Loved this story!
It's short but sweet... :D
Beautiful story with a perfect banner!!Author's Response: Thanks! I can take credit for the story but not the banner :P that's charmante @TDA for ya! Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this! You portrayed Victoire very Mary Sue-ish without forcing it too much, and the conflict you gave her was perfect for this piece. Your descriptions are amazing! Normally, I don't like being bombarded with descriptions, but you made them all flow into one another so nicely that I enjoyed reading them. You painted such a beautiful picture for Victoire's back story. Your Victoire/Teddy scene at the end was also fantastic. The proposal was a little rushed, but it fit with the air of your story so it's no big deal. All in all, a very cute, well-written story! Amazing job! :DAuthor's Response: Um, I was trying to do Mary Sue on Victoire :/
Thanks for the review though! Your nice words made me smile. Report Review
Hi. Its CypressQueen here with your review. Sorry for it being so late.
I really enjoyed this story and I certainly didn't find Victoire to Mary-Sueish. There are quite a few people who are happy helpful people all the time and from what you wrote in your story, I cand definetly imagine Victoire as one of those type of people.
I always wondered wether Teddy would become a warewolf lime his father or would he become more like Bill with wolfish tendancies. The way you wrote Teddy as trying to protect everyone knows certainly rings true to what I think of him. However, I couldn't quite tell if Teddy was a full werewolf or a half werewolf, it seemed like he was a half werewolf as werewolves can't talk. Other than that I really enjoyed everything and would enjoy reading more stories by you espiecally Teddy/Victoire as they are one of my favourite pairings.
CypressQueenAuthor's Response: Um, I meant for Victoire to be Mary-Sueish. Darn :/
I'm glad that you liked my characterization of Teddy. To clarify your confusion, he was changing but Victoire caught him mid change so that's why he was sort of half.
Thanks for this! Report Review
Hello dear ^^
Haha, I just had to pick this one from your list and see how you can pull off this completely different style. And I'm glad I did, because I absolutely loved this (x
Oh Vic, she's so beautiful and perfect in every single way. You truly brought out the Mary-Sue in her. Oh, and Teddy! Poor guy, how much he must have suffered before. Luckily Victoire was there to bring light into his life again! He did the right thing when he asked her to marry him so soon! I mean, why wait when they're clearly perfect for eachother and so in love ^^
Haha, such a beautiful love story!
You really did a good job with it! You should definitely write more stories like this, it gave me a good laugh! (:
~EAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you loved this! It was a step away from my norm as I'm not usually into the lighter-hearted side of writing so to hear that you found it funny is very reassuring. Yes, it would only be Victoire who could provide that magic touch to cure Teddy of his werewolf blood and of course he'd have to show his appropriate gratefulness by proposing straightaway!
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
This story was definitely a change from your others, but it was still terrible (plot wise) . Like twilight. No offense if you like twilight. I think you did a great job with the challenge, even though the story was bad, it was a feel good story and had a happy ending--like the title. I hope i'm not making you feel bad :P haha. Great job anyway :)Author's Response: I definitely don't like Twilight and I'm actually happy that this story was compared to that considering I was going for awful. Thanks :) Report Review
This was fantastic.. I was laughing through the whole thing-- and I still found myself really enjoying your writing. I think Victorie is a character that gets cateorgized as 'sue' a lot, and you did a lovely job showing that, all wrapped up in a hilarious one-shot.
I think the best was how you managed to show that Victorie, even though she is perfect in every aspect, is still so liked by all of her peers.
I loved how you even worked in her relationship with Teddy, and managed to show the cliches in that! Victorie is just so perfect, she can calm the child of a werewolf ;) Really lovely work with this. and the fact that they he proposed at what, seventeen?
Fantastic one-shot-- if you wouldn't have said it I wouldn't have believed this was your first humor. I loved it!Author's Response: Gah! Sorry on my long wait to respond! I'm glad that you liked my attempt at humor and that it came across as funny. I was definitely trying to portray Victoire's perfection but her "Tragic" imperfection :P I wanted to have drama so thought Teddy was the perfect device for this! (LOL)
I really enjoyed this. I don't normally read Next-Gen (because, like you, it's my least favourite era) but that didn't stop me from enjoying your story.
