I've never read any Helena/Baron. It's really good! I like the sense of character you gave her in so few words, and the minimalism. You didn't add in anything unnecessary. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
I'm not a big reader of Founders era (I've got nothing against it, I just... don't, really :p) so I haven't read much about Helena Ravenclaw before, but I really enjoyed this.
I like your writing and felt that the style was very appropriate for the time period, both in narrative and in their speech. There were some really great lines in there too - I especially liked "a storm brewed under her blank face", I just thought it was really descriptive of her emotional state, and very sinister at the same time, hinting at the betrayal she is about to commit. I also really liked the details of your story, like the idea of the power of the diadem and the fact that eventually she could barely think for herself, and the idea of her wandering the forest luring in travellers with her beauty.
I did feel that maybe less-is-more with regards to the dialogue in the section about their death. That's probably my only criticism, though.
That ending is BRILLIANT. I really loved that last line, absolutely genius. It sort of surprised me, seeming really abrupt and sudden as it interrupted her private musings, so I thought it was good that you could make the reader feel surprised along with Helena. The Baron's use of 'not quite' again was witty, while also feeling rather ominous. I also liked that it touched on the idea of how difficult it must have been for the Baron and the Grey Lady to live (well, exist) in Hogwarts together for all those years. Must have been slightly awkward, I would imagine.
Great job with this! I really enjoyed it :)Author's Response: Thanks for your awesome review! I'm always a fan of constructive criticism, so thanks for pointing that out, i'll take it into account :D
I'm glad you liked my story, thanks for taking the time to review!
~Gill Report Review
Ahh, I liked what you did with this story! Your language was very fitting for the subject matter and nothing seemed out of place. Even the drama stood firmly in place, from my perspective. Sometimes, I feel like the drama is a little overdone, but not here.
This was a good read! I hope you continue this story!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The next chapter is mostly done, it's nearly headless nick's story.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing
(i'm glad the drama wasn't overdone, that's always a problem)
~Gill Report Review
Wow. This was written really well!
I've never read a BloodyBaron/GreyLady story, but I loved this! I really liked the way you told the story! Although initially I did wonder how you would manage to tell the whole story in one chapter, I think you did it brilliantly, and it flowed at just the right pace.
The dialogue between the two at the end was also really well written, and I think it was particularly fitting to a story in this era; it reminded me that this did happen a long time ago.
The final section was so effective in drawing the story together. I love how you died Helena's death with her mother's, and the section about the "cloudy grey colour" was also superb. The last line... I don't know what to say, except that I think it is possibly the perfect way to end the story.
REVIEWED FOR THE HOUSE CUP 2012 COMPETITION.Author's Response: e! I'm so glad you liked it! It was a bit of a beast for one chapter, but i cut out a lot... I'm happy that the old-fahionedness was apparent, i wasn't sure how to convey that without sounding stupid, so i'm glad it worked out.
thank you so much for your review and input, it's very appreciated :D
~Gill Report Review
I started a Bloody Baron/ Grey Lady novel. But I must say, everything I've wanted to say in a novel, you've said it here more beautifully, artistically. This is a very VERY nice story.
'I will never return, as long as I live' This line is my favourite because it shows all the irony in the story. Of course she didn't. She came back after her death. Beautifully said love :)
Also you language is very fitting. "I love you so" "Damn you" "Six and twenty" clearly show the ancientness in the story even though you haven't said it. Like I said very very artistic.
I love your characterization. I love the way you've portrayed Helena. She is everything you've explained. Great job there.
Also, I love the fact that she says, "I regret everything" That shows why she turned into a ghost without passing on into the next stage of afterlife.
All in all, no mistakes found. Great GREAT job love.
You're a great author :)
*Hugs*Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much! I don't know what to say except thank you so much, this is only my second review ever, and to know that you liked what i wrote makes me so happy :D
I'm so glad you lied it, and i can't wait to see your novel! I've thought about expanding it, but i'm not nearly committed enough to write more than one chapter xD
I'm glad you liked how i portrayed Helena, she was difficult to write because she's very unlike me or people i know (thank godric!)
I'm seriously over the moon (maybe even Neptune) that this story is actually getting a response, so again, thank you SO MUCH!
~Gill Report Review
Hi there! Well I am happy to be the first one to review your story for you!
I really enjoyed the story and the way that you wrote it. It was had a natural flow to it and wasn't at all rushed. I like the way that you took part of this missing story line and brought it to life. The descriptions were wonderful and drew a vivid picture in my mind as I read it.
I thought you did a terrific job characterizing Helena Ravenclaw and the Baron. You kept them in character, but were still able to provide your own little twists or quirks to them that made it really nice to read. You wrote this in such a natural well rounded way that I highly enjoyed it.
Keep up the awesome writing!! You're off to a great start! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! My first review ever! XD I'm so happy that you enjoyed it, and I definitely will keep writing. My new story is in the queue as we speak...or as i type. Report Review
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