Wow. Just wow. I loved this story and the way you wrote it really captured my attention. It's written beautifully. I really like the actress you used for Dominique as well; she fits the look of the story somehow. This piece was superb.Author's Response: Hello! Congrats for winning AC's challenge ;D I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the story, and stopped by to leave a review!! Haha, I just picked up that CI from the up for grabs to be honest, so I was just looking for anyone who might fit :)
Thank you! -LWG Report Review
LWG! So I've wanted to read this for ages but I wanted to wait until I could read all the challenge entries all in one go before I went through and R&R them all at once... now I'm finally here (a bit late, but not too bad) and I've got to say that I was really impressed with this one!
I've heard some pretty great things, so I'm not all together surprised but I really liked the mix of the third person and third person (I really love doing that in one-shots, it's just really good fun to mess around with it),.. I just wish I could find out a little more about Richard, hmm...
But, ack, I love the whole kind of almost abusive edge to the relationship and how you developed that, especially because for a second he was going to swoop in and SAVE HER FROM HER INSECURITIES but, well, you wrote it so much better than that (and I love the brackets) and, as mean as that may sound, I was glad he messed her up even more.
And I thought it was all quite believable and dealt with really sensitively and well and I just generally loved it. Great entry to the challenge and a wonderful exploration of the belief :)
Thanks for entering and hopefully they results will be up and posted soon! :)Author's Response: Hey! Aw, thank you for reviewing :3 I completely understand, and I'm just pleased you liked it!!
Heard great things? Well, that'd be a first :P I have to say, I took a bit of a risk doing the first perso-third person split the way I did, and I had to keep the almost poem-like flow (this is sort of why I didn't want to go off into backstories of Richard and Dominique's relationship). It was meant to be like snapshots, briefly capturing what was going on. Well, that's my excuse at any rate xP.
I know what you mean- it's like when you enjoy writing stories like this, and you're asking yourself 'is it bad that I'm inflicting pain on my characters?!' but you're having too much fun ;D. I'm going to look weird if you don't get this as well, lol.
Can't wait to see the results! Thanks for the review again
x Report Review
Hello, I'm here from tag.
Your storytelling style is fabulous. There is something lyrical about the line-paragraph-line structure of each scene, and I love the bits in brackets; they're like a voice in your head, one that whispers your inadequacies and your bitterness. Or something. In your position, I would have kept the whole thing in third person, because the poisonous loveliness of the brackets was lost somewhat when Dominique talked for herself.
Actually, it was so good that I managed to forget I was reading an OC romance and a good girl-bad boy romance, two things which I usually hate.
One thing, though: how likely is it that a girl who is one-eighth Veela and descended from heroes is bullied due to lack of attractiveness all that time? This question bugged me throughout, and so I guess this story requires a certain amount of suspension of disbelief in that respect. I don't know. Maybe it's just me.Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for the review.
The thing is, if I'd kept it all in third person you wouldn't have had the same bracket effect, because the brackets originated from the first person sections when I did something like 'no one can tell if you're crying if you walk in the rain (I ran)'. So it's a bit of a paradox, your suggestion, because without the first person I wouldn't have had the parentheses at all :P I'm so pleased you think it was well told though, that means a lot :).
Er, yeah, well she is only an /eighth/ Veela and the way genes work means that she didn't necessarily get beautiful features or anything. I can see your point though, and I'm sorry if it bugged you! It's just a small thing that I wanted to include to make the story make a little more sense.
Thank you for the opinions!
-LWG Report Review
Hello there! So I'm finally here to read your entry for my challenge. I apologize for the delay, but I absolutely adored your piece.
It was brilliant. So unique. I really loved how you had it all set up, some things in italics and in parenthesis. I had never seen anything like that before. The set up was so genuine and so unique, and it flowed together so flawlessly. Sometimes I much prefer the shorter sentences to the longer, descriptive ones. I really feel like a message is given with short sentences, and you really delivered all of the messages quite well in this piece. I could feel the emotion meant to be delivered in each one.
It was so brilliant. And such a different take on the Weasley sisters, and strangely, I can see this being true. I just picture Vic as this Mary-Sue girl, and of course Dominique would be living in her sister's shadow, and of course she would feel things like this.
