That's why you never even give them the chance to talk to you," Sirius answered in a gravelly tone. "And you sure as hell donít let them blackmail you into doing something." -- GAH!!! Kill him now, Sirius! Kill the filthy, back-stabbing rodent NOW!
And just to twist the knife a little more: James glanced at Peter and gave him a solid pat on the back. "Don't worry, Wormtail. That's why weíre here. To make sure no more of those bloody Death Eaters ever get the chance to talk to us." Peter nodded, offering James a small smile. -- I'm not certain what you're playing at with this. Again, it makes me wonder whether events have already been set in motion where Peter is concerned. Either way, the friendly comfort that James offers him is horribly sad to see, knowing what's to come. :(
Poor James! At every turn, it seems like Moody's finding a way to unintentionally torment him. Whether it's picking on Margaret to answer questions or bringing Lily and Alexander up to be the first dueling pair. I love the protectiveness he feels towards all of them, whatever his reason to feel responsible for them.
So the only thing I wish you'd done differently is devote more time to the dueling pairs other than James and Sirius. Snape and his opponent would have been particularly interesting, but also Remus and Avery. I know this was a long chapter already, but I would have loved to see what sort of devilish pleasure Snape would have taken in showing off his martial abilities. And Remus beating up on Avery? That's just icing on the cake. Maybe a little taunting from the Slytherins about how things would have turned out differently if they hadn't been limited to simple spells.
The sad little look on McGonagall's face at the end of the first section was a nice reminder of what's happening. Our little witches and wizards are growing up. And there's nothing Minerva can do to stop it.
Poor Alice and Frank! I don't think I'm going to be able to comment as much on the second section. For one thing, I'm running out of characters. For another, there isn't much I can do aside from gush. You are the master of "girl talk" between these three. From the moment that Lily -- Lily Evans! -- decides that they should skip class right through to Lily's, um, romantic anxieties, it was beautifully done. I have only a couple of comments.
First, the way that Alice and Belle pull Lily's leg about s-e-x was priceless! Poor, sheltered Lily! She's so often the one that other people are going to for advice, I guess it's only natural that they have a little fun with her.
The second thing, and we've talked about this already: "And Alice and I will both be 'ere to talk about it with you after it 'appens," Belle said and Alice nodded in agreement. -- This is obviously a girl thing. Guys do not do this. No guy ever says to another guy, "If you want to talk about your feelings after you do the nasty with that blonde chick from school, I'm here for you, bro!" Does. Not. Happen. ;)
Ah, Jami, it's always such a pleasure. Great job, and I look forward to next time!Author's Response: Daniel! HELLO!
You're Alice/Frank request is not over at this chapter, good sir. They might have a bit more coming up...
Well, I suppose you can assume I was never a teenage boy. I wasn't even a tom boy. I do worry about how I do with slipping into the boy's, but half the time they feel more comfortable to write than the girls. No wonder JKR used Harry for HP instead of Henriette. Simpler creatures, you boys are.
Poor James really shouldn't have opened his mouth about the magazine. But what teenage boy hasn't flipped through his mom's Victoria's Secret magazine? You better have Martie hide hers when the boys start getting older... :P
Hahaha I don't even know where that line came form, but it seemed to fit Peter, didn't it?
I hate that none of them got to see the end of the war, even more that none of them were able to see Remus happy for that short while. I know what you mean about this story being torture. I have to constantly remind myself why on earth I'm putting so much effort into these characters who are all going to be dead in a few years times. Then I think about how much they deserve an actual life before death... and bah. Now I have sads :(.
Haha Daniel Smith, you know Peter is good for now. You'll know the second things start to change with him, pinky promise. Can't even utter wise crack without you wanting to pin the poor guys as turning over to the dark side ;).
I definitely think he was curious to size up the Slytherins. And probably to see if they had the... umm... you know whats to actually show.
Hahahh no no no! No killing Peter now! He just needs a cookie, is all :P
I knowww I wish I'd have been able to do a bit more with the duels. But with this already being 8,000 words it just had to take a back seat :(. And there's going to be so much more of that next book, that I figured it was okay to sort of skim past it in this one. Duels aren't easy for me to write. I can't believe how you were able to come up with the ones you have in CoB.
