Hahaha this was so amusing to read :) I loved your summary, the idea that Snape is a blonde is just hilarious, and the way you wrote this story was just so ridiculous that it's so funny! I love the plot in this - I can definitely say that it's original - I love how Snape thinks it's the hair colour that's making all the difference!!
And then he goes and makes a potion and dyes his hair! *laughing* And when he's wiling to not wash his hair forever.. it even fits in with how slimy Snape's hair always seems to be! Ahh and of course, the happy ending :) Go Snape! Hmm.. maybe galloped away into the sunset would have made it even more hilarious (and ridiculous), but great job on a really entertaining story :) Report Review
Here I am with your final prize review! :)
I loved this! It was very, very funny from start to finish. :3
I found it sweet that Snape would never wash his hair again just to be with Lily!;3 And also the ending!:D I would have loved it if they'd galloped into the sunset, but yes, I think it may have been a bit much ;D
Anyway, as always, a very good chapter! :) Lucy :)Author's Response: Yay! ;)
Thank you! I'm glad you thought it was! :P
The lengths that man would go to ;) Haha I'm glad you would have loved that ;D Just because I thought it would have been hilariously silly :P
Thank you so much for all of these reviews Lucy!
Caitlin :) Report Review
Hello Caaittie! I'm here on behalf of the entire HPPC Staff to say thank you so much for entering our Challenge! This was such a funny little one-shot parody and I truly enjoyed it!
You picked such a great quote to work with and it led to such a goofy story! haha I really like Snape's thought process and reasoning as to why he believes Lily doesn't love him. Is it weird that I almost agree? I like dark haired guys, hehehe :-p Of course, I'm certain Lily is not actually shallow enough to allow his hair to matter, but in a parody it's a very funny thought, hahaha Also, I may have snorted a little when Snape struts through the hallways and winks at Lily and she giggles! LOL So ridiculous. ^.^
Even though a lot of the personality is, naturally, OOC, I thought it was clever of you to keep other aspects of Snape a reality, like your similie that compared Snape breaking free of his shell with a potion going from just ingredients in a pot to an object with a purpose. I also liked that Snape brews a hair dying potion rather than purchasing one or something. It was a good balance between parody and reality.
I think you did a great job describing Snape as he made the potion, as he watched it grow into 'something better', and how deeply he throws himself into his craft. That was my favorite section as a whole. It was just really cool how you showcased that you actually have the ability to write within the canon restraints, even in the middle of a parody.
Hahaha The ending is so beyond ridiculous, but in a truly funny way! First, it's way gross that Sev will never shower again, hahahaha, but hey, that's exactly what the quote was and you used it beautifully! And is it weird that I wanted them to gallop into the sunset? Hilarious ending, haha Although I am a James/Lily shipper at heart, I think I could support Snape/Lily in this scenario ;-)
So here I've picked out a few small details that didn't work perfectly for me, so I figured I should point them out in case you agree! I'll start with this excerpt:
"I had long considered the differences between Potter and myself; what it was that made her like him more than me.
I had come to a simple conclusion. It was our hair colour."
I think the realization/decision to change his hair color is one of the big moments in this story and would have more impact if you phrased it like this:
"I had long considered the differences between Potter and myself, what it was that made her like him more than me, and I had come to a simple conclusion:
It was our hair colour."
(Or this last line could just be 'Hair.', but either way I think this structure packs a more powerful punch! Hope that makes sense!)
Next, these lines of dialogue, because they're both being said by James, should stay within the same paragraph, I think: "Potter merely smirked at me, evidently enjoying my discomfort and crowed, "Love hurts. Isn't that right, Sev?" he mocked." - I just combined the dialogue and added a question mark. Same thing goes for the last two sentences: ""You're so perfect now," she announced. "I love you too, Sev."" - The thing is that when you separate the same characters dialogue into two different paragraphs, it makes it sound like it's a different character speaking, and then us readers realize it's actually the same person, but that confusion pulls us out of the flow of the story, which is never what an author wants. I hope that all makes sense!
"I chopped up the ingredients as fast (as) I could"
"I took one last glance at my adapted instructions before I set to brewing the potion. The potion that was going to save Lily from the grasps of that evil toe-rag." - The second half of this sentence isn't a complete sentence on its own - you should attach it to the former with a semi-colon.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story! It's very silly and goofy and centered around such a ridiculous quote, but it was nothing if not enjoyable! A few technical issues here and there, but it made me smile and, again, I'm so happy you joined our Challenge! Thanks again! *hugs*Author's Response: Wow thank you so much for the in-depth review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Haha no not weird at all :P You and Lily must be on the same wavelength ;P
I'm happy I made you giggle! It was hilarious to picture Snape doing that in my head :P
Oooh thank you! I didn't want to make it completely OOC so I'm glad you thought that worked!
Thank you! That is such a compliment! I've never really written much canon so that means a lot, thank you :)
Hehe thanks! I really wanted them to do that too but I thought it may have been a tad too much :P Well I'm glad I got you to ship Snape/Lily for this story ;)
Thank you so much for pointing out what needed fixing! It was really helpful and I agree with everything that you put down! I'll most certainly be editing it with those details soon! Thanks :)
I'm so happy that you enjoyed it and that it made you smile! I definitely enjoyed the challenge too, so thank you for that!
Thanks again for the review! *hugs* Report Review
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