Hello! I know this is ridiculously late but I'm here to review this for the Film Noir challenge. I know. I'm stupid. I let work and summer get away with me and so I (sort of, maybe, ish) forgot about this. But this chapter was great! I really, really enjoyed your descriptive language and I canít wait to go on and see what happens next!
The beginning was amazing - really got the reader stuck into the story, with Harry waking up in the bed of blood and everything. Such wonderful description, again - I just want to know what happened! Whether he killed her, whether he was framed etc. Just a tip: I reckon that using Ďcrackí instead of Ďpopí for the apparating Aurors would make it sound more gritty (pop just reminds me of bubblegum and Iím pretty sure thatís not what youíre going for).
I like the introduction to Ron and Hermione! Just watch out that you donít lose the mood and the tension created with the beginning section. It was just a little too domesticated, but it ultimately grew more dark, which was great.
Ron, ever the heavy sleeper, awoke from the commotion and rubbed his eyes like a newborn baby as he looked at Hermione. I donít understand why Ron - if he was a heavy sleeper - would awake from the commotion. I suggest changing it, perhaps something more like Ďeven though he was a heavy sleeperí (I know that sounds a bit crappy, but hopefully you get what I mean).
I loved their interaction with Kingsley, however. Heís such an awesome character, and the eeriness of the Ministry halls late at night really added to the atmosphere. Great work. Some amazing film noir stuff here.
And the ending! Awesome! I reckon it was something to do with Draco Malfoy! Exciting stuff. Iím going to read the other entries in the challenge and then post the results on my blog, so look out for that. Thanks for getting involved... this was a great chapter! Report Review
So sad!!! I love the twist, you're a really clever writer! But way to make me cry! Report Review
When he said 'Whats little ol' magical me going to do about all this crime', I thought of Lockheart. Report Review
Finish this! ASAP! I have to know what happens!
This is so amazingly addicting. I think writing murder mystery would be so difficult, you are doing an amazing job of making it all feel real.Author's Response: The third chapter's finished, just gotta finish the queue process and it should be all up. And thanks for the nice review! I don't usually write murder mysteries, but the challenge compelled me to. Report Review
This is so well written! You had me on the edge of my seat (figuratively, i'm actually on the floor) haha. I really hope Harry is innocent!!Author's Response: Don't hurt yourself reading my story! Report Review
Oh MAN. So much suspense! You've got me hooked!
Okay, before I go on, I need to tell you how sorry I am this took so long! I meant to review two weeks ago, but then RL got in the way :P Anyway, onto your review...
Everyone was practically canon. I also really love Hermione and Harry's interaction at the end. It was bittersweet.
"Did he yell?" Harry wryly grinned.
Hermione smiled, "Of course."
That was my favorite line. I really enjoyed reading their relationship :) Plus, the references you made to canon events really added to their characters and the story. Ron was brilliant; I loved how he yelled at Seamus - a very Ron thing to do ;) Hermione was my favorite, though, out of all your characterizations. I loved how she immediately took charge of the situation. But...Seamus. I feel like he wasn't exactly canon, but the way you characterized him here was great and fit the needs of the story very well. All in all, awesome characterization!
I can't really say too much on this because it's only the first chapter, but the way you're going with this story right now makes the plot seem plausible. You have created this world where Harry is suddenly the bad guy, but we know he's innocent. I feel there's so much you can do with it, but you can't get too crazy with it either, you know? Just keep doing what you're doing now, and it'll be an awesome fic! :)
Very high. You just put so much suspense in this chapter, I had to keep covering my laptop screen to make sure my eyes wouldn't drift ahead! You've just got this amazing grip on such an original story; I just want to read more! Your chapters are long (5000 words, geeze!) for an HPFF fic, but because of the amazing characters and building suspense, you keep us hooked. Keep writing, please!
Can I add just one more thing?
OH. MY. GODRIC. YOU. KILLED. CHO. OH. MY. GODRIC. I cannot wrap my mind around this. Oh goodness. What is this? I don't even...
(Okay, I'm done.)