Yep, McGonagall just saw everything she didn't want to see and did at the same time with those two dueling. They know what an amazing asset to the order they'd be simply for their intelligence and bravery, but actually seeing their capable skills just reminded her that she can't protect them forever, and they'll end up where part of her really doesn't want them :(. Poor Minnie. See, you have me using that ridiculous nickname now :P.
It was a lot of fun to have Lily being the clueless one in this situation. Although it did make me sort of sad, because this is the kind of talk most girls have with their moms. And Lily not getting to do that tugged on my heart strings a bit :(.
Hahahahha Dan, you guys are missing you. Feelings talks are the best. You should really try and implement something similar next time you're with the guys. They'll thank you for it, I'm sure ;)
♥ Report Review
Yay! I wanted to know why Alice and Frank were mad at each other. Fantastic as usual.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so happy you liked this chapter!
♥ Jami Report Review
Hi Jami! Sorry its taking me a while to catch up, but I'm getting there!
Once again you have shown us how flawlessly you can write the friendships between these people. Belles thoughts are pretty much how I expected them to be in regards to her feelings toward Sirius at this moment in time. It's totally understandable, as I said in the last chapter, the hurt she feels with how he dismissed her the way he did. I really enjoyed how she thought it out and went over things.
We then get to see her talk it through with her friends and once again they understand her and are so supportive of however she decides to take it from here. They also give her some good advice to help her. I just love Alice though; '"Except Belle," Alice added as they finished the descent down the last few stairs. "She'll come revise with us until Sirius shows up. Then sheíll spend the entire time trying so hard to ignore him that she'll have no idea what we're talking about."' I love the way she just bluntly says things like they are. Its a good dynamic to have in the group and makes me love her so much as a character.
The whole conversation between Sirius and Belle was a rollercoaster but I loved every second of it. One of my favourite bits though was where the Hufflepuff girl eyed Sirius, and even though she's still really angry at him the jealousy still kicks in, showing us how much she does care about him, regardless of what he's done.
They talk it out though and both understand how the other was feeling. The way they dealt with the whole issue is one of the highlights of their relationship for me and I really hope this makes them stronger as a couple! They're too lovely together to not be together.
Can I just say this quote: '"You think I give up that easily, princess? After watching James trail around Lily like a lovesick puppy for years, then that finally paying off, Iíve learned a thing or two about persistence."' Perfect. I loved it! This is exactly the kind of thing I could see Sirius saying!
Once again the meeting between the gang was just like picking up one of the seven books we know so well and watching the trio discussing the current events surrounds Hogwarts. It was fantastically written. The line '"I've known Severus most of my life," she said, her words sharp. "He may want power, and yes heís going about it the wrong way, but he would never lead me into something that would get me killed."' though -Jami!! You're always always doing this to us! Gah when you know the ending it makes this so much harder.
I loved the unveiling of the Marauders Map. Lily is right - it is one of the most amazing inventions in the HP series.
I really enjoyed this chapter and the development of Sirius and Belle. Oh - and don't worry, belles accent was fine. It didn't bother me in the slightest!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Don't apologize! I'm just so happy you're still reading ♥
I really try and make sure to keep the girls personalities separate while still making it obvious how well they all fit together, so I'm extra happy you liked this section with them and their dynamic. Poor Belle has a lot of baggage and things she'll be more sensitive about than most people would.
Hahaha it FELT like a roller coaster when I was writing it! I very, very rarely just feel exhausted after finishing a section, but that one zapped everything out of me. I don't think their arguments would be clean and easy, I think they would be loud and messy and explosive. Just like the two people themselves ;).
Aww I'm so happy you quoted that line! Sirius is definitely one of my favorite characters to write.
Hahahah I don't really mean to, either! Like I don't set out thinking of lines I can to sort of twist the knife, but they just happen! And Severus, rawr. If only he'd have kept his fat mouth shut about what he overheard.
Phew! Belle's accent always worries me! I'm happy that it didn't bother you!
