Hey! It's BTN from Leaky ;D
I loved this story! Very sweet.
I did find a mistake, however. Rolf Scamander, Luna's husband, was a wizarding naturalist, not a healer. But it's not really a bad mistake. :)
P.S. Come back to our rps! Vic and I miss you! Report Review
It's Rosie from the B vs B review battle! :)
Aww, this was so cute and fluffy! Lily and Lorcan are just so cute together. I'm glad you didn't put Luna with Neville, that always drives me nuts when people do!
I really liked Lorcan's characterization. I don't really read much of him, but I liked how you didn't make him as strange as his mother. He's nice and sweet and perfect for Lily. I also find it interesting that you wrote Lily as the main character. People who write next-gen often ignore her, because the focus is usually on either Al or James, so this was very refreshing! :D
I love your transition from light-hearted, fluffy, and cute to angsty all of a sudden. It's hard to change the mood of a story like that, so I think you pulled that off nicely.
The flow, characterization, punctuation, and grammar was excellent. I couldn't really find any flaws.
All in all, a wonderful one-shot! I enjoyed reading this! :)
~Rosie Report Review
This was surprising so sweet. I love Lorcan and Lily's friendship - so very bittersweet, and something that you would want to hold on to forever. I love how you put Albus into Hufflepuff - he seems like the type, doesn't he? All in all, this was a very cute, heartwarming one-shot - and I really, really liked it. Well done.Author's Response: Oh thank you! Your review has made my day!! I love Lily and Lorcan's friendship too, because I love how there is not even a hint of romance and everything is all lovely and innocent and beautiful! Report Review
Wow, this is so good! I just caught a couple spelling mistakes (ugh, those tricky to's!) but nothing too major. I really enjoyed reading this. Your descriptions were well placed, making it very easy to read. I LOVED the symbolism, too :D Symbolism always helps a piece, and it did wonders for your ending :) I love the dark themes you added; I've always wondered how the war affected the characters, so that was great to read. Also, Lorcan's line - "Your stupid messed family? Lily, my parents argue over Crumple Horned Snorckacks. They don't even exist! Crying over a dead relative isn't anything new or to be ashamed of!" - was funny but sweet and very fitting. Lily and Lorcan's relationship is so cute and very fun to read; the way you characterized them was done well :)
Excellent job! Such a cute, well-written story! 10/10 Report Review
Really lovely one-shot.
I loved te imagery, simple yet warming. Everything was really well described. It was great the war was still a problem that troubled everyone's minds, even those who hadn't lived it. Aftermath is such an interesting subject people tend to forget and you treated it well, suddenly breaking their childish atmosphere. Ahh, Lily and Lorcan were so cute and naive, fighting over berries and tickling, it was endearing. I loved how you still showed their awareness of their families situations.
Luna was a great choice for explaining the meaning of the berries. It's nice to see that even after the war, she's still her slightly crazy self, and yet wise, in an always awkward way.
I simpli loved it, I felt fuzzy, and then cold, and then bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter, which I why I think you did a great job! I wouldn't change anything, an enjoyable read :)Author's Response: Oh I'm delighted that you enjoyed this, I like the mood too, and I really enjoyed writing it! Report Review
This was a perfect mixture of sweet and sour, like the huckleberry. Maybe sour isn't quite the right word, but you do a wonderful job with the light, easy friendship of Lily and Lorcan and still include bits about the war, about Luna and Harry fighting demons that still haunt them, losing her grand-dad, etc.
I think my favorite part of this was Lily and Lorcan's friendship. It was so sweet and I love that they know each other so well, and that there isn't any sort of romantic entanglements there. It's such a cliche thing to do, so I'm glad you strayed from that.
Aw, and poor Al being a little Hufflepuff and everyone making fun of him. I just want to squish him - he's one of my favorite Next Gen characters. :)
I think the only criticism I have is with the spacing, especially with your dialogue and how you sort of clump it all together. It's a bit distracting, I think, and doesn't look as clean. That's personal preference, of course, so feel free to leave it as it is.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. Like I said, it was sweet and simple. An enjoyable read. :)Author's Response: Oh thank you so much!!
I wasn't massively happy with how this turned, out but after the lovely reviews I've received I feel a lot more confident about it, so thanks very much! I want to squish Al too!!
I was very adamant when writing this that there was to be absolutely no romantic inclinations between the pair, because the story was about their friendship, and not romance, so I'm pleased you approved!
I shall try to do something about the spacing.
-Livi x Report Review
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the review battle!
This was such a cute story! I have always adored Lily, being the youngest of the Potter family, and I really love that she was the main character, along with Lorcan. I think the biggest thing I really loved about this story was that while it was focused on something simple and joyful, it had the dark undertones of what life was. It talks about the war, about loss but doesn’t get so lost in it that it can’t mention friendship. Because really, I think a lot of people leave out the war and what effect it has on people even years later. So really, I love that you added that. And I wanted to cry with Hermione….so sad that their granddad passed away :( I know that’s never fun, and with a character everyone knows so well…it was sad.
And I also mentioned the friendship, which I did want to carry over into a different paragraph, because I really did adore the relationship between Lily and Lorcan. Most boy/girl relationships turn into someone having a crush, and sometimes that’s nice, but it’s also nice to have the innocent frienships…to point out that just being friends with people is okay. And their friendship is really cute, from what you have written here…it really was lovely.
I did notice a couple spots that I thought could use some editing. Mostly minor nitpicky things, but I thought I’d mention them none-the-less.
“Lorcan’s freckled face turn upside down from a cheeky grin to an expression of pure dismay.” –this sentence was a bit confusing. I think maybe because it’s in present tense, so instead of ‘turn’, maybe ‘turned’. Maybe a bit of rewording too?
“James and Lily were both Gryffindors; James was a fourth year, Albus a third year and Lily still ‘an ickle firstie’.” –In the first part of this sentence, I think you should add something about Albus being a Hufflepuff…because I was a bit lost as to whether he was or not and mentioning him in the first half will balance out his mention in the second half, if that makes sense?
“Even though the wizard behind the stories was dead, the days when Mrs Scamander his in her room and spoke in nonsense, and the times when Lily’s father yelled out in the night were evidence…” –I only took a part of this sentence, but if you read from ‘the days when Mrs Scamander,’ it almost sounds as if something from the sentence is missing or something…I found it rather confusing, so it may be something you want to look at?
Other than those few things, this was quite a lovely chapter. I enjoyed reading it and I really felt it was a good complete little story! Great job! [Also sorry if this doesn't fully make sense...wanted to read and review a little before bed xD]
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Yay! Thanks so so much for the amazing review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, I spend quite a lot of time on it because I wanted it to be decent but luckily I've got some time before the closing date of the competition so I can edit, and it really needs it.
I love Lily and Lorcan's friendship too, and I wanted to make it quite clear that it was nothing but friendship, and a very strong one at that.
Thanks so much for the little errors, the one about Luna is where I typed an s instead of a d, but makes such a difference to the meaning of the sentence, so thanks for pointing that out! Same with the other two.
Thanks again for the wondeful review, it was amazing!
Livi x Report Review
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