You did a great job at making Victoire a Mary-Sue. It was really funny and entertaining to read :D The last two lines just top the story off. I loved this!
JasAuthor's Response: Hey Jas, I'm glad you were able to take some liking off of this despite the genre and the cliche. I meant for it to be fun so I'm glad it was! Report Review
Hey there! I'm so sorry for the lateness of the review. I really don't have much time in my hands right now compared to last year. :
In my opinion, you really did an awesome job applying the whole 'Mary-Sue' thing on the story. I'm going to be honest, Teddy/Victoire isn't my cup of tea...they're next gen, but they never seemed like one to me. And Victoire is just annoying, really, the greatest writer could write about her in so many ways and I'd probably still dislike her. She's just too...perfect.
I don't know why, but some of the reviewers took you quite seriously, didn't they? Maybe if I hadn't read the summary that's what I'd be doing too..meh.
I loved the way the story was so full of perfectness! You really did a good job making a parody of Mary-Sue. I love it.
Green With Envy 2012,
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: It's totally fine. Thanks for looking at this and I'm glad that you found Victoire too perfect and annoying. It was as it should be. Yeah, some reviewers took me seriously but that's because, unless you're paying attention, it could totally read seriously.
Thank you for this! Much needed encouragement on my parody-ing.
Char Report Review
I'm finally here to review your entry!
I love the way you took us through her whole life story and showed her absolute perfection ever since she was a baby. Some of those analagies were just perfect, especially the gurgling brook one, and how she never ever misbehaved as child.
I also enjoyed how you managed to incoroporate most of the Teddy/Victoire cliches, of which there are many. The werewolf part was great, and you tooped it all off with a 16 year old getting engaged, which is really the only way a story like this can end of course.
It was also pretty funny how the first few reviewers seemed to take it seriously, although I think that may be a bit telling of what of lost of this genre is actually like.
Great job writing a very Mary Sue-ish character if I may say so, and thanks for entering the challenge!Author's Response: Yes, I really wrote this the way I would've wanted to hear it should I not be possessed by an angst monster. I'm glad to hear that I capture Mary Sue in the non-overboard way because that's kind of how I see these type of characters.
Thanks for putting this challenge up! It was fun since I don't normally do humor or parody type things. :) Report Review
This was an interesting read; I’ve not really read the likes of it in fanfiction before, but I’m always game to trying something new. Interesting that your title alludes to fairy tales, because this is exactly what it read like, I’m sure that was intended. Therefore, some of the comments below might be irrelevant. Ignore as you will!
First of all, I like the style used here. Like I said above, it’s very fairy tale, fairly fast paced, taking not much time to tell a complete story. It’s not a style I usually like, but I think you’ve done well with it. I think this is mainly due to the language you’ve used. Your sentences are clever and set the scene and characterisation well without becoming over-flowery or bogged down with adjectives or description. The paragraph that begins ‘As a little girl, her hair in pigtails,’ is a good example of this. There were occasions where I didn’t like your turns of phrase, ‘her sparkling gem eyes’ being one, ‘the flowing rose amber of her hair’ another. To me they sounds a little cliché, but this is probably because of all the ridiculously described Mary-Sues I have encountered over the years.
I also love the imagery you’ve managed to evoke. To me, the paragraph beginning ‘the world is still for a moment’ stands out, and especially the part where she sees the ribbons entwining themselves around Teddy. In not very many words you’ve managed to create a beautiful, fairytale scene.
Something else I feel I have to point out is the line, ‘For it is Teddy Lupin loping off to the dark woods, secrets in his footsteps.’ A few years ago I wrote Robin Hood based fiction, and read a lot of the old ballads and poems about him, and this line reminds me of them. It’s classic fairytale style and it’s brilliant.
However, I do think the style had its disadvantages. The opening was rather drawn out and a little dull, and I didn’t really feel myself ‘getting into’ the story until part way through when we catch up with Victoire. There was too much backstory for me, too much information not relating to the actual goings on in the story. While a couple of paragraphs would have been enjoyable, the amount you had was a little too much. This back story also messed up your tenses a little, as you switch to the present tense when we meet Victoire properly. I feel it would have been better to stick with the past tense throughout as it was a noticeable change and incorrectly done in several places.
Another disadvantage to the style, I thought, was the contrast that the style had with the dialogue. While the language you used was fairy-tale like and therefore evoked feelings of times-gone-by, beautiful dresses and handsome princes, the dialogue was very modern and so it grated a little.
Despite this, I still think you’ve done a very good job, especially with the language side of things.Author's Response: I will have to take a look at the tenses again because I did have a bit of attention on it and will need to fix it!
As you know from my other reply, the fairytale aspect of it was meant to up the cliche factor, thus some of my descriptions were overly flowery and exaggerated. I did slip in some of my usual style in there somehow but overall it seems to feel the fairytale ness that I was trying to convey. Thank you for looking at this! Report Review
I think that actually you wrote Victoire as "Mary-Sue" quite good. And this is my actual first time reading this pairing so well done. :) The way you wrote really captured the moments between Teddy and Victoire so beautifully and some of the Mary-Sue moment's made me giggle. But it was still a very creative story nonetheless. You did a job well done! :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it and that Mary Sue did get seen in this character! Thanks! Report Review
This story puts me into such a dilemma! It contains beautiful phrases and images that really capture the senses and imagination, such as "secrets in his footsteps" or the moment when she kisses him. There's so much vivid brilliance in those passages that I got caught up in the story against my will. In this way, I can see why some readers have taken the story seriously - you took the style of it seriously to a large degree. But there are obvious signs of satire in place with the whole fairy tale frame and exaggerations. There are aspects of "Little Red Riding Hood" and "Beauty and the Beast" here - another cliche of the ship, I believe - but again, I got caught up with how wonderfully you weaved them into the tale. It's really amazing what you've done here!
I must admit that I really don't like Teddy/Victoire - neither of the next-gen "canon" ships (Scorose being the other) are my cup of tea, and I rebel against them at every opportunity. And what's hilarious for me is that you've included all of the reasons why I dislike Teddoire, and Victoire herself, here. She's such a Mary Sue that it's painful, and then all of the cliches with Teddy-as-wolf and Victoire as the one who can save him from it. I think the only thing that surprised me about Victoire was that she wasn't a Hufflepuff - she's awfully kind and loyal and the most stereotypical of stereotypical Puffs. :P lol, I hope it's okay to say I gagged at certain points - you perfectly captured how disgusting the fluff can be. XD
Thank you for writing this! It was great fun to read and I'm glad I got the chance to do so! Hopefully you write more of this kind of humour in the future - I'd be happy to read it. :DAuthor's Response: You made me laugh with this review, specifically with what you were saying about Teddy/Victoire. I, too, am a bit of a maverick when it comes to ScoRose and Tordy (I lay claim to this Celebrity Pairing Name) so I guess I was putting all my own dislikes into this. Gagging is understandable!
I can't believe that I had a bit of my actual STYLE slip into the story but in re-reading it again, I see that it did. :P I guess I can't escape it. I did have fun writing this and I'm glad it came off as humorous! I had some doubts but I guess it's just appealing to my kind of humor :)
xChar Report Review
Hello! This was pretty funny, when you first proposed your idea of the review swap I thought I'd read your Dramione, but then I saw this and I didn't want to pass it up. Anyway, this was a Mary-Sue to the full extent. So I guess congratulations on the biggest Mary-Sue I've ever read!Author's Response: :) LOL, thanks for congratulating me on my Mary Sue. I'm actually a little proud of her! Report Review
Hey Char! Here from review tag :)
I loved this. I think this is a wonderful idea for a challenge (and James is the king of parodies, so how appropriate that it comes from him), and I think you did a great job with Victoire here.
The description was great. I loved how you talked about her actions as a baby and how they were perfect and adorable. I love the theme of moderation in this story, too. We often see Mary Sues pointed out as being too extreme, but you've turned the conventional on its head by making this Goldilocks-ish in an over the top way. Her house is small, but not too small. She goes to school at precisely the right time. Her personal features and mannerisms are perfect, and her middle-of-the-way world only amplifies her many talents.
Also, I love that she helps the house elves make the meals. That line really made me pause and laugh for a second.
On a more serious note, I like what you did with Teddy. The paragraphs about how his transformation comes from his father, not his mother, and how everyone just assumed he would be safe because he had a normal, happy childhood just broke my heart, and I think you treated the subject matter well. Still, it was pleasant to break up the tension with that ridiculous bonding between them. How perfectly cliche.
Ending with a proposal... aren't they still students? Haha. Very nice touch. Overall, I thought you executed this well.
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi Amanda!
I'd seen other stories with "Mary Sues" in them and, like you pointed out above, they're pretty extreme, thus I wasn't sure if my take on this type of character would fit in so I'm glad that it seems to fit the mold...since that's what I'm kind of going for here, aren't I? :P
God, I didn't even mean to make Teddy an actual character! How'd that even slip in?
I had fun writing the ridiculous loving at the end because it made me realize that all those romance novels that I love reading sometimes are written THE EXACT SAME WAY and how horribly tacky those books are (yet still something I love reading at times).
LOL, you're right, they are still students but it made the story "perfect" so to speak.
Thanks so much for this dear, you made me laugh with your observations.
xChar Report Review
You mean this isn't how you normally write? :P
Bahaha, this was great. I hope you don't mind but I was sorting of mocking Victoire the whole time. Like, "When she gurgled, it was likened to the bubbling of a happy brook; when she smiled, it was comparable to the dawn of a new day." Oh, Victoire, you are the most perfect person in existence.
I really liked how you went into so much detail about how perfect she was, you know with her helping the house elves with preparing for a feast (seriously?) and helping the first years. Describing her family dynamics was a nice touch too.
Of course she is not "perfect" for she's missing her one true love. Wow, what a tragedy. When she realizes who that is, well it's only obvious that she's so magical that she can cure him of being a werewolf (maybe he was hyponotized by her burnished hair). And then they get married and live happily ever after. Duh.
All kidding aside, there was some really great lines in here that I didn't want to giggle at. "I like touching fire" and "secrets in his footsteps." I don't know, they're just so simple but I think they reveal a lot about Teddy. I really liked that.
I think you did a great job with the humor aspect, though I suppose some people need to remember that this was written for a Mary Sue challenge... ;)Author's Response: I would hope YOU could spot the difference! You are totally allowed to laugh at Victoire she is meant to be laughed at :) she is perfect and I feel like I missed out on using the word "burnished"!
I somehow wasn't able to fully escape my normal style of writing thus those great lines crept in :) thank you for liking it! I have a hard time writing humor so I'm glad some aspect of that came off! Report Review
I really liked this. It was a simple story focusing on Victorie and Teddy.
I liked your description, it wasn't anything that was overpowering it was well balanced and worked with the simplicity of the story.
It was interesting to see Teddy change into a somewhat wolfish form and yet it seemed that Victorie's beauty and love changed him in away. I thought it was quite unique.
I didn't see any typos, grammar (that I know of) or any sentences that seemed out of place or odd words.
Keep up the great work! =)
Sorry that this is shorter than normal.Author's Response: Thank you :) I don't mind that it isn't too long it was good to hear what you thought of it!
I'm glad that it was simple and interesting and unique :) I did try to make it simple but also mushy. :P I'm glad that that worked!
xChar Report Review
What a beautiful story! I feel like you really achieved the 'fairy tale' style with pretty much every aspect of your writing. You have a lovely style that is ethereal and dreamy which really suits the piece. The characterisation is lovely - more perfect than usual, but again, it suits the piece very well. Your descriptions are also to die for! I wish I could write descriptions as well as you!
This actually reminds me of one of the books I'm studing for English Literature, called 'The Company of Wolves' by Angela Carter. Perhaps you've read it, but if you haven't then you should look it up!
A lovely story, well done :)Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm happy to hear that I write fairy tales :) I loved growing up on those! I kind of meant them to be super-perfect seeing as how this was for the Mary-Sue challenge :) I also wasn't really being serious in writing this, tbh.
I've not read that book but I will look it up to see what it's all about!
Thank you for this lovely review! Report Review
this was so cute! the description was great and i think you did the teddy/victoire pairing perfectly. wel done!Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
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