Thank you so much Lauren for spoiling me with your amazing reviews ♥ Report Review
Hey Jami, I hope youíre feeling better and yay another update :D
ďItís Tuesday,Ē Peter reasoned. ďEveryone acts funny on Tuesdays.Ē Haha I loved this line so much, because it showed Peterís place among the friends, and that he is allowed to have his own view and muck about with them. And yeah it was just awesome.
And we got to see Frank! Yay! We havenít seen much of him lately. I hope thereís a Frank and Alice centric chapter coming up soon, as I really love those two and weíve had a Sirius/Belle one and of course lots of James and Lily ones :P I did find it slightly suspicious about what the girls were up to though, but Iím with Remus itís probably nothing to worry about. Itís probably just a surprise for all the guys or whatever.
Iím glad that you touched upon about how Frank wasnít as close to the others. I know some people try and make there be a fifth Marauder but it just doesnít work, so Iím glad that you made it clear that there wasnít. Ooh and how exciting the duelling lessons are beginning, letís hope theyíre not going to be as eventful as Harryís ones. Then again, there isnít Lockhart around to go and do stupid things.
I really loved Moodyís characterisation, it was great. I felt so bad for Margaret as it seemed so awful what he was doing to her. It did seem like something he would do though, and Iím glad that sheís on the good side. Jamesí thoughts about his quidditch player being potentially harmed was great, and it added a humorous moment to an otherwise dark one.
Ok Iím really intrigued about whatís going on with the girls, perhaps Jamesí worry about them was ok, after all. First theyíre talking about it will be alright, and I was just sitting there like what you canít bring it up and not mention it, but Iím hoping it will pop up in the rest of the chapter. Then thereís Lily suggesting that they skip class, I never thought that day would come.
Come on Frank, donít be silly like that. I suppose I can understand his point of view, but Alice seems to passionate about this that there isnít going to be anything that will get in the way of her. Aw you shouldnít have brought this up Jami, as now itís making me think of what happens to them. And then what will happen to Belle, I guess the canon thing to do will be to kill her, but that would be awful. Hopefully she can just get amnesia or go back to France or something.
I spotted a tiny error here ĎďFor me, Itís later zen most girls.í I think you accidently capitalised the ĎIí :)
I really loved reading the girl talk, as it just showed how close they all are if they can talk about something like that without getting embarrassed or whatever. Iím beginning to wonder whether that conversation at the end of the chapter is going to lead to something between James and Lily. I guess you wonít say, so Iíll just have to wait and see.
Another great chapter Jami, and I canít wait for the next :D
-KianaAuthor's Response: Hi Kiana! I've pretty much just resigned to being sick for the rest of my life. Working with kids means a constant flood of germs, haha! Jk (sort of) I am feeling much better, thank you ♥
I really don't enjoy the sort of fifth Marauder take, so setting it straight that yes, he is there friend, but he's not really one of them was important to me. And Frank is perfectly fine with that. I feel like he is the sort of guy that's fine just being friends with everyone. I completely forgot about Lockhart's involvement in Harry's dueling lessons! Ha! I'm going to have to go back and read the second book again :P.
The girls definitely needed a bit of time to themselves. Or more specifically, Alice needed a bit of time to try and rant about Frank :P. I've been wanting to bring up Frank's uncertainty about Alice's place in the Auror department for a while now, and after the attack that resulted in two Aurors killed it seemed like the perfect time. But you're right, Alice is so passionate about it and she knows what she wants.
Thank you! I went through and fixed that letter ♥
The girl talk was a lot of fun to write. Especially with Lily being the one who needs the advice for once, and not knowing everything. haha.
Oh! And I can tell you that even though this does put some things in Lily's mind, she would never let their first time be in Hogwart's Castle. I think that would feel like committing some sort of terrible act against the school to her, haha!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter ♥ thank you for another amazing review ♥
Wow, I can't believe I just read the last chapter that's up! It feels so strange, to be caught up with everyone else.
Okay, so in this chapter there were A LOT of little bits and pieces that I liked and made me want to laugh and sob my eyes out and I don't know where to start (I realize that quite a few of my reviews are all over the place and probably don't make a lot of sense).
