Love, love, love how this ties in with HBP, I really look forward to reading the rest, seeing things from a slytherin perspective is always fun, the only thing I would criticise is that Harry seems to have fallen in love at first sight!?
Please keep it up, I really want to know what happens next!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the praise and critique! Yeah there is a little "love at first sight" going on and I'm going to try to fix it. I think I just haven't gotten the hang of writing romance yet.
I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'll try my best to continue as soon as possible. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your review :)
So I have to admit I was a little wary of the idea of a Harry/OC pairing. I've never read one before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. But this has definitely surpassed any expectations I had. I think you've got an awesome start here!
In your post you asked about general interest level while reading this chapter. You've definitely sparked my interest here, and I'm excited about reading future updates! So I think you're good on that front :)
With any canon/OC pairing, it takes a truly awesome OC to make it work, especially with a main character like Harry. I think you've definitely got that here! I love Selena. I mean, I LOVE her. She's very catty and snide, as one would expect from a Slytherin, but what's fun about her is that she's rude to absolutely everyone, not just Gryffindors. I'm wondering if there's anyone in the entire Hogwarts castle that Selena doesn't hate :P I like her interaction with Draco because it's unexpected; she doesn't seem to worship him like so many other Slytherins. Her voice is witty and funny, and I just got such a huge kick out of reading from her point of view. Like Harry, I'm super curious about what lies beneath Selena's harsh exterior.
Speaking of Harry, his characterization seemed very different than the way I've always seen him. His very sudden and intense preoccupation with Selena wasn't entirely convincing for me. I just needed a little more reasoning behind his thoughts: why exactly does he feel like there's more to Selena than meets the eye? Why was he amused at the cruel way she treated him, instead of angry? Basically, I'd like to know what it is about Selena--besides her looks--that sparks Harry's interest.
That said, I do like that second scene with Harry and Ron talking, mainly because of the dialogue. The tone of their conversation seems natural, and I think Ron's comments are especially spot-on. "All the Slytherins seem to mesh together in my memory." I love that line because it just sounds like something that would come out of Ron's mouth :)
Like I said, I think you're off to an awesome start to your story! I love the way Selena's personality shines through in everything: not just the dialogue, but the narrative as well. I can hear her bitterness and razor-sharp with in every word of this, giving an interesting perspective of the events. And as for Harry, I think he's got a lot of room to grow in future chapters, and I'm excited to see that! Again, great job :)
--MaggieAuthor's Response: Thank you for the awesome review!
I completely understand your wariness of Harry/OC pairings. I was a kind of scared of it when I was writing it :) Harry/Ginny is one of my favorite shippings, so the whole situation was a little weird for me.
Yay! I love Selena too! She is probably one of my favorite brain childs. I adore clever, synical, anti-social characters so I tried to pore all of that into her.
I had a lot of fun writing her interraction with Draco and I'm glad you enjoyed the result.
Harry, on the otherhand, is a character I have a lot of difficulty writing. He never sounds right. A lot of his sudden infatuation with Selena is probably due to the fact that I have never really written romance before, and I kind of need to work on the relationship pacing. I guess I just have to practice :)
I love writing Ron! He's probably the cannon character that is easiest for me to write and I'm glad he sounds like himself.
Thank you for the wonderful review! I will definitely re-request for future chapters :) This was super helpful Report Review
I truly apologize that this review took so long to get around to doing. I've had exams, so I've been so busy lately...but finally they are done and I am here!
It was a little cliche to be honest...but that said I think secretly everyone loves a little cliche story, and it's very easy to put in a huge twist if you don't want it to be cliche, so if I were you I wouldn't worry too much about it being cliche in any way because you can always change it.
I think originally Harry was a little OOC, however I think his exchange with Ron changed my opinion on that, as it seemed very natural and I could genuinely imagine it happening. I like that Selena wasn't a part of Malfoy's group. It made it a little different to the usual, which was a very good addition.
The plot so far seems very good, even if it is cliche. I cannot wait to see what happens next. I think the addition of an Author's Note is brilliant, so don't change that! Also, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I spotted.
Great job, feel free to request a review anytime. =]Author's Response: Thank you for the great review!