Just wow in every aspect of this piece. I absolutely adored it, and brilliant use of the lyric. It was adapted perfectly.
You will have to check back in the Hall of Fame topic in the Challenge Section in a week or so for the announcing of places! Good luck! And thanks so much for your time and contribution. You got a beautiful piece of work out of it!Author's Response: Hi! I'm so pleased you like my entry :D I'm honestly so incredibly flattered by all the feedback I've got back on this story- I'm all happy whenever I read the reviews!! The short sentences technique wasn't one that I was initially going to use, but it sort of evolved as I got into writing it and everything seemed to slot together.
EE THANK YOU! I'll be checking the Hall of Fame topic :)
-LWG Report Review
Wow, just wow. I can literally feel her and all her pain and sorrow. I actually can relate in a way. And Im amazed by how realistic this seemed. I also had an abusive "boyfriend" before and he made me feel so... He sucked the life out of me. I didnt do anything about it. I couldnt. This story is definetley one of my fauvorites so far. And can you believe I actually cried a little? No fanfic made me feel that way, really.
Bravo! You over-done yourself in my opinion :)
-FOREVERwithYOUAuthor's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. This was written on a few experiences, but I'm not going to delve into them...I need to keep this 12+ haha! -hugs-
I'm very honoured that my story was the first fanfic that made you cry! There are plenty that have made me weep :P
Thanks SO much for this review FOREVERwithYOU!
-LWG x Report Review
Whoa. That was amazing! Seriously! I read it with so much concentration that now I don't evem remember if I even blinked through it or not! Really, very good job! The way you described her emotions and her feelings, I felt so sorry for her! And then, what Richard was doing, that was just cruel. Your writing was amazing in this one! It pulled me right in and I couldn't leave the page without leaving you a review! Brilliant job! :DAuthor's Response: You didn't blink throughout reading that?
WOW. You have a talent there, I think you should enter fr some kind of competition. I wouldn't want to be in a staring match against you :P.
Thanks so much for this review- I really appreciate the feedback! I'm very pleased you didn't leave iwthout reviewing because you've made my day :)
Hi Annon! This was amazing! You could really feel her pain and regret and it was written so well. It's so different from the other one-shot i read of yours but still just as brilliant. :D
I just love some of the things you wrote in there and I love how you jumped from 3rd person to 1st.
Thanks for the review on 'Regret' and I hope you read some of my other work at some point.
Anyway, 10/10, well done! :) xxAuthor's Response: Hey again, Eilidh! You're right- t's so different from my other one-shot that I don't think it could /get/ more different! I'm glad you liked it.
-Annon :)xx Report Review
This was a really good read. You got the emotions through really well and I just wanted to hug Dominique and save her from herself. I got happy/sad tears rising to my eyes when reading the end when she finally realised that Victoire loved her too. I was happy to see a little bit of a happy ending in it while it was so unhappy the rest of the time.
There were a couple of small typos; "of" instead of "if" and a exclamation point between two words instead of a space. But that was basically all I noticed of that kind. There was one thing though that sort of disturbed my reading of the story, and feel free to just ignore this comment if you like because I'm sure others feel otherwise, and it is a big part of this story. I'm talking about the brackets. I can sort of understand and like it in the title, because it's like the brackets were her invisibility cloak and the words were hiding there like Dominique is hiding. Otherwise I understand that they are there to sort of highlight the words and take them apart from the rest, and it's a sort of effect, but it kind of breaks up my reading and I was wondering a lot of the time "but why?". Some of the time you could just lose the brackets and the words would work in the same way and some of the time you could use another kind of effect, like at one time I noticed you had both italics and brackets to take some words apart. Italics would have been enough. And I liked how you did basically the same thing as you do with a lot of the brackets here: ..."until they ran out.
They ran out."
The empty lines work so much better for my reading. Like I said, I know that it's a sort of special effect in your story, but in the end I feel like that's the only thing it becomes and doesn't really add to the reading and the words but more take aways from it for me.
I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but it's really just one thing and one part of the story even though it might look like I was criticising a lot because it became such a long explanation. And anyway, it might be just me and the brackets might work for others. :) Otherwise I really liked your story. Apart from what I said before, I feel like the story had a good flow with good word choises and good grammar and spelling. Like I said before, you managed to get the strong emotions through and I was really feeling sorry for Dominique and sort of uncomfortable with the situation she was in. I really hated Richard. What a horrible character you created in him! I a good way obviously, because he is supposed to be horrible. I hope his other girlfriend was a bit more confident and that Dominique got over him.
