46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BellatrixLover3 Meanwhile, at Gringotts and back at the Ministry

17th December 2014:
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️! I ❤️ This!!! I wanted a realistic story that showed how the aftermath affected Harry and I got one!

Author's Response: Interesting name. Bellatrix does not go gently into that long dark night, but you only find out what happens at the end of my second story.

I thought that someone could do a better job. Mrs_Granger with her two stories on this site does an excellent job. She is not writing Harry Potter fan fiction any more. There are a couple of excellent authors on other sites.

I did not want the story too light or dark. Please let me know what you do like and what you do not. My current Beta FriendofMolly and I love reviews.

Thank you so much for your kind review.

Jet
(I promist you Draco and Hermione will never even like each other!)


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Review #2, by Golikebooks Meanwhile, at Gringotts and back at the Ministry

1st December 2014:
I'm liking the basis of the story but I feel the dialogue needs to be smoothed out a bit. Some of the things the characters are saying or thinking read like they are shouting them and others are a bit broken or rushed. Most of the things involving Ginny is where it's most notable. But like I said I do like the flow of the story so far. Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review so soon into reading. I have had a lot of Beta help, but am down to one beta reader now. I'm always willing to listen to more suggestions. You will see by looking at my stories that this is my second attempt at writing a long saga, plotted out past Albus's Hogwarts career. At some time you just have to post.

I really appreciate reviews, and answer every one. Thank you for starting my saga.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #3, by Ainsley Meanwhile, at Gringotts and back at the Ministry

5th August 2014:
Great job!! I am so addicted already. I loved how you brought fawkes back to hogwarts! I have a feeling there is going to be a lack of sleep for me until I finish.

Author's Response: Fawkes, like a lot of minor characters, does not dissappear but is not a major character. He is at all major fights, but there are not very many of them.

Like you I have been caught up in reading stories through to the end.

Thank you for your review. Please let me know what you like and what you do not like. I take readers comments seriously.

Jet


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Review #4, by slightly odd kat Who is going to Hogwarts in the Autumn?

2nd April 2014:
Autumn not fall. Please!

Author's Response: I'm not sure I have enough energy to change things now, but I did let my Beta know. She catches things like that.

I really need a British Beta to help keep me from writing "American."

Thank you for the review!

Jet


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Review #5, by slightly odd kat The Elves Funeral and Harry’s talk with his Mum

2nd April 2014:
This may be me being an assertive, northern, socialist, trade unionist; but respecting your "betters" is something old and outdated and just plain wrong. Especially when someone's "betters" are predominantly white posh males who have no idea how the other half live *cough* the ConDem government *cough cough*. I hold as much respect for them as they do for me. This is not, in my experience an uncommon view. In fact we have a word for people who break strikes because they think the rich know best. Apologies for my little rant, I think your story is very good; but things like that annoy me.

Author's Response: First, thank you for a second review.
I agree that Cindy's respect for her "betters" is misplaced. I see Vernon Dursley as the kind of boss you would hate, and for all the right reasons. I'm probably pretty far to the "Left" for someone who owns a business and employs people.

Part of my all too long and complex story is about the freeing of the house elves, who in time become Elves.

Keep on ranting! Loved the review.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #6, by Neo Battle Day

23rd February 2014:
To start with, Molly does not use the killing curse on Bellatrix. Also the characters doesn't really feel like the real ones, it's hard to explain but they don't pop in the same way as in the books. I'm sure it'll get better over time since this is just the first chapter though.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I am sorry I did not respond right away, but I have been busy with other things.

Everybody has a different take on the characters. I do try to stay true to "Canon," Harry with Ginny, Hermione with Ron, and as true to the way they were portrayed as possible.

I might suggest the two stories by Mrs_Granger if you want true to the books characters. She does as good a job as anyone, as far as I am concerned.


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Review #7, by Cicero_daredevil Meanwhile, at Gringotts and back at the Ministry

16th October 2013:
Commentary on the two weeks is a continuity break for the reader befor it happens

Author's Response: Sorry if what I wrote is confusing.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #8, by potterfandamon Ch 33 Happily Ever After, almost

9th October 2013:
I have devoured this story in about 3 days the sequels had better come quick :-)

Author's Response: Do you want good or quick? I've actually got quite a bit written, but even Bad Guys and Broomsticks has a lot of work to finish. By the time I get to the Albus Potter story I have years of work to get it in good order.

