8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Godric_Gryfinndor_101 Breaking Tradition

15th February 2013:
Here's something you should know about Sorting Hat songs: They ALWAYS rhyme! Yours doesn't... Maybe you could try coming up with rhymes? 9/10, only because of the problem with the Sorting Hat's song...

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Review #2, by Pheonix Potioneer The Losers of Hogwarts

20th November 2012:
Oo, very scary. And spooky.

Looks like Albus is evil! To be honest, I'm a bit scared of your Albus. He seems like a dark wizard.

Its very interesting how much Slytherin has changed since the war. Now the Slytherins are the ones being bullied, not the other way around.

I REALLY hope Albus doesn't turn too dark-wizard like. He'd starting to scare me.

Basilisk heart string? Yikes. How did Ollivander even get hold of that? I know he hand plucks the cores, like he plucks the tail of a unicorn and the feather of a pheonix. What did he do for the basilisk, kill a basilisk and take out its heart?

Very good story though, it is great.

P.S. Please don't make Albus too much like a dark wizard!

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Review #3, by MargaretLane The Losers of Hogwarts

15th November 2012:
Yikes, a wand that is good for Dark and evil magic. I guess it makes sense that such a thing would exist, but not sure letting Albus have it is a good idea. Surely it'd be better give him a wand that didn't suit him than one with which he can perform dangerous spells. We've seen that witches and wizards CAN use wands that don't choose them, just not as well and at the moment, it sounds like it'd be better if his magic was dumbed down a little.

I've just noticed the day your term starts is correct for 2017.

Author's Response: Hmm... yeah, Albus's wand isn't the most moral of wands. You'll find that Albus isn't your typical hero. I wanted to write about a hero who wasn't completely saintlike. I wanted to write about a hero who was meant to be evil, but fought back against his destiny and became a good person in the end even though he didn't always do the morally right thing. I put him in Slytherin for this very reason. I love him in Gryffindor, too, but lots of people put him in Gryffindor and make him like Harry, good and moral and never even thinking of doing bad things. Lots of heroes are like this... but I just wanted to write him a different way. :)

Albus's powers are really important to the story, though. Maybe you'll warm up to his magical prowess later if not now. :)

Yeah, I checked an online calendar. I'm a bit OCD about stuff like that and don't like it if the dates don't match up.

Thanks so much for reviewing! I love your reviews!


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Review #4, by MargaretLane Breaking Tradition

15th November 2012:
Yikes, I really didn't think Neville would be somebody to buy into prejudice. He's experienced enough of it himself. I guess he was treated pretty badly by the Slytherins when he was at school, but in a way, his reaction is rather like Snape's - ill-treating students because he was bullied at school. No teacher should behave like that. It's up to a teacher to try and discourage prejudice, not encourage it.

Brilliant Sorting Hat song. I tend to skip them because they're really hard. I love the fact that your one gave a warning and pointed out how hateful it is to sort 1/4 of 11 year old children into a group that'll mean they'll face prejudice and discrimination all their lives.

A Headmaster in his early thirties? He must be pretty impressive. Even in our world, that'd be unusual and people here generally retire in their 60s. He'd be over people who could have been in their 60s or more when he was born! Unless of course, he's a lot older than he looks. I wonder if there's some reason you've made him so young or if it's just to show how talented he is.

Yikes, he became Headmaster at such a young age, without even having worked as a teacher first? I wonder how he gets the respect of the teachers. You'd think the ones who'd been teaching for 40+ years would be pretty resentful at somebody who'd never taught a day in his life being put in over them. I suspect he's either going to be exceptionally good, to the point that he's gained absolutely everybody's respect or else he's going to have absolutely no idea about running a school. *laughs*

And James sounds like an extreme version of his grandfather - talented, a prankster and a bully.

So no 1st year girls in Slytherin?

Yikes, didn't that guy speaking to the Blood group (can't remember what they were called) have ice-blue eyes? I must double-check that. Hmm, is he the same guy or is it like Snape? We're supposed to think that and he'll really be on the side of the angels - if either side can be considered angels in this. It sounds like it's going to be bad against worse.

I LOVE the idea of Filch continuing as caretaker as a ghost. I actually considered making him have the ghost of Mrs. Norris, so she could spy even more effectively on the students for him, but I wasn't sure if cats could be ghosts, so I came up with another idea I liked equally and which I think fit my specific story better.

I also love your idea of how to get into the Slytherin common room. I wonder if this is going to be relevant or if you just used it 'cause it's cool. Which it is and very original. It also sort of makes more sense than a password, since we've seen that passwords can be found.

Yikes, somebody played a prank that has permanently traumatised students and caused security in the school to be upgraded. That's not a prank, that's torture.

Thought KILLING anybody who isn't a Slytherin and tries to get into the common room seems a bit extreme.

I think if I were at Hogwarts in your story's version, I'd want to be in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Well, I'd want to be in them ANYway, particularly Ravenclaw, but in your story, it sounds like Gryffindor is full of bullies and being in Slytherin means being constantly tortured, so I think I'd want to avoid those houses even more. Not that I think I'd be in any danger of being in a house that values either bravery or cunning anyway. Those are two things I'm DEFINITELY not.