About your author's note at the end. I think you managed with what you said there, making it a story of pain and also of love. Especially in the end we see that Dominique has that loving safety net behind her even though she didn't realise it before. I also think you managed to include the challenges you participated in really well into this story. Good job with this! I'm glad I read it. :)Author's Response: Andrina! Wow, thanks for such a mind-bogglingly amazing review 8D. It was a really emotional thing to write, because of various past experiences etc, but I enjoyed it at the same time.
Ah yes, I noticed those typos when reading through it a few times; I'll remember to edit them anytime soon :P
I can completely see what you mean about the (parentheses) use. At first, I only meant to use them for the italicised parts- not the whole thing. And I think, after what you've said, I might go back to the original plan. I notice it jarring the flow now- they're too randomly placed in the third person parts. I used them to create a particular effect; sharing these little secret snippets with the reader as if, yes, Dominique was under her invisibility cloak. But that was just for the first person- I cans ee how it doesn't work so well in third person and I think I'll change it to leaving lines instead. Thanks so much for pointing this out :)
Richard...I have no idea how such a horrid person sprang to being inside my head. Well, actually I do but anyway...
Oh, silly Dom. She reallyw as oblivious- I was basing it on the fact that sometimes, people think they're worse off than they are. Or even /like/ pitying themselves, feeling the pain.
But I'm so glad you read this! Thanks a billion :)
-LWG Report Review
Wow, this is very nicely written. You capture Dominique's pain brilliantly and I really enjoyed reading it. I think its quite relate-able, as there are times I think when we all can feel as Dom does in the story (although perhaps not to the same extent). The ending is beautiful, I love it. Good luck in your challenges. :DAuthor's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for this review :D. Aww, you think so? That means so so much to me :3 Yes, well I suppose in any sad story you can never quite feel the /actual/ pain, but hopefully I got the emotion across.
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Wow.. Honestly.. this is just absolutely amazing. The whole plot, idea and the writing of it.. I don't know how to explain just how fantastic this is, truly. This whole fic was just magnificent - the story in itself is already so original - and the characterisation of Dom is so very different, yet with the really well done narration, you definitely succeeded in conveying Dom's emotions very strongly and powerfully - I really felt so sorry for her. And the way you used (parentheses) throughout was so creative and really took it to another level.
I absolutely loved this piece - the writing style in this really suits the story you're trying to tell and Richard, the lessons.. everything in this was just great. This is an amazing one-shot - something really unique! Absolutely loved it :)Author's Response: Hi Charlotte! SO this review made me squee. A lot. :3
That's so sweet of you and I probably don't deserve it! Magnificent? *blush* I wrote this in a day, I think, when I was on holiday. I was feeling happy aswell, so I've no idea why it became so sad/depressing. Oh yes, I've seen other authors using parentheses and I thought it'd be nice to try out :D
x Report Review
Wow, it's really different to your normal stuff! Definitely not different in a bad way, I promise! :D
I loved how you wrote it. with the relatively short paragraphs and short little bits, little scenes and things, building the whole story up. Honestly, it impresses me - I could never do that. I'm far too loquacious :P It really worked, though, both for your style and the story. Also, I really liked how you put little bits in brackets and italics to show her thoughts. It added a whole new dimension to it, which was so necessary to it but really allowed us to go so much further into the story.
Ah, Dominique! I love your Dominique! I love the whole idea of the 'I believe' thing and the way you wrote her was so believable. I could imagine her being so young and so vulnerable and gullible to believe the boy she adored. I really wanted her to realise that he wasn't good for her and get better and I'm going to pretend that that's what happens to her at the end. She gets over him and gets better :P
Ah, this was just lovely! Lovely style, lovely length, lovely characters, lovely (and pretty intense) idea. (Also, as a little side note, I think you also handled the two topics surrounding Dom really well, so kudos for that!)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hello Aphy my love! Thanks so much for this gorgeous review :3 *hands cookies that I've been munching greedily*
I know! It's so different it's scaary :) I was sorta scared of posting it but... I feel I got the emotions right in this :0
Yay!! The layout wasn't confusing! That was one of my main concerns. Aw, thankyouthankyouthankyou!