Haha, I loved how awkward James was when he asked Frank if he wanted to talk about what happened between he and Alice! And then Sirius just says: ďWell, next time you piss (hope that's a 12+ word) Alice off,Ē Sirius began, ďmake sure you tell us so we can be prepared for the rest of them to be out of sorts. Common courtesy, really. Right, James?Ē
I also loved the line: ďWhat Witches are Wearing?Ē James supplied, then instantly wished he hadnít' because I can just imagine James blurting that out, and Sirius's reaction was just perfect!
James's thoughts about Peter and Remus both finding girlfriends and the war finally being over made me want to both laugh and cry at the same time. It feels horrible to think that the war isn't going to be over for another twenty years:(
The line: ďDonít worry, Wormtail. Thatís why weíre here. To make sure no more of those bloody Death Eaters ever get the chance to talk to us.Ē More tragic irony! I love it and yet want to scream at the same time! I absolutely adore how you sneak lines like this into your chapters, as I've mentioned before.
And then there was the line: 'They could curse them so bad theyíd have to spend the rest of the year in St. Mungo's' which just made me think of Alice and Frank:( I think I'm going to have to go back and read the Harry Potter books again with this story planted firmly in my mind. And I've just realized that this review is pretty much me quoting a heck of a lot of your magnificent lines, so sorry about that!
Oooh, the duel between Sirius and James was very intense! They are clearly very evenly matched. And McGonagall's look...I'm still not quite sure what all that was about, so now I am extremely curious!
Loved the girl's talk, which we haven't had much of for a while! Very sad that Frank and Alice had a fight, but I guess it makes them much more realistic! And Lily Evans, Head Girl and perfect student, skipping classes to talk about boys? Tut, tut, tut! I would have done exactly the same, though I'm not exactly perfect student material. And you just had to write a jam doughnut into there, didn't you? Now I am badly craving doughnuts!
This was an amazing, amazing chapter and I can't wait for the next one (I actually have to wait now - that feels really weird!)
Courtney:)Author's Response: How are you possible caught up?! You're super woman. You must be! As you know, my chapters aren't short. I can't believe you're here at the very end of the posted ones!!
All of your reviews make perfect sense and make me all mushy and happy! ♥
I hadn't written a just boys scene in a while, so it was really nice to be back with them without the girls. I know what you mean about about bad it feels knowing how much longer the war has :(. It's so sad that none of them ever see the end of it.
Hahahahh awww no I love knowing what lines you liked! Especially when they're the same ones that gave me more feels than the rest while writing it. that one about Sirius telling Peter not to worry definitely felt so bitter sweet when typing it out.
Hahahah the jam doughnut came from ME craving them, so I'm happy I've made someone else suffer along with me :P.
I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and I can't even tell you what the last 29 reviews have meant to me. Thank you so much, Courtney ♥
I loved this chapter!! The dueling, and especially the possibility that Alice came up with Mad-eye's name!lolol
It's also funny that Lily, Head Girl, skipped class to talk about boys. James is definitely rubbing off on her lol.
There were a couple spelling errors, but nothing that'd be caught by spell check 'cause they were still words.
I like that you had Alice and Frank get into a fight. It isn't realistic if there aren't any, but I'm glad you ended it with the outlook like this:
ďJames and you love each other, and if you end up staying together it will take work. Just like everything else. But I bet itíll be worth it.Ē
This is the kind of thing I love to hear, it takes it from fiction, to life lesson, just like that.
Really great job!!Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you liked this chapter!
I've been wanting one of them to come up with Mad-Eyes name for so long, and Alice is usually so sweet that the fact that she sort of thought of a funny name that she used in her own head made me giggle. I'm really glad you liked that.
I went through and hopefully got the spelling errors corrected! Thank you!
Awww I'm so happy you liked that line and that it can sort of bring FF into a life lesson. That's such an awesome compliment ♥
Thank you so much for this awesome review!
Jami Report Review
This was definitely not what I was expected for this chapter - it was 100 times better!
I loved that we got to have a little of Sirius's point of view at the start because I always enjoy his perspective. I love how stressed out he was getting at the prospect of going on a date with Belle, and worrying how high her expectations would be. And then he sees her just wearing plain trousers and a jumper - I could practically see him breathing a huge sigh of relief.