Author's Response: Yeah, Neville may be a little OOC here, but even years after being bullied myself I haven't been able to get over it and hate the people who did it to me. Something like bullying is too painful to forget, even after years. I can't blame Snape, and I even understand why he hated Harry. (I don't think it was the right thing to do because it wasn't, it was just understandable.)

Thanks! I wasn't confident about my Sorting Hat song, so I'm glad that someone liked it even if I didn't. :)

Yeah, Triton is a bit of a special case. He's an important character, and he's got a quite interesting backstory! Everything about his strange circumstances will be explained in a later book. :)

Yeah, no first year girls in Slytherin. :( I wanted to, but Albus, Scorpius, and Oswald are the only third-year Slytherins who are ever going to have a role, and I didn't want to make a random character that would have no place being there.

Yeah, the students REALLY hate Slytherin, considering the Slytherins walked straight out during the Battle of Hogwarts in DH and refused to fight for Hogwarts (or did even worse and returned to fight for Voldemort). I thought this was an interesting way of portraying Slytherin, because the wizarding world probably isn't happy with them even after 19 years. Though I did make the hatred a bit extreme, mainly for plot reasons.

I'd probably be a Ravenclaw or Slytherin in this story. Most likely in Slytherin, because I'm pretty ambitious and I'd want to change Slytherin's bad name as well as lead them. ;) But I'd love Ravenclaw, too.

Wow! Thank you so much for reviewing! I love reading your long reviews and hearing what you have to say!


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Review #5, by MargaretLane Acquaintances Made

15th November 2012:
You've managed to characterise Rose really well in a couple of sentences. She's obviously lively, a prankster, a leader ("you need to HELP ME prank them"), possibly a little bossy, confident and a little thoughtless. Not the stereotypical portrayal of her, which is good.

James is starting to sound like a bit of a bully here. Of course, he's probably still pretty young. I'm guessing he's about 12 or 13, so he might just be thoughtless, but putting maggots in somebody's bed, locking them in the attic and almost drowning them go beyond ordinary sibling teasing.

I'm expecting your Albus to be in Slytherin. Partly because of my suspicion that he may be the one with dark (or evil) powers and partly because if Seeker is both his position and James's, I'm guessing you'll want them in different houses. Of course, there's still Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

*pokes James* How can first years sit with their new housemates when nobody knows for sure what house they'll be in until the sorting? He's being an idiot and a mean one at that.

Hmm, Scorpius is beginning to sound like a Ravenclaw. Be interesting to see where you sort people. I wouldn't be surprised if Scorpius and Albus were together, either in Ravenclaw or Sytherin.

Slytherin for them both, from what you've said about them being talented and ambitious.

They sound a little like Dumbledore and Grindlewald actually, though I'm guessing they'll end up on the Dumbledore path - using their powers against evil- rather than the Grindlewald one.

And treating Slytherins badly is completely wrong. Looks like the wizarding world hasn't changed much. Only the people who are being discriminated against has changed, not the level of discrimination in society.

Aw, it was a bit mean to punish Albus for magic he couldn't control.

Yikes, he is like Voldemort! I can see why they punished him now. I guess if he did things deliberately at other times, they probably assumed he'd done that deliberately too.

Author's Response: You've got Rose spot on! I decided to portray her differently, but I really love the Hermione-clone Rose, too. I was at a bit of a loss on what her personality to be, but I decided on the fun-loving Rose just because it was different.

Yeah, James isn't very nice, is he? He gets worse. I want him to be like James Potter I and Albus to be a bit like Snape.

Yeah, no matter what you do, discrimination will NEVER be free from the world. Human beings naturally have suspicions and distrust people who are different from them or are just mysterious/strange/have different opinions or morals than them. I never envisioned a perfect wizarding world where everyone was nice to each other, since that's right near impossible and can only be achieved in an Utopia with robots.
(I'm quite the optimist, aren't I?)

And yeah... he is like Voldemort! Poor guy!

Thanks for reviewing! I love reading your reviews!



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Review #6, by MargaretLane The Stirring of Evil

15th November 2012:
Oh, wow, I am impressed at how much advance planning you've done.

The sparsity of detail in this chapter is really impressive. Just knowing that his face and voice were terrifying and the general description you give of them is much more effective than if you'd described him in minute detail.

I'm guessing Albus is the boy with the power to defeat the Paradox, but I could be wrong. Maybe it'll be somebody he'll meet at Hogwarts - a classmate.

And I love the term "Blood Lord".

I wonder what you mean by they'll have to fight darkness with darkness. Does it mean the good guys and particularly your young boy - Albus or another - will have to do evil themselves in order to defeat evil? Like the Ministry in Half-Blood Prince. It sounds that way; that this boy will be able to use evil and illegal powers but will only use them against people who are themselves evil. But of course, that might just be what you WANT us to think and there might be another hidden meaning.

Author's Response: Thanks! I wrote an entire plot skeleton before I started to write the actual story. It's usually the way I do stuff.

Thanks! I like to use detail in prologue-like chapters.

I won't reveal anything else, but your guess might be pretty close... ;)

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #7, by Godric_Gryfinndor_101 The Stirring of Evil

19th October 2012:
Pretty good. But, I would think about explaining who and what Paradox a bit more if I were you.

Author's Response: Thank you! Don't worry about the Paradox - he'll get explained eventually! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #8, by dd The Stirring of Evil

2nd October 2012:
Very good so far I can't wait to carry on keep up the good writing

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll update soon!

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