I think YOU'RE lovely
xx Report Review
Lately I've been reading stuff that makes me want to cry, and this one was no different. I loved Dominique. I loved how you handled the potions so well. She was so very, very raw, so very, very naive - and so easily trapped that my heart literally ached for her. This was an absolutely beautiful piece of writing, and a hard one to beat because I'll be in the same challenge (acrules's, I mean), and I really, really loved it. 10/10Author's Response: Hello! Oh, I'm sorry I made you cry :( But sometimes crying at a story can feel sort of special, you know? I actually love crying over stories, because to me it's the only thing worth crying over.
This review has really touched me actually- thank you so much! I really, relaly love you right now :) Ahha, I'm sure it won't win the challenge or anything- there's quite a few bumpy bits :)
LWG Report Review
This is so refreshing, compared to all the rom-com NGs Dominique has been starring in since people worked out she was in the same year as James. I love this so much! It's a totally new twist on Dominique, and it's something that everyone can relate to. My heart pines for her, it really does.
10/10, Bea xoAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the review! :) You're so right- Dom's always portrayed as loud and sexy and confidant, but I see her as an intimidated child who loves her big sister with all her heart, and wants to feel loved herself. I don't know...I just never saw Dom as a...wild one? :P
My heart pines for her two! :(
-LWG x Report Review
This is ah-mazing! Oh my, I love the layout, it's so original and the little things in brackets are like secrets and it's just so lovely to read. It's kind of hard to understand what's going on when she takes the potions, I thought she was killing herself, and I wasn't sure if the italics were flashbacks? But it's such a great story and it fits with the idea of worthlessness perfectly! Dom's a great character here, with Victorie coming in to save her, I've always thought of her like this, it flows great because of the awesome layout! Good luck with your challenge!! Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for the oh so unexpected and wonderfully welcome review *hug*.
*blush* thank you! No, she wasn't killing herself (not ToS compliant), but she was getting very addicted. I don't think I did that very well, so I'll probably edit :) Thank you!
-LWG Report Review
Oh gosh this was so touching, and sweet and well written :3 I felt so sorry for Dom, and definitely hate Richard!! But at least it ends wellAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I love hearing people's thoughts on the characters :) Report Review
Ah, that was so heartbreakingly sad for someone to feel that way, then to be used be used by someone and have being in hospital be when you realize you are loved. But you wrote it so beautifully.
Well done!Author's Response: Hia! Thanks so much for the review :). I know, it's extremely sad- but it does happen. I definitely know that. But Dom sort of.wanted to feel sorry for herself, so eventually her imagined fears became 'real' in a way. I was being confusing when I wrote this :)
Thank youu!! Report Review
Oh my goodness. This is such a beautifully written story. I loved how you went from third to first person and the way you organized it. You captured these depressed feelings so well, and you embodied them in Dominique and it just feels so real... Though such a depressing story (with a happy ending :]), you pulled this off wonderfully, and I love it so much. Amazing job, hon: 10/10.Author's Response: Hai! Oh thank goodness the POVs seemed to work! I was spending ages trying to decide whether top change it all, but then it wouldn't have the effect that I wanted...
Oh I had to have a happy ending, or it would be TOO depressing and sad :]
THANK YOU THANK YOU! This is such a lovely review 8D Report Review
Wow Annon. Oh my god, this is just...I know what you mean when you said it was scary. It was, it was really terrifying. It was just horrible, every last sentence, absolutely awful, and I hated it. But I thought it was so so good.
The standard of your writing is just getting higher and higher, I don't ever know how on earth I'm ever going to keep up with you. You have so much talent, I just couldn't fault it. And I'm not just saying that.
I hated it. But it was just so good.
Livi xAuthor's Response: Ahhh Livi thanks so much for this review :). It means so much that you don't think this is too weird or muddled or... strange. I sort of hate it too, and I'm definitely scared of the fact that I wrote it! But I love it, it's so... different?
oh don't be silly!! You're so much more brilliant and talented than me :P I LOVE YOU!! (by the way)
Thank you xx Report Review
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