Reading Reviews for Fred and George's Lollypops
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MileyMalfoy Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review - Decree Number Six

I thought that this story was absolutely amazing! I love how many examples you came up with for products that Harry had inspired and the fact that you used Ron and Hermione's fighting against them is brilliant! I also really liked that the story didn't just take place at one time, but moved across different times, giving us a perspective of not just when they were in Hogwarts but through several years. And Ginny's ideas for candies had me laughing so hard. Leave it to her to come up with those kinds of suggestions. It made the ending really sweet when it could have been really sad in the fact that Fred is no longer there. All in all I thought that this was a great read.

Good job!
~Meg

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

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Review #2, by writeyourheartout Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
Well, this is just too cute! Who doesn't love a scheming Fred and George Weasley, I ask you? ^.^

The flow and the pacing of this story is really nice for a comedy piece. The dialogue-heavy writing was really great for keeping the story upbeat and quickly paced. There's nothing worse than a story trying to be humorous and dragging us through a sea of paragraphs filled with unnecessary descriptions. It was a very smart choice to allow the dialogue to do the talking (literally, hehehe) and fill in the necessary background information as opposed to getting too caught up in arbitrary details.

I love, love, love the way you tied in so many of Fred and George's idea's for their products as having been influenced by Harry in some capacity! Such a cute idea, and it provided a really excellent little glimpse into the thought processes of the twins! And some of those products you mentioned I've not heard of before, so I'm assuming you thought them up all on your own! If that's the case, kudos! I could see every product mentioned here being somewhere in their store someday!

The little exchange between Fred and George as they talk about the potential of Harry and Ginny is ADORABLE. Daww. Gave me the warm fuzzies. ^.^ And I LOVE that it turns into a bet over who gets together first! My money's on Harry/Ginny. ;)

I think I actually laughed out loud during the exchanges that occurred after Ron and Hermione were finally forced to shut up. :-p This fic is full of cute, funny, and clever ideas; I really enjoyed it.

There are a few small grammatical errors, so I thought I'd take a minute to point some out for you, using this sentence here as a prime example: ""Anywhere those two aren't.(comma, not period)" he replied(comma) indicating Ron and Hermione arguing by the chess board,(period, not comma) "I'm ready to hex them both into next week. If I didn't think Hermione would kill me I'd use Lang Lock on the both of them."" - Tiny details! But even just making those small changes allows for the story to have a nicer fluidity, in my opinion! Your grammatical missteps are almost entirely in relation to sentence structure when dealing with quotations, so if you ever came back to tidy this adorable fic up a bit, I think you'd have any easy time making those few adjustments!

The transitions between different scenes and moments in time were a bit rough in parts, I thought, and tended to break up the otherwise great flow of the story. It's definitely a challenge for anyone and everyone to smoothly and effectively transition from one scene to another, myself included, so you're certainly not alone! If you ever do plan to make edits, I would simply consider trying to smooth them out!

Another small detail, and I could be off on this (please ignore if that's the case!), but I was looking up the spell, and "Lang Lock" is actually just "Langlock", as one word. Assuming the lollypops title is based off of the jinx itself, I would consider writing it out the same way that the jinx is written. Not a big deal either way, though, but I thought I'd point it out anyhow! ^.^

The ending! hahaha Too cute! You know, when I'm ignoring the fact that Fred is dead and all... *holds back tears* I really love how very close to canon you were able to make this! So many references to things we dealt with in the books; it really brought up a lot of good memories for me in regards to the first time I experienced the products and scenes you refer to. Just really lovely.

Overall I really enjoyed this little fic! It was really cute and had some really clever canon moments pulled in and expanded upon! I'm glad I stumbled upon this little guy in my search for a Weasley Wizard Wheezes related story, as I thoroughly enjoyed it! Congrats on such a sweet little story and thanks for the read! :-D

Tanya
House Cup 2014 Review
Educational Decree #6

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

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Review #3, by emmacweasley Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review - Decree Number Six

Hi! This story was filled with great ideas! I really like how the lollies propelled it all forward. It did, however, all feel like a bit of a summary. I think the story you've created might do better broken down into expanded chapters for a short story or maybe you could even fill in the holes - the large time gaps - to make a larger story!

It'd also be really beneficial to the story to begin reading it aloud. Reading things aloud makes it so that you can hear what you're writing, and you'll be able to tell if it sounds natural or not. This is especially important for things like dialogue and characterization.

Great Job!
emma

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

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Review #4, by SkyEcho Langlock Lollies

9th July 2014:
Hi!

I really really enjoyed reading this! Your use of quick dialogue throughout this piece is a pleasure to read - especially In the beginning - it really worked to showcase just how sick everyone was of Hermione and Ron's arguing! I love the way you write Fred and George - so true to character and always hilarious to read :) Ohh and nice work with the little foreshadowing to the Harry - Ginny / Ron - Hermione romance that is yet to come.
I loved hearing about all the ideas Harry gave them, like the ones conveniently inspired by Dean when he was dating Ginny. Wow the idea for the Harry Potter candies was absolutely brilliant!
I really enjoyed reading this. It put a huge smile on my face :)

*House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #6*

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. I'm not using this site any longer. I am using the same id on a different fan fic site and this story is posted there, along with all my newest stuff.

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Review #5, by CocoCupcake Langlock Lollies

15th April 2012:
This is quite funny! You're a good writer and I could see Fred and George doing this. I especially like how the Seven Year Harry Potter Candies represented things that had to do with, well Harry Potter!

Author's Response: Thanks, those were fun to think up. Took a bit of work to find candy shapes and pranks that fit together with the story.

The hardest was the bat for Snape as the DADA teacher I decided on the color changing skin because he would change from order spy to Volde spy and you couldn't be sure who he was.

Glad you liked it.


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Review #6, by rogovjm Langlock Lollies

12th April 2012:
Very good one-shot. I think you captured Fred and George very well. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. I always have fun with Fred and George stuff. Thanks for the review

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