Reading Reviews for Initiation of a Death Eater
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57 Initiation

12th July 2014:
Wow, this was a really powerful one-shot. I could see the Dark Lord's fury and resentment for Muggles and Muggleborns as he branded Draco with the Mark.

...Am I correct in assuming that the narrator was Draco? It seemed logical to me, because he's the only teenage Death Eater that I can think of (at least, in Harry's generation), but it was interesting to me that he played with Muggles while he was growing up. If it was Draco, this is a very unique facet of his character that I've never seen before. :)

Really great job!

House Cup 2014 Review


Author's Response: I kind of started out thinking of Draco, but now it's just kind of like an "every man" Death Eater.

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #2, by Veritaserum27 Initiation

11th July 2014:

Aaaa - this was intense. Poor Draco. Duty bound is not enough to cover the range of emotions he feels in this story. He is afraid of his father, he is afraid FOR his father. He is afraid of Voldemort and what he will do to his mother. Then, when confronted with the question of being afraid, he is afraid to produce an answer and he must give the right one or it could mean danger for everyone in the room. We need to keep in mind that he was just a kid during all of this. The other Death Eaters were much older and many of them had experience from the first war. Very nice last line, because fire often indicates a purging - but in this case it bears a heavy consequence that Draco will have for the rest of his life. Very nice writing!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thanks! It's funny that you latched onto Draco being the MC. It's not, but that IS who I started out thinking of as I wrote it. But then the character came to represent all Death Eaters in some way.

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Review #3, by Pretense Of Perfection Initiation

9th July 2014:
Wow, this was a very interesting story to read. There's typically so many canon death-eaters to chose from, epecially males, that I'm not sure I've ever read about an OC in this position. I think you did a great job developing the character in very few words and over such a short span of time. The familial pressure is very apparent, and through the flashbacks/memories we see that the MC doesn't necessarily want to be doing this, but is only becoming a death-eater out of obligation to his parents. I really liked the bit about the muggle children and how he enjoyed playing with them, and of course Voldemort would know about this "weakness" and use it to exploit the MC and his family. The story was paced perfectly, and I found myself genuinely caring about him, and really want to find out how it all turns out for him in the end.

--house cup 2014 review--
pretense of perfection, gryffindor

Author's Response: I'm glad you saw some character development - I can tell you, that's a hard thing to do in just 500 words! Thanks for your lovely words!


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Review #4, by LadyL8 Initiation

7th July 2014:
Hi there.

500 words. I can't believe you've been able to write such a good story in only 500 words. I'm seriously impressed by you.

I loved this story. It was such a good portrayal of how I imagine it felt being branded with the Dark Mark. I love how you made the unnamed character take this decision out of fear, because I imagine a lot of the Death Eaters did this because they were afraid of Voldemort, and not because they wanted to be death eaters. And you really made me sympathize with a death eater, something I never imagine I would.

I also love how you kept the character unnamed. I kept it so interesting till the end of the story, because I really wanted to know who the death eater was. At first I thought it was someone in the Malfoy-family, but I doubt they'd interact much with muggles. So now I'm still trying to find out who it could be.

But I really liked this story. My favourite line was definitely the last one "I was set on fire", because those 5 words explains so much of how I imagine the death eater feels in that very moment - the extreme pain.

So I definitely liked the story. I'm still shocked it's only 500 words. I would've never been able to write something so good in so few words. so you're definitely talented! 10/10

- Lotte

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I have to tell you, trying to fit an actual story into 500 words is no mean feat! No wonder it's such a classic challenge!

I really don't know who I wrote about. I think I wrote about any and all Death Eaters. Like you, I imagine that a lot of them joined out of fear.


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Review #5, by nott theodore Initiation

6th July 2014:
Hi there! I'm here reviewing for the house cup and came across this one-shot - what a powerful story!

I always love stories that leave out the names of the characters in the summary because they intrigue me straight away, and I liked the fact here that you left out the name of the Death Eater who's being initiated so that the reader can guess it's anyone and it could really be any number of people.

I love the way that you wrote Voldemort in this. He's terrifying and powerful, but you captured his character really well and all the hatred and power in his actions and thoughts, and his speech was in character too. He always strikes me as a difficult character to write so well done there!

