Reading Reviews for Unrequited
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lily Plans for Christmas

31st August 2012:
AMAZING STORY! when is the next chapter coming? I NEED MORE!! love it :)

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Review #2, by rj_sunshine Plans for Christmas

24th July 2012:
This is such a fabulous story and I especially love this chapter because it contains so much humour and I also love to see the Weasley kids just hanging out and messing around. Fabulous chapter and I look forward to reading the next one. 10/10

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Review #3, by MagnanimousMoony Plans for Christmas

17th April 2012:
great story. Add more soon! please

Author's Response: I am currently writing the next chapter:) Thank you!

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Review #4, by Scriptie Plans for Christmas

2nd April 2012:
This made me laugh. Poor Fred having to bargain with Harry like that. spacing has gotten better :) I'm loving this sooo much. Keep it up!
-Scriptie

Author's Response: Thanks again! I am currently writing the next chapter:)

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Review #5, by Scriptie For the last bloody time - I'M A TWIN

2nd April 2012:
Just fix the spacing on it and it'd be a lot better. I love how this is going so far :)
-Scriptie

Author's Response: Thanks! I will try hard to fix the spacing:)

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Review #6, by Scriptie Prologue

2nd April 2012:
Twins...good intro. Can't wait for more :)
-Scriptie

Author's Response: Thank you! More will be coming:)

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Review #7, by CissyLu Prologue

28th March 2012:
Awww poor guy. Nice chapter

Author's Response: Thanks for the review:) Keep reading:)

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Review #8, by Pen2Paper Prologue

27th March 2012:
Hey there :)
I saw a post in the forums, something about your concern for reviews for your story, so I decided to pop by and offer any encouragement I could. I remember posting my first chapter and feeling like no one liked it because I didn't get reviews in the first two days! Don't worry people will review as long as you develop your story and they have something to comment on... Relax and keep going.

I liked this chapter especially because it was Fred's point of view who happens to be one of my absolute favourite characters from the books :)
Things I think you could improve on...
1. Length. You barely exceeded the minimum limit for a chapter. Over here what you put into your first chapter often becomes a ruling factor for whether a reader wants to continue reading or not. Which brings me to point too.

2. Make something hint at your plot. We know you've got a story planned but to get your reader's interest show a bit of the plot in little hints... its not always easy but a little bit of detail as to where the story is headed often holds the reader's interest.

3. Describe! Hogwarts is a wonderful place, you can add so much to the chapter by description, the Great Hall, the Common Room. When you describe what your character sees, it becomes so much easier to place your character in a setting and it becomes instantly believable. Just try adding more detail and see how much of a difference it makes.

It was nice to George and Fred interact in first person view. You've made a good effort but the story has barely time to make the reader feel comfortable in the setting of your story and the shoes of your character before it ends so my main suggestion would be to expand your ideas and just let it flow :)

I hope you find this review helpful. Best of luck with future chapters :)
~Pen2Paper

Author's Response: This is so helpful! Thanks so much for reviewing!

I am currently waiting for my second chapter to be validated, and it is a lot longer than this one. Also, I have written a couple more which are even longer.

I think I was just so excited about uploading this one that I didn't really write much!

I completely get what you are saying about the describing thing, and I will definitely work on that in my next chapters:)

Thanks again! Acciolocket21 x


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Review #9, by acciolocket21 Prologue

27th March 2012:
Really good! Needed to be a bit longer though!

Author's Response: Thanks! The chapters are definitely going to get longer! x

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