I doubt there will be a month without a chapter, and they are going up faster than that now, but I have a full time job and a lot of other things to do.

Reviews really do help encourage me and most other authors, since we don't get paid. A review after each chapter will probably get the next one coming a little faster.

I'm glad you like the story! Thank you for the review.

Jet


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Review #9, by anonymous Battle Day

10th September 2013:
You used the words bollo*ks too much. Its irritating while reading.

Author's Response: In which chapter? It is not used in chapter 1. I do use it occasionally. The word was suggested by my British Beta as being a typical swear word used in Britain.

Thank you for taking the time to review.

Jet


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Review #10, by Tim Ch 33 Happily Ever After, almost

31st August 2013:
I have looked forward to reading all the new chapters and look forward to any new ones.

Author's Response: Bad Guys and Broomsticks is coming.
Jet


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Review #11, by FriendofMolly Ch 30 More duties but a vacation too.

6th August 2013:
Jet,
Now that Riddle is gone, there's a whole wide world of Magic to be explored. I guess I never thought of just how connected the Magical Community is. Just as it makes sense that they have a centralized core. Just as we here in the US have separate state governments, but we still have our Fed's. If that isn't close, I would say the UN is a better comparison. Thank you for broadening our Magical World. I look forward to the next.
FoM
PS I do hope (actually I have a feeling), that we will get a more in-depth view of the Valley at a later date. To the next! I have to compliment you on Ginny's maturity and how she is adapting to the new life she and Harry share.

Author's Response: There are parallels between the governing of the Wizarding Community and the Muggle works, and some very large differences. There are also some complexities in the history of Magic that will take some time to explore.

We will get a little better view of the Valley by the end of this story. It doesn't really get to be a big focus of the story until Albus and his soulmate,
Oh, that's another story, and one that will take quite a while to get to.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #12, by Mackh Ch 28 Some progress

22nd July 2013:
Well written. Some of the technical explanations are a little
More detailed than what I would expect but still well done and imaginative.
Does it continue after chapter 28?

Author's Response: 33 Chapters.
I am working on the next story right now, Bad Guys and Broomsticks. There is a rough outline for 4 stories covering the 19 years, and more covering Albus's Hogwarts years and beyond.
I have to watch not to get carried away with the technical stuff.
Jet


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Review #13, by nevilleslonglostbrother Ch 26 Sectumsempra Cuts and House Elves

21st June 2013:
Hey... So I have read your whole story and you are clearly a really smart person that knows the whole world of Potter. I have enjoyed the whole thing and was a bit put out when I got to the end. Are there going to be more chapters up any time soon??

Also love how much thought you've put into the house elves, the forgotten heroes of Hogwarts!! Although I too had nightmares about house elves with meat cleavers ;). Hopefully get to read more soon

NLLB

Author's Response: Had a delay posting for a couple of reasons. I have two beta readers going over chapters 27 and 28, and I hope to get to the end of book 1, 33 chapters, within a very few months. I am guessing we will be posting every other week or so. Of course then there is Broomsticks and Bad Guys, the story about Harry capturing the last of the Death Eaters and Ginny's Quidditch career. And then the story about the Birth of the Potter children, and the final of the 19 year stories, Raising Albus. I have an Albus story that I am working on too.

If you like independent house elves I think you will love the house elf that becomes Hermione's, Harriet Tubman. There is a lot of story about house elves. Freedom is a complex idea, especially if you are a creature that is very social. Humans are not all that different. Really alone people are usually not happy people.

What is the difference between Winky and Dobby? At one point in the outline I have Albus pointing out that Dobby was not "Free/Abandonee" but "Free/voluntarily Harry's house elf" or something like that. I'm still working on the wording. Albus points out that if Dobby was alive he would almost certainly be living at Grimmauld Place with the other Potter/Weasley house elves.