And the ending 'I was set on fire' felt so powerful to me, and it could be the pain or the fact that the Death Eater feels they're burning brightly as they're initiated. I love the ambiguity of this piece!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thanks for this review! I'm glad that you just liked the unnamedness of the character. Yay on loving the way I wrote Voldemort. The moments when I wrote him, it was just kind of scary to inhabit his POV.

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Review #6, by Cannons Initiation

27th September 2013:
Here for the review tag!

This was really amazing writing. I thought it was really brutal and sinister and brilliant I loved it!

Even though it was quite short, I thought it actually added to the overall feel of it.

You've written Voldemort to be even scarier than normal which is worrying! :L

My favourite bit was this - 'all of this drove me to take this permanent scar, to be forever branded as a Death Eater, a slave to my Master’s wishes' - that was really powerful.

I really enjoyed it, and am glad I checked your page out, going to read something else from you know! bye :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I went for brutal and I'm glad that it went through to you

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Review #7, by HarrietHopkirk Initiation

16th July 2013:
Hello! Here for the Ravenclaw review tag!

I love the 'Every Word Counts' challenge - it means everything had to be made so concise and direct, and yet the story has to make sure that it can be understood and everything. You've done that wonderfully here!

I like how there's no names - at first I thought it was Malfoy (after the bit about the parents) but then he hasn't (or so we think) had amiable interactions with Muggles. It gave an idea of all the faceless and nameless Death Eaters and their history - some were genuinely in league with Voldemort and his ideas, whereas some were simply coerced into it, by the others or by their obligation to their families (a bit of both here, I think).

Your imagery is good, especially the sections that begins 'I felt I had no choice' - you chose exactly the right words to make me feel like I was there, and exactly how OC was feeling! Well done!

Overall, a great one-shot.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you appreciated the anonymity of my main character - I don't even know who he is! :)

That's what I think with the Death Eaters, some believed in it and some did it for "lesser" reasons such as protecting themselves or protecting their families.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #8, by HeyMrsPotter Initiation

28th June 2013:
Hello! I'm here to review your story because a lovely author named elainesilva won a challenge I set on the forum and asked me to review this story rather than one of hers (how nice is that?!) and I'm really lad she did! This was just outstanding, absolutely flawless. Your imagery was perfect, you created a really haunting atmosphere. I loved that there were no names in this and yet I totally sympathised with the main character. I loved how it was short and yet you managed to get so much information across. I loved your writing style. I just loved it!! Really really well done for this beautiful piece of writing :)

Author's Response: Wow this is so unexpected and so so lovely! Thank you so much for this and I'm glad you liked it so!

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Review #9, by adluvshp Initiation

7th May 2013:
Hey! Here for review tag!

Wow, this was a powerful one-shot. You expressed so much in so little words. The emotion in your words, the amazing imagery and description, the beautiful flow, it just made for a brilliant piece of writing.

Your concept itself was very interesting, I liked that you kept the identity of the death eater hidden - or well someone we don't know - and the part about him having associated with muggles before (and actually having liked them) was a very nice touch.

Your narrative was very intricate and gripping, and I was really captivated by the story. The way you wrote Voldemort's part was very believable too. The ending was also magnificent.

All in all, this was a great piece of writing and I enjoyed this one-shot.


Author's Response: Ah, loved every word you wrote in your review! Thank you and I'm very glad you enjoyed this one-shot. It was so challenging writing in only 500 words!

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Review #10, by slytherinchica08 Initiation

18th January 2013:
Wow that was just amazing! This part here, "The disdain seeped from the edges of his black cloak, slithered across the floor and wound its way up from my aching knees and tightened around my throat, making speech impossible for me." was the best part to me. The description just really stood out and I loved how you used all of those words just to describe how Voldemort was looking at him. I thought it was very interesting how he had played with muggles when he was younger yet his father is completely against them, though maybe he snuck out of the house or just happened to meet up with them and was asked to play. I like how he loved his mother very much as he didn't want to disappoint her. I loved how you started this oneshot off, I thought it was a great beginning and just really really good! This was a great oneshot, I really enjoyed it! Great Job!


Author's Response: I LOVE unexpected reviews! Thank you so much for thinking to leave a review on a story that was done a bit ago. The challenge that this story was written for really made me concentrate on choosing the right words as I only had 500 to mess with!