Poor Professor McGonagall! She actually often seems to be injured, protecting the people she cares about at Hogwarts - I hope she gets wells soon!
Love how protective Sirius is of Belle - I definitely think he forgets that she is perfectly capable of looking after herself sometimes, like we saw when she disarmed Bellatrix.
And Lily was so...Lily-ish, wanting to stay in Hogsmeade and make sure all the younger students were safe. I have to admit, I quite enjoyed Slughorn in this chapter - that description of him half waddling half running was perfect, and I got a very vivid image of him in my head
Grrr, Alrek! He's quite an unnerving character, actually, the way he is so cold and distant and focused on only one thing. I just hope that he gets caught out soon!
I'M ON TO THE LAST CHAPTER NOW! THIS FEELS SO WEIRD!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Courtney! I couldn't just give them a nice afternoon in Hogsmeade, now could I? :P
I struggle not to give Sirius too much PoV time. He's just so much fun to write, but I'm constantly reminding myself that this is more James and Lily's story than anyone. I'm so happy his relief was evident once he realized that Belle hadn't sprouted a tiara over night :P
I always try and remind myself that Slughorn isn't a bad guy. He always just sort of got on my nerves, more in the movies than the books, but I try and write him more humorous than anything. I'm really glad he played that part well in this chapter. Waddling is a gross word, isn't it? haha
I know I can't believe how quickly you got caught up! Really, can't I just reach through the screen and hug you?!
♥ Jami Report Review
Lily skipping classes??? That's unheard of!! I loved the hang out session with the girls. I hope Alice and Frank talk and make up soon :) cant wait till the next update!!!Author's Response: Hahahah it was so much fun to let Lily get make a not so responsible decision for once! I'm so happy you liked hits chapter. Thanks for another awesome review ♥
Jami Report Review
Hehe, Gideon and Fabian reminded me so much of Fred and George! I definitely think they were my favourite part of this chapter - I loved Fabian's comment about the attractive barmaid working at the Three Broomsticks. I hope we get to see more of the twins!
I also loved the line: 'In many ways, she felt like a mother sending her children off to war.' Your characterization of McGonagall is really spectacular - you've really made me fall in love with her as a character!
I'm so glad that Lily suspected that Alrek might be the spy at Hogwarts! I just hope that he gets caught soon - they way Lily saw him looking at her really gave me the shivers. And the way that she realized he might have something to do with the Death Eaters was really well done, too.
Oh, and I think my favourite line of this whole chapter would have to be: "He could have invited us straight into Voldemortís... house? People like him donít really live in houses, do they? Lair? Lair sounds better." I can definitely not imagine Voldemort living in a house with a nice rose garden out front and perhaps a bird bath out back.
Violet is just that typical annoying mean girl. Grrr! That is all I have to say to her! I love how feisty Belle gets towards her, and how Alice and Lily have to remind her to restrain herself.
Speaking of Alice, I'd quite like to see some more Alice/Frank action. Is there any coming up, by any chance?
Remus has a date to Hogsmeade! Yay! And I hope Lily can persuade Peter to ask Ellie out (I have to keep reminding myself that Peter is not a baddie at this stage.)
Courtney:)Author's Response: Awww I'm so happy Fabian and Gideon reminded you of Fred and George! I really wanted to get a lot of them into that set of twins. I'm not sure if this has ever been said in canon or not, but it always seemed appropriate to think that Molly and Arthur named Fred and George using the same letters in honor of her brothers :).
Oh that's such an awesome thing to hear! I'll never find McGonagall easy to write. She's not like just slipping into one of the Marauders or the girls, so knowing the extra I spend to try and get her right is paying off makes me so happy!
Hahahah when my beta was reading through this he marked that line as one he liked a lot too. That sort of came from me own, 'what the hell do I call this?' feeling. And I figured if I didn't think Voldemort could really live in a house, Lily didn't either :P
Hahaha no, Peter is definitely not a baddie in this stage. I promise you'll know when that switch starts happening ;).
Thank you so much for another incredible review! ♥ Report Review
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