One thing I love about the Review Battle is that it's giving me a chance to check out a lot of authors and stories that I would probably never encounter under ordinary circumstances.
So I'm guessing based on the first chapter that this is a story about the invention of the time turner. It's a really interesting and unique idea. Most of the magical devices in the HP books don't have any particular back story to them, which I always thought was kind of disappointing. I'm a geek that way. But, since the books couldn't each be 1,000 pages long, I guess we can all be happy that these "missing moments" leave so many great openings for writing fan fic.
The characters that we've met so far grabbed my interest. Irene and Liz are quite a pair. Even though they're both Ravenclaws, it seems that they wouldn't have made half-bad Slytherins. You did a good job setting up some intrigue around Irene's situation. Because of her pending loss of her family fortune to the "country boy" MacDougal, I felt an immediate investment in her story. It offends my modern-day sensibilities to see this young woman getting dispossessed just because she's female. But, it seems as though she has a plan to change her fortunes. Two plans, perhaps.
William MacDougal seems like the kind of guy who's consistently underestimated because of where he's from. Even though he's somewhat in awe of the Selwyn's home, his dislike of the courtly fakeness of the pure blood gentry made me immediately like him. And his willingness to walk away from Irene when she tries to maneuver him into the dance floor shows that he's not afraid to stand up for himself, even if he is a tad thick where girls are concerned.
Let's see, what else? I liked that you weren't afraid to tackle the particulars of Irene and Liz's ingredient stockpile head on. Again, that's probably the "theory geek" in me, but I love authors who are willing to roll of their sleeves and introduce some interesting theories on the nuts and bolts of how magic works. I also love the time period you've selected. If I'm understanding correctly, this would be after Dumbledore loses his sister to the duel, but before his final battle against Grindelwald? Fascinating times...
I noticed one small typo that you might want to take a second look at:
Nevertheless, the mere fact that they were attempting it was incredibly. - incredible?
Aside from that, your writing was lovely. Everything flowed really well and your dialog seemed really appropriate to the period. Nicely done! Report Review
I really like this story so far. I love fanfiction stories that explain something like this. I really like how you have idea of the time turner coming from two teenage girls. This isn't something I normally, like the time era. I really like it though. This is how I imagined that wizards would be like back then. Wow, I Slughorn is old lol, not as old as Dumbledore though lol
I really love your writing style. It grabbed my attention and it flows so nicely. Great job! I can't wait to keep reading.
~Maggie Report Review
I really like this story so far and I can't wait to read more! Great job! Report Review
This sounds really cool! I like how Irene's just a rebel, you could really go somewhere with this! I really like it a lot so far and hope you keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to them going to Hogwarts. I feel like this story might end in tragedy, like someone gets stuck back in time, I don't know though, you're the author, well I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the awesome work :) Report Review
First of all, it's a shame that this chapter has no reviews because it's lovely! The first thing I really liked was your class system once again, like I said last chapter. I like Irene's general attitude toward things, the way she kind of tuned out Lestrange and was doing her own thinking. She seems like she's a free thinker and kind of...independent, maybe more so than girls in the '20's should have been. I like her though.
I think my favorite part, though, was her ponderings over the time turner and where they might go. I thought it interesting that they might go back to the time of Merlin and King Arthur. That would definitely make an interesting tale. But to be honest, I think her current life and story is interesting all on it's own too! I think you've really kind of created a really cool like...double plot thing going on and it's definitely enough to keep me interested!
I know there is definitely not a story like this out there anyway, and you should be super proud to create such a unique story line! I loved it! Great job! Report Review
Wow! What a great beginning! I haven't been on here very long, but this is one of the most original and creative stories I've come across. Looking forward to the rest of it! Report Review
I really like this story and can't wait for the next chapter, keep it up! Report Review
Ooh! So this was fun!
I love the period piece, very cool. This defintely turned out well, and you write so WELL in third person!
Gosh I envy your ability to spin romantic tales. I suck at it. *signs up for lessons* Everytime I read your stories i think...I should write romance. And then things like Brain Activity happen and then...well...*fails*
first of all, I love the idea of a timeturner in the '20's but i am wondering where you are taking it! :p which era they will be transported to. That would be neat. This is written so properly, I can totally tell you've been immersed in Downton Abbey.
That being said, when we talk later, i'm going to have to have a discussion with you about things I can't post here because of being non 12+. Of course, there is no other word for it and my mind often ends up in the gutter but...lol. that's what I have to say about that.
I like the class system you set up, and this MacDougal character is interesting. Especially since he has a claim to this fortune even though he is not related. Except...there was a restaurant called MacDougal's that only sold chicken when I was in college so...he kind of reminds me of Colonel Sanders. So I know that's bad but I can'thelp it LOL. sigh.
Oh and the only other thing I noticed is sometimes you said too instead of to. Easy booboo to fix! :) Ok that's all I have, I'm at work and probably ought not to keep reading and reviewing fanfiction LOL!!! :) Report Review
This is beautifully written. I love era stories. All the formality and balls and heirarchy.
Downton Abbey is awesome :) Report Review
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