I'm glad that you got so much of what I was trying to communicate! Thank you!!

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Review #11, by broadwaykat Initiation

12th July 2012:
This was a really interesting moment - a true slice of life - and what makes it so compelling, in MY opinion, is that we DON'T know who it is - it can fill any of the faceless, nameless Death Eaters we see causing unspeakable evils in the Harry Potter Universe - and yet in 500 words you manage to give him a history, a background, to show us his motivation and fears.

It's great.

I have to say the most impressive thing about this is the SHORTNESS of it all - yet you say so much. I know I've stuck away from this particular challenge because I can't explain anything in under 500 words. I can barely talk in CLASSES under 500 words. Out of everything - that's the thing that's most impressive to me. Grammar and spelling looks solid - it's short, sweet, and to the point - wonderful job. I wish we got to know who this OC was!

Author's Response: The anonymity of my main character yet the versatility of him is what I wanted to particularly convey in this one-shot so I'm glad that you found it compelling because of that. Thank you so much for this!

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Review #12, by Jchrissy Initiation

10th June 2012:
After being angry at you for not telling me who this is, I decided to take your description at face value and believe that it really is an OC. It's in the Marauder's Era, so not Draco, not snape because we know lily was pretty much his only friend, not Regulus because his parents would never have let him play with muggle children. So, I've decided it really is an OC ;)!

This is so well written, your transition between sentences, your sense of emotion and ability to create imagery, are all amazon.

Dramatic, breathtaking, and wanting to know more.. Everything a great 500 word challenge should have!

I love your writing style, you pick the perfect words that compliment each thought and statement. Great one shot!!

Author's Response: LOL, you made me laugh with your first line :) My main character is totally an OC. Even I don't know who it is! Thank you so much for all the wonderful things you said in this review!

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Review #13, by daliha Initiation

22nd May 2012:
It was so interesting yet so short :( which makes me sad :(

But I saw it was written for a challenge so I understand, but besides that it was flawless, because although short we get to see what's going in your character's head though I wished so bad for a flash back of your character's memory with his/her muggle friends.

But the line before last gave me shivers.

Author's Response: Yes, this was written for the 500 word challenge. I'm glad you were still able to connect to the character though! Thank you so much for both the reviews! :D

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Review #14, by maskedmuggle Initiation

14th May 2012:
Woah I love this! It's short, but packed with so much and I think you definitely did the story justice with 500 words! I have read death eater initiation stories before, but the way you wrote this one with an unknown character, the pressure from the parents and from his lineage, his association with muggles and how he wants the lord to purge these impurities.. it just made for a really strong story. And I really liked the last few lines with the cancer and the fire - clever!

& I thought you did a great job with Voldy! :) Sometimes he can be hard to characterise right, but that 'the cancer will need to be burned out' line seems just like a voldy thing to say xD Nicely written! :)

Author's Response: Hi Lottie!

I found this challenge so interesting as I really had to make sure that every word counted yet I also wanted to tell a story, not just describe a scene. I'm glad that it came out strong for you.

I like writing villains. I don't know what else to say about that! :)


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Review #15, by littlemissmb Initiation

26th April 2012:
nawww.. =[ poor draco... is it sad that im pretty much in love with a fictional character?

Author's Response: No, it is not sad at all. ~_~

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Review #16, by WeepingWillows Initiation

24th April 2012:
First off, well done for meeting the requirements for the every word counts challenge, I would have a hard time keeping it at 500 words :) So again well done!

I liked how you kept the OC name anonymous. It added mystery to your story :)

I found this very chilling to read. I loved Voldemort's taunting, since I could imagine him actually being that way towards people that might care for muggle's.

Very good! I just love your writing. I'm definitely a fan :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for stopping by at this story! It is one I am quietly proud of because of being able to meet the 500 word count. I definitely tried to keep it Voldemort as in character ad possible as my main character was faceless.

Thank you so so much for your compliment!

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Review #17, by AC_rules Initiation

22nd April 2012:
The 500 word stories always sort of amaze me, because I'm entirely sure that I could easily spend 500 describing a cup of coffee or something, so just 500 sounds... well, very much not good for me.

