Reading Reviews for Break Me
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MagykNargle Lucy

25th December 2013:
I am still in control.
I am trying to get better.
Thank you.

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Review #2, by sharzamow Lucy

11th November 2013:
First off, I really have to commend you for the bravery it must have taken to write this fic. It's a very personal issue for me, and quite a lot of people, and such a sensitive topic in general, that it's hugely difficult to even know where to begin to write such a fic. Because, as you said in your Author's Note at the bottom of the fic, it has to be very clear that it is not to glorify it, etc, etc.

And this So raw, so intense, so powerful, so true. Honestly, I had a bit of trouble reading it, because it was so true, so brave, that it really affected me, sort of consumed me, really, and it even made me a wee bit dizzy. But that's what great writing does - it really affects the reader. It's rare to read something, about an issue, that really strikes me as having an understanding /about/ the issue, but - you nailed it. This was accurate in so many different ways, from the reasoning Lucy had, to the difficulty she had in giving any explanation, to Audrey and Percy's despair and their inability to truly understand what was happening, to Lucy's overpowering need for control.

And it was written in a really sophisticated way, too, for which I have to give you serious snaps. It flowed beautifully, gave the reader a vivid description, and completely and utterly drew me into the story, and into Lucy's world. I loved it (that sounds morbid, oh gosh, but I hope you understand) - it was, as I've said, raw, and you took a risk with it. And I just want to give you a big thank-you for handling the topic so well, for not glamorizing or encouraging or belittling, but writing it with such compassion and understanding. I'm one hundred percent sure I'm not the only person this fic could've affected/touched, and I think that's the best thing a writer could hope for - to really connect with their audience. (After, of course, the happiness/release writing gives themselves, but yep.)

The last part was my favourite; it gave me shivers, it made me tear up, and it gave me a certain sense of hope and triumph. It was bittersweet, and I felt indescribably proud of Lucy. I loved the fact that you ended on such a note - it sort of reminded me that you can beat anything, really.

I was going to quote you some of my favourite lines, but looking back, I love so many of them, so I think it'd probably be silly to quote them back to you as I'd end up quoting back half of the fic! Basically, this was a really striking, vivid, somewhat disturbing, touching, effective piece of work, very well-written and hugely emotional. Well done and thank-you - once again, it was amazing to see someone handle this topic with such sensitivity, care, compassion and sophistication.

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Review #3, by Sophie Lucy

9th July 2013:
This is a very personal issue for me, as I have been battling with self harm for the last 5 years.
Whenever I've read stories related to self harm, or including instances of it, I never felt like the author understood it, and I struggled to relate it to how I felt.
But this was perfect. Honestly. I relate to this so much, and the emotions are so much like my own, especially with the reasoning and the lack of control that comes with it.
So, thank you. I'm in recovery now, like Lucy, and its been over a month sice my last cut. But this helps. It's good to know, even if its fictional, that other people feel the same way as I do, and stuggle just as much.
Just amazing.

Author's Response: Hello Sophie,
This was also a very personal issue for me too, which is why I wanted to write about it for such a long time because I, like you, never found anything that really got my experience of it. I'm really glad that this little piece helped you and GOOD LUCK!
You'll get there, I promise :)


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Review #4, by peppersweet Lucy

21st April 2013:
oh, god, Helen, WAAAIL.

This was amazing. Seriously, one of the best fics I've read here in a long time. I'm so glad someone chose to write about this issue, and I'm so glad it was you, and I'm so glad you've written it the way you have. It's not something that's easy to write about and the way it's so stigmatised in society means that, even if you write about it, there's still that fear of discussing it with people and opening up the conversation to the world (I know, I've tried) and ARGH YOU'RE MY HERO RIGHT NOW.

This is a personal topic for me and the way you've written it was just excellent - relatable and so realistic; my experiences of the internet have taught me that people tend to totally misunderstand & condemn or romanticise self-harm, whereas your fic is unjudgemental and represents both the feelings of the sufferer and the - dare I say it - ignorance? of the people around her (well, not so much ignorance, but sympathy and pain without a real understanding). I like the way the italicsed flashbacks moved seamlessly with the discussion with her family - I liked that you presented her family asking 'why?' and then her answer in the form of a memory, whilst Lucy never really makes those memories explicit to her family. Kind of emphasises the difficulties in overcoming it.

The only thing I'd really criticise is a few spelling and grammatical errors here and there - 'drawer' was repeatedly misspelled as 'draw', which stuck out to me. But seriously it does not detract from the 500% certified amazingness of this fic.

Thank you so much for writing this ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Helllo Julia!

This was a pretty personal topic for me too and it was one that I really wanted to write about, but also one that I was reaaallly scared to write about too (because of all the reasons you listed and more - it's such a... wowsensitive topic), so I'm really REALLY glad that you well... not liked it, but, that I didn't mess up completely I guess.

Its a really difficult thing to talk about and, usually, some of the responses aren't something the family/others necessarily want to hear about. This was written fairly speedily, so I'm not surprised there's a couple of mistakes. I'll be sure to go back and edit soon. Thank you for the lovely review! :)


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Review #5, by deluminator Lucy

21st August 2012:
This one-shot is such an incredible piece of writing.

I first read this a little while back but for a long time I did not know what to say in a review... I still don't really know what to say. This is a really brave piece of writing and I applaud you for writing it and even more so for publishing it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review! This is such a personal topic for me. I write about it a lot but it was a different thing all together to post it. Thank you :)

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Review #6, by Luna Dominique Potter Lucy

14th August 2012:
Oh my goodness, this is amazing! I love how you put it in second POV, with little flashbacks in between. And I especially love the ending bit. That is just perfect. This is all just perfect.

Author's Response: Ack! Thank you (I seem to be saying that a lot) this one was way personal for me, but I loved writing the whole mixy matchy perspective thing. It was really great to explore :)

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Review #7, by inkbutterfly Lucy

21st July 2012:
This story is just so powerful and intense, I really dont know what to say.
I feel as if it describes many things about self harm and the feelings surrounding it perfectly, while other parts I cant relate to. I guess every experience is different and this at least give people who dont understand self harm a little more knowledge of how it is.
It is beautifully written, and I understand how hard it could have been to write this.
There were so many moments when I just stopped reading and read a sentence over and over because it was just so right.
"Then, you feel the uncomfortable tickle of clothes touching a still-bleeding-cut but it is better than anyone seeing you plain."
The whole thing is brilliant!

-Kerryn xxx

Author's Response: Hey Kerryn,

This story got real personal for me real quick, which made it feel really strange to post on here. But, well, I guess this is just from my own eyes and perceptions about things - but this is how I see it and experienced it.

Thank you for such a moving review, though. I really wanted to breath an element of truth into this and, well, your review meant a lot. Thank you :)


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Review #8, by shoveitsunshine Lucy

7th May 2012:
This was a truly brilliant protrayal of self-harm and recovery. I know a friend who used to hurt herself, but she managed of get better, and Lucy here reminds me of her.

Lovely piece.

Author's Response: This is a really personal one for me, so I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. I think it's important to know that it's something you can recover from completely and utterly :)

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Review #9, by Manga_girl Lucy

29th April 2012:
Helen, this is amazing. You capture the sensitivity of the issue perfectly and still manage to write so well! 10/10, this is just incredible. It also made me feel really emotional!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Ema, thank you for such a lovely review! This is like as personal as writing gets for me, so I'm really really glad that there's been positive feedback for this. Thanks so much for the review :)

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Review #10, by Shay_Gryff Lucy

14th April 2012:
I just read this again, and realised that I hadn't reviewed!! Bad me!! Not the point of this though, I had started writing a self-harm story myself (side story to my main story) when I looked at your page and saw this.

It's just so powerful, everything about it is real and strikes a chord. It's personal, very personal. I think that's what I enjoyed most about it. You sit in Lucy's shoes, feel her emotions, and hurt with her.

I love the fact that you wrote this, but didn't glorify or falsify it. It's real, it shows he progression, her fall, her climb back to sanity, everything.

Once again, you did a beautiful job! 11/10


Author's Response: Hey there Shay_Gryff :)

Writing about self-harm is a sort of scary thing, I think. I put it off for a very long time before writing about it on here - it's something I care about a lot so that usually ends transferring to writing.

This is very very personal though, so I'm glad that came through. Self-harm is a big real thing, it's sort of... difficult and raw and so very human. Anyway, thank you :)


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Review #11, by Siriusly3 Lucy

14th April 2012:
This so so, so, amazingly beautiful. I have a thing for the 2nd person and the 3rd person flashes that come through are magnificent. It's so emotional it hits me like a ton of bricks, you've taken this issue and you've made it real, this feels so real. You've got into the skin of people that feel this way and got the thoughts and just made them great. Sorry, it's super hard to describe how good this is.
Her feelings are clear, Molly's attempts to be there for her are realistic, her parent's unhelpful, shocked reaction is wonderful too. I'm running out of adjectives, um, so yeah. So believable and awesome, deals with it with glorifying it. 10/10. well deserved,

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was about to say I love writing this story, then that seemed inappropriate but... writing this story meant a lot to me. I mean, this was hyper-personal which is sort of crazy for me. More personal than I've gone for years with writing.

I LOVE writing one-shots with bits of 2nd person and bits of 3rd person, so I'm glad someone likes to read them.

Thanks for such a lovely review! :)

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Review #12, by Snapdragons Lucy

8th April 2012:

I read this a bit ago but I had too much trouble reviewing it so I sort of let it slide. But what is it with you and stories that make me choke up? Because this completely does and it sort of rips me apart and gah. :/

It was hard to read, but at the same time, I couldn't look away. Your writing is captivating and beautiful - without glorifying it, or making it sound good.

But I guess what really hit was how personal it felt, and that made it really powerful. It spoke personally to me, even though I've never been in that exact situation - but yeah, it was personal and gah it felt really true.

'Oh Lucy,' she says in that way of her, 'I know, I just wish you didn't have to try.' You wish that too. You wish that a lot.

But I really, truly love the ending - it's perfect. It's not over, but she's going to do her best. Good for Lucy. :)

This is sort of a bum review, but this might be one of your most powerful oneshots and it really speaks to how accomplished you are as an author. It was incredible.

Lots of hugs and love all around, yeah? ♥ ♥ ♥ HUGS!

Author's Response: Haannnah :)

That's okay, I can understand why you'd have trouble reviewing this, ahha. I think this is sort of one of those topics that are really uncomfortable to read about, but, yeah.

So you hit the nail on the head with the personal thing. This is the most personal I've ever gone with writing. -hides-

No, this was a really lovely review and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for leaving me such a lovely review to respond to AND LETS ALL HAVE BIGGG HUGGSS :D


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Review #13, by Tonks1247 Lucy

28th March 2012:
Hello! Sorry it’s taken so long to finally get a review to this posted! I had a lot of longer chapters requested before this and end of the quarter school work had me busy. But no worry, because here I am! :D

So. The start of this chapter? Excellent. I love how you had a story from early in Lucy’s life. It was a good set-up to the downward spiral in Lucy’s life, to it finally being built back up again in the end. It gave the story an opportunity to come full circle and give Lucy’s emotions a full ride, to feel her character at her lowest, at the point of no return almost, and then back again. It really was a great flow. I didn’t get too confused about the time jumps either. I did take a couple seconds to catch on, but I think that that’s a good thing-nothing that needs to be fixed.

The emotions behind this were also pretty well laid out. I almost wish we could get stronger feelings from Lucy about the whole thing, but on the other hand, you have her say she feels empty. And that she feels emptier with the self-harm. And I think that makes those emotions not being as strong okay. It makes the emotions really fit into the story, so I’d have to say no changes there.

I did find some typos and nitpicky things [I read like an editor very well :P]:

“You don’t want anyone to look too closely as your skin, most of the time.” –‘at’ instead of ‘as.’

“…she had no excuses to explain away how unbearable it was to life.” –I think you meant live instead of life.

“Lucy,” your mother says, and she is crying again bringing her hands up o her face and repeating your name, “Lucy, I saw. I saw, Lucy.” –‘her hands up TO her face.’ You’re missing the t.

“She wanted it t be a secret.” –missing the ‘o’ in ‘to’.

“Sometimes she wished she didn’t have to pretend so damn hard, but no one want to know how much she was hurting inside.” –I think you want ‘wanted’ instead of ‘want.’

“You stand up and walk around pace the length of the floor.” –You don’t need the ‘walk around’ in this sentence because pace works on it’s own.

I know there are a lot, but they’re all little things and they really didn’t take away from the story that much. I didn’t notice them on my first read through, only my second. But really, this was great. You have this situation very well written out and I don’t think it’s too far off base. And, before I go, I have to share my favorite line…

“…about how wars leave scars long after the fighting has finished.” –I adore this line. I really do, because of how true it is. And I’m actually writing a story based on that very concept and I just….I loved the line!

Great job! I really enjoyed reading!

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm responding to two of your reviews in a row which makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with you, when in actuality I'm not so this probably won't make any sense and I'm greatly sorry about this - won't happen again (possibly a lie).

The first bit was a bit of a whim (this story was written in about two sittings because I wanted the banner and, well, it's something I've wanted to write for a really long time), but I knew how things were going to end - I couldn't write this without hope at the end, I just couldn't. It wouldn't be truthful or fair, really. I'm still thinking about editing some of the bits in italics because, on reading it back, it felt all strangely condensed and weird to me. I don't know, I haven't decided what I'm going to do there.

And thanks again for picking out those typo/mistakes. It doesn't surprise me there, considering it was very much written in one or two sittings, read over immediately before I had time to distance myself and thus edit properly.

Thanks for such a lovely review! :)


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Review #14, by NaidatheRavenclaw Lucy

26th March 2012:
Hello! I'm stalking your page because I'm determined to get to 480 reviews tonight, and I was going to read one of your longer stories but I decided to wait for their respective months, so I'm going to review all your one shots instead :D

Plus I love this banner. Couldn't stay away ;)

But as for the story, you have completely outdone yourself. Wow. I read it twice, because it was amazing. Truth be told, I really don't like reading about self harm and all that, not even in published novels, but the way you wrote this made it bearable for me. Not just bearable, but enjoyable, if it is possible to enjoy a story about something so sad. I've found self harm to be depicted in a gruesome way in the past, even glorifies, but you did it made it so subtle. You took a really serious issue and made someone who stays away from that really enjoy it. And somehow, you made it seem all the more serious and important by doing that.

And then the way you wrote it was gorgeous. I love the way you mixed second person with third person. The second person was so effective in this story because it felt like it was happening to me. You really put me in Lucy's shoes, which is what second person is so effective at doing if you can pull it off, and that made the entire thing feel that much more personal. And the memories in third person just tied the whole thing together. I love how all the actual self harm parts were in flashback format. The format of all that was just so perfect.

The beginning part, I think, was actually the saddest part of the entire story. To be that young and say "I like when it hurts" is so...I don't really know how to describe it. I would say it's sick, but it really isn't. I think that most all of us have pushed on a bruise to make it hurt. No, it's more just a part of human nature. It's something we all explore. But it set up the rest of the story perfectly.

And the end, wow. I was half expecting a really sad ending, but I'm so glad it got better for her. You showed that it doesn't always end badly. That there can be happy endings. And the remnant of the one scar-that imagery was stunning.

Probably my favorite one shot on your page. Beautiful.


Author's Response: I'm just casually scrolling down my page seeing if there have been anymore reviews, then I'm like 'oh theres a new review here' and then I find out that you've gone on a MAD REVIEW CRAWL and now I'm utterly amazed by your mad-reviewing-skills and unsure of which order I should answer them in

(this, my friend, is response number TWO).

This is the closest writing I've ever done to myself. Ah, this is when it becomes slightly autobiographical for me, so I was pretty nervous about putting this up. But I'm really glad I did.

Plus, I couldn't resist the banner. It was too prettyyy.

See, I love writing about self harm. That sounds morbid and a little grim, but its true. It something that I care a lot about but, also, it's the damnest thing because you don't want to condem it or glorify it because that's not going to help someone who's struggling with it. So working out my angle took a little while.

I've come to really enjoying mixing up tenses and POV in one-shots. I think it's something that I might make my trademark, although I do want to go back and edit the formating in this because I think there's too much ittalics and what not. But, I loved the second person, but I loved writing the third person. I don't know, I like messing around with thoes things.

Wait, did I put the oven timmer on? Oh, crap. That's one burnt pizza. I always do his. whooppps.


That was an idiotic thing to say, it's not like you're going to know I went and got my pizza out of the oven. Oh dear.

Ah, the beginning part stems from my sister talking about how she used to slam doors on her fingers when she was a toddler. I don't know, I think there's something awfully innocent about having a facination in pain when you're young. Human nature, yeah. And how something simple and harmless just sort of... takes over.


Eeee, I mean. The scar is, well, actualyl I won't go there. But thank you for such a lovely review!


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Review #15, by SilentConfession Lucy

25th March 2012:
Hi! I'm here for our swap!

Oh my, i'm not entirely sure what to say about this, i love it though. That sounds a bit morbid and weird but you've managed to turn such an intense issue into this really lovely piece of art. I think i loved it because you tackled such a sensitive issue that many people just tend to avoid and try to pretend like it really isn't an issue and made it so real and raw. It was like a huge sucker punch to the face. I've had a friend who's dealt with this, but she didn't express it in the same way as Lucy did at all and it was interesting to see this portrayed as it was. I could literally feel the emotion. I study psych and nothing i've ever studied up to this point about this has really made this seem as real as this has because it has this ridiculous human aspect to it. Textbooks have a way of making things feel 2 dimensional. Anyway, I loved how you wrote this and how it started out in third and then transitioned into second. I was so absorbed in the story that I didn't even realize that it had turned into second person till about halfway through the story. I also liked some of the cyclic things you did, the beginning with Molly, and then the counting and bringing it up again and giving it even more meaning. It felt like every sentence just held such meaning. I thought about posting a few sentences that i really liked but I think it would just end up posting the whole story.

Honestly, this is such a great job and digging into this and really just making it, i don't know how to explain this, but just making self harm not seem like a horrible disgusting thing but also not glorifying it in anyway. It just was something that happened and that happens to people. This is exactly why I love books so much, is that they bring to life something from everyday life. I'm rambling, but this story was really well done and well crafted (there were a few spelling errors like :bringing her hands o her face: or you mental extract yourself: )

Author's Response: Hey SilentConfession! Sorry for taking awhile to respond, I guess things got hectic all of a sudden. This is something I've wanted to write for awhile but I was sort of scared of having it on my authors page in case everything went wrong and because it felt very painful as I was watching it, but like you said it's one of those things that just doesn't get talked about very much. I guess things are different for everyone.

I think it's such a human thing and well, yeah, I care a lot about it and I hate the way things are so clinical and clearcut about self harm. I don't know, now I'm just rambling.

I didn't want to write about in a way that would make anything any worse for someone struggling with it, and... I don't think it's disgusting. I think it's sad.

There's loads of typos, ahha, due to writing this all in quite a rush. Thanks for such a lovely review! :)

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Review #16, by Aphoride Lucy

25th March 2012:
Like so many things you've written, that was just incredible. I'm going to have to take a minute to find something coherent to say in this review ;)

First off, I'd like to say that you handled the subject matter so brilliantly. You didn't glorify it, you didn't make it seem like a good thing or particularly like a bad thing... it just was, which I think is so important for something so difficult like this. The simplicity of your writing and the scenes you had the characters in really allowed you to explore the emotional side and the topic itself so well.

Gosh, it was so emotional! I actually felt for all the characters (and I almost never feel anything for the characters, seriously, so kudos to you for that) in this, I really understood where they were coming from and why it was so hard and why they were so upset and all the rest of it. I could relate to all of the characters in one way or another, understand them all, sympathise with them all... it was just fantastic.

The language you used was so beautiful - it didn't make the topic seem beautiful, though, don't worry! - but it really struck me and pulled me in and kept me there with Lucy and Molly and Audrey and Percy for the entire ride. The simplicity really suited the piece.

I loved how you showed different glimpses from different parts of her life, with a prologue-y kinda paragraph at the beginning and an epilogue-y paragraph at the end. It really allowed us to see how she progressed from an innocent little girl to her teenage self to her adult self and how she grew, you know? It wouldn't have been quite as effective if you'd missed those pieces out.

I just loved this. It was so beautiful, so simple and yet so powerful. Wow.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey there aph! Sorry about the five days it took for me to respond to this, I tend to respond to the short ones first so I can have more time to do the lovely juicy ones properly. e, thank you for such a lovely reivew.

I was really scared of writing about it in a way that would make it worse if someone was struggling with self harm and read this, obviously if it's glorified it's against the TOS and then making it seem like something really dirty and shamefull it just well, not fair.

This was a very personal thing to write so I'm really glad you connected and felt for all the characters, even though none of them were around very much, and yeah. I'm just really glad that you were able to do that. It's such a sensitive issue and it's horrible for anyone who touches the issue in any way.

I like fancy language, so I guess that's that covered.

I need to not get into a habit of having a tensey-time-povchangey theme going on with my one-shots, as that last ones have all had a similar sort of thing like that.. BUt I don't know, I guess I really writing like that.

Thanks for such a loveellyy review :D


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Review #17, by forsakenphoenix Lucy

22nd March 2012:
I didn't even know what this was about when I first clicked on the link. It just seemed interesting, you know? Like it would be powerful and moving, as a lot of your stories are, and I wasn't wrong in that regard. What I didn't expect was the content matter and how deeply it would affect me. I actually feel like crying right now. My throat is closing and my chest aches and god, Helen, you have written my life story here and I don't even know what to say. I may get a little too personal in this review (not revealing information or anything, but about my struggle with self-harm and depression) so I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable in any way.

I don't think I've ever admitted this to anyone on this site, but there's something raw about this story that rips me open, and makes me want to spill my secrets. I'm not ashamed anymore because I won the same battle Lucy was fighting many years ago but to read it, especially in 2nd person makes me feel more connected to what Lucy is going through. It just makes everything more painful to remember. I swear everything you've written has gone through my mind at some point in time, and the whole 'it's just a phase' that Molly claimed, to try and save Lucy from having to go talk to someone, that was the worst part about it all - to hear that I was just seeking attention and that it would all just go away. And I can understand her anger at her family and you know, I understand her family's point of view too - the panic and the worry. But it's frustrating that now everyone suddenly cares and worries about you, worried that maybe they did something wrong, that pushed you too far. I hated that part - that other people tried to shoulder my blame.

Lucy's thoughts and actions are frighteningly accurate. The fight for control, a war different from that which Harry and George fought in, but a battle all the same.

It's interesting how this all started when she was younger with Molly saying that sometimes she likes hurting, like poking a bruise. I don't think she ever imagined that Lucy would take it to that level, though.

The best part is that I've felt Lucy's triumph, and I'm so happy for her to feel that control without having to take drastic measures to try and get a grasp on it.

You did a fantastic job with such a sensitive topic. It must have been difficult to approach this, so kudos to you for being realistic and not afraid to show it how it is. And thank you for writing it, for reminding me that I'm not alone and that there are people fighting this war every day and winning.

Author's Response: Hey there Missy :)

I'm thinking about adding a warning to the summary about what this is actually about because, well, I'm not sure it's fair to stumble across a story about such a topic if you don't know what you're letting yourself in for.

This is my story too. I fought it and I won. So, don't worry about getting personal about those things because I promise you that I understand. I'm not ashamed anymore either, I guess I'm sort of proud that I came through the other side and I haven't slipped yet. So, yeah, congratulations in winning because I know how difficult it is and anyone who's fought those battles... well, just... I'm so happy for you that you made it through :)

My parents never found out about things because that was one of my worse fears so I was very carefull about things, but you here that sort of thing every day and it's simply not fair. i hate it when i here people talking about people do things like that to 'get attention' becase the desperation involved in something like that is just /beyond/ that.

Thank you for this lovely review and I hope that bringing up some of these memories and such wasn't... like, a bad things for you. I was scared of posting this in case it made things worse for anyone, but I needed to write it.

Thank you for sharing :)


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Review #18, by Mikki_Malfoy Lucy

22nd March 2012:
I understand so much more now thank you for that. This was really moving and although I was a little bit uncomfortable reading it, I think you did a really great.

Author's Response: Hey there Mikkie_Malfoy, I think this is definately a topic which is uncomfortable to read and here about, but i do think its important for people to understand and such. Thank you for reviewing :)

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Review #19, by charlottetrips Lucy

22nd March 2012:
Hi! I’m hear with your requested review. I’m going to do this a bit differently from my Running Review because I’m reading the story right now and it’s affecting me so. I’d like to start out with my little grammar/spelling notes and then move on from there:

Your parents [are sat down] - either [have sat down] or [are sitting down]
You don’t want anyone to look too closely [as] your skin - at
fighting in a brutal, bloody [a ]war - delete extra word
how unbearable it was to [life] - [live] ?
closed the door [two] - [too]?
all you can do [it] yell at her - [is]?

And OMG, I’m going to have to stop. Sorry. One, I have a feeling that this was written down in one sitting and two, I don’t want to make less of what is a very powerfully emotional story. You’ll find the spelling errors fine or have a beta do it for you or I can once I’ve let this story ride over me a bit more.

Only one other thing I did want to point out was the flashbacks or present time scenes with the italicizing and such. In the beginning portion, I could follow along pretty well. When it got to the scenes of the mother finding out and the scenes at school and beyond, I got confused as to whether or not the flashback was italicized or not.

You wanted to know how the emotions played out. I feel like someone has taken a heavy sandbag and lopped me with it. Your use of 2nd person POV was effective in getting me to connect with Lucy. She couldn’t even really define the reason why except as a method of establishing control and showing that she was in control in a world she didn’t feel like she had anything to do with. I can understand the emptiness she was feeling and while I’ve never taken the route she has, I’ve known people who have and I can sympathize with her family members.

You wrote out Lucy’s anger towards herself and her family well as well as how I imagine family would react to finding such things out. I’m glad that she had her sister to turn to, though I imagine if Molly ever connected that innocent scene in the beginning to what played out later in Lucy’s life, the guilt would just about kill her.

And then the ending. I am so happy that you ended it on such an upswing. This paragraph ♥:

She’d thought she wouldn’t feel complete again until they’d all faded, but now she felt like she wouldn’t be complete if that one line didn’t remain: it was part of her, not a part that she was proud of or a part she would ever revisit, but there was no use in denying that it never happened. Instead, she liked to look upon the past and think about the future.

It shows that one can survive even when they feel that life will have no meaning and all hope is lost and that one could take something away from that. Not that everyone should go through such an experience, but that if one does, there is hope.

What a powerful story, AC. Keep writing because your insight into human behavior is keen and you could uplift those you share your work with.


Author's Response: Hey there Char :)

You're write about this being written in, two sittings I think it was (and largely at about three in the morning when I was sick) so I'm not surprised about the spelling mistakes and such. I'll be sure to edit that and fix it up when the opportunity arrises and such :)

I've more or less decided to mix up the formatting of this at some point too. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm no longer happy with it - it feels too messy.

A heavy sandbag? I can live with that :P

I'm in a position similar to Lucy's where I can look back on things like this. So I guess this is why this one-shot means I lot to me - as I've never posted anything on the archives that's quite so personal for me.

Molly, ah, I love Molly so much in this. I don't think Lucy would ever let Molly know about the connection betweent the first scene simply because of that - she'd know what the guilt would do.

"It shows that one can survive even when they feel that life will have no meaning and all hope is lost and that one could take something away from that. Not that everyone should go through such an experience, but that if one does, there is hope."

^ This is exactly what I've always wanted to put across through my writing, seriously. I copied and pasted that bit to one of my friends on facebook becaus, yeah, you couldn't have offered me a higher compliment.

Thank you for such a lovely and helpful review :)

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Review #20, by Jen Lucy

22nd March 2012:
My review got deleted again! grrr... I'll come back & redo it, promise

Author's Response: Hey there Jen, there are a few reasons why reviews are deleted: 1) because they're not 12+ (so contain none 12+ languge, topics ect) 2) because they contain too much personal information. 3) because they're double posted or 4) it does sometimes just /happen/

So, maybe your review was delete for one of those first three reasons? :)

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Review #21, by LittleWelshGirl99 Lucy

20th March 2012:
Um, I’m literally speechless and shivering right now.
You take the deepest, most powerful topics and explore them inside and out with such depth and understanding that it’s quite shocking, really. It’s all such an inspiration for me, and as you said, we have already established we have a very similar view of the world, with one of the differences being age. And with age comes wisdom and a deeper understanding. I can tell from your authors note that this story has a very special, personal meaning to you. I think that’s wonderful in its own right.
I’d love to know why you chose the main characters as Lucy and Molly. And what Molly meant at the beginning when she encouraged Lucy to jump from the tree…Was Molly self-harming too? Gosh, the voice of this story is so unbelievably powerful. Lucy’s pain is so real and fresh, I felt like a leaf on an ocean.
With a sensitive topic like this, I’ve never read a story that provides a reason /why/ quite like yours here. I’ve read that it’s because of a death, or bullying, or fear. But the emptiness that you describe is positively terrifying. And I know exactly what you’re trying to say with it.
Sorry for an intense review, I just…yeah. Wow.

Author's Response: Hey there LWG, so this review nearly made me cry but I probably won't go into that right now. I think I might PM you about that if that's all right. I've always thought we should talk more about things due to our similar views on things, so I'm definately going to send you a PM after I've finished writing these things.

This review is very much a jaw dropping moment, so thank you for bein so complimentry and I'm honored to have recieved something so lovely. Thank you.

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Review #22, by house elf Lucy

20th March 2012:
This is so so good. Like, wow. I don't know what to say really o.O It's very sad.

Author's Response: Thank you very much House elf :)

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Review #23, by marinahill Lucy

20th March 2012:
Erm... right. Haha.

I'll go all out and say this definitely isn't one of my favourite sensitive topics to read about, but I appreciate that this must have been incredibly difficult to write about. It's one thing writing about it, but really trying to understand the motives behind it and the mix of emotions Lucy feels is another thing altogether. I really felt her self-loathing, her shame and helplessness here. And it's great how you managed to end in a positive note despite the horrible horrible sadness you wrote before then.

Your writing was exceptional, even if the topic itself is not one I'm particularly comfortable with. You are a brave writer indeed.


Author's Response: Yeah, this something I've wanted to write about for a really long time but put off because it's definately not comfortable... but I'm glad I eventually got everything into words and such. Thank you for reading this even though it's not your thing and... yeah, thank you :)

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Review #24, by TheGoldenKneazle Lucy

20th March 2012:
This was written amazingly. The way that you had flashbacks that then became flash-forwards really brought out the theme of how Lucy was trying to get better, and I think that for this challenge, it's a brilliant entry.

You captured Lucy's rollercoaster emotions so perfectly! Her pain felt so horribly real, and the words seemed straight from the heart; so contrasting, yet through it all, Lucy was such a touchable person because of it. I love how you used second person POV, too, because it also made her seem very true and relateable - something which can often be difficult to capture in angsty writing, if the author gets too carried away and doesn't make sense any more.

Molly was such a wonderful character. She seemed like such a rock, someone for Lucy to hang on to, and she was always making herself a team with Lucy which was just amazing and very older-sisterly. Her mum and dad were also very REAL characters, trying to help their daughter in obeying her wishes AND in what was best for her!

I loved it, Helen, although it was so terribly sad - the ending being happy gave such hope :D

Author's Response: Hey there Lottie :)

The whole flashback-y flashforward-y mix match of tenses seems to have become a /thing/ that happens in my one-shots at the moment, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm painfully aware of how sensitive this topic was and so I didn't think I was able to not leave things on a positive note, so the challenge seemed to fit with that.

Anyway, thank you for such a lovely review and I'm glad you liked Molly and her parents (because they really made this for me, I think).

Thank you!


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Review #25, by ariellem Lucy

20th March 2012:
Aw, AC. As usual you blow me away with your wonderful writing. Personally I never understood inflicting pain on myself, because I'm a wimp about pain. But I think you took this story and wrote it wonderfully!

Author's Response: Thank you very much Ariellem. I don't think many people will ever really understand it, which I take to be a good thing. But thank you :)

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