This was a really great story! I've always been a bit curious about the founders. J.K.Rowling never told us anything much about them. so i think this was a good idea to write about them!
First of all, I liked Godric's characterization. his dream made me laugh ;) i am glad you have Jacqueline in your story because a story needs a bit of romance.
Rowena was even better than Godric. a smart, brave young woman who is a princess! wow i was impressed. I also loved the way you connected the founders. i mean, the three of them. I can't wait to know about Helga!
But i think this story needs editing. this has nice theme and all, but can you make it a little shorter? this has kind of unnecessary explanations. this may bore some readers. first chapter is important for every story. It must be catching and interesting. the starting with the dream was great but when Godric wakes up, the story seems boring. so make it shorter.
otherwise, this was a nice first chapter! think about my suggetion. i just want this story to be better! so don't be angry!
Ashwini :) Report Review
Yay! An update! I loved the Godric section in this chapter, I think it's really good how you've given him a strong motivation for what he is going to do. And Rowena seems really tough, if a little idealistic, at the moment, but I really like her character. I suspect that Rowena is the one person that Gemma predicted Godric is going to love, but I'm not too sure at the moment!
I can't wait to see more of Helga's feelings and motivations coming out in future chapters, and hopefully she will help Rowena's magic grow. But I am interested to see, as Godric and Rowena are presumably Muggleborns, how they will make friends with Salazar in the future.
And Salazar, he is the character I always really look forward to seeing because he obviously goes through the biggest transformation through the story. I will be interested to see how you tackle this.
I love the way you write, there's no repetitive language and you obviously check what you write so thoroughly. I'll be reading when the next chapter is up!! Report Review
Wow what an ending to the chapter. I still love it. Good work, update soon when you can please. Report Review
I love it! Good work. Please update soon.Author's Response: Thank you very much! The next chapter is awaiting validation. :) Report Review
Well, I thought it was written well, but it was a bit boring. Readers want to read something with fun and excitment! Otherwise the story was good.Author's Response: Haha, two characters dying wasn't enough excitement? But thank you, I'll try to keep that in mind. I don't want it to be boring, though I'll probably unconsciously continue on in the way I started... Report Review
I really liked your story, it was really a great mixture of cannon and imagination.
Can't wait for the rest.Author's Response: Thanks very much! The next chapter is awaiting validation. Sorry for the wait, I have been very busy. :( Report Review
This was excellent!!!
I was drawn into the story right from the start - it's amazing, really!! There weren't any errors that I saw and you used amazing detail!!
I really, really love how you've made Godric and Rowena have siblings because we really don't know too much about the founders (unless more information has been given on Pottermore?) and not many people think of them as people with families before they came together to create Hogwarts. And I definitely love how each founder is a different person in the hierarchy of a kingdom, like a princess and a lord and a squire.
Hopefully that all made sense - I tend to ramble. xD Either way, excellent job!! It was amazing and I can't wait to read more. :D
~Bumblebee [10/10]Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much for this review! I don't remember whether we learned more about them on Pottermore, but I made up Godric and Rowena's siblings myself to flesh out their backgrounds and also as devices to move the plot forward. :)
The second chapter is awaiting validation, I'm sorry for the wait and hope you will come back and read it! :) Report Review
Really good first chapter! I loved how you made parallels between Godric and Rowena and interchanged them through this chapter. In some founders stories (including my own!!) it can be very easy to become dragged down or sidetracked by one character, but you adeptly avoided that issue in this chapter. I also think it was really good that you clearly knew a little bit about the medieval period; this is often totally forgotten with founders stories but you stuck to your game plan really well.
I thought Godric's character was very interesting and showed a different side to him. You upturned the usual stereotypes of Prince or orphan and made him your own character. I also loved the dream at the beginning, it showed a great way to immediately jump into the story. While Rowena is almost always a Princess or a Queen, you made her story interesting by the interaction with her father who seemed a truly Machiavellian character. I also think it is really interesting that she is going to be married to Salazar; in most Founders stories Rowena ends up with either Godric or Salazar, so I can't decide whether you will make her fall head over heels for Salazar or do her duty with Salazar and fall in love with Godric on the side. Or you might continue in this vein of the truly independent woman and not have her with either! Brilliant start so far!
Only one tiny criticism! At one point you changed the spelling of the name Jacquelyn. It didn't bother me because I'm always doing things like that when I write!
I really hope you carry on with this as Founders stories are my absolute favourites and I think there are so few good long stories; most people just stick to one shots. I can't wait to read your next chapter!!!Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for this review! I really appreciated it, because I think your founders story is the best!! I may become sidetracked by a few of the characters now and then, but I intend to split the story as a whole relatively evenly.
And I hope it did appear that I knew about the time period! I don't feel I know much compared to some people, but I am trying to make it... well, not completely absurd. I've done a bit of research. As for Rowena, I will say I'm a sucker for truly independent women... but I still have a a pairing in mind for her eventually. :)
Also thank you very much for pointing out the spelling change. My bad! I fixed it!
My next chapter is in the quenue. :) Report Review
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