Thank you for inviting me to read this, you have good idea's behind it but you just need to find a beta reader to clean up the language a bit. Your english is good though!

Author's Response: I'm not a English native speaker, so I've learned more from technical and informative texts. I'll check my readability, thanks.

 Report Review

First, thank you for reviewing my story and inviting me to look at yours.

Second, I think you have expanded on canon in a realistic way, telling us how Harry has settled into a very routine life. You have some good ideas here.

However, there are a couple of problems. The first is very simple. English is not your native language. That's not your fault, but it makes your story a bit hard to follow, and the sentences don't flow naturally. I would advise you to find someone who is willing to beta-read your chapters and clean up the language a bit.

The second problem is just my personal taste. When a chapter begins with a lot of exposition, it feels too heavy to me. Long explanations from the author to the reader keep me from getting emotionally involved in the story. It's like I'm viewing the events through a telescope: nothing is up close and personal. I would rather have the background filled in while the story is in progress, through snapshot scenes, memories, or dialogue. That way the reader can pick up the context naturally and the story feels more immersive. That way there is more of an emotional involvement in the story. That's just my personal taste though!

I do think you have some good ideas here! Thanks for writing!

Mottsnave

Author's Response: My English writing is designed in Spanish. Are you a degree in smthg (College)? Because you got the point, this is more an sketch of a book, It faults in the caracter world's development, i'm better in action description. For me, in this story, Harry has grown up.

 Report Review