Jet


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Review #14, by shannon Funerals

3rd May 2013:
This chapter made me cry so much, amazing writing arwh feel so sad for the characters

Author's Response: I tried to write this chapter with a lot of pathos, and then when a beta said I could do better I did a major re-write. I'm glad I made you cry. Some of my favorite stories have chapters that make you cry.

Thank you for the review.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #15, by FriendofMolly Ch 26 Sectumsempra Cuts and House Elves

1st May 2013:
Jet,
Even though I reviewed at the other site, I couldn't resist. I understand the House Elves as well as Wizards being upset. You gotta love
Dobedo, his enthusiasm is contagious. Harry has always had an Elf to defend him, starting with Dobby. So this should free up Kreacher for this management pursuits. I do remember when Kreacher went after Dung with a cast iron pan. But this just might change things for the better. I loved the rest.
FoM

Author's Response: House elves are going to be a big part of the story. Harry really isn't trying to change everything, but between he and Hermione trying to make the Wizarding Community more just

and Albus, but that is another story.

Thank you for the review!

Jet


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Review #16, by Tani Ch 26 Sectumsempra Cuts and House Elves

1st May 2013:
It's pretty good,please continue!!

Author's Response: I have a new team of Beta readers, and we have just re-worked Chapter 21 and are working on 22. I've got too much into this to stop, an outline and rough draft of all 19 years and key chapters going on to well after Albus graduates from Hogwarts.

Thank you for the review. Tell me please what works for you and what does not.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #17, by Harrypotter24 Auttumn at Hogwarts & the start of Auror Training

28th April 2013:
Hey if you are still looking for another beta I could do it

Author's Response: Give me a little more information about yourself.

I have too many Betas' right now, but I think some will drop out. Have you done Beta work or proofread for anyone else? What are your strengths?

I see you are new to this site, or at least are a new reviewer.

Thank you for the offer. See my revised Chapter 21. The marvelous descriptions at the start of the chapter were written by a Beta. We are revising from Chapter 21 through posted chapter 26, chapters posted without a beta, before going on.

Jet LaBarge


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Review #18, by The_Free_Elf Ch 25 Decorating Grimmauld Place and New Security

4th March 2013:
This is good, but your right you do need a beta and id happily do it for you if you would like

Author's Response: I have lost my original two Beta readers over the years but have just picked up four more. Chapter 27 will be the first one showing their contribution.
You can always correspond by reviewing previous chapters. How would you contribute as a beta?
If you like free elves you will love Harriet Tubman when she appears in the story. What 'freedom' means to an elf is more complicated than you might think, however.
Jet


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Review #19, by DaniPotterhead Ch 24 The Attack at Godric’s Hollow

2nd February 2013:
I am hooked on your story !! what happens next ? Can't wait for the next chapter x

Author's Response: There is a chapter that should be up in a couple of days. Then I am working with a couple of new Beta readers, and it may take a couple of weeks to get up to speed with them.

The first book goes to about the first of July, not a year but a little longer, 33 chapters. Then there are three more books to go to get to the 19 year epilogue. Then there is a 2nd generation story in the works. You will be waiting for years to see this finished!

I'm not going to tell you what happens next. That's too general a question. If you look at some of my answers to questions you will see that I do give a lot of information if you want to know something specific.

Thank you for the review.

Jet


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Review #20, by FriendofMolly George and Angelina’s wedding, Ron and Hermione’s first time

6th December 2012:
Jet,
The picture of just what Almost Happily Ever After looks like is everchanging and fascinating. Hannah and Angelina are the example that Magic doesn't keep from having the same complications that Muggles have. Yet it only opens those who accept it to greater happieness. I can't wait for the next. Harry and Ginny at Hogwarts as a married couple. And just how Ron will try to circumvent the rules to be with Hermione.
FoM
PS I don't know if I should leave my review at just one site, or both. I just might cut and paste at both. ?

Author's Response: It is always delightful to hear from you!

I would love to have a cut and paste review at both sites. Many different readers, and the sites handle reviews differently. I know that when I am looking for stories to read I do look at the number of reviews to see if it is worth looking at, so you help me get readers by reviewing.