Yeah, I can see that the story is pretty cliche. I guess all of my stories tend to come with a little extra helping of cheese :)
I will, hopefully, put a pretty big twist in the story later, but this early on I don't really know where it's taking me yet.
Oh, I have got to fix my Harry! I can never write him quite right. I'm glad the exchange with Ron was okay. I do take a little pride in my Ron. He's one of the cannon characters that I feel I can write well.
Thank you for the kind and helpful review! I totally understand how time consuming exams can be and I'm glad you took the time to read and review :) Report Review
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! You actually requested my reviews a very, VERY long time ago, but I got busy and things got hectic...anyway, I'm here now. I'm sorry about the long wait! So, let's go over things:
Characterization: Well, we've got Selena who seems quite...interesting. She isn't a Mary-Sue yet, so that's a huge bonus! I'll watch for that so we don't fall into that trap, mmkay? And we have Draco who was awesomely charming. I liked it a lot, though I also loved Selena's reaction to him. Well done. And Harry...hm. I don't know about Harry. I know that this will have to divert from canon where Harry liked Ginny, but this seems a little sudden. I don't know if Harry is the type to get THIS interested in a girl that he's only seen once. She means literally nothing to him. Or she should. Hm. :/
Descriptions: I think you had some things described well. I got a pretty good picture of what Selena looks like, but I might have liked more sensory input. What did things sound like in the Hall? Was it loud? What did it look like? Crowded? Etc. (I'll probably get repetitive in future reviews about descriptions. Someone harked on me about it and now I seem to be OCD about really feeling like I'm IN the story. XD)
Emotions: Hm. Well, there isn't too much happening yet. I loved Selena's annoyance with Draco and his lackeys. Really well done there. I was confused by Harry's very sudden interest and attachment to her though. Odd. :P
Plot: Well, I don't know what we're dealing with yet, so I can't quite comment on this, but I liked the opening chapter. It made me want to read more. :D
Interactions: I LOVED the interaction between Selena and Draco. REALLY funny. He just thinks so highly of himself and she looks down on him. I thought it was great.
Style: I love this. I love this. I love this. Your voice is brilliant. I definitely laughed out loud several times during this chapter which is saying something. I usually don't find things funny, haha. I think you held an awesomely consistent style and I adored it. I hope to see more of it in future chapters.
Pacing: Well...I don't know about the Harry-being-interested-in-her thing. It seems VERY sudden. But maybe things will make more sense in future chapters. Other than that, well done.
Flow: You moved quite seamlessly between Selena's POV and Harry's. I liked that. :] Good job!
Continuity: Only thing that I caught is that Selena says that her father works with Lucius at the Ministry, but Lucius doesn't actually WORK there. He just stops by to "donate" money and influence politicians. He actually is too rich to need a job, haha.
So far, so good. Keep up the good work and I'll review again soon.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much the for the amazingly helpful review!
Oh, Harry...I have such a hard time writing him! I know what you mean when you say that he's a little OOC, and I'm working on it. I also haven't really written romance before which is probably why he's a little overly girl crazy :)
Descriptions are another thing that I'm not very good at. Your pointers on that part were really helpful.
I'm glad you like the writing style! It's a little different from what I usually do so that's good to hear.
Oh, my gosh, Lucius! I am so ashamed! I usually pride myself in being able to stick to cannon! *hand slaps forehead* I am so embarrassed.
This review was so helpful and I will be editing right away!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
I've never read a Harry/OC before (okay, truthfully I've never read many canon/OC shippings before) but this story has defiantly sparked my interest.
I think you gave the first chapter some really good foundations; we (as the readers) know who the characters are and what they're basic personalities are.
So far, I don't think it the 'typical Gryffindor-Slytherin romance' (as you call it) because Harry doesn't know who Selena is - if it was a typical romance they would both hate each other :D
Will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter *added to favourites*
JasAuthor's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review! I too have never really read many canon/OC shippings before either so when I got assigned Harry as my character for the challenge I wasn't sure how well the story would turn out. I'm really glad that you think the Slytherin/Gryffindor romance isn't too cliche :)
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! The next chapter is coming along quite fast so hopefully it will be submitted for validation soon Report Review
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