I think you have a good start on your story. The plot seems interesting enough, I just have a hard time following it. So your main character's father had died, and you were trying to bring about a way to explain it. Which you did, but for me, it was a wee bit fast. And I don't know much about your OC. All I do know is that she likes to sleep in :) I hope you work on character development on the next chapter. Other than that, keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thanks! :) yeah i know the next one is already three times as long and im still working on it Report Review
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