Yay, I enjoyed this next chapter so much! I love how the tension was built up, because it's really increasing the anticipation of what it'll be like for the girls when they ARE confronted by what they've done.
The characterisation of the three girls was great, too, since they seem more /real/ now that you've put them in normal situations (like breakfast), though it was brill how their bond was shown in the obssessive way they all stared at the Marauders to make sure they were drinking the potion.
The way that each of them were planning out what they would try to make happen when the potion came into effect contrasted a lot with what I think is going to happen! (Chaos) and it also began to introduce us a little to the prospective boyfriends of the heroines. I can't help but wonder how nice they will actually be as boyfriends to them!
As we see more of Nadia, I like her less as a friend but more as a character. You've got some good and bad points to her, and there's the potential for both depth and shallowness in her! The way that Kim and Emma both know her warring sides is also interesting, and I hope we see more of their interaction in future.
Kim isn't very well-fleshed-out yet, but I do hope she gets her Hufflepuff moment. So far, she seems to be crafted very well to be Peter's girlfriend, but I just hope nothing too cruel comes to her.
For Emma, I like having a deeper insight into her thoughts, since she's the best balanced of the three. You get the balance between rationality and shallower thoughts of popularity absolutely perfect! I so want her to end up with Remus :3 But I like the contrast you created between how the Beater was acting before and after he drank the juice - it gave us a teaser of the effects of the potion and I can't wait to find out what happens with the rest of the school and the girls!
Please update soon! :)
~TGK (and QTR) Report Review
I wandered over to your page to deliver some very, very late prize reviews from QTR and I'm so glad I did, because this is an absolutely wonderful idea!
Working backwards, your ending was fabulous, because it was so unexpected, and I love how it left the reader with a sense of dread and excitement for what would happen next, as well as satisfaction that we had worked out what would or could happen! It really brought me in there, and I am already really desperate to read what happens next!
I loved the idea of an easier potion that Amortentia that would work for just a few weeks, because it's a lot more realistic than the girls brewing a full-blown love potion by themselves. It also seems less harmful in that way, but is strong enough to cause complete chaos - it's a brill idea!
And the mix of girls you have is absolutely perfect. They're all three outcasts, and the dialogue and action between them seems very natural since they're uncomfortable with each other but used to that now. It was all very realistic, and their too-simple hopes of winning popular boyfriends really endeared them to us since I want to find out exactly what will happen!
Your flow and pacing was also perfect, because it described enough for me to be rooting for these normal girls but it wasn't at all boring or one of those super-long descriptions about their lives thus far.
I can't wait to read more! :D
~TGK Report Review
*eagerly awaiting next chapter*
Although if I were to make a suggestion, I reckon you should stick some more time into making your chapters a bit longer. You have fantastic writing, and I wouldn't mind waiting longer for updates if you had a few more words! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the feedback :D I definitely do want to work on getting my chapters a little longer; I used to do 3000+ as standard, but since I've focussed more on RPG-style posts (about 250-600) over the last couple of years, it's proving a little tough to get back into full-length chapters :p But definitely something I'll work on, thanks for the suggestion :D Report Review
ooh, another good chapter! i really like your writing style, and stuff..
YEAH, UPDATE SOON. BUDDEEEH.
ignore me, i'm tired. Report Review
OMG! Not what I was expecting at all (but that's a good thing!) I was expecting the next chapter to have everyone already swooning over them, but now I have to wait with all eagerness for the next chapter to find out what happens!
And oh no! Little does Emma know she already has a genuine admirer - Henderson! This is going to be good! I also can't wait to see the characters open up more, I'm liking the personalities so far! There is something about your writing that keeps me hooked on every word, it's brilliant!
XOXO WildFlower!Author's Response: Oh, I'm not sure Henderson's as genuine as you might think - the potion is a little unpredictable, remember, and there are factors that affect how it works that the girls aren't totally aware of ;D
Thanks so much for the review! I'll try to get the next chapter written up and queuing as soon as possible :D Report Review
This seems like a great concept :) i love how the plan may well turn into an absolute disaster!! I hope to see more chapters xAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you think so! :D The next chapter is in the queue, hopefully it won't be too much longer before it's up :) Report Review
Oh my Merlin! I was not expecting that to happen! You've got me on the edge of my seat in anticipation for the next chapter! This chapter was a great start, the way you introduced the characters was simple yet destinctive and the over all flow was brilliant! But oh my, I can't wait for more! I'm so eager to know what happens!
XOXO WildFlower!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm really glad you liked what you've read so far and I'm hoping the next chapter won't disappoint :D Report Review
This is going to be great. Nadia sounds like she's going to be awful. Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Ha ha, well yes, Nadia is hardly the nicest of people- though, to be honest, nor is Emma so I suppose you can't be too sure of anyone. Thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked it! :D Report Review
I honestly gasped out loud when the elves started multiplying the jugs and then I laughed because it was something I would never have thought of and also find hilarious. Needless to say I am very excited to see what happens next!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I was pleased with that bit myself- it was all written on the fly, so I'm hoping everything won't fall apart for my spontaneous muse and lack of planning. Thanks for the review, and I don't think you'll be waiting too long! :D Report Review
You have some typo situations going on, but who doesn't? That aside, I think you've got a swell start, and it makes me want to read more. Your dialogue is authentic! three cheers for authentic dialogue!
GIVE ME MORE. When you can. No pressure.Author's Response: I can't believe I missed all those typos xD In my defence, this was written and posted in about two hours, without beta, so hopefully the next chapter will be a little more considered :p
Thanks for the compliments! And the next chapter is in the queue- hopefully it'll be up soon :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection