Emesias here with the full-on review as I promised!
Grammar/spelling: i didn't spot anything that big that would affects the presentation of your story as a whole. Good Job!
Characterization: So far the girls are really living it up to the Slytherin- type profile. Draco, however, seems a little to quiet and not Slytherin- like. I noticed that he made a few comments to Astoria as they sat in the common room that was somewhat like him to say. Maybe you can add more of that into the story, plus a tad more confidence and arrogance ^_^ just a suggestion. Other than that, I think the main characters are developing well. I can't wait to read more.
Plot/ flow: This plot is very unique and very interesting at that =) So far its developing really well. No plot holes or anything. Just be careful to not to switch tenses as that can really affect the flow of the story (trust me, this seems to be my biggest problem as an author). Good job! I can't wait to read more!
Happy Writing! 9/10Author's Response: lol thank you for the surprise reviews. ill try to watch out for the things you have suggested. I have writers block at the moment though so it may not be for a while yet. :) Report Review
No grammatical errors found here- YAY!
This is such a sad chapter :( I love it! So far, the way you portray the girls is consistent and accurate when comparing with actual Slytherin characters. I think that its just Draco that doesn't seem so Slytherin- like (not based on canon). Good Job thought!!!
Happy Writing! 9/10Author's Response: i wasnt trying to make draco canon but ill try to add a little more of those traits in future. :) Report Review
There were a few grammatical errors here, but its not a big problem. As for characters, again Draco seems too nice... Maybe give him a bit of an attitude, a few snide remarks here or there... just a suggestion ^_^
I didn't expect such romance happening this early in the story. I LOVE IT! Keep up the good work!
Happy Writing! 9/10Author's Response: lol sorry ill try make him seem more arrogant for you? It wasnt really suppose to be one of those stories though. Report Review
Grammar: This was the only one that I spotted:
Putting my headphones in I started listening to the mixed cd in the walkman
I believe that its meant to be "on" rather than "in".
Characters: I think the Draco portrayed in this story seemed "too nice" than his usual. i mean, don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the uniqueness of your plot ^_^ and I love how they felt that instant spark, but maybe you can have Draco seem a little more arrogant, maybe a bit obnoxious, and less caring... Just a suggestion ^_^
Overall, this story was a bit too short for me to tell how the plot was developing. Maybe I'll make a comment on that for the next chapter.
Happy Writing! 9/10Author's Response: lol i have to put my headphones in but yes you are right it is on because i was referring to those old chunky ones. Report Review
I think that you are off to a good start here. Character wise, both girls seem to be living up to the aristocratic- Slytherin persona. There were some repeated words and other grammatical errors, such as the last statement of the chapter. Other than that good job! I can't wait to read more ^_^ I'll be leaving short reviews after every chapter I read, usually about grammatical errors and a few comments on the characters, if any. I'll write a much thorough review after every 5th chapter I read or until the end.
Happy Writing! 9/10Author's Response: wow. thank you for the reviews? i wasnt actually really expecting a review though lol. but thank you. ill try work on my grammar. Report Review
you must write more!:)Author's Response: Lol. oh right. i forgot that i should be updating this one as well. sorry.. lol.. ill write the next chapter tomorrow and update when my validation que is free. =] Report Review
Next please! Totally loving this.Author's Response: lol thanks will do soonish Report Review
I just read this story, it's really good and I can't wait for you to updateAuthor's Response: haha thank you =] i hope you enjoyed it. Report Review
Hmmm waiting for the drama to play out.. Lol.Author's Response: oh it will. =] just you wait. gets better very shortly Report Review
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