But this was fabulous. I liked the way how you had it so it could almost apply to anyone and the ending was all like WOAH and I like stuff that flipss things around and goes from a different perspective (ie, from the Death Eater) so yeah, I really liked that. And all Voldie's speech was excellent too.

Another fabuluosly written thing from a fabulous author :)

Author's Response: I know what you mean on the 500 word stories. It took me two go's myself before I was able to hit it.

I love writing evil villain monologues :) Thank you very much for all the nice things you said!

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Review #18, by AndrinaBlack Initiation

18th April 2012:
That was quite powerful. You really made this work with the challenge it was for. It was short, but every word counted and made it a whole.

What I think was really good in this story, was that I felt like it made me understand Voldemort and the Death Eaters a bit better. I mean, sometimes I've been thinking that I don't understand much of the Death Eater dynamics at all as so many of them really seem to fear Voldemort and as many seem to show it too, it just seems... I don't know. A bit strange. (I think I lost something of that thought there.) Anyway as he is a good legilimens it really doesn't seem to work that well if someone has doubts or fears that can be heard. He'd soon be out of followers if he eliminated all of those who had some kind of doubts. But this person here (didn't check the characters before reading, so not sure if this is maybe Draco or someone else) has doubts, and first I thought this wasn't going to end that well for him, or he'd just end up as the lowest of the low as a death eater. But then he turns it around in a really clever way, whether it's faked or not and whether the desperation is him really wanting to be "purified" or him grasping at straws for survival.

I think I explained that really poorly, but I hope you get from that, that I really liked that part of the story. Oh and I really liked how you started the story too. It starts sort of thoughtfully with a general statement, but then it really deepens into emotions towards the end. So, good job on this!

Author's Response: It was a very interesting exercise to do in the first place.

What I got in really just breaking down the Death Eaters is that it was Voldemort looking for absolute surrender and if he didn't get it, then he would break the man or woman who defied him, if they were of Pureblood status. You do make a point in how he isn't going to just eliminate anyone with doubts. I think he'd use them.

I didn't make this guy any particular character. He kind of stands in for every Death Eater who ever didn't want to be a Death Eater but felt he had to be.

Thank you!

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Review #19, by Cirque Du Freak Initiation

18th April 2012:
Wow, this is an incredibly powerful one-shot.

This wasn't poetic or in a dream-like state it was doused in harsh reality - especially by your word choice and how you made each sentence flow with the next one.

You have very hard-hitting descriptions that are unsettling to the reader, but still appropriately chilling - if that makes sense.

I really liked that you didn't choose to name the Death Eater here as it sort of lets the reader infer who it could be and look at the character closely enough - to pay attention to their mannerisms and speech.

I particularly liked your Voldemort - I felt he was very much in character and have no complaints. He was as dark and as menacing as I imagine him to be at that particular time period.

Well done, on a brilliant one-shot!

Cirque xx

Author's Response: It was meant to be just the bare total of this one man's existence. When you're limited by 500 words there isn't much room for embellishments (like I normally like to do). I'm glad you felt compelled to pay closer attention to my character. I myself don't know who I'm writing about, I leave that to you.

I liked writing Voldemort. Is that weird? (Yes) but I'm okay with that.


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Review #20, by lizmusic45 Initiation

15th April 2012:
This was great, you really have a talent, I mean really, your stories I quite the brilliance, and I think that's great. I love this piece, it was moving, it was nice (and I mean that how you wrote it, not what you wrote, because that's more of a really good sad piece) but it is really, really good you capture emotions perfectly :)


Author's Response: Thanks for thinking so well of me and my writing!

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Review #21, by Ravenclaw_Charm Initiation

15th April 2012:
Amazing. There's nothing wrong with this, really. It's short and descriptive, and I love it! Your writing style here has really captured my interest. I really like how you opened it, reeling the reader in. The internal conflict is well written as well.
Awesome job! Going into my favorites ;)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm flattered to know that this captured your interest

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Review #22, by Aphoride Initiation

14th April 2012:
Wow. This was incredibly powerful - even more amazing considering how short it is (by the way, congratulations on getting the word count!).

