Hey! Sorry it took me so long to track your story down.
I really like how you used repetition, particularly in "It's another day. Another Portkey trip. Another funeral." I also really liked the lines about Ginny's and Molly's hands in the beginning.
I'm not entirely certain if I'd classify this as stream of conscious, but it definitely comes close to it and remains readable and easy to follow.
I almost feel like you could've put in more descriptions of what's going on either in Molly's head or in the world around her, and have the actions be almost like an afterthought? It might be neat to experiment with, if you ever decide to revisit this piece. Also, I feel like you could do without some of the "I hear" and similar phrases.
This was a really enjoyable read :) Report Review
You did so much in the short 500 words allotted. I could really feel Molly's pain at losing her son. I think the stream of consciousness worked really well here, and that's coming from someone who usually doesn't really like that style. It was simple and effective, and both the present tense and short sentences helped to deliver a sharp and powerful impact. I felt so sorry for her, because she shouldn't have to feel this pain but she has to find some way of overcoming it. Her guilt at smiling was the most powerful part of all, I think.
Great job :)
MarinaAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much.
I agree with you on the stream of consciousness; it's not normally a style that I like reading or writing. It's just how this piece came out, so I'm glad that you think it worked well.
Thank you so much!
Del<3 Report Review
This was so profound. The short sentences brilliantly brought across how broken and fragmented everything is now that Fred's gone. The subtle repetition too, really brought it home and I think you've perfectly captured how Molly would be feeling on the day of Fred's funeral. It's obviously different from the initial shock but she's still in denial.
I don't know what it was, but I really liked the line "We walk slowly. I think we walk slowly." And how she didn't know when she started crying. Really portrays it well.
I always get upset thinking about the loss of Fred and always get a little teary-eyed and you managed to get me into that state again.
This is a wonderful one-shot and the perfect length.
:')Author's Response: You are so sweet, thank you.
I would think pretty much the same thing is going through everyone's head. There were so many funerals after and during the war. I can't imagine anyone being able to think straight at all.
Del<3 Report Review
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