As you might have noticed we have a Irish Beta helping LadymBlack and me keep from being TOO American. He is going over chapters, and what looks like a new chapter on HPFF is just re-posting of an old chapter with his mostly minor corrections. The only thing that may be a change in the story is having Harry get real picky about people calling Tom Riddle by his given name and not Lord Voldemort.

I have just re-read all the Potter books and my story, and LadymBlack is re-reading then with her usual thoroughness. We will get back to posting new chapters eventually. Meanwhile I'm way ahead, on the second story.

One thing almost all the authors I have read seem to agree on is that Fred comes first, and Fred comes less than 9 months after his parents wedding. "She began to wait and worry, so we wedded in a hurry." I'm not sure why. Northumbrian thought he was being original!

Ron and Hermione are going to have some issues with McGonagall. I think you will like how they are resolved. I wrote about Ron and Hermione's wedding in the new version of the story.

I think the new version is much richer than the old one. Hopefully Im learning. Always good to hear from you.

JetLaBarge


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Review #21, by The same kid again. The Wedding

23rd August 2012:
Tell me what that site is you posted it to!!!

Author's Response: I can't give you a link, but FanFiction dot net. Same name. LadymBlack also. Slightly different wording in some cases.

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Review #22, by PheonixFawkes The Wedding

19th August 2012:
You can't - I don't want to be getting the feeling, that you could have possibly though of ending this right here. No son, you have to follow through. That's pretty much been the whole plot. What if J.K suddenly decided to stop writing the books without killing either Voldy or Harry off? Finish this. Soon. Get on it.

Author's Response: The next chapter has been up on another site (Fan Fiction) for some time but having a hard time getting through the censors on this site. Another chapter is waiting for a final OK by my beta, Ladymblack, and she has sent me still another to look at.

We've got years of material to go through! 30 years' worth outlined, some better than others.

JetLaBarge


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Review #23, by whskykitty74 The Wedding

25th July 2012:
What a wacky wedding! I love it! can't wait for the next chapter

Author's Response: Thanks to my beta LadymBlack for suggesting Aunt Muriel and the Wedding cake among other things, although I will take full credit for the chaos that ensued. How many ways can teen age girls write the same Harry and Ginny's Perfect Wedding? I'm glad you liked my version.

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Review #24, by Marauding hippogriff Greeting the grieving

26th June 2012:
I had to laugh at the names "Tom Dick and Harry." It's well written, although you could use some more words like 'can't' rather than cannot, or 'I'll' rather than 'I will' to help it flow a little better. Just a suggestion :)

Author's Response: I usually answer reviews much sooner, and am not sure why it took so long.
I am trying to use more I'll and can't instead of spelling them out. It is more normal speech, and I am trying to make the speech sound more natural.
Names are interesting. It's not always easy to come up with good ones, and you want to have them mean something or have a little joke or do something with them if you can. Glad you liked them.
I really appreciate reviews. Thank you.
Jet


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Review #25, by phoenix9279 Funerals

16th June 2012:
Beautifully (re)written chapter. Amazing to see your writing improve this drastically during the rewrite.

Author's Response: Thank you for the compliment on The Funerals. My beta rejected this chapter as incomplete, and I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for turning what was a rather ordinary chapter into something pretty special. I write pathos pretty well, but needed her to point out that I needed to expand the chapter.

A word on how we write. Maybe 5% of the actual words are written or rewritten by LadymBlack. She has taken several small sections that one of us was unhappy with and re-written them, vastly improving them. And she is excellent at canon, and at punctuation and grammar. I think her biggest contribution, however, has been to tell me when I needed to go back to the drawing board, to add or change a scene or section.

In this case the part with the shrouds, the expanded scenes at the graveyard, Corriander, all were added by me, but after she suggested that I needed more of that type of thing.

Sometimes these things delay the publishing of chapters. I am in the midst of rewriting 14 and have added Michael and Rosemary's wedding, but have a major rewrite of 13 to do, again because of LadymBlack's very valid "you can do better than that" suggestion, that I have not been able to get to. The inspirations for the changes to 14 came; the changes to 13 are going to be work.

Jet


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