Wow this was really beautiful! And they way you wrote it in 2nd person was amazing. The opening line was brilliant and really pulls the reader into the story and keeps you hooked. Your writing has a lovely flow to it which makes it very easy to get into and the way you wrote Snape was brilliant!
Well done!! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad i pulled 2nd person off well :P THank you!

Jas

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Sorry that it's taken so long, but i'm here with your review.

This is wonderful for a first second-person, and a first Snilly. I actually teared up, because i've never really seen anything like this. My favorite part is the beginning, where he sees Harry's eyes. I really like how you wrote it.

You have MANY run-on sentences, though. You may want to get a beta for this story. It's pretty short, so I don't think it would take too long, but there are numerous run-ons for this little story. Maybe it's because it's your first time with a second-person piece, I don't know. I also think you could add some more in. Maybe, they could walk into the light, or walk somewhere, talk about something, anything. It just seems like it needs more, like it didn't end.

I think it's really canon, though. Severus would act just like that when he saw Lily for the first time in ages. I think it's good, but you could use some changes. :) As I said before, Betas can help you a lot. I hope I was of some help. ~Cierra.

Author's Response: That's okay - you're here now (or was here...)

Thank you! Aw, I'm sorry - I didn't mean for you to tear up! *hands tissues*

Ugh, i'm terrible with them :P I'll try and get a beta and see if they will help me haha, thanks for pointing that out!

Jas

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Aw, Snape/Lily always makes me half all these bittersweet feelings. I always love it when a writer writes in Snape having a happy ending in the afterlife. He suffered so much when he was alive, and so much of it was for Lily that for him to be able to come to terms with here in the end is wonderful.

The blackness suffocated you until you can barely breathe. - This sentence is past tense while all else is present.

I like how he associated Lily with Heaven. If he never met her there, for sure that would be considered Hell to him. The descriptions were lovely and Sev's emotions were strong throughout this.

xChar

Author's Response: I know! Snily is such a bittersweet ship! Well my headcanon is that Snape needed a happy ending and he deserved to go into Heaven because of what he went through in his life.

Ah, thanks for pointing that out! *runs away to fix it*

Thank you!
Jas

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Yay first review! And yay for starting to ship Snily! ♥

I thought you did a great job of describing what death felt like for Snape here. It was really powerful for me to see his split-second mental associations between pain and his memories of Lily, and they really jabbed at me like a knife, so I could imagine what he was experiencing quite tangibly.

Wow, the last half of this really made me feel quite emotional. It feels really accurate to me to describe Snape as being unsure and feeling awkward experiencing emotions that he's been holding back for years, and I got really drawn in when he finally saw Lily again, because I think we can all imagine a person who has passed on that we would love to see again, and my love for Snily compounded that for me here.

I love how you described every facet of Lily, so that we got to experience her along with Severus, who has missed her for so long. And I even loved the ending -- I agree, it would be like Lily not to return his words, but to simultaneously welcome him in and make him feel like he's in heaven all the same. It's so great to read such a warm happy ending.

Wonderful! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: As far as unrequited love goes, Snily is defiantly up there at the top :D

Thank you! It was always a headcanon of mine that Snape only held on as long as he did while he was dying because of Lily so I'm glad I got that across!

I always thought that everyone's Heaven was different and of course, Snape's heavens would be a place where he could spend forever with Lily.

THank you!

Jas

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