Hi, it's hidden_secrets from the forums!

This was lovely! I loved every word of it. It was wonderfully written and put a smile on my face.
Well odne with second person, it's very hard to write but you carried it off nicley :)

I'm sorry this review is so short, but I have to go soon :(

10/10, well done!

Author's Response: aww thanks! :D I had so much fun writing this^^ Really different from my susual style which revolves around either humor or angst. This sweetness was refreshing to write! :D I'm glad you liked it!^^ *squishes*

xxx

~June

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Hiya!
EM here with a Pass a Parcel review!

This is by far one of the cutest fan fiction that I've ever read. The way that this piece was written is very unique. I've yet to read a story that was written in this perspective. I love the characters. I love how it was nice of Ally to write such a note to a fan like little Albus (who happens to be a fan of her ^_^) Like I said adorable.

I think that the letter was definitely my favorite part of the story.

Good job!

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Thanks!^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it :D This fanfic particularly was really fun to write! :D

xx

-June

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Oh emm gee. I love this so much! At first I thought, this seems a small bit gloomy but then it was all. n'aww! Siriusly!

Author's Response: Thnak you!! :D Yeah it was a little gloomy at first, but Al brightened everything up didn't he?^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it!! :)

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Interesting. It’s something I can sympathise with, certainly, and I love that! You’ve conveyed the frustration that comes with writer’s block very well and it’s a very sweet little story to go with it. It’s funny, with all the revisions she makes, and light hearted and just a little bit of fun. The inclusion of Harry Potter characters gave it a nice new level to relate to, I thought as well.

However, there were a lot of mistakes. Some (‘even worst’ instead of ‘even worse’ and ‘to make sure no one notices you’ instead of using the past tense ‘noticed’) read like typos, but there were frequent mistakes with the dialogue punctuation where you used full stops (periods) and capital letters in place of a comma (e.g. ‘”The best is my little sister.”’ He replies’ should be ‘”The best is my little sister,” he replies’.) The wide spaces between the paragraphs also detracted from my reading experience, though I’ve just seen in the review below that you couldn’t help that.

Author's Response: Sorry about that ^^' grammar's always hard on me, I'll try and fix that!! :)

I'm glad you liked it though!! And thanks for reviewing!! :D

-June

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I squeed when I read how cute Abus was. I was impolded with so much cuteness I want to transfer into the story and huggle him to death.

One thing that did bug mewas hoe far spread out each paragraph was. It didn't make the story un-readable, but it did bug me a little too much so perhaps you should concider changing it.

Overall this was brillient and I loved every moment of it. Thanks for the entry and good luck.

Snoopy x

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!!^^ I know!! Albus was the sweetest little thing!! :D

And yeah that bugged me too, but every time I tried to fix it it went back to being WAYY far off again... trust me this is better than it used to be -.- I'll see if I can make it better though :)

thanks again!!^^

-June

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