I thought it was a good update for the story, I did understand what you were saying and where you were going with it.
something helpful that my writing teacher advised. Google, first person, second person, third person speech. Your drifting at times and I'm wondering who is doing the speeking. Letting us readers know at the beginning whose POV it was coming from helped.
One last thing, if Rose is in her last year, she would be studying for NEWTS. OWLS are taken in 6th year in preperation for NEWT classes. I know, very confusing to me for the longest time. If ever your not sure about something, go to forums and ask questions, everyone is so wonderful there and love to answer even the simplest of wonderings.
Your story here has great potential, I really like it :) I give the chapter a 10 Report Review
Rosie, the annoying little girl with the small vocabulary, sad she can't be bothered to play. Is she going to spend 7 years in a bubble? When will the Hermione clone turn into a real girl? She's not very friendly. Girl need a hobby :) Report Review
The word is not ware, the word is swear, I dont think the map will work without the right word.
not too bad Report Review
Remember to use correct grammar, punctuation and spellings but otherwise it is good. I really like the story line idea.Author's Response: yeah i know im really bad at spelling and punctuation just confuses me:( but thank you :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection