Hiya, Elphaba back again!
So, I really like the speculation about the meaning of the sorting hat's song in this chapter; its got me REALLY curious about what could be going on at Hogwarts.
I think this exchange between James and Lily maybe telegraphs a little bit too much of the mystery: "'If it were too bad it would've started warning us years ago. If there is any trouble, it's only just beginning' ... 'Well wouldn't it seem that if the hat is warning us this year, something has been building up to this point...'" I just don't know if it's necessary.
Characterization is pretty solid in this chapter, however, I think this statement seems slightly out of character for Professor McGonagall: "please try and stay away from them when it comes to mischief." I think she'd be more likely to tell the students to not get up to any mischief at all. :)
I like the suspense of the sorting ceremony, and got caught up in the questions over the hat's warning to Lily. What could it mean? I missed Molly and Albus's perspectives, though. I hope that future chapters will get back to them, and I wonder how they and Lily and Hugo's paths will cross at school. Will they end up working together to unravel the mystery of whatever trouble is going on? I think there's a lot of story potential there! :) Report Review
Hi Elphaba here, sorry for taking so long to get to this review.
I like that this chapter spends a significant amount of time following Noah. It's interesting to see his perspective on things, and to get his side of the drama with Molly.
It seems like an awfully big coincidence for his little sister to overhear wizards talking about the trouble at Hogwarts during her rugby match; I wonder if there is some connection between some of the muggles at the match and the people behind the scheme?
I really like Harry's reassuring talk with Lily before she gets on the train: "I wish I could make it easier on any of our family, but people just don't understand that people like you and I went and go through exactly what they go through." I think that's great wisdom to share with her. :)
There are a lot of characters in this chapter, and it feels like some of them, like Addy, haven't been completely fleshed four, yet. I think there's a lot of potential for Addy and James, but I also would like to get to know her better as a character as the story progresses. For instance, what makes her stand out from the other characters, and what about James is attractive to her?
The breakup between Noah and Molly wasn't a shock, but it seemed a bit abrupt. I wonder what made Molly decide to break up with him? Will her reasons be fleshed out later on? Does her decision have anything to do with the secret meeting she eavesdropped on?
Moving on to chapter four to see what happens next; my review will be coming within the next day or so. :) Report Review
Hello, Elphaba back again!
I love how normal and domestic Harry and Ron are in the opening section: "His dad was by the stove top, cooking bacon and talking to Uncle Ron about something from work..." :)
This made me chuckle as well: "...he did know one thing was for sure, and that was that his cousin was pretty uptight about a lot of minor things."
The mystery that has been introduced in this chapter really grabbed my attention, more than Molly and Noah's relationship trouble. I'm curious about what could be going on at Hogwarts, and like the debate that Albus overhears. I also REALLY wonder what Molly overheard. I agree that Ginny and Hermione would rather spy themselves than assign the kids to do it, I think that's realistic and true to their characters.
Hmm, I suspect that Albus and Molly will end up doing some spying on their own -- and maybe work on Molly's relationship woes in the process? ;)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming by and leaving a review! :D
I'm glad you liked my characters and some of the lines! I actually really enjoy writing older Harry and gang. They're really fun, and I seem to visualize them a bit bette.
Yay! The mystery has come through! I'm so SO glad that it was more than Molly and Noah's relationship as well! Don't get me wrong, it's a contributing factor, but I've actually got more questions and qualms about them than I ever thought about xD. What Albus and Molly hear unveils itself soon! :D
Molly certainly has relationship issues, that's for sure ;). And you'll have to wait and see about our dear Al! :D
Thank you so much for the review and read! :) I take it it's time to re-request again, yeah? :) Thanks again! Report Review
Didn't notice you had posted again until just now. Ok here goes:
Owen's comments to Luke and Avery weren't very nice. Owen is something I can't say in this review because it wouldn't be family friendly. :p If he likes Molly, he should at least be kind to her two best friends because they are so important to her!
I would have liked to see Molly and Owen interacting during the month they worked together because to be honest it was very surprising that she considered him a friend afterwards. It seemed very sudden. I would have liked to see a little of them becoming friends. She mentions herself as an "emotionless robot" but then talks about how much she's laughed in the past month. I don't know, it just seemed kind of odd to me.
Then Luke started being an idiot too. Ugh. He was seriously trying a love potion on her?! Molly has odd taste regarding the men in her life, haha
I wondered about Addie as well. If she could tell Will he has to go with her, why couldn't she have told James that instead?
Loved the last bit with Chloe, actually. I was hoping she'd accidentally get Luke and Avery's Amortentia and have it not work, but I guess she can smell the difference. (Also, I love the new book smell too. I laughed at Owen saying he liked the smell of daisies. I think daisies reek. Lol)
All in all I thought this was a good chapter! Lots of complicated romance drama for all parties, but I really like the dark angels plot and can't wait to see where that's going. Great work! (And sorry my review is extra rambly today)Author's Response: Ooh Owen. What can I say about him really that would make anyone properly like him? I'm coming up with nothing ;). I can't say too much, but I do know that the month long absence in time is a bit much, but I really didn't want to write a lot with Owen because I don't want everyone growing really attached to him. It gives away a little information, but just so you know. ;) She was an emotionless robot before they started hanging out, and then, while he had her as a partner, he brought out the anger in her, and some of her laughter. That's what I meant with that.
Aw, Lukey-Pooh! xD Yeah, he's not exactly the smartest bloke, eh?
Addie didn't tell James to go with her because she knew he was considering Angel, and she didn't want to make it seem like she liked him, so she told Will he had to go with her so that way the purpose of the boys going at all would still stick.
I really like writing bits with Chloe in it! She's growing really attached to me lol.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading/reviewing! It really means a lot to me that you're enjoying it! :) Report Review
Lu lu lu lu luna back here for your requested review! :D Is it strange that I picked my username based on a North American clothing company that I was wearing when making my account? Maybe just a bit! :P
I liked this chapter. A lot. Your writing style is very detailed and rich, and despite the large cast of characters introduced I feel like I'm connecting very well with them. I really liked the characterization of all the first years, since usually they're just kind of portrayed as a bunch of silly, frightened kids. You really bring them to life and give Lily, Hugo and the rest firm personalities. I really like Lily especially: she has a lot of sass and I liked her conversation with the Sorting hat and her defense of Albus being a Slytherin.
I was a little confused since I thought Lily and Hugo didn't know the truth about the Sorting, but maybe I just mis-understood in the last chapter. I enjoyed the conflict with the first year girls, though they were a little confusing to keep track of. Is the girl with the chopped up hair Hayden, who was sorted into Ravenclaw? If so maybe make that a bit clearer! :)
This was another great chapter, and I think you really captured the essence of the Sorting and made it very interesting and all your own. Great job! I'm really getting into this story! :DAuthor's Response: Yes, Hayden is the one who went into Ravenclaw. :) I've had a bit of confusion on that, so perhaps I shall go back and correct it. :)
Yay! I'm glad you'er getting into it! :D It makes me really happy! I really do enjoy writing for this story, and with readers who enjoy it, it makes it all the better! :) Thank you for continuously answering to my request, they really do help, and I thoroughly enjoy receiving and reading them! I just want to give you a big big thank you for coming by and reviewing! :D I'm so glad you like it and are getting into it! Report Review
I don't have much to say in this chapter is that I love how concerned Lily is about getting sorted, just like any normal newcomer would when they go to Hogwarts for the first time. But low and behold, she gets sorted into Gryffindor, just like the rest of her family; minus Albus.
However, there is one thing I do want to correct for future reference, is that the Care of Magical Creatures isn't really a Centre in the Ministry of Magic, it's a department like everything else.
Otherwise, great job. :)Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming over and reviewing! :)
Hmm, really? I was reading somewhere that Hermione passed it for it's own right, but I could have misread. :)
I'll keep in mind to not ask for a while. I just happened to go over and see that you had just slowed it down. I didn't figure I'd take every spot up haha. ;) Report Review
I love the little intro with Lily when she was going to Hogwarts. I've been wanting to read something where the next generation go to Hogwarts, even though there's tons of stories out there, I'm sure.
The part about where James is protective of Lily is sweet, the way things should be. However, the only thing that confused me was the italics in the end; was it meant to be that way (as in like a flashback, etc) or something else?
Otherwise, good chapter. :)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming over! :) And oh yeah, there is quite the list when it comes to next gen fics! lol But I'm glad you're reading this one! :)
The italics in the end were Lily remembering what the hat told her. It's a bit of foreshadowing. ;)
Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!
Right off the bat, I like that the characters have interesting flaws: Victoire has bad fashion sense, Molly is sulky and James drinks too much. Perfect characters are never much fun. :)
I wonder why Molly is so upset over her cousin's marriage? Her distress makes me think that there are more issues lurking under the surface, other than their youth and recent breakup and reconciliation. I also wonder why she's so miserable when Noah tells her he loves her after three years of dating. I'm curious to see how her feelings develop over the course of the story and how she deals with them.
The one grammar tip I have is to try to avoid unnecessary use of the verb "be." Here's an example: "Her cousin was being accompanied by Molly's Uncle Bill." You can shorten this sentence and enhance the flow of your writing: "Molly's Uncle Bill accompanied her cousin."
Here's another instance: "... and tears were glistening on her cheeks." You could shorten this to "... with tears glistening on her cheeks."
I really like that the characters seem consistent with canon. There was just one thing that I'm not so sure of: "Though her parents were fully capable of affording the whole wedding on their own, the Potters agreed to take care of it as long as the wedding was held in London."
I agree that Harry would want to provide for his godson, but I also think he would understand that the Weasleys pride themselves on providing for their family members. I don't think Bill would ever allow the Potters to bear the entire cost of the wedding, either. I think instead they might agree to split the costs 50/50.
I like the vivid visual descriptions of the church and the characters' clothing and hair. I could picture everything clearly, particularly the poofy dresses. :) I also thought it was very cute how Teddy's hair changed from brown to purple when he kissed Victoire.
I appreciate you having James slur his words from drunkenness, and this scene is funny, but I think he sounds a little too much like Hagrid here: "I dunno. Jus' though' that maybe the two of ya broke up or somethin'." If he drinks again, you could have him smoosh some of his words together, or have him substitute a similar (but wrong) word from time to time. I've heard people do that. :)
Sorry for being a bit slow with the review for this first chapter, I plan to get to chapter two very soon!Author's Response: Hey! I'm really glad you like the quirks! They're my favorite part of any character I write. :)
Molly is upset not so much because she is in love with Teddy, or that she hates Victoire, or anything like that. I'm actually really surprised this ended up being something that everyone has wondered about. There will be a scene (I have yet to write) with Molly having a flashback, and I hope it will make a little more sense! :D
Thanks for the grammar tips! :) I wrote this chapter over three and a half years ago or so. I would like to think my grammar has gotten better, but I'll be glad to go back and review so I can fix it! :)
Hmmm, you know, that actually bothered me a little after I wrote it too. The more I think of it, the more I see them splitting it 50/50 as well. I always figured that, though Fleur has quite a substantial amount of money, Bill doesn't bring in as much financially so Harry helped out for the sake of his friends and god son. :) Another thing I'll probably go back and fix!
A lot of people have said he sounds like Hagrid haha. Maybe if he gets drunk again sometime soon I'll have him do something different. I actually took the accent off another movie I had seen. (Don't really remember, but I was laughing a lot. Or maybe it was a comic?)
No worries about time! You came, right? :D Thank you so so much for stopping by and reading/reviewing! It makes me so happy! :D Report Review
Apologies for the delay, my week got a little busy, but I am most intrigued to find out what is happening at Hogwarts and if they'll use Albus as a spy then. Personally, I think they should give him the choice of doing it or not, but that's just me. :PAuthor's Response: Hey, no worries! You still came, yeah? :)
Well, Harry and Ginny would much rather their son and family have nothing to do with it. So, in all reality, everyone is keeping something from everyone. ;)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello, I'm back! :)
I liked how you started the story off with Noah's perspective, giving us more insight into his family life and his personality. I liked seeing this side of him, and it made him more appealing to me as a character. It's sad that they broke up, and I'm still a little confused as to why! It wasn't very nice of Molly to break up with him in front of her friends either, but I guess those things never really go smoothly. I'm interested to learn more about their relationship in the past!
I liked the contrasts with Noah and his sister as well, and how he feels so seperate from the Muggle world. It was a very unique look into how Muggleborns must feel, and shows how removed those two worlds really are!
Lily and Hugo were so cute with their worrying about the sorting! It was just great. I like the dynamics that exist within the Weasleys, and how close they all are despite having their own individual friends. Looks like there might be something blossoming between James and Addie, as well...
I'm excited to find out what's going on with the kids at Hogwarts, and what mysteries this story holds now that the plot is continuing to unravel. You have some really clear, strong writing here and it complements your characters very well. Good job! :)Author's Response: Noah's a great guy! I love writing in his pov any chance I get! ;) They broke up because of the love situation. It will take a while, but we'll learn exactly why (hopefully) on Molly's part.
I'm glad you liked his sister! I was sort of worried that maybe she wouldn't have enough character for there to be a real relationship there, no matter how brief. Though I'm glad the point of Muggle world/Magical world separation appeared! :D
Ooh James and Addie, while everyone over here is all "Molly and Noah" I can't wait to see how the tables turn when it comes to James-y Pooh and Addie because they're really my favorite pair to mess with ;). You'll see why soon enough.
Thank you for everything! Every word, review, and read so far! It's so nice to come on everyday and see someone enjoying the story now! :) So many thanks to give to you! Shall I re-request? :) Report Review
Well, I'm sure you know that there are worse things in life than death."
Like being expelled, for example!
(Joking. But wow. This group is twisted! They're kids! Chloe is eleven!! And they're into some creepy stuff..)
Well well. Albus Severus becoming a spy. It suits him. But I can't help thinking he's an idiot. Yes, his father did deal with a lot of dark stuff by the time he was that age. But he also didn't do it alone.
[And regarding your author's note at the beginning - no worries, I completely get it. I did the same with my own story, I didn't touch it for about two years, and my writing had changed a lot in the meantime. But it's cool to look back at old chapters and see how far you've come ;) ]Author's Response: Lets just say that Jackson isn't the "Leader". They're the ones trying to rise a Dark Lord, so someone out there is the real leader, yeah? ;) But yes, definitely into some creepy stuff.
It fits very well if you ask me! lol He is only taking after one of his namesakes, and he thinks he's doing well after his father. Even if he doesn't have anyone by his side. Hopefully he learns his lesson soon!
Thanks for the kind words! :D And I'm really glad you've caught up! :) I hope to be ready to update this after I put two different chapters for different stories in the queue. I'm so glad that you are enjoying this and reading and reviewing! You have no idea how happy it makes me to see these reviews everyday! :D Report Review
Ok well I kind of want to hit Albus over the head with a thick book. What is he playing at? Even though he knows strange things are afoot at Hogwarts, he's still keeping silent - while the head of the Auror department is there! *shakes head* Someone needs to knock some sense into that boy.
I'm curious to see a Dark Angels meeting. Based on their current attempts at planning, I have a feeling their meetings are super disorganised and mainly consist of threats and not a whole lot else.
So Benjamin Arndale is dead, is he? My initial reaction was that something had happened similar to Barty Crouch Jr., ie Arndale escaped by pretending to be dead or something.
Great work! I'm off to read the most recent chapter now!Author's Response: I think that's everyone's initial reaction xD. But he learns soon! He sure will! :)
I see you've already reviewed the next chapter, so I'll leave the meeting bit as a response for later ;).
Yep! Arndale is dead! There is future information in store about Arndale that I hope makes sense. As I read back on this story, I realized there were some crazy things happening and noticed a goof with Ben, so I hope some things become clear soon. ;)
Thanks for the read and review! It's so wonderful seeing someone enjoy the story! :D Report Review
Is Scorpius in your fic the same age as Rose? I had assumed so, but then you mentioned he was Quidditch captain and it seemed unlikely to me that a third year would be captain. (Or that he would be muscular - Rose comments on that, so I guess he can't be a scrawny 13-year-old.)
I should mention that I have an awful memory and might have forgotten if you mentioned their ages. So it might not have been you being unclear about the ages - it could just be my scatterbrained-ness.
I was surprised that Rose so quickly came to the conclusion that Scorpius was involved in the Death Eater Jr's. I would have thought she'd give him more credit than that - and that she wouldn't automatically assume he's into something evil.
So, Owen's persistence to do things his way, and the remarks about him smiling widely make me think of him as like a younger, male version of Umbridge.
Harry and James's conversation at the dinner table had me laughing out loud.
Chloe saying "without your dorky little friend around"... Well. She's a winner isn't she. That's a great way to get people to like you and talk to you. [/sarcasm]
Interesting background about Chloe. But how do a bunch of kids think they're going to get Benjamin Arndale out of a prison that's thousands of miles away? (ok, that's rhetorical - I know it's going to be answered eventually. Sorry my feedback is kind of stream of consciousness as I'm sure you've noticed by now)
Great work on this chapter! And I'm almost caught up now :)Author's Response: Actually, Rose and Scorpius are fourteen in this story. However, I seemed to have forgotten that in the sense that I've been writing them (Scorpius for the most part) as much older. Wow. Thanks for pointing that out! Maybe he's just a really really good Quidditch player? ;) They're supposed to be in their fourth year though. (It was never clear if Albus and Rose actually started in the same year. It just said Rose was going off with him as well, so I assumed she was about a year older).
Rose is constantly reminding herself that her father doesn't like the Malfoy family, and while she tried to give Scor a second chance, she can't help but feel that maybe she really has been betrayed. She's young and hurt from the library incident. Though, things will be looking up for her end hopefully here soon. :)
Oooh, Owen as a male young version of Umbridge? Wow! Haha! Well, while I actually don't like his character all that much (you'll see in a much later chapter) I would say he's not as evil ;).
I love writing the Harry scenes! He's such an awesome dad, yeah? :D
Ooh, good ol' Chloe. I actually quite like her. Despite the whole, you know, family background and all. xD
All shall be revealed soon! Thank you for reading and the feedback! :D I'm doing a happy dance right about now! Report Review
(whee, lots of reviews today! Sorry I didn't leave a review for the last chapter - I had written one and then accidentally refreshed the page and didn't feel like typing it all over again so I'll just make this one extra long.)
The animal treatment investigation sounds sort of fishy to me (no pun intended) - every 200 years is a little sparse if they were ACTUALLY trying to monitor magical creatures at Hogwarts. That said, I know there's no such thing and that it's just a cover for people investigating the mysterious occurrences at Hogwarts. There would be no need for the head of the Auror office to supervise how people react to Hippogriffs...
Also, there's a sentence where Jane asks something - who is Jane? Has she been mentioned before? Or am I a COMPLETE space cadet with short term memory loss? Either way, I have no idea who she is.
(ok, the end cleared that up - she's Dudley's daughter and a witch? Maybe she should have been mentioned earlier in the story, because I was really confused in the beginning there)
Also, Scorpius and Lorcan are there?!?!?! Those two are ones I always thought would be on the "good" side. Are they spying on Jackson's group? Were they bribed? Oo so intriguing.
Interesting that the Death Eater Jr's have named themselves the Angels. I'm interested to know what their goal is. Pureblood-ism? Just power for the sake of power?
Can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: I wanted to make it so they wouldn't remember hearing of such a thing. To make them think that maybe such a thing has just slipped their minds. (Their being the students). Harry was mainly there to see his kids and talk to them, and he had threatened to expel/arrest them.
Jane was mentioned in the very first chapter, in the very very end. Maybe I'll go back and add a character list to the first chapter or so.
Scorpius mentioned that they wanted him. (Or have you not got that far yet?) When they want you, they will get you. And trust me, they are very... convincing when the time comes you'll see. ;) Though, once they get a bit of their wanted members, they won't be so careless about including members of the Potter family.
Can't wait until you get farther along as well! :) Thank you for reading and reviewing! It always makes my day! :D Report Review
Haha, poor Albus, with all the girls after him. It puts me to mind of Romilda Vane, or Ginny circa Chamber of Secrets. (Snape had it wrong, clearly fame IS everything. Haha)
Chloe is quite confident for a first year, she seems to be leading seventh years (he is a seventh year, right?). It'll be interesting to see how this plotline develops.
Poor Rose. And stupid Malfoy. I guess that sort of stuff is bound to happen when you're thirteen though!
Also, I don't want to be nitpicky, but there's a part in the section from Albus's POV where you said he "really could care less" which - this is like my one huge pet peeve - should be "couldn't care less".Author's Response: Oh Mia and Chloe. Don't worry too much. I'd like to think Al has a good head on his shoulders (when he gets to do his own thinking ;)).
Chloe is a first year, and Albus is a third year, and James is a Fifth year. Do I need to go back and do some editing? Or are you talking about Jackson? She's not a leader, Jackson is, but she has a specific background. Very important. :)
More Scorpius and Rose to come soon! ;)
Well, maybe he could care less ;). Alright, I'll go back and fix that up at some point. :)
Thanks for the read and review! Report Review
I understand your worries about not being good at poetry - but one of the nice things about poetry is that it doesn't have to rhyme, or have any meter, or anything. So if you felt that its song didn't follow proper poem form... don't worry. Maybe the Sorting Hat enjoys writing avant-garde poetry. After all, it has a whole year to write a song so it can do whatever it wants. Long story short, don't worry, it was good :)
I love the little quirks you add in that show the next generation's similarity to their parents. Like Hugo eating and talking at the table, there must have been 50 occasions when Ron did that too.
There was one thing that wasn't quite clear though. I'm assuming the freckled girl that was teasing Caleb in the beginning was Hayden Winters? I wasn't sure, because when she's sorted, it just says "A girl, who was no bigger than Lily", but if that's her, maybe identify her better. Unless it's a different girl entirely in which case ignore my suggestion.Author's Response: Thanks about the poem! :) I have actually gone back and re-worked it since it was originally posted. :)
I love Hugo. I actually wish I wrote more with him because he is a lot of fun, so maybe I'll think of adding a bit of him in the future. :)
I'll be sure to correct that, or at least have a look at it. Hayden is in Ravenclaw, so if that girl was sorted into Slytherin, that was supposed to be Chloe. :) I'll check it out!
Thanks for the read and review! Report Review
Hi! I'm back, and sorry about the late response! I like this chapter as a continuation from the wedding, and I'm quite liking your voice as a writer. You have a very clear way of transitioning between characters, and the style is very reader-friendly and well structured, if that makes sense. It's very appealing to read! :)
I liked the little details that went into characterizing the family, like James' not wanting to be seen as "Potter's boy through and through," and Lily being excited to get her wand. The family dynamics were really intricate, and I could tell how close they all are, like when Hermione and Ginny went to comfort Molly. In a lot of fanfics Percy's lot seem to be a lot more uptight and seperate from the rest of the family, so it's refreshing how Molly is so close with the other Weasleys.
So the plot that Molly and Albus were eavesdropping on sounds very intruiging! I'm excited to find out what's going on, by the sounds of it some students in Slytherin are getting up to some unpleasant business. I was a little confused at first about why they were holding a Ministry meeting at the Potters and why Ginny was included, but since they were discussing a Potter kid it makes more sense. Also, I was a little curious about the urgency in which Percy charged in: did they just find out about these goings on at Hogwarts, or have there been suspicions for a long time? The other thing I wasn't sure about was the age difference between the kids: Albus must be thirteen if Lily is eleven, but he seems more mature. I do like how James is a considerable amount of years the elder, however, as usually he seems to be around the same age as Al. It's refreshing, as well! :) These are just things that popped up when I was reading the chapter, so just little gaps to keep an eye out for!
Anyway, I'm really liking this so far!! Please do feel free to re-request!! :)Author's Response: Aw, I don't feel as if you were late at all! I'm just happy you came! :)
I'm glad you liked the continuation, and it really makes me happy that you like the voice! (Yes, that does make sense ;)) And it makes me really happy! My number one worry is always that my writing is too boring and generic, so I'm glad I'm speaking through!
I always read fics where Molly is uptight and distant, but I don't honestly see why. I always thought that after the Fred incident, Percy, though not perfectly normal like the rest, would try to be a bit more family oriented and try to be with the family a bit more. So yeah, I think Molly would be very close to the rest of her family! :) They are Weasley's after all ;).
I imagine the urgency was more to do with an argument. Percy wants his nephew to step in, and Kingsley doesn't think it is wise, and school is getting ever closer, and they have to start finding out now before it does start to get too late. Just a bit of putting it off for a bit longer than it should have been, yeah?
So, this is going to get really confusing, but after doing a LOT of research with Potter Wikis and such, I don't honestly even have the ages correct in this story, but I'm obviously not changing them for this story. Though, in a future next gen I'm writing it will be more up to date, so I hope no one will get too confused. THOUGH, I always imagined James as a bit older than Al. I didn't think they were too terribly close in the epilogue. That's just not how I saw them. Lily and Al were a lot closer than I thought the brothers were. Al is thirteen, and he is a third year, I just think he's mature because his brother isn't (though he has his fun moments) and he's the oddball. Everyone watches him as if there's something different about him. Harry, after all, was very mature for his age.
Thank you so much for coming by, reading, and reviewing! :D I'm so glad that you are liking it! I've feared that this story wasn't where I actually thought it was with story and characters with it's lack of love on every site I have it on. Your reviews really make my day! :D Thank you so much! Will definitely re-request! Report Review
So first off, this:
or whatever the heck a Hufflepuff was.
is that a reference to A Very Potter Musical? lol.
Ok now for the actual review. I like that even though James is a prefect, he's still got that prankster side to him as well that we saw in the DH epilogue, what with him telling Lily about the giant squid test. I think it's a good balance, and cool to have him as a prefect. Oblivious with the ladies though.
Molly... what to say about Molly. I hope you go more into what she's thinking at some point or why she's being so petty, and avoiding the person she'd been dating for three years after one little argument. I feel badly for Noah. He seems like a nice guy.Author's Response: Haha, indeed it was! :D
He is really oblivious with the ladies. I'd like to think of him as sort of his dad in that way. :) And him being Prefect makes me happy since Harry didn't get the chance, even though Dumbledore said he would have done so if he didn't think he already had so much on his plate. :)
Oh, I will go more into depth! :) Promise! Maybe not as soon as you'd like, but I hope it will be satisfying enough when the time comes. :)
Thanks for the read and review! I saw that you do have stories on here, and I will start reading them soon! :D I've always wanted to read yours as well! Report Review
Oooo, the plot thickens. So far it sounds like a bunch of Slytherin kids who are maybe trying to bring back the glory days of the Death Eaters? There are probably quite a few Death Eaters' kids in Slytherin still. I'm interested to see what Slytherin house is like in the next generation & hoping that we'll eventually get to see that through Albus's point of view since he is a Slytherin.Author's Response: Mmmm, mmmhmmm mmhmm. Yeah, there are still many Death Eater's kids that will be (because it can't clear out that quickly) a part of the Slytherin crowd. And we do get to see it from Al's point of view! ;) Thanks for the read and review! Report Review
Hello! I recognised your name as a fellow refugee from the closing CoS boards, and although I've never read your fics over there, I found this one here. Anyway, on with the review...
I like this so far. I like the way you've written Molly - its easy to see her resemblance to Percy because she acts a bit like him, only she's not nearly as annoying. Also, I like that she's the main character (or at least seems to be so far) because usually she and Lucy seem to be the next-generation Weasleys that everyone forgets about.
Victoire's choice in bridesmaid dresses made me laugh - the lace and olive green, she's clearly a Weasley (the way you described it reminded me of Ron's dress robes in GoF haha)
Also, drunk James sounds a lot like Hagrid.
Can't wait to see where you go with this! :)Author's Response: Oh hi, marauderfan! Yes! I definitely recognize your name from the cos forums! :D I'm so happy you're here now (I hope you will be posting stories here too, no? :)) Thanks for coming over to read my story! :) It makes me really happy!
Alright, so Molly is a main character, though I should throw out the fact that (though I'm sure you've figured out by now) there are multiple POVs, but Albus and Molly are the two main ones I hope to focus on. I'm really glad that you caught on to her fashion sense being a Weasley thing! :D I've done my job well!
Oh boy, if James sounds like a drunk Hagrid now, I hate to think of what he sounded like before I decided to edit it and dial it down a bit!
Thanks for the review and the read! I hope you continue to enjoy it! I hope to see your stories on here as well! Report Review
I have to say that I do love the storyline. I love how so concerned Molly was for her cousin and Teddy. They do seem to be getting married relatively young, but the love they have for each other seems real. They don't seem to care what others think, and that's really what's important, as long as they love each other.
I'd love to know what happens next, so feel free to request the second chapter. :)Author's Response: Hullo! Thanks for coming by to review the chapter! :D The next chapter is really where the story starts, so I'm glad you like what you see so far! :) Thanks for coming by for a read and review! It means a lot! Report Review
Hi, here for your requested review! :)
I really like this chapter as a beginning! I think you set up Molly as a main character very well: she clearly has an outspoken, cynical and slightly moody personality, and I like her already! The descriptions of Molly's dress and Victoire's awful fashion sense made me laugh.
I was a little confused about why she was so angry about Victoire and Teddy's wedding, and now I'm guessing she might have a soft spot for Teddy. Either that, or she's really opposed to getting married young, or maybe she's jealous of the relationship Vic and Teddy have when Molly's own relationship with Noah seems pretty complicated. Hmm...
Noah seems like a sweetheart, and I think he deserves to be treated a little nicer by Molly!
The world of the Weasleys you've set up seems very complete and well-detailed. I like James! :) Though he does seem a little obnoxious, and his intoxicated accent was a little... strange. :P From the few sentences describing Victoire, I felt like I got a good feeling of her personality. She seems like she believes the best in people, like when she thinks Molly is crying for her out of happiness.
The one thing I was confused about was how old Molly was: at first because she was Vic's bridesmaid I assumed she was around Vic's age, but then later we find out she's in sixth year at Hogwarts. Maybe you could say something about why the two of them are so close despite having four years between them, or consider mentioning that Molly's still at Hogwarts a little earlier. :)
In your request you asked about the issue at hand vs. real life. From your summary it seems like the story has something to do with new dark forces rising? I loved this first chapter, but it seemed to be setting the stage for a more romance-oriented story. You might consider hinting or foreshadowing this future action, whether through the use of an ominous narrative voice, or maybe some of the party guests talking about rumours of a new dark force they've heard. Of course I haven't read the rest of the story yet, so I'm not sure exactly how to fit it in, but that could be something to consider! :)
Anyway, great job with this!! Please do feel free to re-request!! :)Author's Response: Aw! Thanks for stopping by so quickly! :) I'm glad you like the beginning chapter! :) I do like Molly. A lot, and I'm beginning to realize she hasn't had much screen (haha, get it? computer screen? ;)) time as I'd like her to here recently. Though, I'm glad the fashion sense made you laugh! Humor isn't my best haha. :)
This comes up a lot, and if I hadn't written this chapter over three years ago, I might find the energy to really change it a bit to add something we see later in the story to this part. However, I think I'll just let you know now. And this goes for all else who like to read Author Responses :). Molly is cynical toward this wedding and Noah's saying he loves her because we get to see a flashback sometime in the future with Molly, Audrey, and Percy. It's not critical or anything, just something we see as to why Molly is the way she is. It's the set up of how she feels in relationships, and seeing as how I want this fic to get a little darker as it goes, it helps us feel for the characters right?
Noah is a sweetheart! Dear Godric I loves him! :3 He deserves a very nice girl indeed!
I'm glad you like my little Weasley family and James. He isn't all that obnoxious really as the story pans out. I think I planned for him to be a prankster, but I tired of reading other stories where he's like that, so I changed him a bit. He just likes a good party every once in a while ;). His accent is sort of based off a movie I saw where when the girl got drunk, she went very cockney (I think that's how you spell it). It was to add to just a bit of the slurring humor. :) I'd like to say Victoire is a sweetheart (she really is), however there really isn't much more of her or Ted in the future. Maybe later. Much later in the story, but I don't really have much planned for them as of now. But yes, family does come first!
Hmm, a lot of people have questions about the bridesmaid thing. Am I the only one who is considerably younger than my aunt who has been a bridesmaid? Lol. Well, maybe I will have something in a Molly POV where we see something with her and Fleur so it can be seen why she would ever be a bridesmaid. I guess it could look a bit random since it doesn't seem like Molly is for this wedding at all.
I actually split chapter one and chapter two from all those three years ago. :) Chapter two goes into the real plot of the story where we see that something is going down. I just wanted to show the oblivion of people as they are having a good/not-so-good time. :)
Thank you so much for reviewing and reading! It makes me so happy! :) I'll definitely re-request! Thanks a heep! Report Review
HMMM. I like the idea that this is a next gen era after they all graduate from Hogwarts. I really liked the description of Victorie's dress. Th only thing I would offer a critique to is that I don't relate t the characters at all because i don't prefer next gen era stories, and it took awhile for the story to develop for me. A little background to each character would be helpful. Otherwise I really like the plot so far, and I think it is realistic from both a wizarding world and a reality to the readers standpoint. Hope this helps.
BBAuthor's Response: Background comes further along in the story, I promise ;), though I'm glad you liked the plot, even if you don't prefer next gen much :). Thanks for the review! Report Review
I like the way you've James as a prefect. He's generally portrayed as rather like Fred and George -irresponsible, a troublemaker,etc - so it's nice to see another side to him.
*cracks up at Molly saying "you'd think they'd remember to put Silencing Charms on the door"*
You misspelled "intriguing".
And if it's the underage magic she's worried about, she doesn't really have to worry. There'll be no way of telling who cast the spell in a house with so many witches and wizards there.
Hmm, I wonder who is recruiting children and for what. I think they are right that it's important to knock it on the head now because people recruited as children can be formidable when they grow up as they'd be thoroughly indoctrinated. However, I also don't think they should be using children as spies.
I don't think they'd MAKE Albus go in himself. That would be borderline abusive. And I don't think even Percy would force a teenager to do something dangerous unless he was 100% up for it himself. But I do think it's possible he might find out what's going on and sneak in or he might volunteer if and when he's told about it. I imagine he (and Molly) will end up involved in some way.Author's Response: You know, I've actually never got why people always believed James would act like Fred and George. He was raised by Harry Potter: the boy who didn't purposefully cause mischief in school. If he were raised by his father, then yes, I could see Harry raising his son to be more like that, but I can't help but see his kids being more level-headed than that. Of course, they would have frequent Weasley family visits, but I don't know. Something about him being a wild child just never appealed to me.
*goes back to check on intriguing and notices that I totally spelled intreging and am now going to bang head against wall* I definitely did not see that one, and that's a bit of an embarrassing blunder. I'll try to get that fixed straight away!
Molly was raised by Percy: Rule follower extremist. Of course she's going to worry first before rationalizing like Al did ;).
Muahahaha, there is a big reason as to why it is children being trouped. I've yet to get into that part so far, but I'm excited to start writing it in the next few chapters. >o<
They don't want Albus to go in himself. Only, Albus, as you may find out, is a bit more adventurous than you'd think. ;)
Thanks for the review! I'm happy to see that you've moved on in the story! I hope it continues to keep your interest! Report Review
You're pretty good at description. I'm not, so that does impress me. You've set the scene very well at the beginning of this story and also managed to give an insight into Molly's character by showing how much she focusses on Victoire's fashion sense.
Yeah, 20 is young to get married, but if they've been dating for 4 years, I think they should know if they want to be together or not. And breaking up for two weeks is more of a row than a real break-up. So I think she's overreacting somewhat. Though of course there's probably more to this I'm not aware of.
Ah, yeah, that makes sense, if she feels they are not mature enough. I wonder if she has reason to believe that or if she is just freaked out at the idea of her cousin marrying so young. It's possible she just feels way too young to marry herself and therefore thinks her cousin is too.
I think she's treating Noah badly. There's no such thing as "standing by her on this" because she doesn't get to have a "side". It's not her decision whether or not they should be married and he is perfectly entitled to have a different opinion. It would be different if it were an issue that concerned her and she wanted his support, but this is just a matter of her opinion and just because he's dating her, he doesn't have to have the same one.
When she's at the wedding and reflecting on her conversation with Noah, you've written that he said he loved her for the first time in their "relationshi". You left out a "p".
I've a feeling there's some reason Molly is so cynical about relationships, something we'll learn as the story progresses.
You've said "the Potter's must have slightly tampered with it", when it should be "the Potters". You only need an apostrophe if you're talking about something belonging to the potter.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming over to review! :)
Believe me, I am no believer in Molly's ideals about marriage. Well, I do think 20 is too young, but I wouldn't throw a fit over it like she does. A lot of the purpose of this chapter is to set a fall-out between Noah and Molly because really, no one else will have a relationship focus. Not a deep one such as theirs that I can think of right now anyway. There are relationships, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to capture this relationship in the beginning so the readers would have something to root for/despise in the beginning other than the actual plot of the story.
Yeah, I realized the relationship misspelling right after I sent it in with edits and had it re-validated. I just got twelve or more chapters back from editing mistakes, so I'll give the validaters a bit of a break for a while ;).
The "Potter's" thing must have been a typo. Sorry I didn't catch that, I'll be sure to when I edit the chapter again for "relationshi". :)
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a review! It's good to know where you stand on Molly's behalf! Report Review
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