Again, so sorry about the wait! Feel free to re-request for this! I want to know what's going on here! There are just so many unanswered questions! Excellent first chapter!Author's Response: I'm glad you found it so engaging! I like writing H/Hr scenes and still wanted to keep the spirit of the trio alive even though they weren't in Hogwarts. I feel as if most of their stories in Hogwarts were sort of noirs anyways, so it wasn't that difficult to transpose their characterizations to this iteration of the story. Seamus was a character that had to stand-in for other figures as there needed to be an authority intermediary that wasn't just Shack.
And that's hilarious that you had to cover up ahead so you wouldn't spoil anything! I'm sorry if I accidentally gave anything away! My chapters always tend to run on the long side, but I'm glad the plot was tight enough to keep you scrolling through.
Thanks for the great review! Report Review
This is such a crazy story but I think you've written it so believable!
The throwing us all into utter confusion with the scene and although it is very bloody it seems to be very strange. I also like the idea of everyone turning up because they think that a death eaters there.
Its a very interesting concept as Ron and Hermione are concerned about Harry and believe him but at the same time it is extremely intriguing as to how it had turned out like that and just as to what had actually happened.
The mention of Draco Malfoy is interesting! I really liked that little hint!Author's Response: Thanks for the review tag! I'm glad you enjoy the mystery and intrigue. I really wanted to keep the readers off balance and guessing as to who it is. Report Review
OMG I HAVE TO KEEP READING HOLY SHIT!Author's Response: Chapter Two should be up soon! Report Review
Hermione is IC. The plot line is quite interesting, and is plausible. the fact that harry doesn't remember really makes it interesting and realistic because then the audience doesn't know he didn't kill Cho. Realistically the Ministry wouldn't have arrived so fast to the scene, and I think that Harry would have turned himself in. Harry seems a little OOC for my tastes. The story is really good so far and I can anticipate a growing interest in your plot.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I've struggled after a few re-reads with Harry as well. I don't really know what to do to make him IC seeing as how he spends most of this story jailed up.
But thanks for the great review and responding so quickly! Report Review
Wow! This is fascinating! I really love this so far. Your writing is excellent and it sucked me in right from the very start. I love how you portray Hermione, Ron, Harry, everyone basically, haha. They're all in character and written just as how I'd imagine them in this sort of situation. The "all-business, no-nonsense" attitude you give Hermione is perfect. And the "logs" system the Ministry has in place is so clever!
So much mystery! Did Harry really kill Cho, he just can't remember? Where's Ginny? What's Draco Malfoy have to do with everything? So many questions, I can't wait to find out the answers!
This was honestly really excellent. I'm adding it to my favorites right now and eagerly awaiting Chapter Two. Lovely job! :)
Bri, xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you liked the trio. I feel I usually write Hermione very poorly so I really wanted to capture her here and write her in character.
Mysteries are abound, but you'll just have to tune into Chapter Two to find out! Report Review
Oooh this is amazing! The mystery and the suspense is perfect, I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat while I read it! I absolutely adored your characterisation of all the characters, Hermoine in particular was brilliant. And the way you've captured the trio's relationship as well as Harry and Hermoine's friendship is wonderful, you've written so well. I really can't wait to see where this story is going, please update soon! :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've had trouble with my characterization of Hermione for a while as I feel I never do it justice, but its good to hear that you think I did a good job with it.
Thanks for the great review! Report Review
I saw your banner request threat at TDA and thought your story sounded interesting, so I came to check it out. I really, really like it so far. It seems like a great, original concept.
I loved the little bits you put in there about the trio and their relationship. I've always loved the relationship between Hermione and Harry especially, and I think you captured it really well here. (I'm a bit concerned that you have Harry/Hermione listed as a pairing :/ Just my personal preference, though). It was also really great being inside Hermione's head, and watching how fast her mind works and how quickly she can sort out details. You've written her spectacularly.
I am so excited to see how this all unfolds. This chapter definitely left me with a lot of questions. Who killed Cho? What happened to Harry? Where's Ginny? How does Malfoy fit into all of this? Gah! I hope you'll update soonAuthor's Response: Thanks for taking the time to drop a review!
The pairing notice is more of a minor thing. Obviously, I can't divulge too much for the plot's sake, but its...ah well...I've said too much already ;). I'm glad you liked Hermione's thought process. I feel I write her very poorly and set out this story to increase my writing skills from her POV.
Mysterious abound but hopefully answered soon as the next chapter is already in the queue.
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
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