I loved how even though it was in first person, you never revealed who it was. You don't need to, either - it could be anyone, really. Regulus, Draco, Lucius... the ambiguity really works. I also liked how you started with talking about events, rather than jumping straight into it, it made it seem so calm and almost serene, before you moved down on into Voldemort and the Mark. Ah, that was so good! Voldemort was pretty much spot on, with the not-really-a-question thing and the laugh. The last line was just perfect.

I really, really enjoyed this. It was the perfect length, pace - everything.
Aph xx

Author's Response: I was surprised by the premise that came to mind when I decided to write this. I wanted to keep him anonymous for some reason. I didn't really want a name to the character. You get a taste of him just through his fears and what happens to him.

I enjoyed writing Voldemort for some reason...


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Review #23, by forsakenphoenix Initiation

6th April 2012:
All right, I'm convinced there is nothing you can write that I won't absolutely love from the first word until the very last. Writing an effective one-shot in 500 words is really difficult, but you manage to do so and pack a powerful punch all at the same time. You have to choose your words carefully, ensuring that each one means something and you do so fantastically.

I like that the narrative remains nameless, that with your descriptions we are able to build up our own stories about him. I love how you made it so that it wasn't really something he wanted to do, but an obligation made to honor his parents. That's terrifying, to be thrust into this situation, to force oneself in front of Voldemort and offer loyalty, all the while spitting in the face of friends he had grown up with.

You were very effective in setting the tone of the story and wow, I don't even really know what else to say. The descriptions of Voldemort - about his disdain and his laugh - were just so well-done and some of my favorite lines in the story. The last line too was such a fantastic way to end this. It was really well-written. I can't say enough about how much I enjoyed this. :)

Author's Response: You are too kind :) Thank you for thinking of my writing so well. It's because of your encouragement that I find myself able to keep writing :)

I did want the reader to have a sense of who the narrator was without actually putting a name or face to him (I still don't know who he really is). I'm glad that some personality came across.

Thank you!!

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Review #24, by ginerva_molly_weasley Initiation

3rd April 2012:

This is a piece filled with angst and torment and I must say it enthralled me to look at this and see what happened during a death eater initiation. The way he seems so scared by the Dark Lord and the way everyone is compelled to agree with the Dark Lord! Also the way that Voldermort can see that he was friends with muggles when he was younger is unnerving!

I loved this!

Author's Response: Thanks! I was apprehensive on posting this as there is no big character except for Voldemort and having an OC as my main guy was different. So to hear that this came across the way I wanted is awesome!

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Review #25, by GrangerDanger76 Initiation

31st March 2012:
Hey there! It’s GrangerDanger76 from the forums for Team Bronze!

Wow, can I first say, that I absolutely adored the opening. It got me hooked onto the story, fast. I related to that one moment and I’ve never really seen that sort of thing done before… Well done!

Second, even though this is for a challenge, the whole only having exactly 500 words thing is really neat. You went all out and certainly did it well.

Another thing I would like to commend you on would be the way you did descriptions. Since you obviously only had 500 words to work with, you couldn’t put a ton of description forward. However, the description that you did do, was perfect, and subtle, but very impactful. My favourite is as follows…

“He chuckled, his laughter filled not with mirth but with a jagged edge that cut straight into anyone who heard it.”

That seriously gave me chills.

The characters were another wonderful part of this. I figured since you never mentioned the narrators name, it was an o/c. He was wonderfully developed, what with the flashback to his childhood and the description of his parents. I also really liked how you portrayed Voldermort; Especially like the description above about how his voice was a jagged edge and stuff. That was spot on, and I really enjoyed reading him.

Beautiful work. I had to go back and reread it several times because it was such good, quality writing.

However, you know when you read a good story, and I mean quality descriptions and loveable characters, and the grammar and spelling absolutely…sucks? I mean it just absolutely get’s in the way of reading.

I am very pleased to say that this is not one of those stories. Your grammar and spelling are spot on, so I give you props for that.

Anyways, I should most likely stop rambling now… :)

Author's Response: Thank you for really looking at and breaking down what I did here. 500 words is an awesome challenge so I can understand why this is a Classic one. You had me a little scared there with your sentence on grammar so I'm glad to know that this story is not like that!

I wanted to do a story with a faceless character and I'm glad you were able to connect with him despite that. Voldemort is also interesting to write about, especially from the viewpoint of someone who is seemingly under his control.

Thanks again for taking the time to review!


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